How Do You Deal With Lingering Parents?

[Former Teacher]

I just posted this on another thread here. One father would stay forever every day until state told us that he needed a background check and all that other crap.

Maybe you could bring something up like that

[Unregistered]

Ugggg...you must have the twin of one of the dads here...I HATE that lingering on and on and on...my husband greets him in the morning and I rarely make an appearance unless one of the other kids come in and I have to...he yacks and yacks at my dh forever it seems and then finally leaves when he HAS to so someone else can get out the driveway!

Most days at pick up I have to put up with him but I basically ignore him as much as possible...he seems to have gotten the hint somewhat as long as I don't respond to much of what he says ...I try to only make any comment on the child's day and nothing else or he takes it as free rein to start yacking..bleccchhh...

[Unregistered]

omg....you could be writting my story

I honestly had that same problem! my ex-dc parents had never used childcare before. They had their girls in their work childcare only....then they came to me. All the rules I had were thrown right out the flippin window.

Drop off was supposed to be 6:30 a.m. they (both parents) would come at 6:10 and stay till 6:45.

the father would come in and sit in my recliner and play with the kids.
He would rough house with them...waking up my own children
He often harrassed my dog, saying how much he loved her...picking her up..She weighs like 95 lbs. He thought it was funny.

He NEVER took off his shoes until a week before they stopped coming. Even then he took them off in the center of my kitchen.

From day one they helped themselves to putting their childrens lunches in my fridge. Often commenting on the food that we had there. Once we had gone to a wedding the weekend before and there was one beer still in the fridge. He said "what do you guys drink all the time"
I was shocked!

He was ALWAYS hanging out at pick up. for at least 1/2 hour.

Then these two things TAKE THE CAKE.....

one morning my daughter was sitting at the table waiting for her breakfast. she got up to get her water for drink, and the father sat down in her chair, when she asked him polietly to move. he said" I am visiting with my daughter I am leaving in a minute and you can have it back then."


I had tried the whole "ignore them" trick only to have my daughter ask me for choc milk. in the am. I said "please wait a minute, I am going to get your sisters some socks for school."

HE PROCEEDED TO OPEN MY CABINET, get her cup. Get milk in fridge...syrup in another cabinet(the whole time opening them all and looking) spoon out of drawer, adn make it for her. When she said it was to yucky, he told her that she needed to drink it!

I was out of the room for one minute! I was soooooo pi**ed off.

But these are all things that he didn't think were wrong.

Im done with them now thank god! I will miss the girls but my three girls welcome the break

[DancingQueen]

Fall season cured this.
The minute they are all due to pick up I'm ready to run out the door to cart my kids around everywhere..LOL I have NO TIME to chat with anyone.
He has seemed a little "cold" since this started but he'll have to live.

[QualiTcare]

it seems like every time someone complains about a lingering parent, it is a male parent. i find that odd.

first of all, i think dads don't feel like they are involved like the moms are (because they usually aren't) and they want the daycare provider to know that they are interested - which to them means hanging around and talking/asking questions.

secondly, i've seen people give the advice more than once of, "my husband isn't comfortable with a male being here," or "someone was asking who the man was." i find that insane! if my husband told me that our children's daycare provider said that - i'd be having a serious talk with that provider. not only is that insulting to him, but to me. you might as well tell me, "i think your husband is interested in me." that's a good way to get smacked.

i really don't see why it's such a big deal when a father wants to hang around - no more than a mother. of course, i'm blunt, so if i wanted him to leave - i'd probably just make it known by saying, "well, i've got to get these kids ready to leave. i'm sure you guys need to get going anyway," or something along those lines. actually, i'd probably just let him hang out and talk though - it wouldn't bother me cus i wouldn't stop what i was doing to talk.

[mac60]

Some people are just bold, and I am finding thru my life experiences that there are a lot of bold people everywhere. It really is quite rude to come into the providers home and sit down in the recliner and hang out. Or to just hang out in general. I am sure when the parent is at work "outsiders" can not just come in and hang out at the place of business. My daycare home is a place of business. It is hard to deal with, because we don't want to come across rude, yet it is obvious they don't get it, that we are a business. I am dealing with this now. I have a dad who comes in as early as 15 min before the school bus gets here to pick up, and somedays he is here for 15 to 30 minutes, by the time he annoyingly coddles and coos and finally gets the baby in the car seat, it is 15 to 30 min. Gees, go home and do that. It is a very busy time of day for me, and I don't feel like being a social butterfly while he hangs out, I have a job to do. I prefer my drop offs and picks ups to be quick. Curious to know what works for you.

[boysx5]

Tgif

after all the rain this week looking forward to the weekend. I only have three kids today going to enjoy my nice easy day and then its the weekend. Hope everyone has a good day and a nice two days off

[MARSTELAC]

I have a few "lingerers". The main problematic one is a MAN. He is in the middle of a divorce and has no friends in our town. He is looking for a woman and stays here way too long. On the days he has custody, he asks to come at least 15 minutes before my scheduled opening time because he "has to get to work". He shows up 5 or 10 minutes after the time he asks me to open early then proceeds to stay here up to 15 minutes. He just has to tell me one more thing or check the kids' locker to see if they need anything. At pick-up I can plan on him staying here up to 30 minutes. Just because I close at 5:30 doesn't mean you can get here at 5 and stay until the last minute. The late fees don't seem to bother him. I am at wits' end. Don't know what to do because they are my highest money....They are the first to get dropped off in the a.m. and the very last to leave. Sometimes all of the other families will come and go while he is here. I try to ignore but he just doesn't get it. I know he is lonely but I'm married and NOT interested. I want to send a revised contract home this weekend that covers my new illness policy and this obnoxious lingering but just don't know how to word the lingering part. Our state doesn't require me to keep a sign in log. I was thinking of doing that but I know they would sign in at arrival then continue to sit here and sign-in upon arrival at afternoon departure but then proceed to stay an extra half-hour. WAH!!!!! Suggestions?

[missnikki]

Read the above posts, they are full of ideas on this.

[marniewon]

I have a few "lingerers". The main problematic one is a MAN. He is in the middle of a divorce and has no friends in our town. He is looking for a woman and stays here way too long. On the days he has custody, he asks to come at least 15 minutes before my scheduled opening time because he "has to get to work". He shows up 5 or 10 minutes after the time he asks me to open early then proceeds to stay here up to 15 minutes. He just has to tell me one more thing or check the kids' locker to see if they need anything. At pick-up I can plan on him staying here up to 30 minutes. Just because I close at 5:30 doesn't mean you can get here at 5 and stay until the last minute. The late fees don't seem to bother him. I am at wits' end. Don't know what to do because they are my highest money....They are the first to get dropped off in the a.m. and the very last to leave. Sometimes all of the other families will come and go while he is here. I try to ignore but he just doesn't get it. I know he is lonely but I'm married and NOT interested. I want to send a revised contract home this weekend that covers my new illness policy and this obnoxious lingering but just don't know how to word the lingering part. Our state doesn't require me to keep a sign in log. I was thinking of doing that but I know they would sign in at arrival then continue to sit here and sign-in upon arrival at afternoon departure but then proceed to stay an extra half-hour. WAH!!!!! Suggestions?

Are you on the food program? They insist on having attendance records that are correct (so they can verify children are there when meals are served). You could use that as the excuse. Another idea is just implement a sign in/out sheet and tell parents licensing suggested doing this for safety reasons. Then make sure you correct the parents who sign in/out at different times then when care started.

As far as sending something home about lingering - I would say that drop-offs and pick-ups are to be kept to 5 minutes tops, so as to not interrupt your schedule. Remind parents how children do better with a schedule and lingering disrupts that schedule. Make sure to put something in there about fees for staying too long (although I would probably word it something like, "The fee for anything over 5 minutes will be $x per second/minute/hour, etc"). You might have to up your fees though, if this dad doesn't mind paying your current fees.

Have you tried just telling this dad that you cannot talk/visit right now and you'll see him after work/in the morning?

[DBug]

I have a few "lingerers". The main problematic one is a MAN. He is in the middle of a divorce and has no friends in our town. He is looking for a woman and stays here way too long. On the days he has custody, he asks to come at least 15 minutes before my scheduled opening time because he "has to get to work". He shows up 5 or 10 minutes after the time he asks me to open early then proceeds to stay here up to 15 minutes. He just has to tell me one more thing or check the kids' locker to see if they need anything. At pick-up I can plan on him staying here up to 30 minutes. Just because I close at 5:30 doesn't mean you can get here at 5 and stay until the last minute. The late fees don't seem to bother him. I am at wits' end. Don't know what to do because they are my highest money....They are the first to get dropped off in the a.m. and the very last to leave. Sometimes all of the other families will come and go while he is here. I try to ignore but he just doesn't get it. I know he is lonely but I'm married and NOT interested. I want to send a revised contract home this weekend that covers my new illness policy and this obnoxious lingering but just don't know how to word the lingering part. Our state doesn't require me to keep a sign in log. I was thinking of doing that but I know they would sign in at arrival then continue to sit here and sign-in upon arrival at afternoon departure but then proceed to stay an extra half-hour. WAH!!!!! Suggestions?

What about putting a gate or some other barrier at your door so that when he arrives, you let his child through, say goodbye, and then leave them at the door to get ready to leave? Then you can busy yourself with dinner or the other kids, and (hopefully!) he'll have no reason to come in and try to strike up a conversation.

I think some parents start to think that our home is an extension of theirs, and it just doesn't work like that in real life. As much as I enjoy having others here, my kids and husband need their house back eventually!

[DanceMom]

I have found that when we are outside at pick ups the parents tend to sit around and talk longer - we were outside last night and 2 moms picked up , we all talked for 20 minutes after pick up and I finally said I had to go in and they stood there for 20 MORE minutes and talked to each other.

Anyways, I know better to be outside at pick up. So now, we go inside around pick up times, I have their shoes on, coats on and when I see parents pull into the driveway, I basically open the door and let their kids out, wave and say have a nice night and shut the door !

[MARSTELAC]

Gosh I think I've tried just about everything! I loved the gate until the parents started climbing over it and coming in to my living area. Some days it is all just so frustrating. I am sending home the addendum asking them not to linger (again). I have tried waiting inside during the pick-up time and that one family, no matter what I do, still finds some reason to stay here. This week, the dad of one was deliberately getting his boy to not listen to him and kept trying to give him a time-out in my driveway so I could not leave! No matter what I did, he persisted in trying to do anything to stay here. So creepy! Don't these people have a life? Sorry, this must be my day to vent.

[MARSTELAC]

As far as the attendance goes, if I have to change the time they put, do I have them change it and initial it right on the spot? What about the ones who get dropped off and then go on the bus and return on the bus or the preschoolers who go part days and get dropped off or picked up by non-parents? Sorry so many questions, I just want to nip it all now Thank you all so much for your kind assistance! This is such a nice group to bounce things off of and really saves me lots of money that I could be spending on therapy! LOL

[mac60]

It is just down right rude for a parent to cross over a gate into your private family space. I have a big area rug 5 x 7 in front of my door, and still have a parent or two get off of it onto the carpet, and recently had a dad fly in, step over the gate and caught his shoe.....they are all getting a note soon. There is no reason to step over the gate, or get off the rug, simply wait for me to get your child and go. I don't understand why parents have such a hard time with this. I think we just have to be bold and firm, and almost rude to get our point across. Because being nice gets us nowhere.