I Have a Dilemma

[Jewels]

Well my daughter went from being in the 90th percentile as a baby and she dropped all the way to the 10th percentile at her 12 month check, from walking and such.. I have never seen anyone giving juicy juice all day to a baby, and not even watering it down, I hate confrontation also, So I would be as nice as possible......dont make it sound like shes a bad parent, just that none of the other children get juice, because you do lots of fruit during the day, and you just can't give it to the baby, and the food program says that you have to give her formula or breastmilk until 12 months, and after that you do milk and water.
And How can she not have the monry for formula when she gets it through WIC, that is what the money from wic if for.

[legomom922]

First of all, I did not mean my comment about breat feeding to be about a debate. I was using that as a example along with what all these modern day drs say about dont give formula, dont give cereal, etc etc, and I dont agree with it all!!

Is is a liscensing requirement that you only serve formula and no juice? If not, I feel you are overstepping your boundaries. You cannot make a parent give something to a child just because YOU want too. You are not the parent of this child. You have no idea what things have been discussed between mother /dr of her baby. If she wants her baby on milk, so what? Many people put their babies on milk before 12 months. And what is soo bad about juice? You are treating it as if it was soda or something. WIC gives out juicy juice! There is nothing wrong with 100% juice!

I also agree some kids are just smaller, and healthy. I feel you are judging this parent because she does do things the way YOU would do them, and I dont agree with that. I was only 5lbs when I was born, and I was not a premie. I was small and healthy, and thats the way I was my whole life. It is not your job to parent these kids. They have parents, and as long as there is no abuse going on or they are denying her food or milk, you are being way too judgemental. nd to ask her friend questions about their financial status, is also over stepping your boundaries. There financial situation or their other kids is really none of your business.And the fact that they are on WIC has nothing to do about milk or formula, or what she can afford, because WIC gives you milk or formula along with juice and baby cereal.

[thatgagirl]

lego mom, you are totally missing the point. I am not trying to mother this child, I am trying to make sure mom has the information she needs to properly parent this child.

*deleted the rest because now my mind is boggled*

[SilverSabre25]

Sorry, but some kids are just small. Not saying that this child doesn't have issues because of the weird diet the mom has the child on. But my own child was 16 pounds at a year old. Perfectly healthy! I myself was tiny, and completely healthy. This is why I HATE broad statements like this. My children were teeny tiny, but completely healthy, and I would have hated to have people judge me because of it! How judgemental and wrong to call CPS on someone JUST because their children/child is small! That is just stupid!

I know that some kids are just small, BUT, if you look at a growth chart, 15 lbs at 11 months is far, FAR below the lowest percentile line...with is 5th percentile. I KNOW that some kids have to make up the bottom of the percentiles--but as a provider I need to know why the child is so very FAR below normal--if there's an underlying issue, if it's genetics, etc. You being tiny and then your child being tiny--that's fine. As long as there's not an underlying issue.

It would be very alarming to me as a provider--in charge of the child for the majority of their waking hours--to have such a small child PLUS a parent telling me not to give formula and to give instead nutritionally devoid juice. I would bring it up to the parent, definitely. I would also be *thinking* about CPS--just to cover my bases. As providers we are mandated reporters and as far as I know, that includes neglect, too. IMO, not feeding a proper diet/not following up with the doctor on such drastic weight loss in such a short time are both forms of neglect.

We aren't parents, but we are care providers. We are required to provide proper care for these children, and sometimes as providers we are going to be the only ones who know something's not right.

[legomom922]

But that IS my point: Who says she isn't parenting her child properly? YOU are judging her and you are trying to tell her what she should or shouldn't do. You are not the parent. I'm sure you have good intentions, and you care about the child, but you are coming across to me anyway, judgemental and you want her to raise her baby the way YOU want to. Thank you for caring for this baby, but I just feel you need to step back. Thats all.

[DBug]

I serve juice (50/50 water) at am snack, and that's it, period. I did have a drop-in parent bring a can of apple juice for their child. I thanked them politely, and added it to my pantry supply . Their child got the exact same drinks as the rest of the kids did, when the rest of the kids did (milk at meals, 50/50 juice at am snack, water at the two pm snacks).

I'm very much in favour of letting the parents determine what their child should be eating and when, as long as it fits with my routine & standards of nutrition. What they do at home is completely up to them.

I think you're entirely within your rights to let the parent know what your standards are. If she doesn't like it, she can always pump the poor kid full of juice in the evenings. That said though, I don't think it's necessarily cause for calling the CPS.

The carseat issue though ... that's a different matter. You could always broach it from a buddy perspective -- as in "I noticed you've got --- forward-facing. I've heard the ticket is $*** if you get pulled over! I wouldn't want you to be stuck with a fine like that ..."

[DCMomOf3]

But that IS my point: Who says she isn't parenting her child properly? YOU are judging her and you are trying to tell her what she should or shouldn't do. You are not the parent. I'm sure you have good intentions, and you care about the child, but you are coming across to me anyway, judgemental and you want her to raise her baby the way YOU want to. Thank you for caring for this baby, but I just feel you need to step back. Thats all.

I agree there is a line, but proper nutrition is not that line.

[momofsix]

If this mom is on WIC, they will be on top of her child's weight ALL THE TIME-to the point of going overboard. I also had one child of my own that was small, and even with a note from the Dr. saying she was ok, they still got on me about it EVERY TIME I picked up my coupons. WIC really tries to make sure kids are eating what they are supposed to, and mom's need to answer a TON of questions about what their babies eat. She does get juice from WIC, so she's hearing from nurses that it is a healthy option if it's 100% juice. You could let her know you think her child needs more formula, but I certainly don't think her child is being neglected in any way. By 11 months, most of the child's calorie intake should be from solid foods anyhow.

[legomom922]

I agree there is a line, but proper nutrition is not that line.

She's getting milk and juice!! That is not neglect or improper nutrition!!

[missnikki]

But that IS my point: Who says she isn't parenting her child properly? YOU are judging her and you are trying to tell her what she should or shouldn't do. You are not the parent. I'm sure you have good intentions, and you care about the child, but you are coming across to me anyway, judgemental and you want her to raise her baby the way YOU want to. Thank you for caring for this baby, but I just feel you need to step back. Thats all.

Lego,
I read the original statement to say the OP has her own way of running things, and the problem is the universal "parent that wants you to change your program to tailor to her needs". We all vent on here about those parents. I didn't get any judgement from the original post whatsoever. I got the feeling she is concerned but did not put the mother down, just wanted a link to see if there was cause for her concern.
I agree with Quncy, I want to know if my children are OK, and if not (they land on the bottom 5th percentile, for instance) I wouldn't hesitate to look into it. If that makes me judgemental, then I guess I'm 'guilty'.

[kendallina]

Umm....the 11 month old only weighs 15 lbs?!??! That's absolutely, positively, not okay! The weight is a huge issue, the juice is a huge issue, and only *then* do I think about the car seat issue, which I am normally a gigantic extended RFing advocate, but that's NOTHING compared to a 15 lb 11 month old! That is far, FAR below even 5th percentile! That must be 0th percentile! Please, PLEASE tell me you mistyped that number!

Honestly, given her size and the fact that the mom wants her to have juicy juice (um, ew?) all day long...I would be a bit tempted to call CPS and speak to someone. That is a ridiculously small child who is most likely NOT getting adequate nutrition. I'd say, certainly not getting adequate nutrition. Definitely not getting adequate nutrition. I'm not sure that's really something CPS can intervene on, but I would at least want to make the call.

As for the formula issue, if I were you I would totally blame your state's regulations, "I'm sorry but by law I'm required to give every child under 1 year at least 16 (or 24, or something) fluid ounces of milk while they're here with me. Would you like me to buy the formula for an extra $x per week or would you like to bring it? And then pump that child full of as much nutritive stuff as you can while she's with you. Poor thing.

Don't assume that the weight is a huge problem. My daughter was only 14lbs 14oz at her 12 month appt. She was very small (obviously) and has hypotonia, but no reason was ever found for her extremely low weight. She is now 22 months and just now 20 lbs. Drs are not worried. So, as long as mom has a physical on file and knows that a doctor is aware of her weight and monitoring it, then no reason for daycare provider to be concerned.

Yes, it is a concern that mom is recommending juice all day, but it's more of an 'educating the parent' issue and not a CPS issue. Hopefully OP has a physical on file and knows that a doctor is monitoring.

I agree with what you said about using state regs to indicate how much formula the child needs to be getting.

[kendallina]

lego mom, you are totally missing the point. I am not trying to mother this child, I am trying to make sure mom has the information she needs to properly parent this child.

*deleted the rest because now my mind is boggled*

I absolutely agree with you here. It is not our job to parent the child, and it doesn't sound like that's what you're trying to do. BUT, as you said it can be our job to educate the parent on what the recommendations are. Or at least talking to the parent and seeing what her thought process is regarding giving her child juice all day. I've had several parents that didn't understand the nutrient value was soooo much lower for juice than for milk/formula.

It may just be that her child drinks the juice better and if she thinks the nutrient value is the same then that could be her reasoning. As child care providers it is our job to be educated on what is safe and healthy for child and to do hat's best for them, which in this case means talking to the mom.

[kendallina]

I forgot to address the carseat issue. As a mandated reporter, this is something that needs to be addressed. I personally prefer to address it with the parent and see if they are willing to change it before I call CPS. It could be a lack of education or it could be that she's turned forward with doctor's permission for medical reasons. So, I would have a gentle discussion with her about how the child is positioned. If, she doesn't turn her around I would not hesitate in calling CPS. It is child endangerment and that child could be seriously injured or killed because of the choice that this mother has made.

I've had to have this discussion with parents multiple times (including one VERY mad dad, who changed his tune once I showed him the exact law posted on the bulletin board). This is not something I would waiver on.

Good luck!

[sahm2three]

I know that some kids are just small, BUT, if you look at a growth chart, 15 lbs at 11 months is far, FAR below the lowest percentile line...with is 5th percentile. I KNOW that some kids have to make up the bottom of the percentiles--but as a provider I need to know why the child is so very FAR below normal--if there's an underlying issue, if it's genetics, etc. You being tiny and then your child being tiny--that's fine. As long as there's not an underlying issue.

It would be very alarming to me as a provider--in charge of the child for the majority of their waking hours--to have such a small child PLUS a parent telling me not to give formula and to give instead nutritionally devoid juice. I would bring it up to the parent, definitely. I would also be *thinking* about CPS--just to cover my bases. As providers we are mandated reporters and as far as I know, that includes neglect, too. IMO, not feeding a proper diet/not following up with the doctor on such drastic weight loss in such a short time are both forms of neglect.

We aren't parents, but we are care providers. We are required to provide proper care for these children, and sometimes as providers we are going to be the only ones who know something's not right.

But to jump to, let's call CPS, is a joke. We are here to provide care for the kids, not bring unjust investigations on the parents.

[Crystal]

I don't think two pounds of weight loss is that big of a deal. It is quite common when young children go from crawling, to walking/running, that they lose a bit of weight. I could understand it being a concern if it was a significant amount of weight, but two pounds is very minimal.

On the milk issue, without knowing all of the facts, you cannot really assume that the parent is not properly caring for her child. Her pediatrician may very well have recommended or approved the child to move to cows milk. The juice may be to provide additional calories. If the juice is causing the child to not eat, because she is filling up on juice, then that I would be concerned about, but otherwise, if Mom wants to give juice, then that's her choice. That doesn't mean you have to provide/offer it to her at daycare, but I don't think it is neccessarily something to be concerned about.

Now, it is certainly okay to discuss this with Mom, in a non-confrontational way. Let her know, based on your training, that you feel her daughters diet is lacking in some areas and you are a bit concerned about dcg diet and would like to better understand her reasoning for the milk and juice.

On the carseat issue, why not pass out a flyer to all families about proper usage of carseats? This way, it's simply providing information for all of the parents, without seeming accusatory. You may even be able to have the highway patrol come to your program to provide a carseat installation demonstration and they will properly install all of the children's seats in their parents cars. You can do that here, not sure about where you live though.