Biting.., When Is Enough, Enough?

[coolconfidentme]

DCB 2 yrs old bites same DCG at least once a week. Plays with her otherwise; this has been going on over 6 weeks. I understand biting is a normal behavior during the toddler years & dealing with it according to the experts. DCM of girl is mad. I've had talks with DCP & she just wants a head's up if I term him. What the what? I told DCP yesterday I will call to have him picked up if he does it again. I'm not sure when enough is enough. She seems to be more worried if I term him them helping with a solution.

DCP spends very little social time with her child. He is also the victim of biting from another child (her mother is friends with parent).

Thoughts?

[countrymom]

by terming him your not really fixing the problem, not that it should be your problem to fix. I would either watch like crazy (which is hard to do) or I've sent them to time out. Talking with them doesn't work, its like reasoning with them, at 2 they don't get it.

[Willow]

Six weeks of biting incidents is unacceptable.

If you can't protect her by having him shadow you 100% of the time you need to term (and should have several weeks ago imho)

[LaLa1923]

Six weeks of biting incidents is unacceptable.

If you can't protect her by having him shadow you 100% of the time you need to term (and should have several weeks ago imho)

Exactly this. Three strikes you're out... The PARENT needs to fix this...

[AnneCordelia]

Six weeks of biting incidents is unacceptable.

If you can't protect her by having him shadow you 100% of the time you need to term (and should have several weeks ago imho)

I agree.

[mnemom]

I have found the only thing that stops biting issues are to stop the bite before it happens. You have to find the kids trigger. What is going on right before the bite? You need to sit RIGHT next to the child 100% of the time when he is around other children, and take him with you wherever you go.

Biting issues ****! When DS was almost 4 he started to bite DD. It took forever to get him to stop. He had some delays, so I realize it is not typical to bite at his age. It only stopped when I watched him constantly to see what was setting him off and to swiftly remove him from the situation when I could see it coming. For him it was when DD was in his space trying to get something he had or he thought she was going to get something. He would scream DD's name and I knew it would be coming. Good luck!

[Crystal]

When the victim's parent is MAD....it is time to term the biter. Which would you rather lose....the one who doesn't bite, ot the one who does?

And, biting is NOT "normal" in the toddler years. Out of all of the children I have cared for in the past 16 years, I can only remember two biters.

[coolconfidentme]

I shadow the DCB. Last incident, we were all looking at a bug & he was jockeying for position to see. I just repositioned him to see & he bit her. It happened very quickly & he knew what he did was wrong. She wasn't in his way, just next to him & closer to the bug. He was removed from the group. I contacted DCP & she asked if I was terming him. I told her I was trying to work with HER, but if it doesn't stop that will be the end result. Frustrating.

[Willow]

When the victim's parent is MAD....it is time to term the biter. Which would you rather lose....the one who doesn't bite, ot the one who does?

And, biting is NOT "normal" in the toddler years. Out of all of the children I have cared for in the past 16 years, I can only remember two biters.

I agree!

I don't know why so many people believe it's not only normal but acceptable!

[tenderhearts]

I have a 3 yr old dcg who has been with me since 3 months old. She bit someone when she was about 2 yr old, I didn't see the circumstances but I shadowed her for about a month, then about 2 weeks after I stopped shadowing her she did it again. I had to shadow her again and have her either go every where with me or be sure she was in her own area IF she couldn't go with me, did this for a long time then after months I stopped shadowing her and then just a couple weeks ago which again has been months actually almost a year she was sitting playing with someone and I was right there, and literally for NO reason she bent down and bit his hand, not hard but literally for no reason, boy was just sitting there, not talking, not playing anything it was like she just had an urge to taste his hand. She is 3 now mind you. She knew what she did because immediately she said your ok your ok I love you you're ok, in the meantime he started to kind of whine and say she bit him.
SO I've been keeping close watch and not allowing her to be alone with anyone like when I make lunch I don't leave her watching the movie on the couch with the others, she has to sit away from them.

[LaLa1923]

I agree!

I don't know why so many people believe it's not only normal but acceptable!

ditto!!

I feel the same way about excessive hitting for no reason....

[AnneCordelia]

I shadow the DCB. Last incident, we were all looking at a bug & he was jockeying for position to see. I just repositioned him to see & he bit her. It happened very quickly & he knew what he did was wrong. She wasn't in his way, just next to him & closer to the bug. He was removed from the group. I contacted DCP & she asked if I was terming him. I told her I was trying to work with HER, but if it doesn't stop that will be the end result. Frustrating.

I have a little girl who is being shadowed now because she likes to push my babies. For us, shadowing means she is never close enough to another child to push. If we are looking at something all the other kids stand to my right but she stands to my left (my dominant hand). She sits arms reach from everyone else at circle time, and she doesnt get to sit on tye bench at the kitchen table with the other preschoolers.

For us, shadowing is to prevent injury but also to show the child that its not much fun to the a pusher/biter.

I also have a three strikes rule for biting before I term.

[Play Care]

I have a little girl who is being shadowed now because she likes to push my babies. For us, shadowing means she is never close enough to another child to push. If we are looking at something all the other kids stand to my right but she stands to my left (my dominant hand). She sits arms reach from everyone else at circle time, and she doesnt get to sit on tye bench at the kitchen table with the other preschoolers.

For us, shadowing is to prevent injury but also to show the child that its not much fun to the a pusher/biter.

I also have a three strikes rule for biting before I term.

I tell people that *true* shadowing is exhausting because there is NO "But I just turned my head for a minute!" excuse. You have a known biter. They are never near the other children - you always need to be between them and the others. This means the child who is biting (of hitting or whatever) might NOT get to see the spider, or have to wait until everyone else has cleared the area. IMO, that's a reasonable consequence for the behavior. When I can't be *right* with the child they are put out of the reach of others (be in in a high chair with some toys while I make lunch, a super play yard out of the play area but still in my eye sight, etc. All my parents are aware that shadowing is a LAST resort intervention and that if there is no improvement, I will have to let them go.
That said, to me there is a huge difference between someone saying a behavior is "age appropriate" and condoning the behavior. I am more likely to work with a child of 2 who is hitting or biting than a child of 4, KWIM?

[cheerfuldom]

I think 6 weeks shows that you cannot change this behavior OP. We can't fix everything. Now you have other daycare parents upset. I would type up a term notice immediately.

[coolconfidentme]

I'm very torn because he is otherwise a good kid & single mom lacks parenting skills. Like I said, he is being bitten by a bigger kid away from here. He is a very, very small 2 yr old, not that it matters. I have a conference with the DCP today.