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One of my little boys who is 2 1/2 will say "you hurt me" if I have to physically move him to time out or something he doesn't want to do. For example he threw a toy (nearly missing another child) which is a big no no in our day care. I reminded him of the rule and told him to take a time out. He told me "NO!" and ran away. I went and grabbed his arm and walked him back to the time out spot. Literally...we walked together. No pulling or dragging...nothing like that. As he sits down he says "you hurt my arm". To avoid argument...there is NO WAY he was hurt. He only does this when he gets in trouble, and it's becoming more and more frequent. My concern is that he will go home and say he was hurt at day care when that is absolutely not the case. He's a very bright little boy. I think he may get out of stuff at home by saying this...I'm not sure. But I'm tossing the idea around about talking to mom. Would you?
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I would beat him to the punch... as soon as you have to manually move him look at him and say “you hurt me" over and over again as you are moving him. THEN give him the directive of “sit and stay". If he keeps it up I would nickname him “you hurt me" and would call him that every day all day long. I would pray the kids join in and refer to him as "you-hurt-me" too. That phrase would be the number one phrase at my house until it completely lost it's meaning.
It's a powerful phrase so I would leash the power of it and use it to my advantage. Two can play that game. -
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I have the same thing with the one child that drives me nuts and will be done Sept 1. He is a monster and I have to take him by the hand or arm ALOT! He ALWAYS grabs his arm and gets this look on his face like I beat him and says, you hurt my arm. I just firmly say, NO, I did not hurt you, now sit in time out! That usually ends the conversation. I always wonder if he says that to his parents because he is very smart and a master manipulator. If they ever bring it up, I will gladly discuss it with them, but it hasn't yet and he's been doing it a long time.Comment
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Nannyde, would this method work for the phrase "you're not my friend anymore" as well? That phrase is driving me nuts, and it really hurts the targets' feelings. Luckily it's just one DCG that uses it frequently, although the others have picked it up too.
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I would tell the child that if he listened, I wouldn't need to lead him to time out. I would tell the parents what is going on. I would stop using his arm and begin using his hand, leading by hands on his back, or picking him up to move him. I would use a playpen to contain him in timeouts if he refused to sit in time out.
He is seeing how you react. He says, "You hurt me." You say, "Johnny, no one hurt you. Your feelings may be hurt, but I did not hurt you. It is time out time. Sit on the step/chair/spot. We do NOT throw toys. No throwing." Hear, validate, explain. Not shameful and very effective.
I think telling him that phrase over and over can be confusing. It teaches nothing and helps no one. What happens if someone DOES hurt him and he thinks that phrase means nothing? I think messing with a TODDLER to assert power over him is a dangerous and immature game. Having other kids tease him and shame him -- c'mon. Are you kidding me?Comment
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That sounds waaaaaay too close to mocking or shaming for my tastes.
OP, I would first and foremost make sure that the parents know he's saying this and there's no cause for it. Let them know that seems to you to be a bid to get out of trouble.
Then, when he says something like "You hurt my arm," I would let him know sternly that you're sorry he feels like you hurt him, but you did NOT hold him hard enough to hurt and you do NOT appreciate exaggerating. It's not an okay thing to say when it's not true. If he keeps it up, you can tell him straight up, "That is a LIE. I did not hurt you and you know it."Hee hee! Look, I have a signature!Comment
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Totally agree.
I would never tell a group of children to do a thing like that. That would set the whole dynamic up for trouble.
That would teach the other kids its okay to make fun and "bully" another kid.
That would teach the offending child that its okay to be made fun of, shamed, and bullied and it would all be okay end by the adult who is supposed to be NOT enforcing shaming and bullying.
Wowee would certainly not be a good thing .Comment
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Horrible idea! OP, please DON'T do this.
This makes zero sense to me. It shaming. And why on earth would you encourage "you hurt me" as a phrase you want said frequently by ALL the kids? Encouraging name calling? No. Not cool. And I'm pretty shocked to read this.
OP, I would talk to mom and assure her he is handled gently, and only says this when he is being corrected or redirected?
Can you imagine if he went home and says "the teacher and all the other kids.call me "you hurt me." ???Comment
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This is exactly as I have handled this in the past, though if the child is old enough (4 1/2 +) I might also give a TO for the lying on top of the TO already earned. We don't do a lot of TO's here, but making up that they are hurt to get others in trouble is a big deal and would warrant some pretty steep consequences.Comment
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