Potty Training---Child Refuses Potty

[Babybear911]

So bit of a pickle. I have 3 kids potty training at daycare. No biggy for me...but new situation I have never had to deal with before. The parent who is adamant that their child potty train...but child is freaked out, scared, or just not ready?

Scenario---- One child is excited, loves practicing (sitting on potty just because they think they have to go) to second child who only occassionally (once a day) uses potty to the third child who refuses to use potty.

The "Refusal" child Pee's and poops in underwear all day long and when I ask if they can use potty before we go outside, field trips, park ect..****ns other direction and flips out (cries and screams at me) if you bring potty to them?? Parents insist potty training is to proceed even though I've mentioned child shows NO interest! Child now just uses underwear like a diaper!

This has been going on for over a month. Should I just keep child peeing and pooping in underwear (I'm feeling it to be a lot of work for clean up for me ---even with me not washing the child's clothes but bagging them) The entire process of potty training should be for the "child" to have interest and take the lead where the caregivers/parents just gently remind them to use potty?

In the 6+ years I've run daycare I have never seen anything like this before. Parents usually support my suggestion of not pushing potty training and or appreciate I'm trying to care for 4 other children and use pull ups! (much easier clean up then poop and pee going all over trying to take clothes off! (I know...I left quite a visual for everyone! Lol. But seriously! Im feeling a bit frustrated! What would you daycare providers do???

Blah! Suggestions please!

[AmyKidsCo]

My policies state that potty training must begin at home and that children can come in underwear after they've been accident-free at home for a week. I would tell the parents that the child isn't ready to potty train yet and that if they continue to push they could turn it into a power-struggle and cause it to take longer. In nice words, of course.

[cheerfuldom]

I don't allow children to wear undies only until they are accident free here at daycare for two solid weeks. That means they use pullups or cloth trainers/plastic pants in the meantime. There is no way in hell that I would clean up constant accidents for a month!!!

*notice "accident free at daycare" policy. I don't trust parents to be honest about accidents at home. I have been doing daycare for 6 years as well and find the vast majority of parents to misrepresent the truth or straight out lie when it comes to potty training. I tell them when undies are okay in my home, not the other way around!

[Evansmom]

Oh boy I feel for ya! But in no way do I ever let kids who aren't fully potty trained be in undies in my house. Multiple potty accidents are not a sanitary environment for the other children and constantly cleaning them up takes you away from the kids.

Here is my potty training policy. I will support what the parents are doing at home but training but be started and successful with parents before we start here. Child wears disposable pull ups or diaper while training until they go 2 full weeks without one time wetting the diaper or pull up. If they have more than one accident per week after they start wearing undies they go right back to diapers or pull ups until they are dry again for 2 full weeks.

[JoseyJo]

We also do not allow underwear at daycare until the child is accident free *at daycare* for at least a week. Too many parents push underwear too fast. Personally I don't even like pullups and we prefer to potty train in diapers until the child is able to pull down their pants and get on the potty by themselves, wipe and pull back on their pullup/underwear and pants.

We did have one little one whose mom was adamant that she had potty trained him over the weekend and wanted him in underwear. I told her we would try it, and if he had 1 accident it would be back in pullups/diapers until accident free at daycare for a week- he never had an accident, even at nap!

[mnemom]

I would not allow them to wear underwear until they were consistently going in the potty for 2 weeks. I have set times that everyone tries to use the potty. Those are the same times that I change the diapered ones too. If they are older than 18 months, I ask them if they would like to sit on the potty before being diapered again. I would take a HUGE step back from potty learning right now, and encourage the parents to wait a bit longer because the child seems really stressed.

[Babybear911]

Thank you everyone!! You have all given me the information I needed! Today I will be having a little conversation with the parents.

Cheers!!

[clep]

I will not support a parent in their quest to push their child to potty teach before they are ready. It is obvious this particular child isn't ready.

I usually tell them nicely that their child is not ready and I won't be continuing the process here. I always use the line....."It's no big deal. It's not like little ____ will be going to kindergarten in diapers"...with a big smile on my face. I do explain I will not traumatize a child and go about explaining what things I will do in the meantime to aid in their child being ready. I basically let them know how I will work with them, but not against the child.

In eight years I have only had one parent really insist, and after about six months of the issue with her I termed.

I put children in underwear from day one of potty teaching. We go through a two week prep first though. After the week of prep and from the first day of physically potty teaching, I have never had a child take more than five days from beginning to end, with the exception of the one I mentioned above who wasn't ready. Day one and two are at home and the other three days are with me. I might have a child wet their pants two or three times in total. If a child is ready, it doesn't look like it does with the child you have.

[nannyde]

I don't allow children to wear undies only until they are accident free here at daycare for two solid weeks. That means they use pullups or cloth trainers/plastic pants in the meantime. There is no way in hell that I would clean up constant accidents for a month!!!

*notice "accident free at daycare" policy. I don't trust parents to be honest about accidents at home. I have been doing daycare for 6 years as well and find the vast majority of parents to misrepresent the truth or straight out lie when it comes to potty training. I tell them when undies are okay in my home, not the other way around!

Yes potty success is second only to illness misrepresentation for parental lying.

[cheerfuldom]

Yes potty success is second only to illness misrepresentation for parental lying.

I know right? I hate to say "lying" because I do think that parents are not well informed on reasonable expectations for potty readiness....especially in a daycare settings. I do think that sometimes it comes from them being so excited for progress that they feel one pee in the potty means they are close to the finish line for training. The rest of the parents are just tired of paying for diapers or tired of other people asking when Junior will be potty trained. A good handout about potty readiness and your policy is a must have for all daycare providers! Hand it out starting as soon as the kid can walk and give the same thing to the parents every 3 to 6 months so they have the reminder! Post it to your website, FB page, parent newsletter and keep it fresh in their minds. when they try to push things on you, give them another copy with a smile

[Meyou]

This is slightly off topic but related to parent potty delusions....

I'm doing some drop in this week for another provider who is having a baby. Day 1 4 year old DCG spilled water in her lap and had a tiny accident on route to the potty. The accident was mostly due to the fact that the child was in multiple layers and had trouble undressing fast enough. She held most of it but a dribble escaped. Not a big deal.

Well, the next morning mom explained to me in a condescending voice that DCG has been doing so, so well and two accidents was really too much. I explained that one was water and one was technically not an "accident" in my mind. She then told me in a sickly sweet annoying voice that DCG needs to be reminded often about potty and not to forget today so there were no more accidents. (Lady, did you hear my explanation at all?)

It was all I could do not to say back to her in the same sickly sweet voice that 4yo DCG's who needed constant reminders should be wearing diapers because they aren't actually trained yet.

[Patches]

So bit of a pickle. I have 3 kids potty training at daycare. No biggy for me...but new situation I have never had to deal with before. The parent who is adamant that their child potty train...but child is freaked out, scared, or just not ready?

Scenario---- One child is excited, loves practicing (sitting on potty just because they think they have to go) to second child who only occassionally (once a day) uses potty to the third child who refuses to use potty.

The "Refusal" child Pee's and poops in underwear all day long and when I ask if they can use potty before we go outside, field trips, park ect..****ns other direction and flips out (cries and screams at me) if you bring potty to them?? Parents insist potty training is to proceed even though I've mentioned child shows NO interest! Child now just uses underwear like a diaper!

This has been going on for over a month. Should I just keep child peeing and pooping in underwear (I'm feeling it to be a lot of work for clean up for me ---even with me not washing the child's clothes but bagging them) The entire process of potty training should be for the "child" to have interest and take the lead where the caregivers/parents just gently remind them to use potty?

In the 6+ years I've run daycare I have never seen anything like this before. Parents usually support my suggestion of not pushing potty training and or appreciate I'm trying to care for 4 other children and use pull ups! (much easier clean up then poop and pee going all over trying to take clothes off! (I know...I left quite a visual for everyone! Lol. But seriously! Im feeling a bit frustrated! What would you daycare providers do???

Blah! Suggestions please!

This child is not ready and needs to be in a diaper! (or pull up although I think that would be a waste the way he's soiling his underwear)

[kelliott]

i don't run a daycare..i am a parent whose child is in daycare though.. my son is 2 and will be 3 in june.. i started potty training him the day he turned 2!.. i tried rewards/snacks after every potty/poop on the toilet..i tried large amounts of praise/clapping and "you did it!!"s... last week is his first week in regular underwear and he has not had a single accident-even at night!... basically what i'm getting at is, he is not ready. i had a hard time with training my boy and would even cry about it out of frustration sometimes!... children are not stupid, and some just take longer to develop.. just like learning the ABC's, counting, reading levels in grade school!... when they are ready, they will be ready, and you will know it... tell the parents to give it time..!

with my son, i take him to daycare in his underwear and advise the DCP that if he has an accident a pull up is %100 okay and absolutely neccessary as there are other kids to clean up after and watch as well!..regular underwear first, after the FIRST accident, a pullup is put on my child until pick up.. i also do not require them to wash his peed on or pooped on clothes!.. though that would be nice

[nanglgrl]

i don't run a daycare..i am a parent whose child is in daycare though.. my son is 2 and will be 3 in june.. i started potty training him the day he turned 2!.. i tried rewards/snacks after every potty/poop on the toilet..i tried large amounts of praise/clapping and "you did it!!"s... last week is his first week in regular underwear and he has not had a single accident-even at night!... basically what i'm getting at is, he is not ready. i had a hard time with training my boy and would even cry about it out of frustration sometimes!... children are not stupid, and some just take longer to develop.. just like learning the ABC's, counting, reading levels in grade school!... when they are ready, they will be ready, and you will know it... tell the parents to give it time..!

with my son, i take him to daycare in his underwear and advise the DCP that if he has an accident a pull up is %100 okay and absolutely neccessary as there are other kids to clean up after and watch as well!..regular underwear first, after the FIRST accident, a pullup is put on my child until pick up.. i also do not require them to wash his peed on or pooped on clothes!.. though that would be nice

You are absolutely correct, children train when they are ready. Good for you at sticking to it for almost a year and getting him trained! I'm confused though about what you said about your son. You said he doesn't have accidents at home but when he has one at your providers house you let her put him in a pullup and don't require her to wash his clothing? So is he having them at daycare and not at home? Please understand that your provider is being very accommodating by letting him have one accident before putting him in a pull up. A lot of providers require that a child be accident free for 2 weeks before they can wear underwear at daycare because we can not maintain a sanitary environment otherwise.
I'm sure it would be nice if your provider would clean up your child's underwear after he has an accident but that this is against state regulations in some states and is not considered best practices for childcare.
Thank your provider for being so accommodating and keep trying to put yourself in her shoes.

[kelliott]

You are absolutely correct, children train when they are ready. Good for you at sticking to it for almost a year and getting him trained! I'm confused though about what you said about your son. You said he doesn't have accidents at home but when he has one at your providers house you let her put him in a pullup and don't require her to wash his clothing? So is he having them at daycare and not at home? Please understand that your provider is being very accommodating by letting him have one accident before putting him in a pull up. A lot of providers require that a child be accident free for 2 weeks before they can wear underwear at daycare because we can not maintain a sanitary environment otherwise.
I'm sure it would be nice if your provider would clean up your child's underwear after he has an accident but that this is against state regulations in some states and is not considered best practices for childcare.
Thank your provider for being so accommodating and keep trying to put yourself in her shoes.

i first asked my provider if they would be okay with me putting him in regular underwear.. i had explained to them that he had been doing very well and not having accidents in his pullups. they, too, had told me he had been doing very well using the toilet there so both parties felt comfortable putting him in regular underwear.. since he's started on regulare underwear he hasn't had a single accident-at bedtime, at home, or at daycare. i know accidents happen though so i just advised them that IF an accident occured a pullup was fine by me for the rest of the day. i also do not require her to clean his underwear/outfit as he has a backup in his daycare cubby everyday. a simple tied plastic baggy with his dirty clothes if fine by me..

*he is doing so well and i'm super proud of him!!!lovethis