Parent Dishonest on Assistance Forms

[Kelly]

I have a DCB who's 2.5 and has been with me on and off for about a year & a half. At first he was part time but now just drop in. His mom works 3-4 days per week, schedule varies. Dad has had a really good job but is frequently laid off and will be laid off indefinitely after next week. He also works occasionally for a friend(off the books I'm pretty sure.) Parents are not married but have lived together since before DCK was born.

I'm not licensed but am approved to receive state pay. DCM asked me about how it works and I got the forms for her to fill out. Today she brought them back for me to fill out my portion. When I looked through them I saw that she didn't list DCD or his income on the form and when it asked if the child's other parent lived in the home, she checked No. She wrote that she receives "voluntary" child support of $150 per month.

I have no problem with people getting assistance if they need it but not if they go about it dishonestly. I don't know if they will meet the income requirements or not if DCD is getting unemployment and I don't know if they would even qualify since DCD is laid off & can keep DCB at home. I just think that they should have to provide the correct information to the state and I don't feel right signing off on this and sending it in when I know it's not the truth.

My plan was to tell her that I won't fill out my part until she includes DCD's info too. My mom says I should just let it go but I don't feel like that would be right. DCB is a great kid and I would hate to lose him if the parents get mad at me but this just really irritates me.

So what would you do?

[Laurel]

I have a DCB who's 2.5 and has been with me on and off for about a year & a half. At first he was part time but now just drop in. His mom works 3-4 days per week, schedule varies. Dad has had a really good job but is frequently laid off and will be laid off indefinitely after next week. He also works occasionally for a friend(off the books I'm pretty sure.) Parents are not married but have lived together since before DCK was born.

I'm not licensed but am approved to receive state pay. DCM asked me about how it works and I got the forms for her to fill out. Today she brought them back for me to fill out my portion. When I looked through them I saw that she didn't list DCD or his income on the form and when it asked if the child's other parent lived in the home, she checked No. She wrote that she receives "voluntary" child support of $150 per month.

I have no problem with people getting assistance if they need it but not if they go about it dishonestly. I don't know if they will meet the income requirements or not if DCD is getting unemployment and I don't know if they would even qualify since DCD is laid off & can keep DCB at home. I just think that they should have to provide the correct information to the state and I don't feel right signing off on this and sending it in when I know it's not the truth.

My plan was to tell her that I won't fill out my part until she includes DCD's info too. My mom says I should just let it go but I don't feel like that would be right. DCB is a great kid and I would hate to lose him if the parents get mad at me but this just really irritates me.

So what would you do?

Is she asking you to put down incorrect information about the child being with you?

I wouldn't put down anything that wasn't true in that regard.

However, if you just notice that her part of the information isn't truthful, I'm not sure how that affects you unless you are planning to report her because you know about it. :confused:

Laurel

[Blackcat31]

Is she asking you to put down incorrect information about the child being with you?

I wouldn't put down anything that wasn't true in that regard.

However, if you just notice that her part of the information isn't truthful, I'm not sure how that affects you unless you are planning to report her because you know about it. :confused:

Laurel

When people try to collect public assistance by being dishonest, it effects ALL of us.

As a tax payer of the U.S, I would turn in or report anyone I knew was dishonest in trying to collect benefits.

OP~ I would absolutely say something to the mom. I am a bit forward about stuff like this and don't mind confrontation but if you feel uncomfortable confronting mom, then maybe let your department of health and human services know what you know and let them sort out the truth.

[Cradle2crayons]

Generally I fill out my part before I give the parent the form to fill out their part. Sometimes they get the form from DHS and their part is already filled out. Since I don't always know the families financial information I wouldn't know if it were accurate or not.

The way I figure it is that I fill out my part honestly and it's their responsibility to fill out their part. It's not my right to know their financial information but our systems here a lot of times detect wrongly reported information in forms and its DHS and the parents responsibility to do the rest.

I'm a mandated reporter for child abuse and neglect. If the parent wants to get herself in a lot of trouble that's her business,

HOWEVER in my agreement to be a provider with the state, I'm REQUIRED to report KNOWN fraud. So if I KNEW what they put on their stuff to be a lie, I'm required to tell and I would.

But again, I normally dont know their complete financial informant and don't generally see the top part of that form filled out anyway. Is not really my business and it doesn't have to be filled out on the top for me to fill out mine.

That said, if I know mom well enough, I'd tell her if she gets caught putting info that's fraud in that form and receives benefits because of that fraud, its a federal offense.

Then I'd get a new form, fill out my info, and ask her to do the right thing.

[craftymissbeth]

I totally agree that it's wrong if she's putting false information on her application.

But do you know 100% for a fact that it's untrue? For example, right after my DS was born and I was still working outside the home, my DH and I decided to take a break. We literally told no one. Not even our families. In fact, we pretty much made it seem like nothing out of the ordinary was going on.
We just didn't want to talk about it and have to explain anything.

My point is, you likely don't know their situation 100%.


If you're concerned about it and feel that what she has put on there is really untrue, then you could ask her if their family dynamic has changed as I'm sure that would involve you. If they no longer were together it would be in the child's best interest for you to know that information.

IDK... I really don't know. :confused:

[Laurel]

I totally agree that it's wrong if she's putting false information on her application.

But do you know 100% for a fact that it's untrue? For example, right after my DS was born and I was still working outside the home, my DH and I decided to take a break. We literally told no one. Not even our families. In fact, we pretty much made it seem like nothing out of the ordinary was going on.
We just didn't want to talk about it and have to explain anything.

My point is, you likely don't know their situation 100%.


If you're concerned about it and feel that what she has put on there is really untrue, then you could ask her if their family dynamic has changed as I'm sure that would involve you. If they no longer were together it would be in the child's best interest for you to know that information.

IDK... I really don't know. :confused:

Exactly.

Laurel

[Unregistered]

I have a DCB who's 2.5 and has been with me on and off for about a year & a half. At first he was part time but now just drop in. His mom works 3-4 days per week, schedule varies. Dad has had a really good job but is frequently laid off and will be laid off indefinitely after next week. He also works occasionally for a friend(off the books I'm pretty sure.) Parents are not married but have lived together since before DCK was born.

I'm not licensed but am approved to receive state pay. DCM asked me about how it works and I got the forms for her to fill out. Today she brought them back for me to fill out my portion. When I looked through them I saw that she didn't list DCD or his income on the form and when it asked if the child's other parent lived in the home, she checked No. She wrote that she receives "voluntary" child support of $150 per month.

I have no problem with people getting assistance if they need it but not if they go about it dishonestly. I don't know if they will meet the income requirements or not if DCD is getting unemployment and I don't know if they would even qualify since DCD is laid off & can keep DCB at home. I just think that they should have to provide the correct information to the state and I don't feel right signing off on this and sending it in when I know it's not the truth.

My plan was to tell her that I won't fill out my part until she includes DCD's info too. My mom says I should just let it go but I don't feel like that would be right. DCB is a great kid and I would hate to lose him if the parents get mad at me but this just really irritates me.

So what would you do?

The situation here is tricky. He may be laid off after next week so she's putting on the form that he won't be making income after next week (which is also likely the time she will turn in the forms anyway seeing as how she Just brought it back today. Earliest she'll get it back is at LEAST Monday, but in my experience, they usually turn it in last minute---which means at the time she turns it in and it becomes approved he will no longer be employed). Since you don't know if he will/will not receive unemployment (and at the moment he doesn't since he's still employed this week), then you can't assume which way it will go and can't say she's being dishonest about that. Now, if you KNOW for a fact where DCD lives, then this is something that I would probably question "Oh, on the form it says DCD doesn't live w/ you anymore, is everything ok?" because even if they HAD been living together, perhaps they separated and didn't tell you. I had parents do this (Drove me crazy, and on one hand they were embarrassed but on the other hand, they didn't realize how MUCH their separation affects the child and their behavior in my care!). The point is, you don't really "know" what is going on.

When I took state subsidy, the parents were not required to "work" but had to do a work or school activity. Perhaps she's applying in anticipation he will be job searching, which IS allowed in most states.

I would do nothing. It's not your place to worry about it, it's hers. You don't know for certain that she's lying about anything and thus you can let her worry about it if she is. The only time I'd say a word is if I knew without a shadow of a doubt the person was committing welfare fraud, such as if she actually told you something.

[Laurel]

When people try to collect public assistance by being dishonest, it effects ALL of us.

As a tax payer of the U.S, I would turn in or report anyone I knew was dishonest in trying to collect benefits.

OP~ I would absolutely say something to the mom. I am a bit forward about stuff like this and don't mind confrontation but if you feel uncomfortable confronting mom, then maybe let your department of health and human services know what you know and let them sort out the truth.

Except how can one know for sure? I just don't feel like it would be any of my business unless they were asking ME to do something dishonest and report, for example, that I watched the child more than I did or lie about what I charged, kwim?

Laurel

[Laurel]

The situation here is tricky. He may be laid off after next week so she's putting on the form that he won't be making income after next week (which is also likely the time she will turn in the forms anyway seeing as how she Just brought it back today. Earliest she'll get it back is at LEAST Monday, but in my experience, they usually turn it in last minute---which means at the time she turns it in and it becomes approved he will no longer be employed). Since you don't know if he will/will not receive unemployment (and at the moment he doesn't since he's still employed this week), then you can't assume which way it will go and can't say she's being dishonest about that. Now, if you KNOW for a fact where DCD lives, then this is something that I would probably question "Oh, on the form it says DCD doesn't live w/ you anymore, is everything ok?" because even if they HAD been living together, perhaps they separated and didn't tell you. I had parents do this (Drove me crazy, and on one hand they were embarrassed but on the other hand, they didn't realize how MUCH their separation affects the child and their behavior in my care!). The point is, you don't really "know" what is going on.

When I took state subsidy, the parents were not required to "work" but had to do a work or school activity. Perhaps she's applying in anticipation he will be job searching, which IS allowed in most states.

I would do nothing. It's not your place to worry about it, it's hers. You don't know for certain that she's lying about anything and thus you can let her worry about it if she is. The only time I'd say a word is if I knew without a shadow of a doubt the person was committing welfare fraud, such as if she actually told you something.

Laurel

[MarinaVanessa]

Being the person that I am I would not fill it out yet until I had a chance to talk to her. Me being me, I would personally just ask her about it ...
"Hey DCM, I noticed that you didn't list DCD on your paperwork for your assistance. Is he not living with you guys anymore? Is everything okay between you guys? I don't want to pry but I'm concerned because a number of things. 1) It's important for me to know when big changes like this occur that could disrupt DCB's life so I know to look out for and explain possible mood and behavior changes. Know what I mean? 2) If nothing is wrong and he still lives with you then I don't feel comfortable putting my name onto anything that's dishonest. I know that you could use the assistance but if DCD is living in the home with you and you don't report it and they find out that's fraud and I will take no part in that" etc.

Depending on what she says then I would make my decision to either put my name to it or offer that she go somewhere else instead.

That's just me but I won't put my name to anything that's dishonest and that could turn out to be a liability. If she assured me that he did not live in the house, and I signed the paperwork only to find out later that she fibbed to me then I'd see it as a break in trust and I wouldn't want that type of partnership. Furthermore if she got and I was questioned about it at least I could say that I did address it and that she assured me that the paperwork was filled out correctly.

[Little Star75]

I totally understand how the OP feels I probably would feel the same way but I don't think is any of my business. I would probably talk to her about it but that is it. I really hate turning people in but that's just me.

[Kelly]

I do know for sure that DCD does live with them. Just today she was telling me what improvements he's been making on the house because they want to sell it. (She tends to be one of those parents who tells you more than you really want to know.)

It's really not going to be a lot of money since he doesn't come regularly and the state doesn't pay unlicensed providers as much as licensed. But it just feels wrong to lie in order to get government benefits and it affects all of us since it's our tax dollars that are involved. People who take advantage of the welfare system make it harder for the people who really need it to get help.

Still haven't decided what I'm going to do.

[wdmmom]

Being the person that I am I would not fill it out yet until I had a chance to talk to her. Me being me, I would personally just ask her about it ...
"Hey DCM, I noticed that you didn't list DCD on your paperwork for your assistance. Is he not living with you guys anymore? Is everything okay between you guys? I don't want to pry but I'm concerned because a number of things. 1) It's important for me to know when big changes like this occur that could disrupt DCB's life so I know to look out for and explain possible mood and behavior changes. Know what I mean? 2) If nothing is wrong and he still lives with you then I don't feel comfortable putting my name onto anything that's dishonest. I know that you could use the assistance but if DCD is living in the home with you and you don't report it and they find out that's fraud and I will take no part in that" etc.

Depending on what she says then I would make my decision to either put my name to it or offer that she go somewhere else instead.

That's just me but I won't put my name to anything that's dishonest and that could turn out to be a liability. If she assured me that he did not live in the house, and I signed the paperwork only to find out later that she fibbed to me then I'd see it as a break in trust and I wouldn't want that type of partnership. Furthermore if she got and I was questioned about it at least I could say that I did address it and that she assured me that the paperwork was filled out correctly.

I agree. I would ask DCM what's going on, if this event is new and that life changing information like that should be told to you as it affects the child. I would also state that you are not at liberty to sign any document that has falsified information on it as it may come back on you if you sign off on it.

See what info you can find out and if you are comfortable signing it, than sign it. If you think there's more to the story than she is telling you, I would either refuse to sign it or sign it and report her to the state for fraud.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I do know for sure that DCD does live with them. Just today she was telling me what improvements he's been making on the house because they want to sell it. (She tends to be one of those parents who tells you more than you really want to know.)

It's really not going to be a lot of money since he doesn't come regularly and the state doesn't pay unlicensed providers as much as licensed. But it just feels wrong to lie in order to get government benefits and it affects all of us since it's our tax dollars that are involved. People who take advantage of the welfare system make it harder for the people who really need it to get help.

Still haven't decided what I'm going to do.

But, just because he is making improvements/assisting her in fixing up the house doesn't mean he is still living there. Separated parents can remain amicable and even helpful in certain situations. Especially if you were both wanting to sell the house. You really don't know it unless she said, "He even cleaned up his sink in the master bathroom!" or something that makes it that clear.

[Kelly]

I'm not going to argue over the details. The home improvements were just one example--I know for sure that they live together. And I don't think it's right that they take advantage of the system. I am going to talk to her about it when she comes today and see what she says. Then I will decide what I'm going to do.