Would This Have Raised A Red Flag For You? And WWYD

[youretooloud]

I'm going to change the names and obscure a few details.

Sandy is a four year old girl, and she has a special needs 13 year old cousin named Nathan. She sees Nathan frequently, since he is being raised by their grandma.

Nathan is developmentally behind, and small due to abuse as a baby and preschool age. He was given to his Grandmother at the age of five. Right now, at 13, he's the size of a seven year old, and developmentally, he's about seven.

He's a nice kid. Very sweet, just hard to handle for very long.

Anyway...so here is the conversation...

Sandy: "Nathan keeps pushing me on my bottom"

Me: "Why? is he trying to help you climb?"

Sandy: "No, he just always likes to touch my bottom"

Me: "Does Mom or Dad or Grandma ever see this?"

Sandy: "No...it's only when we play in his room or our room, or sometimes on the trampoline".

Me: "What does he do when you tell him STOP IT NATHAN!"

Sandy: "He just grabs me by my panties and keeps pulling them down"

(O.K, so at this point, i'm definitely talking to Mom)

But, when I spoke to Mom, she said "Oh, Sandy says stuff like that all the time, Nathan is like a bumbling four year old, he isn't trying to touch her privates".

So, I reminded her that just because he's developmentally delayed, he's still 13 and no matter what, nature marches on. I don't think Sandy is just SAYING this stuff"

She left it at "I'll keep an eye out".

So, now I want to tell Dad...but, I know Dad will go off on Nathan, and make a whole new problem.

[cheerfuldom]

arent you licensed? a mandated reporter?

[rmc20021]

I would have to notify mom that you are required to contact cps due to what dcg told you. Just to be on the safe side...

[Hunni Bee]

Yes. A big waving cherry red one. Especially since he only does it out of the eyesight of adults. And the mothers reaction.

It makes me boil inside when adults brush off things like this. It doesn't matter what the parents think. If Sandy does not like the way this boy touches her and cannot get him to stop.on her own, then its the parents' job to stop it. No matter if he's 13 or 7 or 4, developmentally delayed or not.

Please document and keep open communication with the child about it.

I changed my mind. Please report asap. Document everything the child and mother said.

[youretooloud]

arent you licensed? a mandated reporter?

Not licensed, but I would assume I'm a mandated reporter. I COULD call Grandma and tell her what Sandy said, because Grandma knows how to handle these things. I think she's been over this in her head for a long time now. She would get him some help, and keep him away from his cousins. She won't risk any of her grand kids.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I would tell the girl to ALWAYS TELL YOUR MOM OR DAD immediately! I would also keep.asking her, and tell mom every single time.
If mom is ignoring this, I would be inclined to report it to CPS.
I dunno, maybe you should report it anyways.

[Leigh]

Not licensed, but I would assume I'm a mandated reporter. I COULD call Grandma and tell her what Sandy said, because Grandma knows how to handle these things. I think she's been over this in her head for a long time now. She would get him some help, and keep him away from his cousins. She won't risk any of her grand kids.

Keep Grandma out of it. You violate the child's privacy by telling this stuff to Grandma. Call CPS. Call them tonight.

[youretooloud]

Keep Grandma out of it. You violate the child's privacy by telling this stuff to Grandma. Call CPS. Call them tonight.

But, it involves her grandson, who she is raising, and has full custody of.

[Play Care]

Keep Grandma out of it. You violate the child's privacy by telling this stuff to Grandma. Call CPS. Call them tonight.

It doesn't matter that grandma has custody of the boy. Your concern/ lookout has to be for the child in your care.
And the mom has pissed me off. Her child is telling her that her cousin is touching her in a way she doesn't like, it needs to be stopped regardless if the mom doesn't see it as a big deal.

[youretooloud]

I'm hoping that she'll go home and think about it and maybe discuss it with Dad today, and her attitude will change. I spoke to mom about ten minutes before I posted this, so maybe she's one of those who mulls it over first.

[Leigh]

But, it involves her grandson, who she is raising, and has full custody of.

I was talking about the girl who is being touched, not the grandson. And, from what I have seen here, you have a responsibility to report. You MAY want to tell Grandma that you have or plan to report, but I would not. I would just get on the phone with CPS, if I were in your shoes. You MAY be able to prevent something worse happening than has already.

[Sunchimes]

Judge Judy had a case yesterday where a child had Mongolian spots but the mom didn't tell the provider. Provider saw them, tried to call mom, mom didn't respond to call, so provider called CPS.

Mom sued dcp for a false report and kept saying that the provider should have called her first.

Judge Judy went ballistic on mom. One of the things she said was that the provider should not have called her and in fact, she made a mistake by calling the parent before CPS.

Hmm, this seemed like a perfect fit when I started typing, but now that I think of it, it is a bit different. Grandma isn't doing anything. I still say call. As I've read here many times, it isn't for you to decide if anything is going on. You only job is to protect the child.

[itlw8]

this is very common I understand. developmentally he may be 7 but his hormones he is 13 but does not know better. she needs to not go in his room the adults need to support her.Not sure it it is a reportable thing yet but it will be if something is not done.

[nanglgrl]

When I was around 7 or 8 a developmentally delayed family friend who was maybe 16 (but was mentally much younger) cornered me and tried to touch me. I remember being really scared and frozen then my grandma came around the corner and scared him off. She never said a word about it and neither did I.
A few years ago I was talking to my Aunt about the family friend after I'd seen him ringing a bell for the Salvation Army and I told her what had happened so many years ago. I had forgiven him, I didn't really ever think that he thought he was doing anything wrong. My Aunt started crying and told me that her son (my younger cousin) had said some things that raised red flags when he was little but they had brushed it off because the family friend was such a nice boy. It turns out he abused my cousin for years.
You need to call CPS. I'm sure grandma want's whats best for everyone but she's not qualified to determine what "best" means in this situation. If she did she wouldn't leave them alone together.

[countrymom]

ok, what is cps going to do. Go to gma's tell her what happened then what. Its awful to have cps come to your house, trust me. I would call gma (because you said she would do something about it) and discuss it with her. document what was said, what you did. talk to the girl often. If you still find some red flags then call cps.