Potty Training---Child Refuses Potty

[Unregistered]

I would either clean up the messes or expect the parents to move the kid if you refuse to cooperate with them. Find motivators for the kid. Some kids need cloth to motivate them to train. I have a 3 year old who is pretty well trained at home. pee trained at school but has issues with poop. The school gave up on him and he had been telling them but not soon enough in underwear. Mind you since he has been back in diapers he won't tell them anymore. Gee wonder why. He also has IBS so we have to adjust expectations for that. Have seen issues where they are denying a kids request to potty, not a good idea with IBS. When you gotta go you gotta go. If I place him in a diaper or pullup it is a guarantee poop in the pants if he is naked or in loose underwear he uses the facilities on his own unprompted. Runs off and takes care of business. I am in the process if getting him on a waitlist for another school because of the issues. They also refuse to put him in cloth which would drive the message home quick what he needs to do. So to all of you who are pro diaper pullup or until no accidents some parents will pull their kids from you because they know it does not always work. If this is your policy be prepared to loose kids over it.

So from the daycare perspective I understand the frusteration, however from parental experience, you can sabatoge the parents work with your ideal world.

[spedmommy4]

I would either clean up the messes or expect the parents to move the kid if you refuse to cooperate with them. Find motivators for the kid. Some kids need cloth to motivate them to train. I have a 3 year old who is pretty well trained at home. pee trained at school but has issues with poop. The school gave up on him and he had been telling them but not soon enough in underwear. Mind you since he has been back in diapers he won't tell them anymore. Gee wonder why. He also has IBS so we have to adjust expectations for that. Have seen issues where they are denying a kids request to potty, not a good idea with IBS. When you gotta go you gotta go. If I place him in a diaper or pullup it is a guarantee poop in the pants if he is naked or in loose underwear he uses the facilities on his own unprompted. Runs off and takes care of business. I am in the process if getting him on a waitlist for another school because of the issues. They also refuse to put him in cloth which would drive the message home quick what he needs to do. So to all of you who are pro diaper pullup or until no accidents some parents will pull their kids from you because they know it does not always work. If this is your policy be prepared to loose kids over it.

So from the daycare perspective I understand the frusteration, however from parental experience, you can sabatoge the parents work with your ideal world.

This thread a few years old. I don't think many of the original posters are going to chime in on this.

Also, it's not a frustration issue in group care, it's a sanitation issue. I have three kids of potty training age. I don't potty train and none of my parents have questioned this. I have two classrooms and both are carpeted. If all three of the kids were potty training and having a normal number of accidents here, my carpets would be unsanitary. (Plastic covers don't always contain the mess)

It also takes up significant staff time to change kids clothes, bag them, and store them. During the time me or my staff is doing this, the other person is solely responsible for the other 11 kids. And finally, the smell of multiple kids "accident clothes" in bags gets gross really quick.

If a client doesn't want to work with me after I explain this, I wouldn't miss them.

[auntymimi]

This child is not ready and needs to be in a diaper! (or pull up although I think that would be a waste the way he's soiling his underwear)

I have a sneaking suspicion that child is put back into diapers when home. No way would mom/dad continue to clean up messes like that either. Child is sent to daycare in undies hoping the provider will train. Or mom/dad has child sit on potty every half an hour until child goes, however long that takes, which may account for why dck freaks out when asked about using the potty at daycare. Probably a bit of both.

[spedmommy4]

I have a sneaking suspicion that child is put back into diapers when home. No way would mom/dad continue to clean up messes like that either. Child is sent to daycare in undies hoping the provider will train. Or mom/dad has child sit on potty every half an hour until child goes, however long that takes, which may account for why dck freaks out when asked about using the potty at daycare. Probably a bit of both.

Possibly. The other potty training issue I keep encountering is punishment in potty training. I have had two parents now that came down hard on the kids for normal toileting accidents. (Time outs, negative comments) This led to increased accidents, kids that freaked out when asked to use the potty, and regression. Potty training has become a non negotiable policy issue here because parents seem to fall in either one extreme or the other. They are either too gung ho or are going to wait to potty train until junior goes to college.

[Unregistered]

I have a sneaking suspicion that child is put back into diapers when home. No way would mom/dad continue to clean up messes like that either. Child is sent to daycare in undies hoping the provider will train. Or mom/dad has child sit on potty every half an hour until child goes, however long that takes, which may account for why dck freaks out when asked about using the potty at daycare. Probably a bit of both.

I work in a large daycare and this method is used. IMO, it doesn't work. Due to missing kinder cut off, I've had five year olds in my room who were NOT potty trained. They had no medical issues and would ask to go to the bathroom literally every 20-40 minutes. It's doable, because have a building floater and aides, but really they're not ready for kinder. One year, I had the younger sibling of a past student. The mother was exactly like the poster on here. She was like "They called me to come get X. I couldn't believe they change her/him". Um, that's not how public school works. After a few times with that, the child was fully potty trained. I think part of the reason this is rampant is because disposable diapers really aren't good. When my dd was born, I switched to cloth, because she kept getting rashes. She just shy of 18 months when she was potty trained. She has a cousin who is younger than her but older than my second child, it really confirmed my belief in cloth when her cousin was THREE (also a girl) and had no interest in using the toilet. She would just crouch in a corner and poop. Stink up the room and be fine with it.

[auntymimi]

Personally, and this may not be a popular opinion, I believe when kids are truly ready to train (can detect the feeling of having to go, verbalize it, remove clothing, and make it to the toilet on time) it takes very little actual "training". I believe potty learning, from a training standpoint, involves teaching children to verbalize, helping them learn self care skills, and exposing them to the way the rest of us take care of our need to "go". You can't actually teach recognizing the sensation of needing to use the toilet, or the ability to hold it until they can do so. That, only the child can do. When adults use timers, ect. I believe it mucks up the whole system. First "train" them to use words. "Train" them to remove clothing and pull them back up, wash their hands. Let them see, and explain, how mom, dad, and siblings take care of their potty needs. If you do all of these things first, they will begin to use the toilet on their own as soon as they're ready. This, of course, is assuming there are no developmental delays, ect. I think when we push too hard to fast (sitting a non verbal child on the potty every 30 mins, ect.) we put the cart before the horse and the whole process takes much longer than it should, or you end up with older kids having "accidents" because kindergarten teacher doesn't remind kids to potty every 45 min, or jr. figures out it's a GREAT way to get extra attention from adults.

[spedmommy4]

Personally, and this may not be a popular opinion, I believe when kids are truly ready to train (can detect the feeling of having to go, verbalize it, remove clothing, and make it to the toilet on time) it takes very little actual "training". I believe potty learning, from a training standpoint, involves teaching children to verbalize, helping them learn self care skills, and exposing them to the way the rest of us take care of our need to "go". You can't actually teach recognizing the sensation of needing to use the toilet, or the ability to hold it until they can do so. That, only the child can do. When adults use timers, ect. I believe it mucks up the whole system. First "train" them to use words. "Train" them to remove clothing and pull them back up, wash their hands. Let them see, and explain, how mom, dad, and siblings take care of their potty needs. If you do all of these things first, they will begin to use the toilet on their own as soon as they're ready. This, of course, is assuming there are no developmental delays, ect. I think when we push too hard to fast (sitting a non verbal child on the potty every 30 mins, ect.) we put the cart before the horse and the whole process takes much longer than it should, or you end up with older kids having "accidents" because kindergarten teacher doesn't remind kids to potty every 45 min, or jr. figures out it's a GREAT way to get extra attention from adults.

. No arguments here. I feel like most parents haven't figured this out though. I have had young twos getting "trained" with rewards and punishment. . And I have had 4 year olds who were clearly ready but the parents didn't want to put in the effort. Like you, I believe that toilet learning is individual to each child. IME, the newer generation of parents isn't receiving any information on how to watch for the readiness signs and support their child's efforts.

[Unregistered]

As a parent I have had to bug the director to find out issues like mines bms are messed up at school despite dietary changes. At home normalized out with doerary changes. Well as a parent if I am not told and you wonder why he is not training well at school think again. Might be a medical issue I had to get into a fight with the doctors office to get him medication to stop him from having issues at school. Mysteriously starts using the potty after that. Not allowed underwear yet but making progress. He is much different at home so without their input there is little chance of sucess. Mind you I am taking him to a different doctor as soon as I can get into a different ped GI. What he is suggesting works but is not a longterm solution. No real diagnostics have been done to explain some things. Also a jerk too. Still am of the opinion if you are being paid to train them in cloth than do it. Think about that too. Make sire there are no underlying issues. Training a child with IBS is completely different than normal. A kid with IBS has 3 different cramps and an immediate need for the facilities not a you can wait. If the parents dont know they cannot fix the problem. I can see from sanitation there is a point where you do have to do the work and listen to the parents. Some kids do not train in diapers. Some kids need a swift kick in the rear end to progress to the next level and if you wait. They will be in diapers in kindergarten

[Unregistered]

. They will be in diapers in kindergarten

The saying used to be "Don't worry. They won't go to kindergarten in diapers."

[Josiegirl]

What about the almost 4 yo who did pretty well for a few weeks, she knew what she was doing here(except for bm.s), then she starts refusing to use the potty at all? She hasn't come since before Christmas but did come and visit for a couple hours one afternoon. And she's still squatting behind shelves to poop, yelling at everybody to go away.
She'll be back in April and I just assumed she'd be potty-trained by then, being 1 month shy of 4 yo.

It's truly frustrating when you know they're ready but they're in control. What do you do then??

[Josiegirl]

The saying used to be "Don't worry. They won't go to kindergarten in diapers."

Exactly! Sadly, that doesn't always apply anymore.

[Ariana]

Personally, and this may not be a popular opinion, I believe when kids are truly ready to train (can detect the feeling of having to go, verbalize it, remove clothing, and make it to the toilet on time) it takes very little actual "training". I believe potty learning, from a training standpoint, involves teaching children to verbalize, helping them learn self care skills, and exposing them to the way the rest of us take care of our need to "go". You can't actually teach recognizing the sensation of needing to use the toilet, or the ability to hold it until they can do so. That, only the child can do. When adults use timers, ect. I believe it mucks up the whole system. First "train" them to use words. "Train" them to remove clothing and pull them back up, wash their hands. Let them see, and explain, how mom, dad, and siblings take care of their potty needs. If you do all of these things first, they will begin to use the toilet on their own as soon as they're ready. This, of course, is assuming there are no developmental delays, ect. I think when we push too hard to fast (sitting a non verbal child on the potty every 30 mins, ect.) we put the cart before the horse and the whole process takes much longer than it should, or you end up with older kids having "accidents" because kindergarten teacher doesn't remind kids to potty every 45 min, or jr. figures out it's a GREAT way to get extra attention from adults.

. Great advice too!

[Play Care]

What about the almost 4 yo who did pretty well for a few weeks, she knew what she was doing here(except for bm.s), then she starts refusing to use the potty at all? She hasn't come since before Christmas but did come and visit for a couple hours one afternoon. And she's still squatting behind shelves to poop, yelling at everybody to go away.
She'll be back in April and I just assumed she'd be potty-trained by then, being 1 month shy of 4 yo.

It's truly frustrating when you know they're ready but they're in control. What do you do then??

With my older DD we had to keep a close eye on her and put her on the potty when we saw her start to do the hide and squat she was pee trained but had constipation issues and was afraid of pooping on the potty. We finally realized she wasn't going to magically "get it" on her own.

But we are her parents and IMO, that was OUR job.