Biting.., When Is Enough, Enough?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Six weeks of biting incidents is unacceptable.

If you can't protect her by having him shadow you 100% of the time you need to term (and should have several weeks ago imho)

Absolutely. I would be livid if my child had been bitten once a week for six weeks.

I also think 2-year-olds are fully capable of knowing not to bite. But, that's just me.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I agree!

I don't know why so many people believe it's not only normal but acceptable!

I send home an incident report for a biter and have the parent sign it. If it happens more than ONE time, it's a big problem and I have a paper trail that will be attached to a behavior plan.

I'm very torn because he is otherwise a good kid & single mom lacks parenting skills. Like I said, he is being bitten by a bigger kid away from here. He is a very, very small 2 yr old, not that it matters. I have a conference with the DCP today.

Please don't take this rudely, because I'm not meaning it to be rude.
When I met my son he was being beaten and he never beat others. Just because a behavior is being modeled doesn't mean the child is permitted to get away with it, too. On the flip side, what Mom intentionally brings her small 2-year-old child around a larger child who continues to bite him???? That's poor judgement and poor parenting.

[Crystal]

I'm very torn because he is otherwise a good kid & single mom lacks parenting skills. Like I said, he is being bitten by a bigger kid away from here. He is a very, very small 2 yr old, not that it matters. I have a conference with the DCP today.

It is not your responsibility to fix this because you feel badly for the Mom. It IS your responsibility to protect ALL of the children in your care and by NOT stopping this, no matter what that entails, you are NOT protecting the other child. No amount of "conferences" is going to fix this.

If I were the parent of the vicitim, I'd pull my child without notice for failure to adequately protect her.

[Laurel]

DCB 2 yrs old bites same DCG at least once a week. Plays with her otherwise; this has been going on over 6 weeks. I understand biting is a normal behavior during the toddler years & dealing with it according to the experts. DCM of girl is mad. I've had talks with DCP & she just wants a head's up if I term him. What the what? I told DCP yesterday I will call to have him picked up if he does it again. I'm not sure when enough is enough. She seems to be more worried if I term him them helping with a solution.

DCP spends very little social time with her child. He is also the victim of biting from another child (her mother is friends with parent).

Thoughts?

The only solution I ever found was to shadow constantly. It is a real pain but I did it because the biter was my grandson. I also had another biter one time but just shadowed her. The other thing I did was to have the child that was bitten wear long sleeves/pants to lessen the impact of the bite.

I know for a fact that my grandson didn't 'get it'. I could see it in his eyes and he has a great mom and grandma for that matter. :: I don't agree with those who said maybe somehow the mom is lacking. Could be whether or not he is biting but I'm not for blaming the parent if a child bites.

I would have a really hard time terming because neither the child nor mom can really help it. I 'never' left him alone with the other children. If I had to change a diaper he went to his high chair with toys till I was finished. If I had to go to the bathroom he went with me....that sort of thing. Really hard but necessary.

Laurel

[Heidi]

I have an 19 mo right now who is biting. He only bites one child, a 27 mo who is rather aggressive (body-checking, taking toys). "Chompers" puts everything in his mouth right now anyway, so I think the biting is a go-to reaction to frustration or anything else he's feeling.

We have given him a teething toy to wear on a pacifier strap (as a re-direct)with some success. Since 27mo is only here 3 mornings a week, I keep a VERY close eye on them, or remove Chompers to a safe place if I can't have my eyes on him. We are also trying very hard to encourage him to talk more; he's a little slow in that area.

Once he becomes more verbal and less oral, I'm confident the biting will stop. It is normal, but it's certainly not ok!

Chompers mom is absolutely mortified, and willing to try anything to get it to stop.

[Michelle]

I have an 19 mo right now who is biting. He only bites one child, a 27 mo who is rather aggressive (body-checking, taking toys). "Chompers" puts everything in his mouth right now anyway, so I think the biting is a go-to reaction to frustration or anything else he's feeling.

We have given him a teething toy to wear on a pacifier strap (as a re-direct)with some success. Since 27mo is only here 3 mornings a week, I keep a VERY close eye on them, or remove Chompers to a safe place if I can't have my eyes on him. We are also trying very hard to encourage him to talk more; he's a little slow in that area.

Once he becomes more verbal and less oral, I'm confident the biting will stop. It is normal, but it's certainly not ok!

Chompers mom is absolutely mortified, and willing to try anything to get it to stop.

this is excellent advice! you truly understand children and why they do things..
giving them something to bite/chew is a good idea
when they are more verbal, usually the biting stops

[Crystal]

this is excellent advice! you truly understand children and why they do things..
giving them something to bite/chew is a good idea
when they are more verbal, usually the biting stops

There are certainly stategies for stopping the behavior, but when is "enough, enough?" (as the OP asked) 6 weeks is a LONG time for a child to not "get it", and a VERY long time for the victim to be victimized. There is also a significant dfiierecnce, developmentally, between a 19 month old and a two year old.

IMO, there is NEVER a good enough reason to tolerate excessive biting, and (at least once) weekly biting incidences for OVER 6 weeks is EXCESSIVE.

[Laurel]

I have an 19 mo right now who is biting. He only bites one child, a 27 mo who is rather aggressive (body-checking, taking toys). "Chompers" puts everything in his mouth right now anyway, so I think the biting is a go-to reaction to frustration or anything else he's feeling.

We have given him a teething toy to wear on a pacifier strap (as a re-direct)with some success. Since 27mo is only here 3 mornings a week, I keep a VERY close eye on them, or remove Chompers to a safe place if I can't have my eyes on him. We are also trying very hard to encourage him to talk more; he's a little slow in that area.

Once he becomes more verbal and less oral, I'm confident the biting will stop. It is normal, but it's certainly not ok!

Chompers mom is absolutely mortified, and willing to try anything to get it to stop.

Ha ha, I love that name "Chompers". ::

I agree that once they get more language that helps. I had some success with a teething toy too.

Laurel

[cheerfuldom]

It is not your responsibility to fix this because you feel badly for the Mom. It IS your responsibility to protect ALL of the children in your care and by NOT stopping this, no matter what that entails, you are NOT protecting the other child. No amount of "conferences" is going to fix this.

If I were the parent of the vicitim, I'd pull my child without notice for failure to adequately protect her.

absolutely.

frankly, I am surprised that the daycare family has put up with this for 6 weeks (the victims family). As for further "conferences", you already said this mom has shown herself to have poor parenting skills. Do you really think anything is going to magically change with one more discussion about it? Is she all of a sudden going to step up and have ideas about working this out when she never has before? besides that, there is only so much a parent can do to support what is going on at daycare. A huge part of it is just you doing your job. If you cant get this worked out and you cant keep each child safe in your care, its your responsibility to make changes. Just be honest about what you can and cant do. We all have great daycare kids that we have had to term because of one issue that could not be overcome.