Five Year Old Still Can't Get With The Program

[DaycareMom2012]

I do t think you're expecting too much either. He obviously understands and I think he acts like a much older kid than a 5 yo. I believe 5yo are old enough to understand and listen and comply much better than what he is. My first dck was a 5yo boy and he was great. He knew better and listened to everything he was told.
He probably gets away with everything with mom and she just lets its be, there is no way I would ever allow my child to act like that.
If she is really willing to work with you on his behavior, I'd say try to work it out for a while, if she isn't really helping with his behavior then I'd term. There is no reason any provider should have to put up with a difficult child if the parent is not going to help you out to make it easier for you, you have other children to attend to daily all day, you simply can not give her child all the attention just bc he wants to be difficult and defiant.

[laceylmm]

What should I say to his mom in terms of 'things need to get better or he has to go!'?

[daycarediva]

I have a behavioral intervention plan with my 5yo dcb. He sounds much like yours. He is VERY VERY frustrating. I go over the rules about once an hour or more. If he breaks a rule, I tell him which rule he broke, and he sits. No 2, 3, + chances here. if he breaks the rule again, he loses it for the day. I also have a sticker chart for him, any and all positive behavior gets a sticker on his chart and if he earns 5 by nap, he gets to watch a movie. He has yet to do that (in 2 weeks) and I reward for EVERYTHING, even saying please! It is obvious for me that dcm is a pushover, and there are absolutely no rules or consequences at home. Yesterday at pickup he had a meltdown and was kicking her and threw his shoes outside, she was just trying to reward him into the car "There is a soda and candy in the car for you!" GRRRR!!!

Mine is JUST for the summer, so I am just sticking it out, and miraculously his spot has been filled for Sept (since Mom didn't give me a definite yes, I 'filled' it)

[laceylmm]

Mine is just for the summer too. I did have a talk with mom. I'm going to try a lot more positive reinforcement and told mom the constant arguing has to stop. I'll try some your ideas as well.... Might take a while to fill that chart up though.

[itlw8]

Tell mom he needs to follow school rules so you need him to start now. I would suggest they follow through on what ever home rules they have. at 5 he can understand you can jump on moms couch but not at school.. When he says Mom does not make him you say. We follow school rules here and I am in charge.
If you can find out what kind of behavior plan they use at the school he will attend use it. our kids start on green ready to learn then go up yellow orange red is the best or down blue purple pink ( call parents) each color has a phrase TO GO WITH IT The nice thing is even if they go down for a bad choice they can still go up for a good choice.

red gets a special treat like a treasure or taking your shoes off in class.

[LoraJenkins]

Are my expectations too much for a five year old? I have four kids of my own, as well as four daycare kids. I've never met a kid this age who thinks he should be able to so whatever he wants. Which is another thing he constantly says 'my mom lets me do whatever I want' or 'my grandma never punishes me'. I of course said 'you know asking you not to throw the rice is not punishing you'

I have a 4 year old DCB that always says "But, I can do that at my house!" Now, I have had him in my care since he was 8 months old, so he knows the rules here. I simply say " and where are you?" He replies "at miss Lora's house, and we don't do that here." , we go through this at least twice a week.

Children this age DO know that there are different rules in different places. Your expectations are not too high for him, Mom's sound like they are too low IMHO.

[JoseyJo]

no your not expecting too much the other adults are expecting too little which is why mom needs to step up!!!

Exactly! My nephew was like this - I had him in my daycare from 2-4 yo. I finally got my sis to term herself. If she wouldn't have I would have had to term them myself. She let him be the "man" of the house, and make most/all of the decisions for the family (just him and her). He is a really good kid, but had really bad behaviors. They went to a center, then he started Kindy. From what I hear he had the same problems he had here at both places. But then she got engaged and then married and he is a MUCH nicer boy. Mom started letting hubby make the decisions instead of son.

[countrymom]

term him because I had that "sneaky" kid. He decided one day when I wasn't looking to convince the other 2 kids (one being my niece) to go outside and hide from me.

I asked if he did this at home and he did it all the time. the mom was useless. All she would say is that he's a good kid. Because I later found out that even his family didn't want to watch him