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I had an interview with DCM who needs care for her 17 month old for two half days a week. The interview went well, I gave her all my info, the handbook, tour of the playroom etc... I hear back from her today, and she wants to meet with me again to "observe how I interact with the other daycare kids and her daughter"? Have any of you ever been asked this before? Is this normal? I don't know why, but it rubs me the wrong way that she asked that because I feel as if she doesn't trust me. She's never left her daughter in care before so I understand her apprehensiveness, but I feel like I'm auditioning. I'm not sure what to tell her. What would you do?
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Did her DD come to the interview? I would be a little offended if a parent asked me to do this just so you know. However, if DD didn't come to the interview then I can somewhat begin to understand. I ALWAYS (I don't know what other providers do) have them bring the children with them....if for some reason they don't want the kids to come the first time then I set up another interview for the child to attend....still with no other daycare kids. You could offer this up so she could see how you interact with HER DD.
ETA: To make it sound better to her....you could say that you don't feel comfortable having other kids there because daycare children tend to act out more if a parent is around....I actually have a form of this stated in my daycare handbook about pick-up's and drop-off's. -
She did bring her daughter to the interview, and the interview was quite long, so I had time to interact with her daughter which is why I'm confused as to why she wants to see how I interact with the daycare children and her daughter again.Comment
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Yeah, that's odd and to be honest, I'm not sure how I'd respond. I do know it would make me highly uncomfortable and maybe even slightly annoyed. How long (time-wise) is she wanting you to do this? I would feel like I would have to take time out of my routine to engage the children even more so depending on what time she were to come. Good luck!!Comment
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She didn't say for how long, but I am feeling uneasy and I think I will tell her that she can come on the first day for 10 minutes max, but then she has to leave. I'm not sure how to word that though. I for sure need to be adding something to my contract though because this is the second hovering mother I've had in a week. Thankfully both dcm's are temporary (filling a spot for my permanent families) and my permanent families are great and not at all like this!Comment
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Personally, I don't think it's odd at all. Coming from center-based care, any time we hired someone to be a teacher we observed them with the children first. And believe me, it was amazing sometimes to see someone who you thought was great in an interview, but was really not great with the kids.
I've also had parents (in center-based) come in and want to observe the teachers and children (with their child there). I wouldn't be offended at all and I actually think it's odd that more parents don't insist on this. She's entrusting you with her child and has never left her child with a provider before, it's a hard thing to do. I'd do it in a heartbeat for a parent. Just be yourself, it's what she wants to see. And, remember, it's not about how the other children act while she's there, it's about how you respond to those children and hers while she's there.
Good luck, I hope it works out for you!
KatyComment
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I'm not a teacher though, I've been working with children my entire life in one form or another and have many many great references to attest to my ability with the children. I am thinking of writing her back and asking her for clarification on her statement and telling her that if she doesn't trust me to provide the best care for her daughter then she should find another provider. I've got a waiting list of people so I won't be losing out and I've learned to trust my gut in these situations and in general and it does not feel right to have to prove myself to this dcm.Comment
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In child care centers, we call providers 'teachers'. I didn't mean that in a preschool sense, it was child care.
Just my opinion, but of course you have to prove yourself for her. I think it's too bad that you don't feel comfortable doing so. You will be providing for the care and safety of her child. And I don't think it's about putting on a show. She wants to see what you do on a regular day. If a provider is not comfortable showing parents what you do day in and day out, then I wouldn't want my child there. Just my opinion, am I really the only one that sees it this way?Comment
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See I don't think I should have to prove myself though, I answered all of her questions, provided her with my references whom she is free to call, and any one of them would tell her that her child is in good hands and that I am who I say I am. I think if she comes into this suspicious and weary, it starts us both off on the wrong foot. I've never had a parent ask this, and I'm not sure I want to deal with that, specially since it would only be a temp family. My other families did their research, called my references, and chose to trust me with their child, but even with all the positive info pointing in my direction, she wants to 'observe' me.Comment
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I do understand your hesitation. One of the striking differences for me in doing home childcare vs center-based has been the lack of accountability that I have while the kids are actually here. Like, I could really say or do anything and no one would know (!) (PLEASE don't take that to mean that I think you do or say things that you shouldn't, that's NOT my intention). I am just sooo used to people observing me constantly when I was in a center- everything was out in the open, so I see it as normal. I'm sure that if you do decide to allow her to observe you, she will appreciate it and like what she sees and decide to go with you. Good luck in your decision...
By the way, I appreciate the calmness by which we've been able to disagree and not get mad at eachother, sometimes that's hard to do on forums
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KatyComment
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I'd tell her that she's welcome to come and observe for "a short time", but that the daycare children, and especially her own child, will not behave the same in her presence as they would normally. I think that children show off and act out a hundred times more when there's a parent present, and the child will probably have a harder time with Mom leaving if she sticks around for a long time. I think that's why some of the more seasoned providers here have the policy that parents are free to visit, but if they do, they must take their child with them when they leave. You can also prepare her for the fact that the dck's are going to want to interact with her, so she won't be able to sit quietly and be "invisible" for observation purposes. Maybe that will scare her off.
Personally, I'm on your side - I wouldn't want to do that either. However, I think that an open door policy is good - if you don't have one, it will have parents wondering what you're trying to hide.Comment
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Thanks and I can see where you are coming from. I think I will do just that and tell her that she can come for 15-20 minutes at most and I am going to amend my contract with an open door policy with the same clause that says if they drop in, the child must leave with them after. I think that will be the best for both myself and parents, and this way maybe I can avoid these situations in the future.Comment
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I definetily agree that having a parent in the house makes the kids act different. Some act out more, some become shy, for me anyway. I always feel like I am second guessing myself and things get crazy.
I would ask her to drop her child off and observe for a few minutes, and then tell her to surpise you with a pickup time that is an hour or so later, but ask her to avoid meal and nap times.Comment
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This wouldn't make me comfortable either........there is no way we could go about our normal business with a new child & parent just sitting there in the room. It just wouldn't happen with curious toddlers...at least not mine. They'd probably be bringing books to her and looking her way, not paying any attention to our normal stuff.Comment
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I totally get your hesitations. But this is how I see it: YOU know you're a good provider, but she doesn't know you from Adam. Yes, she should be able to call references and have them tell her how great you were with their kid, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll "click" with HER kid. It's not your ability in child care she's concerned about as much as it is how much you enjoy her Precious One. Especially since she hasn't ever had her in Daycare. They all want us to think that their kid is the smartest, cutest, and most amazing kid ever.
If it were me, I would tell her ok, but make her realize that her child will not act and respond the same with her there, and neither will the other kids. I would ask her to keep it brief because kids tend to get more rowdy when there's another adult there (or just when things are out of the ordinary).
I like to respect any requests from potential new customers. I understand their reluctance to leave their child with a stranger. The ones I worry about are the ones who interview me today, never interview anyone else, and at the end of the interview ask if their child can start tomorrow morning. I had a grandpa come - with the kid - and say, "I'm sure [his son] would like you and we actually need someone for the afternoon (this was 10am), so can he stay here?" It's those people I question more in my mind. Not the cautious ones.
I wish you the best in this situation. It's a slippery one for sure! Let us know how it comes out.
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