4 year Old Cries At Dropoff OMG

[AllDeezBabies]

Hey guys,


Another issue brought to you by my state assistance parent. She has 2 children; DCB is 2 and DCG is 4. They have been with me since the very beginning of April and since day one the 4 year old has a flipping fit when mom drops her off. The boy is usually fine but it seems that now within the past week he's doing the crying episodes at drop off as well. Mom does nothing, she'll either stand there and look while I shoo her away or prolong it by trying to console them.

Now...I'm 8 months pregnant and this is really taking a toll on me. It's to the point now when they pull up I get anxious. Yesterday when they arrived the little girl had a fit. Falling all over the floor, kicking and screaming. I didn't like it at all. Apparently my baby didn't like it either because the stress from the situation caused my stomach to start tightening up.

All of my other children adjusted just fine. We sing songs, go on field trips, do arts and crafts, play, I threw DCG a birthday party here last month, we had a bubble party, they ride bikes, play in the silly sprinklers... I mean we do a great deal here. It's even worse on field trip days. I don't understand what the issue is.

Today they arrived and it really pissed me off. Both the boy and the girl had hissy fits that lasted for at least 15 minutes. I felt my stomach tighten up and I had to walk away from the situation until mom saw fit enough to close the door.

The thing is after their meltdown (the longer mom stays the longer the meltdown) they are talking and playing like it never happened.

What do I do???

[Unregistered]

Hey guys,


Another issue brought to you by my state assistance parent. She has 2 children; DCB is 2 and DCG is 4. They have been with me since the very beginning of April and since day one the 4 year old has a flipping fit when mom drops her off. The boy is usually fine but it seems that now within the past week he's doing the crying episodes at drop off as well. Mom does nothing, she'll either stand there and look while I shoo her away or prolong it by trying to console them.

Now...I'm 8 months pregnant and this is really taking a toll on me. It's to the point now when they pull up I get anxious. Yesterday when they arrived the little girl had a fit. Falling all over the floor, kicking and screaming. I didn't like it at all. Apparently my baby didn't like it either because the stress from the situation caused my stomach to start tightening up.

All of my other children adjusted just fine. We sing songs, go on field trips, do arts and crafts, play, I threw DCG a birthday party here last month, we had a bubble party, they ride bikes, play in the silly sprinklers... I mean we do a great deal here. It's even worse on field trip days. I don't understand what the issue is.

Today they arrived and it really pissed me off. Both the boy and the girl had hissy fits that lasted for at least 15 minutes. I felt my stomach tighten up and I had to walk away from the situation until mom saw fit enough to close the door.
.
The thing is after their meltdown (the longer mom stays the longer the meltdown) they are talking and playing like it never happened.

What do I do???

Drop and leave. That's what the mom will have to do. Tell her that starting Monday, she will have to drop the child off and GO. No more dilly-dallying. In fact, I'd have her drop off at the door and not come inside at all. You greet her, greet the kids and direct them wherever you want them to go and say "Have a nice day mom, see you at 3!" (or whatever time, ) and close the door.

After I started that practice, my life got easier, and so did the children's lives!

[Familycare71]

Agree- I call it "guilt crying"... They cry long enough to make the parent feel bad and then they are done!
Tell her that you feel for her - it is hard for any mom to see her kids cry for them when leaving. Then say to make the stress less for the kids and her you are implementing quick drop offs- at the door- she bring them in, kisses and leaves. Tell her you will text to let her know how they are (assuming she and u text).
Hope she doesn't throw a fit about it but its best for everyone! But when you share w her- make it about them

[Heidi]

Agree- I call it "guilt crying"... They cry long enough to make the parent feel bad and then they are done!
Tell her that you feel for her - it is hard for any mom to see her kids cry for them when leaving. Then say to make the stress less for the kids and her you are implementing quick drop offs- at the door- she bring them in, kisses and leaves. Tell her you will text to let her know how they are (assuming she and u text).
Hope she doesn't throw a fit about it but its best for everyone! But when you share w her- make it about them

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[Cradle2crayons]

Agree. Drop and go. On the front porch or where ever. Outside the door. She says bye to them outside. She knocks. Yu open door, bring in children, she should be halfway to the car. End of problems.

[AllDeezBabies]

Agree. Drop and go. On the front porch or where ever. Outside the door. She says bye to them outside. She knocks. Yu open door, bring in children, she should be halfway to the car. End of problems.

The girl literally kicks and screams when I tried that approach. She runs behind mom and grabs hold of her legs. I don't like it at all. You would think she was being put in a torture chamber with the way she acts when its time to drop off. The little boy just whimpers but he will still come in the house.

I told her before that the way she handles drop offs do not make it better. We came up with an action plan but I still find myself shooing her away or closing the door in her face. Today she cried for an hour...AN HOUR!!!

[Cradle2crayons]

The girl literally kicks and screams when I tried that approach. She runs behind mom and grabs hold of her legs. I don't like it at all. You would think she was being put in a torture chamber with the way she acts when its time to drop off. The little boy just whimpers but he will still come in the house.

I told her before that the way she handles drop offs do not make it better. We came up with an action plan but I still find myself shooing her away or closing the door in her face. Today she cried for an hour...AN HOUR!!!

You instruct mom to say goodbye outside your home. You open the door and bring the girl in by the hand and shut the door.

If its done right, there is no time for the girl to react.

[AllDeezBabies]

Agree- I call it "guilt crying"... They cry long enough to make the parent feel bad and then they are done!
Tell her that you feel for her - it is hard for any mom to see her kids cry for them when leaving. Then say to make the stress less for the kids and her you are implementing quick drop offs- at the door- she bring them in, kisses and leaves. Tell her you will text to let her know how they are (assuming she and u text).
Hope she doesn't throw a fit about it but its best for everyone! But when you share w her- make it about them

I talked to her about it. After she leaves and she calms down and starts to conversing with me, we will take a pic or gather a video of her dancing or participating in things with the kids. I tell her about how dcg tells me all their business ( she will tell me everything).

Mom told me she cried like this at the other daycare and she pulled both the kids out because if this. I never had this issue with any of my other daycare children.

[AllDeezBabies]

You instruct mom to say goodbye outside your home. You open the door and bring the girl in by the hand and shut the door.

If its done right, there is no time for the girl to react.

When I'm answering my door dcg is already throwing a fit. I hear her outside the door. When I open the door she is already running behind mom on the floor. I'm 8 months pregnant and its a little challenging picking her up off the floor.

Yesterday as soon as she got out the car she was jumping up and down and mom had to literally drag her up the stairs and to the door. The little boy was fine. So our exchange consisted of me attempting to grab dcg hand from mom. Dcg would not get off the ground and I will not drag anyone's child by the arm.


I just wish you could see it. Its so bad my own children go to another part of the house when they see them coming.

[daycare]

You instruct mom to say goodbye outside your home. You open the door and bring the girl in by the hand and shut the door.

If its done right, there is no time for the girl to react.

THis......this is what has worked for me with my criers.

I tell the parents to prep them as they pull up. "John we are going to get out of the car, I will walk you to the door, give you a kiss, sign you in and leave". Of course this would not work with a really small child, but it has worked for as young as my 18 month old.

every day mom lets him know what is going to happen. Then once in side the house, mom signs in, I help get shoes and coat off, mom gives kiss and says who will be back to pick up leaves super fast......

[daycare]

When I'm answering my door dcg is already throwing a fit. I hear her outside the door. When I open the door she is already running behind mom on the floor. I'm 8 months pregnant and its a little challenging picking her up off the floor.

Yesterday as soon as she got out the car she was jumping up and down and mom had to literally drag her up the stairs and to the door. The little boy was fine. So our exchange consisted of me attempting to grab dcg hand from mom. Dcg would not get off the ground and I will not drag anyone's child by the arm.


I just wish you could see it. Its so bad my own children go to another part of the house when they see them coming.

I didnt read that part before I posted.......if is happening before the girl even comes in the door, then it is moms job to calm her down and stop the tantrum before she even knocks on your door.

I had a mom that used to fight her daughter about stupid stupid stuff. They would argue about it that the little girl would be throwing a massive fit for 45min. Finally I started calling mom and saying you need to come get her, this can't go on. When you drop her off, she needs to be ready to go for the day. Throwing a massive tantrum, legs kicking and arms flaring is not ready to go for the day.....

I would tell mom that she needs to nip it before she even knocks on your door. You are letting her make her problem yours and it is not your problem......

[Familycare71]

Is there a dad in the picture? Maybe he could do drop offs? It sounds to me like two things are happening:
Mom isn't nipping this in the bud- I wonder what kind of actions, words, etc she is using on the ride over?
Dcg isn't used to the change and is using old behavior.

Before you said that dcg stopped crying when mom left and then you said she cried for an hour- did this increase after you tried the drop off outside?
Pictures and video are a great way to show mom dcg is doing great! I'm not sure what dcg telling u everything has to do w it... (Just confused me )... I wouldn't let dcg know why you are doing this tho- the less attention to her actions the better IMO
If mom pulls then there really is nothing you can do... She IMO is just escilating the behavior.

It really stinks that you are having such a hard time and are anxious anticipating it! I had one family I dreaded coming and eventually we went our separate ways. It was the mom on drop offs as the dcg was fine after- I guess you need to decide if its worth it. Being very prego doesn't help but if it were me I would talk to mom prior to warn her that things were going to go very quickly from now on- you will open the door once she knocks (so she has time at the door to say goodbye and can signal when she is ready to be done) and literally swoop dcg up facing out (so she can't kick you) inside w dcb following right behind. Once inside I would tell dcg I was glad she was here but I won't listen to her fits- have a safe place set up for her ( maybe w books) and put her there... Once she calms give her a hug- tell her you are glad she is ready to join the others to play and don't mention it again.
I hth! Hang in there!!:hug:

[Familycare71]

Also remember no matter what you do it will take time for behavior changes to happen- it didn't happen over night and it will not end quickly either. If you are at your wits end but want to give it some more time maybe doing a behavior plan would help- I have never done one but lots of people on here have . Maybe a time frame would get mom more proactive toward a solution too if she wants dcg to stay in your care!
Also I would make a point of telling dcb how proud you are of him for not throwing fits when mom leaves in ear shot of dcg- just so she knows his positive behavior is getting recognized!

[MrsSteinel'sHouse]

You want to be fun so that this little girl wants to be at your house and were as this commendable. It doesn't work. She is still pitching a fit because she has hope that mom will still stay home with her. She did pull her from the last place when she did this.
So, when she comes on Monday and pitches a fit, don't be fun. I personally would give her a time out for the fit. So later your painting.. she wants to paint oh no, little girls who pitch fits don't get to paint. Now obviously you need to give mom a heads up. She needs to take a tough stand that this is not ok. Mom needs to understand that if this doesn't stop you will no longer be able to care for her children. And lets face it mom, no one will want to deal with this. SO, she needs to not baby her daughter but stand behind you. So when Suzi says I didn't get to paint!! She says did you pitch a fit? I don't like it when you pitch a fit on Mrs______ tonight you will be going to bed early. You may not pitch a fit. In the morning she needs to look at her and say, you may not pitch a fit or you won't be doing what is fun today. Her first pitch free day mom needs to tell her I am very proud of you, this is the way it needs to be from now on!
April to now is a LONG time to let this behavior continue! And obviously she was doing it at the last place. It may take a while to undo. It will take discipline.
Good luck!

[Play Care]

You want to be fun so that this little girl wants to be at your house and were as this commendable. It doesn't work. She is still pitching a fit because she has hope that mom will still stay home with her. She did pull her from the last place when she did this.
So, when she comes on Monday and pitches a fit, don't be fun. I personally would give her a time out for the fit. So later your painting.. she wants to paint oh no, little girls who pitch fits don't get to paint. Now obviously you need to give mom a heads up. She needs to take a tough stand that this is not ok. Mom needs to understand that if this doesn't stop you will no longer be able to care for her children. And lets face it mom, no one will want to deal with this. SO, she needs to not baby her daughter but stand behind you. So when Suzi says I didn't get to paint!! She says did you pitch a fit? I don't like it when you pitch a fit on Mrs______ tonight you will be going to bed early. You may not pitch a fit. In the morning she needs to look at her and say, you may not pitch a fit or you won't be doing what is fun today. Her first pitch free day mom needs to tell her I am very proud of you, this is the way it needs to be from now on!
April to now is a LONG time to let this behavior continue! And obviously she was doing it at the last place. It may take a while to undo. It will take discipline.
Good luck!