Child Says "You Hurt Me"

[Unregistered]

OP please do not mock the child, give them some ridiculous nick name, or encourage the other children to do the same.

Speak to his parents. When he says you hurt him, tell him you didn't. If he doesn't want you touching him he will have to a) avoid time out to start with by listening or b) go to time out on his own when he is told to. Claiming you have hurt him should get him another minute or two in time out for trying to manipulate you.

[nannyde]

OP please do not mock the child, give them some ridiculous nick name, or encourage the other children to do the same.

Speak to his parents. When he says you hurt him, tell him you didn't. If he doesn't want you touching him he will have to a) avoid time out to start with by listening or b) go to time out on his own when he is told to. Claiming you have hurt him should get him another minute or two in time out for trying to manipulate you.

If he doesn't want you touching him he can tell his Mom, Dad, Granny, and the child abuse investigators that you hurt him. Just the accusation is enough to start a series of events that will rock your world. Him going to time out will be put along the wayside immediately when those words hit the ears of someone who can start the series of events. It wouldn't matter if he said that when you were moving him from point a to point b or serving him up a second helping of Spaghetti O's. Same consequence.

[Unregistered]

If he doesn't want you touching him he can tell his Mom, Dad, Granny, and the child abuse investigators that you hurt him. Just the accusation is enough to start a series of events that will rock your world. Him going to time out will be put along the wayside immediately when those words hit the ears of someone who can start the series of events. It wouldn't matter if he said that when you were moving him from point a to point b or serving him up a second helping of Spaghetti O's. Same consequence.

So instead you mock the child, and encourage others to mock him as well. You can call it whatever you want, put whatever spin on it you want. It's mocking, it's bullying and you encourage others to do it, too. That is incredibly unprofessional.

OP, PLEASE speak to the parents about this child's inclination to say you hurt him when he is unhappy with you. He might just do it at home, too.

[nannyde]

So instead you mock the child, and encourage others to mock him as well. You can call it whatever you want, put whatever spin on it you want. It's mocking, it's bullying and you encourage others to do it, too. That is incredibly unprofessional.

OP, PLEASE speak to the parents about this child's inclination to say you hurt him when he is unhappy with you. He might just do it at home, too.

No it's not.

If this would have happened at my house on the day the OP posted this, by now we would all be calling him Herm the Worm or something rhyming like that.

Just because a concept is a different approach from us bowing down to these fragile little creatures with paper thin egos, it doesn't mean it's cruel. IIt's a technique that changes the subject and removes the power of the words. It's simple and there are zero .... none... nada zip... repercussions.

Think outside the box. It's a light hearted teasing which never hurt a kid. In my world we tease each other. We do word plays. We make up our own words and everybody gets nicknamed... usually many over the years.

[daycare]

No it's not.

If this would have happened at my house on the day the OP posted this, by now we would all be calling him Herm the Worm or something rhyming like that.

Just because a concept is a different approach from us bowing down to these fragile little creatures with paper thin egos, it doesn't mean it's cruel. IIt's a technique that changes the subject and removes the power of the words. It's simple and there are zero .... none... nada zip... repercussions.

Think outside the box. It's a light hearted teasing which never hurt a kid. In my world we tease each other. We do word plays. We make up our own words and everybody gets nicknamed... usually many over the years.

my kids love when I give them nicknames.......they know that I love them and I think for them it becomes like a pet name. Just like when you call your loved ones sugar-pie, , munchkin, or whatever you call him or her....

[nannyde]

my kids love when I give them nicknames.......they know that I love them and I think for them it becomes like a pet name. Just like when you call your loved ones sugar-pie, , munchkin, or whatever you call him or her....

Cheese Head
Cheese Fry
Critter
Critter Fry
Blue
Blue Isaac
Blue Issac on Wii
Jingle
Jingleheimer
John Jacob
John Jacob Jingle Heimer
Bruddah
JBruddah
JButter
Zay
MyZay
Breen
Ahbahreena
Me
MeMe
MeMeDe
Pebbles
Tink
Bam
Mo
Badelia
Dealz
Chilli
Chilli Bean
Nah
Nah Nah
Nah Nah Nu Nu
Bratahleigh
Spud
Sam Boy
Sam Girl
Moo
MooStone
Coley-oley-ravioli
Boo
BooYuckky

and on and on and on

I'm always perplexed when the parents continue to call them by their given names after I've gifted them with such stellar nicknames.

[daycare]

Hahahah that's a list
I've read your website letter to cheesehead. So heartfelt and just adorable.

[Starburst]

my kids love when I give them nicknames.......they know that I love them and I think for them it becomes like a pet name. Just like when you call your loved ones sugar-pie, , munchkin, or whatever you call him or her....

Sometimes I call kids Kinder Liebeschön (German Kinder= Child; Liebeschön= Love/Lovely; roughly means 'Lovey Child') or sometimes Kinder Strudel (roughly translates to "Sweet Child"). I'm not German, but I thought they sound cute and kids think it sounds funny (and your kinda teaching them another language too).

[Familycare71]

Cheese Head
Cheese Fry
Critter
Critter Fry
Blue
Blue Isaac
Blue Issac on Wii
Jingle
Jingleheimer
John Jacob
John Jacob Jingle Heimer
Bruddah
JBruddah
JButter
Zay
MyZay
Breen
Ahbahreena
Me
MeMe
MeMeDe
Pebbles
Tink
Bam
Mo
Badelia
Dealz
Chilli
Chilli Bean
Nah
Nah Nah
Nah Nah Nu Nu
Bratahleigh
Spud
Sam Boy
Sam Girl
Moo
MooStone
Coley-oley-ravioli
Boo
BooYuckky

and on and on and on

I'm always perplexed when the parents continue to call them by their given names after I've gifted them with such stellar nicknames.

Shhh- don't tell.... But I give nicknames when I don't like their given name!! ::
And don't forget One!! I love how he lights up when you sing for him!!

[Meeko]

No it's not.

If this would have happened at my house on the day the OP posted this, by now we would all be calling him Herm the Worm or something rhyming like that.

Just because a concept is a different approach from us bowing down to these fragile little creatures with paper thin egos, it doesn't mean it's cruel. IIt's a technique that changes the subject and removes the power of the words. It's simple and there are zero .... none... nada zip... repercussions.

Think outside the box. It's a light hearted teasing which never hurt a kid. In my world we tease each other. We do word plays. We make up our own words and everybody gets nicknamed... usually many over the years.

Amen!

So tired of people acting as if toddlers are made of bone china emotionally. A generation of namby-pamby, self-absorbed kids are on their way to being the adults who will take care of us in our old age. We should be terrified.

I tease my daycare kids too. Always with a smile and a jolly demeaner. Takes the threat that they just tried to make and turns it into nothing.

None are scarred for life. They are healthy little people who for the most part are respectful and well-adjusted. A child does NOT need to be taught that the universe revolves around them. In fact they should be clearly taught that it DOESN'T.

Who is the idiot who one day decided that adults must fawn over a child in order for them to be confident?

And parents and caregivers who apologize to a child for something they didn't even do????? Good grief!!!

[Unregistered]

Research the condition rather than shaming

I am so appalled by many of the comments posted on this thread. Much of it sounds self-aggrandizing and judgmental, rather than focusing on helping children. I applaud those that pointed out that shaming and bullying is not a positive part of early childhood education. If you have a problem, why not try a bit of research? I happened across this thread when searching for information on hypersensitivity to touch in autistic children (on the spectrum), many of whom are highly functioning, very smart toddlers. My 3 yr old grandson is like this, and at times he says "that hurt me" when he is touched, taken by the arm, when a new piece of clothing is put on him, or a variety of other situations. Sometimes, the amount of (over) stimulus coming in from other sources, such as noise, or emotion triggers this. After encountering this, the next thing I would do after researching the issue is observe and evaluate, speak with your supervisor, and then perhaps talk with the parents, if appropriate. At this age, there surely are many undiagnosed children who are on the spectrum. There are ways to deal with this "touching" problem without shaming. With mine, squatting down on his level and asking him to come often works. But the bottom line is that an over-stimulated, touch-sensitive child will often not be able to comply.

[Former Teacher]

I am so appalled by many of the comments posted on this thread. Much of it sounds self-aggrandizing and judgmental, rather than focusing on helping children. I applaud those that pointed out that shaming and bullying is not a positive part of early childhood education. If you have a problem, why not try a bit of research? I happened across this thread when searching for information on hypersensitivity to touch in autistic children (on the spectrum), many of whom are highly functioning, very smart toddlers. My 3 yr old grandson is like this, and at times he says "that hurt me" when he is touched, taken by the arm, when a new piece of clothing is put on him, or a variety of other situations. Sometimes, the amount of (over) stimulus coming in from other sources, such as noise, or emotion triggers this. After encountering this, the next thing I would do after researching the issue is observe and evaluate, speak with your supervisor, and then perhaps talk with the parents, if appropriate. At this age, there surely are many undiagnosed children who are on the spectrum. There are ways to deal with this "touching" problem without shaming. With mine, squatting down on his level and asking him to come often works. But the bottom line is that an over-stimulated, touch-sensitive child will often not be able to comply.

I agree. Not calling people out because they are highly respected here but when I was reading this thread (from 2013 by the way) my mouth was

But we can't always blame the provider. We have to put some blame on the parents who continue to keep these providers in business.

[Unregistered]

I would beat him to the punch... as soon as you have to manually move him look at him and say “you hurt me" over and over again as you are moving him. THEN give him the directive of “sit and stay". If he keeps it up I would nickname him “you hurt me" and would call him that every day all day long. I would pray the kids join in and refer to him as "you-hurt-me" too. That phrase would be the number one phrase at my house until it completely lost it's meaning.

It's a powerful phrase so I would leash the power of it and use it to my advantage. Two can play that game.

If I were a parent and my child came home and told me you did this, I would be furious! Why do you believe in bullying and then condoning this behavior??????

@nannyde: If I were a parent and my child came home and told me that you mocked them or bullied them and allowed the other children to join in, I would be VERY upset. I DO NOT believe in bullying, mocking, name calling or allowing the others to do the same. Also, if my childcare consultant came in and saw this, they would write us up

[e.j.]

When kids have said something like that to me, I've explained why it's important they don't say it unless it's true. I've also let them know they should always tell their parents if an adult really does hit them. My next step has been to speak with the parent at pick up time, with the child standing right there with us so he/she can hear exactly what is being said. I explain to the parent that I know the child was joking (teasing, trying to get attention...) but that I take false accusations like that very seriously because of the obvious repercussions it could create for me. I spell it out for them. The parents have been great and have been quick to reassure me that they know it's not true. I've had two parents tell me they've also been accused of the same thing. In any event, I think it takes the wind out of the kid's sails to see that I'm not afraid to tell his/her parents about the accusation.

[Alwaysgreener]

I recently had this happen to me. As I was changing dcb he started screaming, "you hurt me" when I lifted his feet to wipe. Then he started kicking me. I ignored him and did not react, keep going until I got him wiped. Then I had to step back from the table to let him calm down.

One of the kids keeps asking me why I was hurting him. My first thought was what if a child went home and told their parent that I was hurting this child?

When I told his parents I got "surprised that it did not happen sooner" and "he does that 90% of the time with us" This is what sealed the deal that I had to terminate him. He only did it one other time during the 2-week notice. But since I still did not react, he stopped after a few "you hurt me"

I choose to just ignore because I don't want to add fuel to the fire by giving the child new phrases that he can use to get a negative reaction from another adult (like "you lie").
Most words are just words until we add emotions to them. When you add emotion (including facial expression), you add power to the word and the child. If you don't add the emotion/reaction then you don't give them the power to the child to just throw around the words to get their way.
Just like when a child uses a swear word, if you react negatively and show that it bothers you, the child will keep doing it. If you don't react and pretend they said "truck" instead, it takes the power away from them.