4 year Old Cries At Dropoff OMG

[NeedaVaca]

You want to be fun so that this little girl wants to be at your house and were as this commendable. It doesn't work. She is still pitching a fit because she has hope that mom will still stay home with her. She did pull her from the last place when she did this.
So, when she comes on Monday and pitches a fit, don't be fun. I personally would give her a time out for the fit. So later your painting.. she wants to paint oh no, little girls who pitch fits don't get to paint. Now obviously you need to give mom a heads up. She needs to take a tough stand that this is not ok. Mom needs to understand that if this doesn't stop you will no longer be able to care for her children. And lets face it mom, no one will want to deal with this. SO, she needs to not baby her daughter but stand behind you. So when Suzi says I didn't get to paint!! She says did you pitch a fit? I don't like it when you pitch a fit on Mrs______ tonight you will be going to bed early. You may not pitch a fit. In the morning she needs to look at her and say, you may not pitch a fit or you won't be doing what is fun today. Her first pitch free day mom needs to tell her I am very proud of you, this is the way it needs to be from now on!
April to now is a LONG time to let this behavior continue! And obviously she was doing it at the last place. It may take a while to undo. It will take discipline.
Good luck!

I agree! I had a DCG 3yr old and she actually never cried at drop off until one day...out of the blue she was whining and crying. I thought it was just an off day for her because she had been coming for years! Well, she did it the next day and I thought I'm nipping this in the bud NOW. I got fairly stern with her and said crying like that is NOT acceptable! I asked her if she had been having fun at my house when she comes? "yes", do you like coming and playing with your friends?"yes" after a few of these questions I explained mommy has to work and you get to come here and have fun so no more crying! You walk in, smile and say good morning. She does that now I also mentioned through out the day how proud I was of the other kids for being so good when they came in the mornings. I think a more firm approach might be better with your DCG.

[daycare]

You need to adpot my motto.

Kids who don't listen don't have any fun.

I ask my daycare kids how do you have fun and they will all say "you listen"

If they are making a bad decision I will look at them and say "I thought you wanted to have fun?" They will say ok I will stop and listen.

I have used this line for years and it has always worked well for me.

[JoseyJo]

I agree! I had a DCG 3yr old and she actually never cried at drop off until one day...out of the blue she was whining and crying. I thought it was just an off day for her because she had been coming for years! Well, she did it the next day and I thought I'm nipping this in the bud NOW. I got fairly stern with her and said crying like that is NOT acceptable! I asked her if she had been having fun at my house when she comes? "yes", do you like coming and playing with your friends?"yes" after a few of these questions I explained mommy has to work and you get to come here and have fun so no more crying! You walk in, smile and say good morning. She does that now I also mentioned through out the day how proud I was of the other kids for being so good when they came in the mornings. I think a more firm approach might be better with your DCG.

I had a dcg4 who started doing a pouting/whining/ pointedly ignoring you thing when her dad dropped off. I finally told her it hurt my feelings when she didn't say good morning to me after I said it to her, and that it made me feel like she didn't want to come (this specific case is one where the child LOVES to be here, and hates to leave, asks to spend night or just stay forever regularly!). Since then she has been being much more friendly at drop off. I think she was doing it to get the attention, everyone asking what was wrong, and to make sure her dad knew she would miss him.

[AllDeezBabies]

Is there a dad in the picture? Maybe he could do drop offs? It sounds to me like two things are happening:
Mom isn't nipping this in the bud- I wonder what kind of actions, words, etc she is using on the ride over?
Dcg isn't used to the change and is using old behavior.

Before you said that dcg stopped crying when mom left and then you said she cried for an hour- did this increase after you tried the drop off outside?
Pictures and video are a great way to show mom dcg is doing great! I'm not sure what dcg telling u everything has to do w it... (Just confused me )... I wouldn't let dcg know why you are doing this tho- the less attention to her actions the better IMO
If mom pulls then there really is nothing you can do... She IMO is just escilating the behavior.

It really stinks that you are having such a hard time and are anxious anticipating it! I had one family I dreaded coming and eventually we went our separate ways. It was the mom on drop offs as the dcg was fine after- I guess you need to decide if its worth it. Being very prego doesn't help but if it were me I would talk to mom prior to warn her that things were going to go very quickly from now on- you will open the door once she knocks (so she has time at the door to say goodbye and can signal when she is ready to be done) and literally swoop dcg up facing out (so she can't kick you) inside w dcb following right behind. Once inside I would tell dcg I was glad she was here but I won't listen to her fits- have a safe place set up for her ( maybe w books) and put her there... Once she calms give her a hug- tell her you are glad she is ready to join the others to play and don't mention it again.
I hth! Hang in there!!:hug:

At the bolded when I mentioned her telling me everything I say that to say that's how comfortable dcg seems when she's done with her meltdowns. She sits and converses with me and tells me everything like she's totally comfortable with me.

To answer your question, I haven't seen a father in the picture as of yet so I don't know. I know mom doesn't nip it in the bud because after these talks of how drop off should be handled I'm still slamming the door in her face. I remember she told me of one time she just pulled in front of my house with no warning (apparently she does this often) and this day dcg was simply horrible.

The kicking and screaming went on for 15 minutes the constant crying went on for an hour. The longer mom tries to linger, the longer dcg cries. There have been times mom had to struggle to drag her into my home.

When she comes in and mom closes the door, I ignore her. Once she has calmed down enough I get a chair, put her in the crying corner and walk off. Thing is...... SHE STILL CRIES!!!

I have had disciplinary moment with my other daycare children and this approach always works. Once they are out of time out or the crying corner I explain their behavior to them and we come up with an agreement as to how we will handle our behavior going forward. I've had moms that were convinced there was no turning their child around and they made a complete 360 when they came to me. I'm very proud of this. I'm proud of the fact that I can implement a very sound discipline action plan that encourages the parents to participate and is effective in promoting positive behavior with the children.

But this here...is not working. And the more they come to my home, the more discouraging it gets.

[AllDeezBabies]

Also remember no matter what you do it will take time for behavior changes to happen- it didn't happen over night and it will not end quickly either. If you are at your wits end but want to give it some more time maybe doing a behavior plan would help- I have never done one but lots of people on here have . Maybe a time frame would get mom more proactive toward a solution too if she wants dcg to stay in your care!
Also I would make a point of telling dcb how proud you are of him for not throwing fits when mom leaves in ear shot of dcg- just so she knows his positive behavior is getting recognized!

I want to try this. It will give mom the "shape up or ship out when the time comes" message. I want to have something on paper and logged so that if there is any progress or regress she will see the input and work being done on both our parts. So if there is any lacking on her part she'll know this too. Because she won't admit to her playing a major part in her behavior. I want her to see this. Because me telling her that she is accountable holds no weight in her eyes.

[daycare]

At the bolded when I mentioned her telling me everything I say that to say that's how comfortable dcg seems when she's done with her meltdowns. She sits and converses with me and tells me everything like she's totally comfortable with me.

To answer your question, I haven't seen a father in the picture as of yet so I don't know. I know mom doesn't nip it in the bud because after these talks of how drop off should be handled I'm still slamming the door in her face. I remember she told me of one time she just pulled in front of my house with no warning (apparently she does this often) and this day dcg was simply horrible.

The kicking and screaming went on for 15 minutes the constant crying went on for an hour. The longer mom tries to linger, the longer dcg cries. There have been times mom had to struggle to drag her into my home.

When she comes in and mom closes the door, I ignore her. Once she has calmed down enough I get a chair, put her in the crying corner and walk off. Thing is...... SHE STILL CRIES!!!

I have had disciplinary moment with my other daycare children and this approach always works. Once they are out of time out or the crying corner I explain their behavior to them and we come up with an agreement as to how we will handle our behavior going forward. I've had moms that were convinced there was no turning their child around and they made a complete 360 when they came to me. I'm very proud of this. I'm proud of the fact that I can implement a very sound discipline action plan that encourages the parents to participate and is effective in promoting positive behavior with the children.

But this here...is not working. And the more they come to my home, the more discouraging it gets.

its not working, because mom is not on board.....

Like others have said. You need to tell mom say good-bye outside and go. I tell kids you may be sad...angry...etc, howvever, you may not kick, scream or yell. It is not ok.

I have a boy that does this all the time. He sits in the hall way and screams. I tell him they above and then walk away. When he is done he can join us. If it gets to the point that his attention is taking up to much of my time, I call DCP to come pick him up. the child has to be able to participate and a child in this state for more than 30 min is not able to participate, so they go home..,..... Parents problem, not mine....

[AllDeezBabies]

its not working, because mom is not on board.....

Like others have said. You need to tell mom say good-bye outside and go. I tell kids you may be sad...angry...etc, howvever, you may not kick, scream or yell. It is not ok.

I have a boy that does this all the time. He sits in the hall way and screams. I tell him they above and then walk away. When he is done he can join us. If it gets to the point that his attention is taking up to much of my time, I call DCP to come pick him up. the child has to be able to participate and a child in this state for more than 30 min is not able to participate, so they go home..,..... Parents problem, not mine....

She will get the message after a few days of leaving work early because of dcg. I can't take it anymore

[AllDeezBabies]

You want to be fun so that this little girl wants to be at your house and were as this commendable. It doesn't work. She is still pitching a fit because she has hope that mom will still stay home with her. She did pull her from the last place when she did this.
So, when she comes on Monday and pitches a fit, don't be fun. I personally would give her a time out for the fit. So later your painting.. she wants to paint oh no, little girls who pitch fits don't get to paint. Now obviously you need to give mom a heads up. She needs to take a tough stand that this is not ok. Mom needs to understand that if this doesn't stop you will no longer be able to care for her children. And lets face it mom, no one will want to deal with this. SO, she needs to not baby her daughter but stand behind you. So when Suzi says I didn't get to paint!! She says did you pitch a fit? I don't like it when you pitch a fit on Mrs______ tonight you will be going to bed early. You may not pitch a fit. In the morning she needs to look at her and say, you may not pitch a fit or you won't be doing what is fun today. Her first pitch free day mom needs to tell her I am very proud of you, this is the way it needs to be from now on!
April to now is a LONG time to let this behavior continue! And obviously she was doing it at the last place. It may take a while to undo. It will take discipline.
Good luck!

lovethislovethislovethis

You know what, we have an upcoming field trip and I wanted to exclude her because of this behavior. One trip 2 weeks ago she cried from the time mom dropped her off until the time we made it half way to the zoo.

We have a ton of arts and crafts planned this upcoming week pertaining to the aquarium (our next field trip) so I'm thinking about using that as well. Do you guys think it's fair that I exclude for the trip as well?

[AllDeezBabies]

You need to adpot my motto.

Kids who don't listen don't have any fun.

I ask my daycare kids how do you have fun and they will all say "you listen"

If they are making a bad decision I will look at them and say "I thought you wanted to have fun?" They will say ok I will stop and listen.

I have used this line for years and it has always worked well for me.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

lovethislovethislovethis

You know what, we have an upcoming field trip and I wanted to exclude her because of this behavior. One trip 2 weeks ago she cried from the time mom dropped her off until the time we made it half way to the zoo.

We have a ton of arts and crafts planned this upcoming week pertaining to the aquarium (our next field trip) so I'm thinking about using that as well. Do you guys think it's fair that I exclude for the trip as well?

She is 4. She gets it. I'd point blank tell her, "If you cry at drop off, you will not go with us to the aquarium to see the fish. If you walk in nicely, then you will go with us to the aquarium. I hope you make a good choice."
If she tantrums I would absolutely exclude her. I'd also be looking her sternly in the eye and saying, "All done with crying." and not allow her to participate in fun activities like the others said if she does come in tantruming. If you can't be nice, then you don't get to have fun with the others. She isn't 1. She is 4 and manipulating this situation to her full advantage. Make it less fun for her.

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

I would exclude her from the trip if she can not behave. This may be the incentive mom needs to get on board. I am so sorry Suzi but i really can't allow little miss to go to the aquarium with the fits she has been pitching. It is not safe for me to drive with her screaming and it is not any fun for anyone else. If we can't get this under control asap, you will have to find alternate care that day. And if we can't come up with a solution that works permanently, I will not be able to continue care.

[Blackcat31]

Do you guys think it's fair that I exclude for the trip as well?

Fair for who?

Fair that YOU have to deal with an issue that stems from the parents?

Fair for the other kids to have to listen to her all day?

Or fair for the DCG to miss out on a whole bunch of super fun stuff that the other kids (and you) are looking forward to because she (DCG) can't stop tantruming long enough to figure out that it isn't working at your house?



Personally, if she acts that badly at drop off (over an hour of screaming/whining/crying) she wouldn't be participating in anything but nap and meal times at my house.

I'm sorry that might sound harsh but this little girl needs a reality check so she understands that the world does not revolve around her and that the amount of fun she has is 100% dependent on her.

[Familycare71]

Not to step on toes but personally I think not allowing any activities for an entire day is harsh- it's just my opinion...
I do think offering her to work towards the field trip would be a good idea... She is four and does have some control... I would talk with her privately (later inform mom) that she is old enough to realize throwing a fit doesn't work to get mom back. She has 10 min to settle herself at drop offs (NO kicking, spitting, etc ) and if she does that she can go on the field trip. If she can't then you are worried maybe she isn't "big enough" to be safe...
I think the biggest issue is Mom- and a behavior plan will work to that end.
And I do understand why you mentioned her being chatty with you now . This clearly isn't an issue with the care she reseives or her comfort level...

[TheGoodLife]

I would exclude her from the trip if she can not behave. This may be the incentive mom needs to get on board. I am so sorry Suzi but i really can't allow little miss to go to the aquarium with the fits she has been pitching. It is not safe for me to drive with her screaming and it is not any fun for anyone else. If we can't get this under control asap, you will have to find alternate care that day. And if we can't come up with a solution that works permanently, I will not be able to continue care.

Exactly! Tell mom and DCG now, and stick to what you decide. You do not want to risk an unsafe situation with her fits, or ruining a field trip for those that are able to participate! What a horrible situation- especially when pregnant. Good luck :hug:

[Willow]

You want to be fun so that this little girl wants to be at your house and were as this commendable. It doesn't work. She is still pitching a fit because she has hope that mom will still stay home with her. She did pull her from the last place when she did this.
So, when she comes on Monday and pitches a fit, don't be fun. I personally would give her a time out for the fit. So later your painting.. she wants to paint oh no, little girls who pitch fits don't get to paint. Now obviously you need to give mom a heads up. She needs to take a tough stand that this is not ok. Mom needs to understand that if this doesn't stop you will no longer be able to care for her children. And lets face it mom, no one will want to deal with this. SO, she needs to not baby her daughter but stand behind you. So when Suzi says I didn't get to paint!! She says did you pitch a fit? I don't like it when you pitch a fit on Mrs______ tonight you will be going to bed early. You may not pitch a fit. In the morning she needs to look at her and say, you may not pitch a fit or you won't be doing what is fun today. Her first pitch free day mom needs to tell her I am very proud of you, this is the way it needs to be from now on!
April to now is a LONG time to let this behavior continue! And obviously she was doing it at the last place. It may take a while to undo. It will take discipline.
Good luck!