About To Term For Biting And Pinching-Any Last Ditch Suggestions?

[Sunchimes]

I have only termed 2 kids so far, wonderful kids, wonderful famlies, but circumstances made it necessary, and we all parted company as friends. I have a new boy who has been here for about 6 weeks. He has targeted one of the kids, biting, pinching, and hair pulling.

Boy is 18 months old, 6 weeks older than the targeted boy. However, the younger child has some delays and acts much younger. He simply does not have the tools to defend himself. Older boy tried being mean to an older DCG, and she put him in his place in a hurry. But the baby doesn't have the ability.

I've had this kid shadow me, but whenever we were within reach of Little One, he would reach out and pinch him or pull his hair. One day I put Older in a play yard while I did something for someone. Little one wandered by, he reached out and pulled the baby into reach and was about to bite before I dive across the room and intervened. I slowed him down for a few days by giving him back his paci, but now he just removes the paci, bites and puts it back.

Last week, I gave up having him shadow me and instead, I just hovered over the Little One. Even then, he managed to get close enough to try to bite. I shoved my finger in his mouth and stopped the bite from reaching Little One's skin, but I had a sore finger the rest of the day.

Little One's mom is calm "Kids will bite", but she's going to get enough. I already have. I can put up with lots and lots of behavior, but I will not tolerate a bully. That's what this has become. It is no longer a toddler experimenting. If it was, he would still be biting the older kid. He knows that Little One can't save himself or retaliate. He's left an ugly bruise once, but so far, no broken skin. But, it's just a matter of time.

I know many of you say "third strike you're out", and I'm at that point. I really, really can't afford to lose this money, so I thought I'd ask if there is something I'm missing or something else I might try before I sink myself into poverty.

Mom won't be surprised. I've had several firm, lengthy talks with her and she feels awful. I know he has bitten his younger cousin more than once.

Thanks for any insight

[Blackcat31]

Is there anyway you can hire or get a volunteer to shadow one on one for this child until he learns not to do this?

I DO think it is partially developmental but I also understand how you can't let one child's difficulty in figuring it out effect the other kids, especially when it has to do with safety.

Maybe DCB can wear a hockey helmet/gloves for a while.... I am JUST KIDDING although it would probably work. ::

If you have really exhausted all your resources, it just might be time to either terminate him or maybe have mom come retrieve him every single time he tries to bite or pinch anyone. After a while SHE will get tired of having to come pick up and start really pushing him to be nice to others.

[slorey]

If he doesn't bother any other children, what about having the little one shadow you? Not as a punishment but more of a safety thing so he is within reach at all times, allowing you to protect the little one. I get needing the money and I have put up with a lot because of this reason, but I would most likely term.it is causing you anxiety and eventually your little victim's parents are going to have enough and possibly leave. Wouldn't be worth losing 2 spots (the victim and the biter) in my opinion.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Have you written up a behavior intervention plan with a list of what WILL happen if the behavior continues x amount of times?

Mine lists what will happen if the behaviors present themselves 3 more times and that is a suspension.

[Willow]

Call me crazy, old school, cruel or whatever but I'd tell mom to take him home and if he bit her or anyone else again she should bite him the heck back.

And hard.

Maybe invite the cousins over and set him up to knock out a few eye for an eye lessons asap.


I've never seen a biter that finally got a taste of his own medicine bite much beyond that.

[sly red cid]

biting

There should be some sort of human muzzle! haha.I have his twin.......teething and not enough language are ours whys here.Now he's into hitting everyone me included.

[Sunchimes]

Blackcat, I'm just a listed home with 3 kids. I couldn't afford to hire anyone.

Mom works 45 miles away. I hate to punish her-she's a nice kid and she's really concerned about this. She would totally approve the hockey mask idea if it would keep him in my program.

She is worried that he is being such a bully.

[Sunchimes]

If he doesn't bother any other children, what about having the little one shadow you? Not as a punishment but more of a safety thing so he is within reach at all times, allowing you to protect the little one. I get needing the money and I have put up with a lot because of this reason, but I would most likely term.it is causing you anxiety and eventually your little victim's parents are going to have enough and possibly leave. Wouldn't be worth losing 2 spots (the victim and the biter) in my opinion.

Slorey, I have been shadowing the victim baby all week, and he still managed a bite. Since I was right there, I stopped him getting the baby, but he got me instead.

If the victim's parents get enough, I'll lose 2 kids, victim and his sibling. That's one reason I think I need to term.

[Sunchimes]

Have you written up a behavior intervention plan with a list of what WILL happen if the behavior continues x amount of times?

Mine lists what will happen if the behaviors present themselves 3 more times and that is a suspension.

I haven't done that. I have a really informal set up, more like grandma's house than a day care setting. I do have it in my handbook that I won't tolerate bullying behavior and can term immediately for it-or words to that effect. I've talked to mom every single day, so she knows the situation. I would worry less if Victim would hit him or shove him down or even bite him back. But, he isn't developmentally capable of that, even though he is the same size and age.

[Sunchimes]

Willow, mom says they have done that and told me to do it too. I explained that I can't do that. It didn't work anyway.

His cousin is an infant and can't bite back.

When he bit my older dcg, she hit him, and I had to remind her that we don't hit babies. By the second or third time, I just quit seeing her hitting him. He doesn't bother her now.

But, the current victim isn't capable of defending himself in any way.

[Laurel]

I'm probably in the minority here but I just can't bear hearing an 18 month old labeled a bully for biting when it is not unheard of at that age. My grandson bit and it was a long time shadowing him but he was my grandson and I wasn't going to term. He's on 'scholarship' too.

I just had to shadow it seems like forever but finally he stopped. The other thing I learned from having a biter or two in the past is the bitee should have long sleeves and long pants on to minimize the pain.

The mom of the child he bit was very understanding. The reason was because I had the sibling of the biten child years ago. She reminded me that her son was the biter and now her daughter was the bitee.

If you just can't see shadowing him for as long as it takes, then for your own peace of mind you'd have to term.

It might also work to have a teething ring necklace and tell him to bite that.

Laurel

[Sunchimes]

Laurel, you're right. I probably should have said more along the lines of bullying type behavior. His mom is the one who labeled him a bully. I know the biting is going to happen at this age, and if I had regular kids that could understand moving out of his way or hitting back or ignoring him, I'd try to hang on. But it isn't the case. He is determined to hurt this baby. I'm not even sure that yanking his hair is developmentally appropriate. At least it's not something I've ever encountered.

We had just finished weaning him from using a paci all day, but out of desperation, I gave it back. He takes it out to bite. The only benefit to the paci is that the act of removing it sort of warns me to move fast.

I've been shadowing for the last 6 weeks with no luck

[AmyKidsCo]

I'm probably in the minority here but I just can't bear hearing an 18 month old labeled a bully for biting when it is not unheard of at that age.

ITA. At 18 mos, biting is developmentally appropriate, even though it's not socially acceptable. To him it's no different than pushing or hitting, except that it probably gets him more attention than pushing or hitting does.

The first thing to do is take a step back and figure out why he's biting - what's he getting out of it? Is he teething? Does he like all the commotion he creates - little one crying, you jumping into the situation, etc? Maybe he doesn't know how to relate to the other children? Is he frustrated because he doesn't have the words he needs to express himself? Is he getting lots of attention from you and Mom because of the biting?

Once you figure out what he's getting out of the behavior you can take steps to change it. If it's attention I'd be sure to give him LOTS of attention when he's being nice - like every 5 min say "Wow, you're being so gentle with Little One!" Show him how to gently pat his friends' backs then say "I like how nicely you're patting Little One - you're such a good friend." If he needs words, try teaching him some sign language: Stop, Please and More are good ones to start with.

In the meantime, ITA that you need to shadow him and/or Little One constantly, until the behavior changes. I've BTDT and know it's not easy, but with just 3 children it's not impossible.

[Sunchimes]

I'm not sure why he's biting. Mom thinks he enjoys it-he smiles. He doesn't get much attention from me-that's a lesson I learned long ago. We aren't sure if he's teething-he has most of his teeth (oh how I wish he just had 3 teeth like Little One!) He doesn't do it in anger-we will all be rocking along in a happy moment and he just leans over and bites. Once we were sitting in the floor listening to story time and he bit-thank goodness it was one of our own kids and not a stranger! We skipped story time this week.

I've tried the praise, we do signs, etc.

Little one is starting early intervention. I have a parade of people coming through my house these days for therapy for him. It's only going to make shadowing Biter harder when I'm needed by Little One's therapists.

I've waited out biting before, and I know it gets better. I've also seen it not get better. My step-son was a serial biter/fighter/kids ran when they saw him coming kind of kid and nothing stopped him. Forty years later, he is one of the kindest, most gentle men I know, so I know it happens. I just don't have 40 years to wait. ::

[Former Teacher]

I think you should term. As you said in another post...you will lose more clients otherwise. Just because Jaws is only going after one particular child now...doesn't mean he won't feast on another one.

Years ago we had a child at my former center, actually around 15 months I believe that was a HUGE biter. And he was fast! He could be laughing and playing one second and the next he would be biting. Oh it was horrible. He never had favorites. If you were there he would get you.

One day it was cleanup time and the caregiver asked for the book he was holding. He gave it to her and then got SO mad that he got up, ran to a wooden chair in the room and bit so hard it cracked the wood. All I remember thinking was...what would have happened if that was skin?!?!?

The owner/director was constantly everyday talking to these parents who took the approach..."well there is nothing we can do, he doesn't do it at home", "nothing we can do, since he doesn't talk, "nothing we can do because you are the one in charge". So the owner/director did nothing. Just "talked" to the parents. It got to the point when the mother would come in and say "ok who did D bite today?"

It finally took several parents saying...either he goes or we will go. So when the owner/director finally realized that she could be losing 8 plus clients instead of 1...she finally termed him.

I do hope the best for you. Let us know your decision!