Age Appropriate? WWYD

[Willow]

EVERYTHING you're talking about in your above needs to be taught.

Critical thinking skills need to be developed. A young child's initial reaction to frustration and anger is to lash out. You need to *teach* him a different better way to react.

Role play doesn't have to have anything to do with imagination. In fact the very premise is to create concrete trails in the brain, alternative pathways. Right now those alternatives don't exist so the goal would be to create and reinforce them .

Show him another way, make him practice another way. Repeat the sequence enough it will become second nature to him. He will react in the way you want him to without him even thinking about it at all but first you have to challenge what he already knows and does.

[JoseyJo]

EVERYTHING you're talking about in your above needs to be taught.

Critical thinking skills need to be developed. A young child's initial reaction to frustration and anger is to lash out. You need to *teach* him a different better way to react.

Role play doesn't have to have anything to do with imagination. In fact the very premise is to create concrete trails in the brain, alternative pathways. Right now those alternatives don't exist so the goal would be to create and reinforce them .

Show him another way, make him practice another way. Repeat the sequence enough it will become second nature to him. He will react in the way you want him to without him even thinking about it at all but first you have to challenge what he already knows and does.

Okay- we can def try that with the pushing to get where he wants to go and for lashing out, but what about hitting because he is bored/for the reaction/excitement? How do I get him to stop being physical w/ the other kids every time I have to have him wait? (as in he is done w/ the activity but the other kids are finishing up, or waiting in line for bathroom, or waiting for me to clear the table)? In my above example (about the books) how should I address that? What is an appropriate alternative to teach him in that example?

[Familycare71]

I think I had this child!!! He was a almost 3 yr old boy- (be actually just left in June and I sighed relief!). He was SO SWEET- except he had no boundaries at all!!! And very little self awareness- he too could talk well and shocked me with his abilities at our pre-school project/activities! However- he had a really low cognitive ability. I couldn't have a convo with him... He would tell me things but if I tried to ask questions he was lost. He was very physical and if he wanted something he just pushed thru whatever to get it... He didnt see or understand that he was pushing his friends. He would sit in TO or with me as happy as could be with no idea why he was there... I tried EVERYTHING I could think of and I couldn't get through to him. He was exhausting but really not trying to be mean- he just didnt get it!
I hope some of these ideas work for you!! Will you keep us updated so I can learn as well??

[JoseyJo]

I think I had this child!!! He was a almost 3 yr old boy- (be actually just left in June and I sighed relief!). He was SO SWEET- except he had no boundaries at all!!! And very little self awareness- he too could talk well and shocked me with his abilities at our pre-school project/activities! However- he had a really low cognitive ability. I couldn't have a convo with him... He would tell me things but if I tried to ask questions he was lost. He was very physical and if he wanted something he just pushed thru whatever to get it... He didnt see or understand that he was pushing his friends. He would sit in TO or with me as happy as could be with no idea why he was there... I tried EVERYTHING I could think of and I couldn't get through to him. He was exhausting but really not trying to be mean- he just didnt get it!
I hope some of these ideas work for you!! Will you keep us updated so I can learn as well??

It does sound like the same child! He is very sweet, just doesn't seem to get it. Is truly heartbroken when someone is mad at him, but doesn't seem to get that he keeps making them mad w/ the same stuff! I will say "its so sad that..." and he makes the same sad face as me and says "so sad" but I can tell he doesn't really get it.

He has a very gifted upper elementary sister and mom says she has no idea what to do w/ any behavior he has as his sis apparently learned everything the first time it was ever shown to her and never had a bad behavior her whole life. When dcb came here at 2.6 he couldn't put on his shoes, blow his nose, dress or undress himself. He had been at a daycare where he was the oldest and the provider had 7 dcks by herself (all under 2.5). When I asked mom about the lack of self help skills she said she just never thought about teaching him Didn't realize how old he was getting and that he should be learning those things.

When he started here he knew all his letters, letter sounds, and numbers up into the teens (by sight, not just the songs) but didn't know any shapes or any colors. He is just so all over the place in milestones, behaviors, and skills that I don't know where to place him age-wise.


Honestly I think I am more lost now than when I posted! Not sure if I should be more firm verbally, or ignore verbally/just give consequence, talk to him about it, shadow him, have him shadow me, ahhggg!

[Familycare71]

It does sound like the same child! He is very sweet, just doesn't seem to get it. Is truly heartbroken when someone is mad at him, but doesn't seem to get that he keeps making them mad w/ the same stuff! I will say "its so sad that..." and he makes the same sad face as me and says "so sad" but I can tell he doesn't really get it.

He has a very gifted upper elementary sister and mom says she has no idea what to do w/ any behavior he has as his sis apparently learned everything the first time it was ever shown to her and never had a bad behavior her whole life. When dcb came here at 2.6 he couldn't put on his shoes, blow his nose, dress or undress himself. He had been at a daycare where he was the oldest and the provider had 7 dcks by herself (all under 2.5). When I asked mom about the lack of self help skills she said she just never thought about teaching him Didn't realize how old he was getting and that he should be learning those things.

When he started here he knew all his letters, letter sounds, and numbers up into the teens (by sight, not just the songs) but didn't know any shapes or any colors. He is just so all over the place in milestones, behaviors, and skills that I don't know where to place him age-wise.


Honestly I think I am more lost now than when I posted! Not sure if I should be more firm verbally, or ignore verbally/just give consequence, talk to him about it, shadow him, have him shadow me, ahhggg!

Same kid!!! Oh boy... :hug: that's what I've got! Lol
Yes- the one I had baffled me as far as where he was developmentally! I would think I had figured it out and bam! NOPE!! And his family was/is the same way!!! But he was able to learn to do the self help skills...
His mother literally follows him around where ever they are... (Small community)- she is the one parent I didn't understand when she would keep him home on her days off because I could get NOTHING done when he was here!! Lol.
Good luck and keep me posted!! He may came back a few days a week this fall!

[JoseyJo]

I talked w/ dcm about this Tuesday and she said he will hit and throw things at her, but not sister or gma. She said she does TO for it (but I have seen him do it to her here and she ignores the behavior or makes light of it). She also said that it is because he is growing/ has allergies/ is tired...

I suggested more quiet time if he is getting that tired and offered to take him in for quiet activities after 1/2 hour of outside time. She said she would prefer I didn't as "children only grow when they are active and he is growing now because it is summer and we are outside more". Plus (she puts in as a side note) he has been very content to lay on the floor at home all evening ****ing his thumb until bedtime because he has been so tired.

I told her I was going to have him be my helper/shadow until the behavior was under control and she said she understood I would do what was best for the group and not her child, but that she suggested that I not make him my helper/shadow because this behavior is worse this week because he was with gma over the weekend and she gave him lots of one on one and she dcm does not ever give him that much attention so he is just seeking out attention so that is why he is hitting

She suggested I should ignore him as much as possible so he can get used to not getting attention again and to send him to TO every time he does any of these behaviors.

[Blackcat31]

Whether DCB know and/or understands that hitting is NOT ok doesn't matter if mom is going to continue reinforcing the fact that it works. She is allowing him to hit and then makes an excuse for it....THAT action right there will negate anything else he knows/understands.

All he is focusing on is that hitting works with mom. That is a powerful thought-process for him. SHE (DCM) is the issue impo.

[JoseyJo]

Whether DCB know and/or understands that hitting is NOT ok doesn't matter if mom is going to continue reinforcing the fact that it works. She is allowing him to hit and then makes an excuse for it....THAT action right there will negate anything else he knows/understands.

All he is focusing on is that hitting works with mom. That is a powerful thought-process for him. SHE (DCM) is the issue impo.

Thank you! That was my thought too, but I thought that maybe I was wrong as I have read on this forum that lots of daycare providers don't have problems w/ kids who have very different home rules not following the rules at dc.

I wrote a note to mom today on his daily report that today he has been throwing whatever is in the hand at whoever is closest every time he is told to do/not do anything and that regardless of growing, allergies, tiredness we cannot have him throwing things, hitting at, or kicking at others. Told her I used TO today every time he did it and that she will need to continue to work with him at home so we can get this issue corrected!

[Willow]

Since her go to response is to ignore, I'd ask if it's ok to give her phone number out to the other parents of the children he is hurting because they are rip roaring ticked and are taking you to task over it. Tell her that perhaps her explanation will sit better if it's coming from her.

Ask her if another child was *assaulting* her son would she be ok with you just ignoring that situation because frankly you can't blame the other parents for feeling so strongly, especially given his age and the fact that he should know better by now.


(I would absolutely use strong words like assault and be sincere when I asked for permission to give out her phone number).



I have a 13 month old very active and able bodied boy who a couple if months ago thought it great fun to tackle another same aged little girl. Dads favorite activity in the evenings was to quite roughly wrestle around with him and mom was betting that was the cause but dad just laughed it off. I told mom after a particularly challenging day to tell dad that I had asked to confirm dads cell number because the little girls dad was ticked off and wanting to have a word with the father of the little boy. Dad knew little girls dad was 6'+, bulging muscled, three tours in Iraq/Afghanistan, army recruiter who doesn't take bull from anyone and would protect his girls at all cost.

Little boys tackles stopped after just two days

[JoseyJo]

The other dc parents are actually upset about it because their children are complaining to them daily! We have a brand new 4 yo dcg who got hit with a book in the head her first day on monday, a 4 yo boy who swore to his parents that the scratch on his back was from dcb (it wasn't it was from sliding off the slip and slide into the grass, but he had been hit by dcb so many times that day I'm not suprised he thought that, and told his mom the same).

This DCB is really a joy when he wants to be- but when anything is "off" he starts these behaviors. When he is getting tired, when he is getting sick (mom will NEVER admit he is sick, she told me one time he gets fevers all the time and not to bother her at work about it ), when the weekend went different, when our day is not exactly the same. Unfortunately this is more times than not lately! In the last month or so w/ all the summer activities at home and here he has had about 1 "normal" day a week, and 4 "off" days. I really don't want to term if we can get him back to "normal" as he is a joy when he is, but I can't loose other kids over it either. AND on top of it I have 1 other DCB (posted in the Behavioral Intervention Plan post) from another family who is constantly touching others and will set this one off and he will start hitting. Not used to this, we have always had pretty good luck with a good group of kids!! Uggg!

[JoseyJo]

Ask her if another child was *assaulting* her son would she be ok with you just ignoring that situation because frankly you can't blame the other parents for feeling so strongly, especially given his age and the fact that he should know better by now.

She told me that she wants me to put him in TO every time he does it (she actually ignores the behaviors from what I have seen but SAYS she does TO)

If my note today does not spur her on to helping to correct it/ at least realizing it is serious then I am going to tell her that the other parents are complaining about it and" frankly I can't blame the other parents for feeling so strongly, especially given his age and the fact that he should know better by now."

I am going to put the other DCB on an intervention/notice plan for his behaviors so I might as well just write up 2 of them and get it over with!

[NeedaVaca]

Would it be really hard to get a replacement? You are risking losing all your good kids...I would term and find another DCK. It doesn't sound like mom is going to work on these issues.

[JoseyJo]

Would it be really hard to get a replacement? You are risking losing all your good kids...I would term and find another DCK. It doesn't sound like mom is going to work on these issues.

No it wouldn't- I get calls all the time, even when I am not advertising, especially this time of year! I just am too nice, and my hubby (and dc partner) is wayyyy nicer than me! He never wants to term anybody, no matter what.

I want to term (or have the issues drastically improve) with both this dcb and the other dcb5 that we are having issues with. We have one other that is a mess and 1/2 but he leaves for K this year happyfacehappyfacehappyface If we did that I think we could get back to a daycare that I enjoyed being in, and be able to focus at least a little time on my own kids! Right now I feel like I can't even take a break 11 hours a day because it takes 1 of us to watch the other and 1 to make sure this boy is not hitting and the other is not touching inappropriately