Lying

[countrymom]

I totally agree- There has to be consequences for some actions (like hitting) even if they tell the truth about it. For that one I try not to ask if they hit ( I try to shadow a lot if we have a new little one that hits, we have a no violence policy, but we take them starting at 18 months and sometimes they have already learned it elsewhere and have to be taught not to). If I have to ask and they tell the truth then I praise them "Thank you so much for telling me the truth, but we don't ever hit, we use our words. Lets go think about it and figure out how to deal with that next time without hitting" Then we both go to the thinking chair and talk about it. Still a consequence but not nearly as "bad" as if they had lied too.

your right. My own kids know this too. I would rather they tell me the truth and we can deal with it, rather they lie and lie and lie and the consequence will be worse. My bil is a chronic lier, he lies so much that I can't believe anything that comes out of his mouth, all his siblings say the same thing.

[Hunni Bee]

That's my other thing. I didn't ask him "did you overflow the potty" or even "what happened in the potty". I never ask kids questions like that that encourage lying...unless I really can't avoid it.

I just asked "which potty did you use" and he proceeded to lie and kept lying. Any question..."did you eat breakfast?", "did you bring a jacket?", "did you go potty yet?"....his first answer is always a lie.

[JoseyJo]

That's my other thing. I didn't ask him "did you overflow the potty" or even "what happened in the potty". I never ask kids questions like that that encourage lying...unless I really can't avoid it.

I just asked "which potty did you use" and he proceeded to lie and kept lying. Any question..."did you eat breakfast?", "did you bring a jacket?", "did you go potty yet?"....his first answer is always a lie.

I think I would do 2 things- for lying to get out of trouble I would ask questions that I knew the answer to that there is no way he doesn't know the answer. ie:
me "did you wash your hands after you went potty just now?"
dcb "yes"
me "oh no, that is a lie, go think about it, then we will try again"
Then after he thought about it, ask again, (thinking about it more if he lies again) until he tells the truth, then say "that is the truth, good job! now go and wash your hands please"

For lying as a habit about things that don't matter and would not get him in trouble I would also ask him silly questions throughout the day to give him a chance to tell the truth- "do you have a green plate?" "are you standing up?" "do you have on 2 socks?" and praise him when he answers truthfully and if he doesn't say "that is not the truth, the truth is that you do have on 2 socks!", then go on about the activity as if nothing happened.

Something else I would try is to play up the "lost time" aspect. "Oh man, now it is going to take even longer to get back to playing, we have to go think about it, then we have to tell the truth, then we have to go and fix the problem- that is going to take a LOOONG time! If we tell the truth first we just have to fix the problem and that is fast! Then we get to go back to playing sooner!"

[rmc20021]

I always make sure the kids know they aren't getting into trouble for what they did, but rather for the lying part.

The other day dcb threw a toy and I saw it fly, but didn't see who threw it so I said "who threw the toy?" Everyone pointed at the one boy while he pointed at someone else.

So I made the boy go to time out and explained he was there because of the lie, not because he threw the toy...even though we don't throw toys. And also explained that the only thing that would have happened if he had told the truth was that I would have reminded him that we don't throw toys.

Later the same day he started to lie about something else and caught himself and told the truth. I always stress being honest and remind them that if they don't tell the truth all the time that people won't believe them when they are telling the truth.