NO Free Time Please......................

[daycare]

Whoa...you deserve a medal for even accepting one of her kids! I honestly don't think I would even consider the child of a psychologist. I am NOT knocking Child Psy., but I wouldn't want to deal with one as a daycare parent!

....I feel like I beat my head on the wall many days... It stinks. But awhile back the economy was so bad that I took on the family. Of course they put their best foot forward and I thought they were great. As time went on, I saw that our parenting styles are sooooooooo different that it was not going to work. But with having two kids with me, I had to keep them. I am in a MUCH better position now to let them go and if I don't get this figured out soon, that is what is going to happen..

It stinks, but I would rather have my piece of mind that have a parent constantly blame me for everything and then come back with some crazy request..................

I am just hoping they walk in tomorrow telling me that they are moving to a new childcare.....

[Cradle2crayons]

I agree with what you guys are saying.. I am such a firm believer in learn through play. But we still set a lesson 3 days a week.

What do I tell this parent? She thinks he does not need free play and I have no clue what to tell her...

Oh and by the way she is a child psychologist, who Knows EVERYTHING.....in my eyes she is like the bad dentist. You know the dentist who knows it all but has cavities.....

You tell the parent that free play is part of the wonderful program you do and they pay for and your program isn't set up the way she wants it. Don't give her a choice. Just explain this is how you run your program and leave it at that.

[daycare]

well I chickened out today at pick up...... Normally I have kids all ready to go at pick up, but she came early so the kids were not ready . They ran all over the entire house and went nuts......... My asst ended up pissing her off when she raised her voice and put them in their place so that they could get their shoes on. My asst is new, so she does things differently than me. But she did things ok. She got control of the kids because mom was not and got them to move on out.

So dcm got into a bad mood because of what my asst did so I knew it was not a good time to tell her BTW We are doing free play, it's not something we will ever plan on going without....

Is it friday yet?????

[cheerfuldom]

No discussions. Just "this is how I run my program. If you think it is no longer a good fit, feel free to look for other care and dont forget to provide a two weeks notice"

But I am wondering a bit if something is "off" with this child as well. I wonder if he has sensory issues only because he sounds a lot like my daughter. Yes, sometimes it is a problem created by mom but its not that all the times. "Go play" does not work for every child because there are some kids that really cannot handle the unstructured portions of the day. Lashing out in socially inappropriate ways is very common with kids that have sensory issues. I am not saying that this is your problem to solve OP, only throwing it out there as a possibility of being something else besides manipulation by the child.

[daycare]

No discussions. Just "this is how I run my program. If you think it is no longer a good fit, feel free to look for other care and dont forget to provide a two weeks notice"

But I am wondering a bit if something is "off" with this child as well. I wonder if he has sensory issues only because he sounds a lot like my daughter. Yes, sometimes it is a problem created by mom but its not that all the times. "Go play" does not work for every child because there are some kids that really cannot handle the unstructured portions of the day. Lashing out in socially inappropriate ways is very common with kids that have sensory issues. I am not saying that this is your problem to solve OP, only throwing it out there as a possibility of being something else besides manipulation by the child.

I have wondered this in the past...... Of course this is NEVER something that I could talk openly with DCM about. The child does not handle change well at all.

I guess I chalked it up to behavior, because as soon as this parent arrives I see the child go from slightly bad behavior to over the top out of control behavior. The mom has No clue how to deal with it at all and will throw her arms up and then say can you throw me a bone. Of course I just want them out and done, so I get them under control and get them out. NOt always, but it happens.

Can you tell me more about the sensory issue with your daughter. Is there more??

[rmc20021]

You say most of the time what he did during free play warrants a talk with the parents. I tend to not tell parents what happens at daycare unless it is really something serious. A kind of "What happens at daycare stays at daycare." I do this because I don't want the parents asking for things like this parent is asking of you. Also, I met a teacher once whose own child had problems at school that she was trying to figure out and working on what was going on with him. She said it was sooo depressing to show up at school and hear something bad every day. Not saying that is going on at your house but that is what your comment made me think of. I'd rather handle it my way in daycare and she can handle it her way at home (cause she is going to anyway )

Just on an off chance but do you think he is hearing okay? You mentioned he doesn't listen to the other children's words. Are you sure he is hearing them okay? Just a thought. When my son was in kindergarten the teacher said he wasn't listening and he needed tubes in his ears back then. The doctor said he wasn't hearing the teacher as he had almost no hearing in one ear.

Laurel

I used to work at the local middle school with students in the 6-8th grade age range. I started observing some of the kids behaviors and realized that the ONLY time parents were notified of what was going on with their child at school was for bad behaviors. I believed that to encourage the bad behaviors.

I was only an aide, but I began taking the kids who I worked with (at risk kids) and each and every day, I would write the parents a note about their child's behaviors at school that day. I did NOT write anything negative. I focused on what they had done well that day...even if it was something very minor.

The kids behaviors started turning around because they wanted me to write good reports about them and it encouraged their better behaviors. Even the expressions on their faces changed from angry and frustrated to smiling and WANTING to do well.

[Cradle2crayons]

I used to work at the local middle school with students in the 6-8th grade age range. I started observing some of the kids behaviors and realized that the ONLY time parents were notified of what was going on with their child at school was for bad behaviors. I believed that to encourage the bad behaviors.

I was only an aide, but I began taking the kids who I worked with (at risk kids) and each and every day, I would write the parents a note about their child's behaviors at school that day. I did NOT write anything negative. I focused on what they had done well that day...even if it was something very minor.

The kids behaviors started turning around because they wanted me to write good reports about them and it encouraged their better behaviors. Even the expressions on their faces changed from angry and frustrated to smiling and WANTING to do well.

ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY TRUE. So glad you brought this up. It's is a huge thing with my daughter. I think sometimes kids get into like a FUNK. They have several episodes of not so desirable behavior and the negatives escalate to the point that they just continue to do them because they know the adults expect them to.

Rewarding even a small positive with a verbal acknowledgement goes a LONG WAY.

[Laurel]

the things that he is doing unfortunately warrant a phone call home. Stuff like hitting, spitting, or basically hurting others or himself. its not every day, but I would say about 3 days a week on average. I always do my best to leave daycare and at daycare and vs.

I know what you mean about always having to here the bad things. Trust me when I tell you that there are many days that I just don't say anything at all.

The child is VERY loud. He talks to you as though you are in the other room, when we are sitting right there. I think it has to do with that the mom is a yeller. I am pretty sure that he hears just fine. I asked mom last year about if they had tested it and they said yes, hes fine???? His first week with me about 2 years ago, I thought the same thing. Wow why is he not listening to anyone and why does he talk so loud. I whisper pretty much all day and tell the kids if you can't hear me, then you are talking too loud.

Hmmm, I'm just wondering if he has anybody close to his own age to play with or are there just toddlers around him? Here our 4 year olds usually leave because our state has a voluntary FREE pre kindergarten program. I have had some with late birthdays be almost 5 when they left my care and I found it hard when I just had one 4 year old and then babies/toddlers.

When I have a spitting child I give them a paper cup and tell them to go into the bathroom and spit in it until they fill it up. Of course, they're not going to fill it up :: but it sure isn't fun to spit if it doesn't bug anybody.

Laurel

[Laurel]

I used to work at the local middle school with students in the 6-8th grade age range. I started observing some of the kids behaviors and realized that the ONLY time parents were notified of what was going on with their child at school was for bad behaviors. I believed that to encourage the bad behaviors.

I was only an aide, but I began taking the kids who I worked with (at risk kids) and each and every day, I would write the parents a note about their child's behaviors at school that day. I did NOT write anything negative. I focused on what they had done well that day...even if it was something very minor.

The kids behaviors started turning around because they wanted me to write good reports about them and it encouraged their better behaviors. Even the expressions on their faces changed from angry and frustrated to smiling and WANTING to do well.

That would be a great idea for the OP to do! Good idea.

Laurel

[itlw8]

do you have a rug about bath size that he can use for his place ? not a punishment but he could choose a toy to pay with on that rug. Then for now IF he wants to let a friend join great.

It might be easier for him to learn to pay if he can control the amount of children around him

[wdmmom]

What does this family think they are paying for? If your kid doesn't play, your kid doesn't belong in daycare!

[daycare]

I am going to answer the last few replies all here and I don't really know how to quote each one of you..

First off my ages are:


1 child- 18 months
2- 2 year old
4- 3 year old
3- 4 year old
3- 5 year old

So he has plenty of kids in his age group to play with. He is 4 and a very young 4 at that.



The letter idea sounds great. But do you really think that at age 4 that he would make that connection with the letter? It sounds like an amazing idea. I am just wondering if he will undertand it.

My next question would be how do I NOT tell the parents when he hit someone or hurt someone? I honestly think that the parents need to know when their child is doing this. If I always make everything sunshine and rainbows, then if I ever have to term for his behavior I won't have those emails of the unwanted behavior...

ONe thing that myself and my assistants have noticed is that no matter what we say to this DCM, she is always in a pissy mood. Just yesterday she got mad and slammed my front door. I do send home emails to her of good news. JUst seems the bad out weights the good.

When I write an email home to tell dcm that he hit someone or something to that degree I never forget to leave out the positive things he did as well. BUt DCM will always focus on the bad and get angered at me.

I doubt myself A LOT.........just when I think I am doing good, something happens and makes me feel insecure. I feel like I am in a boat in a stream with no paddles....... Hope there are not any more alligator moms in this stream................

[rmc20021]

I am going to answer the last few replies all here and I don't really know how to quote each one of you..

First off my ages are:


1 child- 18 months
2- 2 year old
4- 3 year old
3- 4 year old
3- 5 year old

So he has plenty of kids in his age group to play with. He is 4 and a very young 4 at that.



The letter idea sounds great. But do you really think that at age 4 that he would make that connection with the letter? It sounds like an amazing idea. I am just wondering if he will undertand it.

My next question would be how do I NOT tell the parents when he hit someone or hurt someone? I honestly think that the parents need to know when their child is doing this. If I always make everything sunshine and rainbows, then if I ever have to term for his behavior I won't have those emails of the unwanted behavior...

ONe thing that myself and my assistants have noticed is that no matter what we say to this DCM, she is always in a pissy mood. Just yesterday she got mad and slammed my front door. I do send home emails to her of good news. JUst seems the bad out weights the good.

When I write an email home to tell dcm that he hit someone or something to that degree I never forget to leave out the positive things he did as well. BUt DCM will always focus on the bad and get angered at me.

I doubt myself A LOT.........just when I think I am doing good, something happens and makes me feel insecure. I feel like I am in a boat in a stream with no paddles....... Hope there are not any more alligator moms in this stream................

He is really too young for a letter per se, but what I would do is every day when dcm/dcd picks up, I would elaborate on something he did very well that day...even if it's something as simple as smiling at another child in a positive way. Make a comment to him when he does it, then make sure to follow up by telling mom/dad when they pick up.

IF he does something negative, relate the info to parents by email, or something for which the child cannot actually hear and encourage them to handle it in a manner in which is more positive. I think this kid needs a lot more positive encouragement.

[Unregistered]

The only problem I see is teling her everyday about incidents.
I have never told a parent about trouble their kid has during the day.Once I have dealt with it it's over.Unless of course it's an everyday thing and the same thing over and over(hitting or biting)
If it's a serious offense and my solution doesn't seem to work THEN I have a discussion and we come up with a solution on how to work with the problem.If I see no change or no help fom a parent then they are put on a two week probation.After that,if nothing has changed they are terminated.
If you believe you have done everything and she isn't willing to get on the same page,it's time for him to go.
As far as the no free play,don't even discuss that with her.If he can't get along with other children he needs to be taught all over again,like a two year old how to play with his friends.
What exactly is he doing? Hitting? Taking toys? You will have to deal with each behavior and teach him what you want him to do,how to play.
Good luck!

[daycare]

He is really too young for a letter per se, but what I would do is every day when dcm/dcd picks up, I would elaborate on something he did very well that day...even if it's something as simple as smiling at another child in a positive way. Make a comment to him when he does it, then make sure to follow up by telling mom/dad when they pick up.

IF he does something negative, relate the info to parents by email, or something for which the child cannot actually hear and encourage them to handle it in a manner in which is more positive. I think this kid needs a lot more positive encouragement.

this is exactly what I do.... When things are not of good nature, a letter goes home via email. I agee, I don't want to talk about a kids day not only in front of them, but possibly in front of another parent.

As stated in my previous post, NO matter what, when I do have to tell them that the child hit or something, I do tell them positive things as well....