Would Your Husband Go For It?

[DaisyMamma]

See the terminology is confusing because I am offended that you guys (ladies) feel that just because they don't actually have their children home with them, they should be called housewives and not mom's.

My children don't live with me anymore but I still a mom.

I don't think its anything to get offended about. Like the OP said, you're still a mom .

But IMO a SAHM is a mom who is staying home in order to raise her children herself, rather than having them in daycare.

If you happen to be a mom and are at home, but not to care for children, and not working from home (by working I mean earning an income) then IMO you don't qualify as a SAHM, instead I would consider you a housewife - and that's assuming you are married.
If you aren't married, have no kids and just stay home, well, I would just consider that lucky. ...:: (and you must be independently wealthy.)
JK! I love my family!

Like I said, that's just my opinion.

[Play Care]

To be clear I was only referring to parents of young children as it was related to paying for FT daycare in order to pursue a hobby. If your kids are in school/out of the house you are not shelling out for ft dc. (At least you hope not! )

[Blackcat31]

I don't think its anything to get offended about. Like the OP said, you're still a mom .

But IMO a SAHM is a mom who is staying home in order to raise her children herself, rather than having them in daycare.

If you happen to be a mom and are at home, but not to care for children, and not working from home (by working I mean earning an income) then IMO you don't qualify as a SAHM, instead I would consider you a housewife - and that's assuming you are married.
If you aren't married, have no kids and just stay home, well, I would just consider that lucky. ...:: (and you must be independently wealthy.)
JK! I love my family!

Like I said, that's just my opinion.

I'm not really offended. I have a pretty thick skin and it takes a lot to offend me but my point was whether you stay at home (physically) or not, if you have a child, you are a mom.

Doesn't matter if you work at home, outside the home or not at all.

Doesn't matter if you spend all day, part of the day, or none of the day with your child.

If you have a child, you ARE a mom.

There are obviously different levels of parenting and different ways to do it but what we (as provider's) value about our children or being a mother is not the set of values/rules ALL mother's have to abide by.

Everyone parents in a different way.

We do what works for us and I would think that ALL parents have that same right.

fwiw~ my response is NOT directed towards only you.

[julie]

See the terminology is confusing because I am offended that you guys (ladies) feel that just because they don't actually have their children home with them, they should be called housewives and not mom's.

My children don't live with me anymore but I still a mom.

I think the difference is that you used the verb. You "mothered" them as they were growing up, therefore you deserve the term even if they don't live at home. If you have kids, and you have the opportunity to "mother" while staying at home with them, and you decide instead to send them full time to daycare while you go and do whatever it is that you do instead of working and mothering, that sort of disqualifies you from the "stay-at-home mom" category, in my personal opinion.

My daycare parents all HAVE to work in some capacity. Some of them I can see it tears them up to leave their kids at daycare. They don't want to miss anything. That's kind of the way I think it should be. Naturally, you should want to care for your kid and be there for them. We provide a very necessary service, but in all honesty, their own parents would provide them care in a perfect world. I consider those parents "mothers". Many call to check up on them during the day. They ask questions, they are involved. Their kid is with me when he has to be, but THEY are the mommy. I think that's how it should be.

And yeah, it might sound judgey, but I don't care. I don't think I could care for someone's kid who had a mindset like that it would be okay for to go running all day while I watched their two year old for TEN flippin hours a day, even though they had the money to stay home and be with him. Why even have kids if you have the means to care for them yourself and you decide you have better things to do? I mean, WHAT?! And no, daycare, I totally don't think you are doing the exact same thing. If your kid is in highschool, he will be pretty much able to fend for himself and your training would not impact him the way a toddler who could have his mom at home with him choosing 50 hours of daycare a week for him instead. I just don't get that mindset. I wouldn't take them as clients though so it wouldn't be my problem. Feel for the kid though.

And no, my husband would not be cool with it. And I love him for it!!

[RosieMommy]

I think the difference is that you used the verb. You "mothered" them as they were growing up, therefore you deserve the term even if they don't live at home. If you have kids, and you have the opportunity to "mother" while staying at home with them, and you decide instead to send them full time to daycare while you go and do whatever it is that you do instead of working and mothering, that sort of disqualifies you from the "stay-at-home mom" category, in my personal opinion.

My daycare parents all HAVE to work in some capacity. Some of them I can see it tears them up to leave their kids at daycare. They don't want to miss anything. That's kind of the way I think it should be. Naturally, you should want to care for your kid and be there for them. We provide a very necessary service, but in all honesty, their own parents would provide them care in a perfect world. I consider those parents "mothers". Many call to check up on them during the day. They ask questions, they are involved. Their kid is with me when he has to be, but THEY are the mommy. I think that's how it should be.

And yeah, it might sound judgey, but I don't care. I don't think I could care for someone's kid who had a mindset like that it would be okay for to go running all day while I watched their two year old for TEN flippin hours a day, even though they had the money to stay home and be with him. Why even have kids if you have the means to care for them yourself and you decide you have better things to do? I mean, WHAT?! And no, daycare, I totally don't think you are doing the exact same thing. If your kid is in highschool, he will be pretty much able to fend for himself and your training would not impact him the way a toddler who could have his mom at home with him choosing 50 hours of daycare a week for him instead. I just don't get that mindset. I wouldn't take them as clients though so it wouldn't be my problem. Feel for the kid though.

And no, my husband would not be cool with it. And I love him for it!!

I think it's hard to talk about someone else's parenting styles or family choices when they differ from our own and NOT sound judgegy. We can ALL sound that way. I try to respect varying family style choices because I don't think there's any particular script women have or should have to follow if they are mothers. But that can get dicey when other parents do stuff that makes you shake your head. I wish women were more supportive of each other and less critical generally. It's hard enough being a mother without all of the extra judgment from our peers. At least for me.

[RosieMommy]

I'm not really offended. I have a pretty thick skin and it takes a lot to offend me but my point was whether you stay at home (physically) or not, if you have a child, you are a mom.

Doesn't matter if you work at home, outside the home or not at all.

Doesn't matter if you spend all day, part of the day, or none of the day with your child.

If you have a child, you ARE a mom.

There are obviously different levels of parenting and different ways to do it but what we (as provider's) value about our children or being a mother is not the set of values/rules ALL mother's have to abide by.

Everyone parents in a different way.

We do what works for us and I would think that ALL parents have that same right.

fwiw~ my response is NOT directed towards only you.

I would definitely like to see more narratives about motherhood than the big cultural ones we have of working mom or stay at home mom. I'm really impressed that the woman's husband is so supportive of her endeavors because culturally we tend not to give women permission to forgo staying at home with her children unless she's working and even then, because she HAS to. That narrative doesnt fit a lot of women I know who are also mothers.

[Willow]

Would he be ok with it?

No. We both have higher expectations out of each other as parents than that.


Even if he was ok with it there is no way I could ever justify to my God or my heart spending the life I've been blessed with in such a selfish way.

I cannot even fathom being that obsessed with self fulfillment, especially when it came at the expense of my children.


The whole thing just blows my mind.....imho any man who would be alright with his wife putting her own needs before those of their children *to that extent* is nearly if not just as deluded.

[daycare]

As I said before, after my son starts high school, I will more than likely be done with DC and have dreams to open a sports gym.

I will do every Ironman, marathon, triathlon, race or anything in that realm. I will train while my child is in school and I will not work.

I have worked my tail end off, putting mu husband through medical school the last 12 years, most of the time on only one income. It has not been easy.

My husband would never in a million years every tell me that I could not do something. He is very supportive of everything that I want to do. I also would never want to pull the rug out from under my kids feet either, so I would never imagine doing this now.

I guess you could look at it like this, if she was working, she would be gone away from their child anyways..............Maybe this is how they justify it, making it ok for them??? Who knows.

[Blackcat31]

I would definitely like to see more narratives about motherhood than the big cultural ones we have of working mom or stay at home mom. I'm really impressed that the woman's husband is so supportive of her endeavors because culturally we tend not to give women permission to forgo staying at home with her children unless she's working and even then, because she HAS to. That narrative doesnt fit a lot of women I know who are also mothers.

It would definitely be an interesting thing to look into.....

I just had the conversation with a potential client about my DH coming into the daycare each day and helping out.....the mom didn't understand that concept at all.... she kept saying "But WHY does he come here? Doesn't he work?"

I kept trying to explain that he does work but he comes to daycare to help me out and to assist me with lunch duties.

She basically asked me if there was something wrong with him...

The roles that American parents, or even the Americanized version of what parental roles "should" be always amazes me.

I think parenting in other cultures is valued much more than it is in America.

The values that American's hold are ALOT different too..... ONLY In America do we measure ourselves by what others think or what we THINK others think of us and by the amount of material possessions we have.

[RosieMommy]

As I said before, after my son starts high school, I will more than likely be done with DC and have dreams to open a sports gym.

I will do every Ironman, marathon, triathlon, race or anything in that realm. I will train while my child is in school and I will not work.

I have worked my tail end off, putting mu husband through medical school the last 12 years, most of the time on only one income. It has not been easy.

My husband would never in a million years every tell me that I could not do something. He is very supportive of everything that I want to do. I also would never want to pull the rug out from under my kids feet either, so I would never imagine doing this now.

I guess you could look at it like this, if she was working, she would be gone away from their child anyways..............Maybe this is how they justify it, making it ok for them??? Who knows.

I only wanted to quote your last sentence but couldn't. Boo.

It may not be that complex for her; it just sounds like she has different value system. How old is the kid again?

[daycare]

It would definitely be an interesting thing to look into.....

I just had the conversation with a potential client about my DH coming into the daycare each day and helping out.....the mom didn't understand that concept at all.... she kept saying "But WHY does he come here? Doesn't he work?"

I kept trying to explain that he does work but he comes to daycare to help me out and to assist me with lunch duties.

She basically asked me if there was something wrong with him...

The roles that American parents, or even the Americanized version of what parental roles "should" be always amazes me.

I think parenting in other cultures is valued much more than it is in America.

The values that American's hold are ALOT different too..... ONLY In America do we measure ourselves by what others think or what we THINK others think of us and by the amount of material possessions we have.

very true BC....my father would have NEVER EVER helped my mother with a child care if she had one. Heck I don't think I ever recall my father step foot into the kitchen, unless he was passing through to the back door.

[RosieMommy]

It would definitely be an interesting thing to look into.....

I just had the conversation with a potential client about my DH coming into the daycare each day and helping out.....the mom didn't understand that concept at all.... she kept saying "But WHY does he come here? Doesn't he work?"

I kept trying to explain that he does work but he comes to daycare to help me out and to assist me with lunch duties.

She basically asked me if there was something wrong with him...

The roles that American parents, or even the Americanized version of what parental roles "should" be always amazes me.

I think parenting in other cultures is valued much more than it is in America.

The values that American's hold are ALOT different too..... ONLY In America do we measure ourselves by what others think or what we THINK others think of us and by the amount of material possessions we have.

Speaking of other cultures, a lot of clients I work with come from different cultural backgrounds where parenting is an entirely different endeavor-- there's no such thing as parents feeling overwhelmed or needing breaks because the whole family lives together and raising a child is more a family communal event.
I feel very isolated sometimes because we (me and my husband) just don't have that kind of support not even from our church family. I have a good girlfriend who is also a mom and we try to be there for each other even though we differ in our parenting philosophies. I guess that's as good as its going to get.

I still don't know what my husband would think of that. I'm on the fence myself in terms of whether I would do that. Probably not but not for any of the reasons stated on here.