Do You State The Obvious?

[Starburst]

It seems like this thread and the pain killers thread are almost starting to intertwine

[daycare]

One of my very good friends has a son with DS. My friend was a single dad with two kids. His oldest was the one with DS.

Well every year I would attend his company Christmas party as his date. This was before I was married...

Anyway, he tells me, btw. Don't mention anything about Mitch, none of the guys at my work knows he's has DS... I said why not, you've been with this company for 19 years. He said do you know how hard it is to hear about all the things the other dads do every weekend with their sons, likes fishing and dirt bike riding. He said Mitch can't and won't ever be able to do those things. He thought the guys at work would include him or accept him. I could not believe it. But I could not relate, I was not in his shoes....

I know my friend got Mitch the help he needed, but he never NEVER talked to anyone about his DS.

Perhaps this family is the same way?

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I already explained to NeedaVaca so you can read my post about judgmental.

My daughter is NOT aggressive. That is why most providers think children have autism and they mean they are very aggressive, if you know what I mean. Every kids who have autism are different.... That is why they didn't give them a chance. I do believe they should give them a chance. If it doesn't work out then they can terminate just like you said... That is why most providers have two weeks trial.

As you mentioned that you have Asperger's which is under autism spectrum. I don't think you didn't mentioned to the parents what you have in the interview, am I right? If I am right, I am sure you believe they should give you a chance that you can do anything like someone else.

I agree and am aware of the fact that not all children on the spectrum are aggressive. The two children enrolled here are not, and I (Asperger's ... so, on the spectrum) am not aggressive either.

My having Asperger's requires no accommodations to be made by the parents. It DOES require me to modify my personal life after hours due to being extremely overstimulated. So, no. I do not inform parents of my having Asperger's because it doesn't directly affect them or their children. Being a caregiver for someone with Autism, Downs Syndrome, whatever does directly affect that caregiver. My parents parented me differently than a neuro-typical child would be parented and had I been in daycare that provider would have had to help me in a different way than other children. Not because I was aggressive or anything but because I am different than neuro-typical people and I definitely required different (sometimes more exhausting!) care as a child. I would never fault someone for saying they didn't want to be the caregiver for someone like me, ever. Who wants to have care provided for them by someone who feels inadequate/insufficient/resentful??? :confused:

Not everyone is cut out to work with "special needs" children.

[daycare]

I agree and am aware of the fact that not all children on the spectrum are aggressive. The two children enrolled here are not, and I (Asperger's ... so, on the spectrum) am not aggressive either.

My having Asperger's requires no accommodations to be made by the parents. It DOES require me to modify my personal life after hours due to being extremely overstimulated. So, no. I do not inform parents of my having Asperger's because it doesn't directly affect them or their children. Being a caregiver for someone with Autism, Downs Syndrome, whatever does directly affect that caregiver. My parents parented me differently than a neuro-typical child would be parented and had I been in daycare that provider would have had to help me in a different way than other children. Not because I was aggressive or anything but because I am different than neuro-typical people and I definitely required different (sometimes more exhausting!) care as a child. I would never fault someone for saying they didn't want to be the caregiver for someone like me, ever. Who wants to have care provided for them by someone who feels inadequate/insufficient/resentful??? :confused:

Not everyone is cut out to work with "special needs" children.

Thanks for sharing this I wanted to say not only are some people not cut out, but they also don't have any experience or education it could make it very hard for the provider to meet the child's needs.

I had a call a few months back for a child who has CP, partially blind, and speech delay. The parents really wanted their child to attend here and I flat out said I would love to have them here and I would love to get to know her, but I have zero experience working with children with those conditions. I told them I would not feel secure about being able to meet her needs. They understood and agreed. However, I will have her this summer for my pre-kinder program for an hour a day. I'm excited to get to learn how to work with her conditions and learn more over all about helping others with disabilities.

[daycarediva]

You're taking this entirely too personally and may need to step away from your keyboard to regroup.

Judging whether you are CAPABLE of providing superb care to a special needs child is not judging the child. :confused:
I would absolutely disclose my teenage son's issues to someone if he was younger and I needed someone to care for him. Why would you want a provider who wasn't fully comfortable??? I, as a parent, certainly wouldn't want someone taking care of my child if they weren't fully comfortable doing so. It's a judgement call based on their own abilities in regards to certain delays/disabilities/etc.

I, as a provider, have two children with Autism in my program. I did have a child with Autism in my program last summer who I had to terminate care for immediately because the parent did not disclose the extreme violence this child had towards other children. This child hit, bit, kicked, pinched, slapped, choked, and wanted to bash the other children over the head with various items/toys. I can handle that towards me. I cannot accept that behavior towards other children. Had I known that, I would not have accepted that child into my program. I cannot have other children assaulted, regardless of any reason why it may be occurring.

My own son has autism, and I have a child with aspergers and two with adhd in my care. All issues were disclosed and discussed at great length and I really thought about being CAPABLE of providing quality care. Providers who wouldn't take that on aren't LAZY, they're honest. Do you really want someone watching your child who ISN'T confident in his/her ability to provide quality care? Why is it ever acceptable to BLINDSIDE someone with something VERY serious?

My son used to be a runner. He would just take off. I never left him with anyone who wasn't fully awarethat they had to have constant direct supervision of him, even if he was in the bathroom or sleeping.

I let my MIL watch him and she didn't take me seriously and took a shower while he was downstairs napping. He got out, entered the neighbors home, then went for a walk down the street. The police were called and everything he was gone so long. For this reason, I will NEVER take a runner. It's not DISCRIMINATORY to be REALISTIC about my ability to maintain that level of supervision.

[daycarediva]

^ quoted the wrong post. haha, sorry ecs!

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

^ quoted the wrong post. haha, sorry ecs!

:: I was just nodding my head agreeing with your post as I read it. No big deal!

[NeedaVaca]

Once again, she is not judging on THIS child but she really wants to know more about him like health issues before she decided judge capable to take him. That sounds like a little judgmental because she worried if he have more health issues, not to special needs child. Maybe there is nothing wrong with him just have DS that parents didnt need to tell her. I have a friend's son who has DS but he is normal boy.

Yes, two of providers (it was very small group) were very aware that my daughter is deaf but they said they dont want to take her because of her autism and deaf. They met my daughter and my daughter plays as normal as other kids and her little sister and she already saw her... My daughter only need 15 mins before school and 30 mins after school, that is not too hard for provider to take care of her. She is very good kid. That is why I think they are just lazy... I am provider myself and I can read their body language, that is how I know...

Ok... as far as you already know that i am deaf myself. Do I have to tell my parents that I am deaf before they enrollment their children in my home? It is none of their business!! I want them to look at me that I can do anything to take care of their children in my home... I am lucky they love me. They didn't know that I am deaf because I can speak very good. They of course later found out that I am deaf but they dont care because they told me that they are very impressed with me. That is why I believe they should give them a chance...

Maybe these providers just felt someone else would be better suited for the job. Maybe they had zero experience with a deaf child and felt another provider that knows ASL would benefit your child and her needs.

[Happy Hearts]

I'm the OP. I have experience caring for special needs children. I have a child with Cerebral Palsy (she's 20 now) and have worked with special needs children of all kinds (even behaviour which is by far the hardest) for the provincial government. I had postings in both private homes and in daycares.

I must admit that it is different when you're working for yourself in your own home. I don't have the provincial government backing me.... I'm on my own basically. I was not judging the child in this case. I was judging the situation; wondering about the lack of information offered by the parents. I think there is a difference between being judgmental and using your judgment.

Anyhow, her work hours don't mesh with mine, so it's a mute point now. However, should a similar situation occur I will be ready and know how to handle it better. Thanks for all of your input, advice and comments. I know not to keep my mouth shut and how bring it up tactfully. Thanks everyone, even the negative nelly.

[safechner]

My own son has autism, and I have a child with aspergers and two with adhd in my care. All issues were disclosed and discussed at great length and I really thought about being CAPABLE of providing quality care. Providers who wouldn't take that on aren't LAZY, they're honest. Do you really want someone watching your child who ISN'T confident in his/her ability to provide quality care? Why is it ever acceptable to BLINDSIDE someone with something VERY serious?

My son used to be a runner. He would just take off. I never left him with anyone who wasn't fully awarethat they had to have constant direct supervision of him, even if he was in the bathroom or sleeping.

I let my MIL watch him and she didn't take me seriously and took a shower while he was downstairs napping. He got out, entered the neighbors home, then went for a walk down the street. The police were called and everything he was gone so long. For this reason, I will NEVER take a runner. It's not DISCRIMINATORY to be REALISTIC about my ability to maintain that level of supervision.

Why do you think two providers are not lazy? Actually, they do have special needs experience. first provider I went interview with her and she told me that she have experience with special needs that i thought it was great. Somehow something was fishy about her when I told her about my oldest daughter. When the interview is over and I told her I will think about it and I had other providers that I want to interview with. Later on, she left me a voice message that she decided not to take her because my daughter has autism and deaf. She may be honest but she CANNOT said about autism and deaf that would be discrimination. She should have said she felt that she didnt met my daughter needs instead, that is professional that I would not be angry. No, I wouldn't bring to her to watch my daughter after what she said to me... I filed complaint against her to her licensing after she said I need to report it to her and send her proof what she said on my voice mail because she knows me very well. That was happened in 2005 when my daughter was 4 years old and another one is 3 years old (who is normal). My question is that why she wants my youngest daughter, not my oldest daughter... That doesn't make sense to me! It seems to me that she is just lazy. Second provider that I went interview with and she was very honest with me that she doesn't have experience with special needs and I am ok with that. I appreciated of her to be honest with me. Again it is very professional of her..

Third provider I interviewed with, she said the same thing but she said about deaf, not autism. That makes me so angry and I left her right away... I don't appreciate of her to say something about my daughter's hearing loss..

The last one, I found her to be perfect for both of my daughters. Actually, she is still my friend now.. She told me that she doesn't have experience with special needs but she really wants to watch both of them and she said they are very sweet girls. She was willing to work with me and she said she loves to learn sign language. I felt it was so great so I enrolled them to her and my daughters love her a lot.. Everything works out very well but unfortunately, she decided to close her daycare due to have to take care of her husband's father who was in a bad health. I gave up my job and I quit my job to stay home with my daughters and start my daycare again.

Please keep in mind, you have to be very careful what you said to those parents who have special needs, racist, etc... You should know about ADA and discrimination stuff like that.

I hear you about your son about a runner. My daughter was like that when she was 8 years old. It was first time she ever do that to me twice in my house. I never thought she would do that so my husband and I bought door knob lock inside from front door so she won't take off anymore. I freaked out that she took off but the police brought her to me and he said it happened. I was about having heart panic, ..

Today, she is 12 years old but she is a wonderful girl and I will admit I watch her like hawk everyday to make sure she is safe. She knows what she is doing but I can't help it...

I hope I explained very clear... NeedaVac, please read my post about special needs experience when I read your post that maybe they have zero experience but they do.

[daycarediva]

Why do you think two providers are not lazy? Actually, they do have special needs experience. first provider I went interview with her and she told me that she have experience with special needs that i thought it was great. Somehow something was fishy about her when I told her about my oldest daughter. When the interview is over and I told her I will think about it and I had other providers that I want to interview with. Later on, she left me a voice message that she decided not to take her because my daughter has autism and deaf. She may be honest but she CANNOT said about autism and deaf that would be discrimination. She should have said she felt that she didnt met my daughter needs instead, that is professional that I would not be angry. No, I wouldn't bring to her to watch my daughter after what she said to me... I filed complaint against her to her licensing after she said I need to report it to her and send her proof what she said on my voice mail because she knows me very well. That was happened in 2005 when my daughter was 4 years old and another one is 3 years old (who is normal). My question is that why she wants my youngest daughter, not my oldest daughter... That doesn't make sense to me! It seems to me that she is just lazy. Second provider that I went interview with and she was very honest with me that she doesn't have experience with special needs and I am ok with that. I appreciated of her to be honest with me. Again it is very professional of her..

Third provider I interviewed with, she said the same thing but she said about deaf, not autism. That makes me so angry and I left her right away... I don't appreciate of her to say something about my daughter's hearing loss..

The last one, I found her to be perfect for both of my daughters. Actually, she is still my friend now.. She told me that she doesn't have experience with special needs but she really wants to watch both of them and she said they are very sweet girls. She was willing to work with me and she said she loves to learn sign language. I felt it was so great so I enrolled them to her and my daughters love her a lot.. Everything works out very well but unfortunately, she decided to close her daycare due to have to take care of her husband's father who was in a bad health. I gave up my job and I quit my job to stay home with my daughters and start my daycare again.

Please keep in mind, you have to be very careful what you said to those parents who have special needs, racist, etc... You should know about ADA and discrimination stuff like that.

I hear you about your son about a runner. My daughter was like that when she was 8 years old. It was first time she ever do that to me twice in my house. I never thought she would do that so my husband and I bought door knob lock inside from front door so she won't take off anymore. I freaked out that she took off but the police brought her to me and he said it happened. I was about having heart panic, ..

Today, she is 12 years old but she is a wonderful girl and I will admit I watch her like hawk everyday to make sure she is safe. She knows what she is doing but I can't help it...

I hope I explained very clear... NeedaVac, please read my post about special needs experience when I read your post that maybe they have zero experience but they do.

No good provider can EVER EVER be called lazy. We work with 6+ kids most often, 50+ hours a week plus off hours time for cleaning, activity prep, shopping, etc. It is RIDICULOUSLY insulting. Just because a provider doesn't want to take on a special needs kid DOES NOT MAKE THEM LAZY it makes them smart enough to know that they have limitations.

Do you seriously believe that your asd AND deaf daughter required NO extra attention/supervision/training then a neurotypical child? Have you ever ran a home daycare just to see the level of work and dedication that go into this job with JUST 'regular' kids. Add in ANY special issue (diet, medical, developmental) and it REQUIRES MORE WORK.

How dare you INSULT a provider that didn't want to take that on. Get off your high horse lady. Just because someone didn't think they could handle your kid doesn't mean they are LAZY.

[canadiancare]

Really if you are self-employed and non-licensed you answer to no one but you. Choose clients that you want to work with and refuse the ones you don't want to work with.

I have refused kids with severe food allergies because I didn't want to be responsible for ensuring my kitchen was gluten, nut, soy free. That is probably lazy or greedy of me (I don't want to limit my food) but it is also me being open with a family and saying I am not going to keep a kitchen that is safe for your child so you should look elsewhere.

[NeedaVaca]

Why do you think two providers are not lazy? Actually, they do have special needs experience. first provider I went interview with her and she told me that she have experience with special needs that i thought it was great. Somehow something was fishy about her when I told her about my oldest daughter. When the interview is over and I told her I will think about it and I had other providers that I want to interview with. Later on, she left me a voice message that she decided not to take her because my daughter has autism and deaf. She may be honest but she CANNOT said about autism and deaf that would be discrimination. She should have said she felt that she didnt met my daughter needs instead, that is professional that I would not be angry. No, I wouldn't bring to her to watch my daughter after what she said to me... I filed complaint against her to her licensing after she said I need to report it to her and send her proof what she said on my voice mail because she knows me very well. That was happened in 2005 when my daughter was 4 years old and another one is 3 years old (who is normal). My question is that why she wants my youngest daughter, not my oldest daughter... That doesn't make sense to me! It seems to me that she is just lazy. Second provider that I went interview with and she was very honest with me that she doesn't have experience with special needs and I am ok with that. I appreciated of her to be honest with me. Again it is very professional of her..

Third provider I interviewed with, she said the same thing but she said about deaf, not autism. That makes me so angry and I left her right away... I don't appreciate of her to say something about my daughter's hearing loss..

The last one, I found her to be perfect for both of my daughters. Actually, she is still my friend now.. She told me that she doesn't have experience with special needs but she really wants to watch both of them and she said they are very sweet girls. She was willing to work with me and she said she loves to learn sign language. I felt it was so great so I enrolled them to her and my daughters love her a lot.. Everything works out very well but unfortunately, she decided to close her daycare due to have to take care of her husband's father who was in a bad health. I gave up my job and I quit my job to stay home with my daughters and start my daycare again.

Please keep in mind, you have to be very careful what you said to those parents who have special needs, racist, etc... You should know about ADA and discrimination stuff like that.

I hear you about your son about a runner. My daughter was like that when she was 8 years old. It was first time she ever do that to me twice in my house. I never thought she would do that so my husband and I bought door knob lock inside from front door so she won't take off anymore. I freaked out that she took off but the police brought her to me and he said it happened. I was about having heart panic, ..

Today, she is 12 years old but she is a wonderful girl and I will admit I watch her like hawk everyday to make sure she is safe. She knows what she is doing but I can't help it...

I hope I explained very clear... NeedaVac, please read my post about special needs experience when I read your post that maybe they have zero experience but they do.

Isn't that being judgemental

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Really if you are self-employed and non-licensed you answer to no one but you. Choose clients that you want to work with and refuse the ones you don't want to work with.

I have refused kids with severe food allergies because I didn't want to be responsible for ensuring my kitchen was gluten, nut, soy free. That is probably lazy or greedy of me (I don't want to limit my food) but it is also me being open with a family and saying I am not going to keep a kitchen that is safe for your child so you should look elsewhere.

I had a child who the parents wanted to be on my part-time waiting list and I just couldn't. The child was dairy and gluten free, which isn't too far from what I am (gluten free due to having Celiacs). However, I really struggle to prepare my meals (I do so BEFORE work for breakfast, DURING naptime for my lunch, and AFTER work for dinner) in a safe manner so there is no cross contamination. I can't ensure that there will be absolutely no cross contamination if I'm having to prepare all of the meals at the same time plus I would have to have special dishes, cups, and utensils for that child since the children eat off of plastic and plastic can never be fully rid of gluten. Some might call that lazy and that's fine.

I do have a child with a nut allergy enrolled (that was discovered AFTER she had been here 6 months, though we have always been a nut free child care home) and find that to be extremely manageable. Nothing changed. ::

[safechner]

Isn't that being judgemental

She wants to be easy job that is how I know. I am provider myself for 12 years and I know what I am doing...I can read her body language and visual on her and that is why I said something fishy about her. Do you think all of providers are PERFECT?!?! Providers are judging on parents, too. NO ONE IS PERFECT!!! Come on, you know better than that!!