I Feel Like

[laceylmm]

My husband has become completely useless since I've become a stay at home mom and even more so now that I do home daycare. He comes home from work and almost always heads right to the gym. He's an aspiring bodybuilder. Then comes home and thinks its okay to take a nap. Pretty much has stopped helping let the dogs out when he is home. Even though he knows how hard it is for me to let them out with our own four children, and forget about it when daycare kids are here. We have a mastiff and a black lab and they are ruining our garage. I'm ready to find them new homes, but that would be such a huge fight. A ridiculous one since he couldn't care less about the dogs to begin with.

He never offers to help with homework, bathing the kids or getting them to so theirs chores unless he is yelling at them for it not being already done when he gets home.

I'm just exhausted. I told him we needed to clean out the storage area and he pretty much laughed that I said we. And yet he complains about our lack of intimacy.

Thanks for the vent.

[laceylmm]

EVERYTHING is essentially my responsibility since I am home. Anyone in a similar situation?

[craftymissbeth]

Yes! I am in a very similar situation right now. My husband feels like since he is the only working at the moment (I only have my temporary DC license and am not quite ready to start advertising) and he feels that he shouldn't have to do a single thing other than bring home a paycheck. The problem is, when I was working 50+ hours outside of the home, he still felt that he was only responsible for bringing home a paycheck. I am responsible for literally every aspect of raising our family and running our home. He has no direct involvement with our 6 yo DS, either. So frustrating! I know it will just get worse when I start taking in dck's


Sorry to start ranting... but thanks for allowing me to blow a little steam


:hug:

[JoseyJo]

I ran my daycare by myself (while homeschooling our 3) for about 9 months before my hubby lost his job and I convinced him to join me in doing daycare. When he was working fulltime outside the home I felt like I was doing everything! It was way more than I could handle. For the first few years of doing daycare together I did a lot more than he did but we slowly transitioned to a more fair arrangement. I still do more cleaning than he does, but he does 1/2 of the daycare responsibilities, and all of the laundry. I wish I could tell you exactly how I accomplished that, but I think mainly it was heart-to-hearts about me being burned out and unhappy, then when he made small changes lots of praise and appreciation -kinda like training a puppy! ::

[laceylmm]

I hate it. My husband doesn't give me access to his bank account so I literally have to ask for money to go grocery shopping. I only have 3 kids right now and they just started so I won't get paid for them for 3weeks. They are subsidy pay.

[laceylmm]

That's great your husband joined you. Mine would honestly just stay in the room all day and watch tv and play on his phone.

[craftymissbeth]

I hate it. My husband doesn't give me access to his bank account so I literally have to ask for money to go grocery shopping. I only have 3 kids right now and they just started so I won't get paid for them for 3weeks. They are subsidy pay.

This. I'm not on the bank account so I have to do the same thing. Ask permission for money. That is such a demeaning feeling! Just last night, my mom took my sisters and I for a girls night out to see Zac Brown Band (so much fun!). Anyway, I had to pretty much beg him for $40 so I could get dinner and some drinks at the concert. Seriously? I am almost 30 years old!

[JoseyJo]

I don't think I could handle having to ask for money. We have a shared account and both have debit cards. We just have to be careful to agree on big purchases so we are on the same page and don't over draft!

My hubby would rather play on the computer and watch TV too- but I think he knows that "an unhappy wife makes an unhappy life!"

[JoseyJo]

My hubby came in and read the post and says that you should tell your hubby if he does more of what YOU want then you would feel like doing more of what HE wants (AKA intimacy) He says "cuz ya know, if you're less tired, and in a better mood, then he is more likely to get some" LOL!

[heyhun77]

My dh was the same way and I wanted to go on strike but didn't want the embarrassment of people seeing stacks of dishes and laundry and an unclean house while bringing their children to me for childcare.

Best thing I ever did was take a job in a center. Dh used to tell me that the messes were "daycare mess" but he got an awakening when I did go on strike and the daycare wasn't there anymore but there was still a "mess".

I have come back to working in our home after 18 months and things are much better now with everyone pitching in and helping to keep the house maintained.

[Cradle2crayons]

My husband and I have a joint account and both have debit cards. He actually won't use his own debit card without calling or texting first. Like the other day, he texted me from the hotel in Louisiana asking if it was okay for him to go get about 20 bucks in groceries. Since I handle paying all e bills, he has no idea how much money is in the bank. He doesn't even know how to pay a single bill. H also has no clue what meds our ADHD asthmatic daughter takes although she's been taking them for 8 years. He has never even picked up a med from the pharmacy. He does do 80% of the laundry when he's home. He thinks that service alone is cutting duties in half . He has never done homework with our kids, doesn't even know our daughters teachers name . He isn't very interactive with the kids unless its something outdoors like riding 4 wheelers etc.

He does 0% of general household management other than some of the laundry. And yes, sometimes he wonders why I'm so tired. I also coach my dates softball team as well.

Funny thing, yes my husband has always wanted to open a daycarenina separate facility and I told him I wasn't ready to handle all that work without his help.

And yes, definitely tell your husband that if he helped more, and you were less tired, then you'd be less tired to have more intimacy. Give him a list of things he needs to help with, and then if he does it and you are less tired, he will soon figure out the rewards of his effort... Yes, a lot like training a puppy!!!

[craftymissbeth]

My dh was the same way and I wanted to go on strike but didn't want the embarrassment of people seeing stacks of dishes and laundry and an unclean house while bringing their children to me for childcare.

Best thing I ever did was take a job in a center. Dh used to tell me that the messes were "daycare mess" but he got an awakening when I did go on strike and the daycare wasn't there anymore but there was still a "mess".

I have come back to working in our home after 18 months and things are much better now with everyone pitching in and helping to keep the house maintained.

I told my mom recently that I was going to go on strike. She told me that when my siblings and I were teenagers she decided to go on strike. No one noticed so she ended up having to clean up not only the original mess but all of the "strike" mess that accumulated on top of that

[JSBaker]

Wow! Heck, I'm a guy and I think you should not have to ask for money, as it should be shared. Maybe I'm weird, but no way I would want to treat a woman that way. For me, it would actually be very uncomfortable having a significant other "ask" for money for groceries, supplies, etc.
And the Hubby helping at the daycare is an excellent idea and it is proven to work. My mom started an in-home in 1989. Dad got laid off and began helping her. They grew the business, and eventually had two centers going in town (out of the home). It was a blessing as we can all agree that daycare-in-home has a way of putting lots of wear and tear on your home.
Jeff

[julie]

Umm, first thing on Monday I would be in the bank getting my OWN account. Daycare profits go in there. He can handle the mortgage and contribute monetarily, but I would not be giving him that power, especially since he is not holding up the rest of the deal by helping you out. Respect is a two way street, and asking permission for money everytime you want to feed your kids is demeaning!! You should be able to spend the money you are bringing in as you see fit. And you obviously know what is fit since you are the one who is handling EVERYTHING.

[Hunni Bee]

This is essentially what goes on at my house, except I work 10 hour days outside the home and am 5 months pregnant in a high risk category.

He works nights...ten hour shifts as well...but that does not mean he has to sleep the other 14 hours. And the entire time he's off.

He does do his own laundry and will occasionally clean up. But I am responsible for my own laundry and the house laundry (we have to use the laundromat), all the cooking, grocery shopping, bill payment, buying of anything that needs to be bought, most of the cleaning, car upkeep (it is my car, but he uses it too), baby preparation, looking for another apartment plus my job and all the take home work associated with it. I also have 3-4 doctors appointments per month, and will probably have more in the coming months. Plus, hey, guess what - I dont feel that great everyday!

100% of my income goes into the house. He gives me a few hundred at the beginning of the month, and that's it.

Granted, both of us are in our twenties...but damn, when do you grow up? I can't wait for our daughter to be born so he can get a clue of what my life is like.