Not Sure About This....?

[mac60]

See I don't think I should have to prove myself though, I answered all of her questions, provided her with my references whom she is free to call, and any one of them would tell her that her child is in good hands and that I am who I say I am. I think if she comes into this suspicious and weary, it starts us both off on the wrong foot. I've never had a parent ask this, and I'm not sure I want to deal with that, specially since it would only be a temp family. My other families did their research, called my references, and chose to trust me with their child, but even with all the positive info pointing in my direction, she wants to 'observe' me.

I totally agree with you. I have never had this come up. I would simply tell her they could come at the end of your day so that you could spend a half hour of one on one time with the child, without the interruptions of your other dc kids. If that isn't good enough for her, I would simply move on. Go with your gut, she sounds like a pita mom. I know how children act when someone stops in, whether it is a neighbor, my 77 yr old mom, or a service repairman, and it isn't pretty.

[momofboys]

See I don't think I should have to prove myself though, I answered all of her questions, provided her with my references whom she is free to call, and any one of them would tell her that her child is in good hands and that I am who I say I am. I think if she comes into this suspicious and weary, it starts us both off on the wrong foot. I've never had a parent ask this, and I'm not sure I want to deal with that, specially since it would only be a temp family. My other families did their research, called my references, and chose to trust me with their child, but even with all the positive info pointing in my direction, she wants to 'observe' me.

I can understand her wanting to be there for part of it & I might allow her to stay for 15-30 min but that would be it. Not to mention if you really were a "bad" provider or whatnot it's not as if you are going to do anything suspicious right in front of her whether she is there for 1/2 hr or 3 hours. You could tell her that if she stays you will have to put her to work saying that her presence will likely be distracting to the other children in care. I do understand her wanting to observe but staying all day or most of one day will just make it harder for her child to adjust.

[MyAngels]

I like to respect any requests from potential new customers. I understand their reluctance to leave their child with a stranger. The ones I worry about are the ones who interview me today, never interview anyone else, and at the end of the interview ask if their child can start tomorrow morning. I had a grandpa come - with the kid - and say, "I'm sure [his son] would like you and we actually need someone for the afternoon (this was 10am), so can he stay here?" It's those people I question more in my mind. Not the cautious ones.

This is so true, I would much rather put any questions or concerns to rest prior to enrolling a family, as it makes for a much smoother working relationship. I always end my interviews by telling the parents that they should check out all available options for care thoroughly, and if, after they've done that, they would like me to care for their child to give me a call.

[missnikki]

I think this is one of those things that is a necessary part of our job, and is a little annoying when someone takes us up on it, but I wouldn't hesitate to allow any potential client to observe. I would let them know that I am not available to answer their questions, and that it can't last longer than 15 minutes as it is my policy not to let strangers around the children long enough for them to get comfortable, for the safety of the kids. (or some such baloney.)

[momma2girls]

I totally agree with you. I have never had this come up. I would simply tell her they could come at the end of your day so that you could spend a half hour of one on one time with the child, without the interruptions of your other dc kids. If that isn't good enough for her, I would simply move on. Go with your gut, she sounds like a pita mom. I know how children act when someone stops in, whether it is a neighbor, my 77 yr old mom, or a service repairman, and it isn't pretty.

I have never een asked this either. I would do this same thing, after hrs. only.

[DCMomOf3]

I would let them know that I am not available to answer their questions, and that it can't last longer than 15 minutes as it is my policy not to let strangers around the children long enough for them to get comfortable, for the safety of the kids.

Great response and responsible answer. The parents should be greatful that you care about the kids' safety.

[meli829]

I made a decision, and replied to her e-mail saying that she could come observe for 15-20 minutes on the first day only, and that after that she was welcomed to take full advantage of my open door policy. I then told her if this was not enough, that it would be better for everyone if she found another care provider as she should have no doubts at all in my ability as a caregiver and in my ability to take great care of her daughter, and I told her there were no hard feelings, that whatever she ended up choosing would be the best decision for her. It's been two days and I've gotten no reply, so I am going to fill her spot. I've learned a lesson from this, and I have amended my contract to avoid these situations in the future. I feel much better that this is over and that she decided to move on, I feel it was the best decision as she was not a good fit for me.

[safechner]

I made a decision, and replied to her e-mail saying that she could come observe for 15-20 minutes on the first day only, and that after that she was welcomed to take full advantage of my open door policy. I then told her if this was not enough, that it would be better for everyone if she found another care provider as she should have no doubts at all in my ability as a caregiver and in my ability to take great care of her daughter, and I told her there were no hard feelings, that whatever she ended up choosing would be the best decision for her. It's been two days and I've gotten no reply, so I am going to fill her spot. I've learned a lesson from this, and I have amended my contract to avoid these situations in the future. I feel much better that this is over and that she decided to move on, I feel it was the best decision as she was not a good fit for me.

Good Job! I would do the same thing...

[Unregistered]

I totally get your hesitations. But this is how I see it: YOU know you're a good provider, but she doesn't know you from Adam. Yes, she should be able to call references and have them tell her how great you were with their kid, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll "click" with HER kid. It's not your ability in child care she's concerned about as much as it is how much you enjoy her Precious One. Especially since she hasn't ever had her in Daycare. They all want us to think that their kid is the smartest, cutest, and most amazing kid ever.

If it were me, I would tell her ok, but make her realize that her child will not act and respond the same with her there, and neither will the other kids. I would ask her to keep it brief because kids tend to get more rowdy when there's another adult there (or just when things are out of the ordinary).

I like to respect any requests from potential new customers. I understand their reluctance to leave their child with a stranger.....)

Nicely said. I've been doing child care for 14 years and have had many parents make this request. I don't like it; I have never felt comfortable when being observed and the other kids do tend to act up but I do understand where these parents are coming from. I never take the request personally. Prior to starting my own child care business, I had to bring my oldest child to day care. At about the same time, I read an article about child care and the author stated, "Parents would never think to leave their wallet or car keys in the hands of a stranger but many do not hesitate to leave their children in the care of strangers." That quote has stuck with me all these years.

You know you are good at what you do but they don't know you at all. As far as references are concerned, as one prospective client said to me when I offered them, "No, that won't be necessary. They'll probably just tell me how wonderful you are. You're not going to give me the names of anyone who would say they didn't like you, right?" Couldn't argue with that! Trust has to be earned not necessarly expected from a total stranger - especialy when it comes to their kids. I have no doubt she'll be happy with what she sees and given time, she will come to trust and treasure the care you give to her child but try not to be offended if she doesn't feel total trust in you based on one interview -- no matter how long it lasted.

That said, when a potential client asks to observe, I always tell them I'd be happy to have them come with their child during craft time and that I'll need to put them to work helping out. I've only had one or two takers in all these years.

[QualiTcare]

I'm not a teacher though, I've been working with children my entire life in one form or another and have many many great references to attest to my ability with the children. I am thinking of writing her back and asking her for clarification on her statement and telling her that if she doesn't trust me to provide the best care for her daughter then she should find another provider. I've got a waiting list of people so I won't be losing out and I've learned to trust my gut in these situations and in general and it does not feel right to have to prove myself to this dcm.

you said, "i'm not a teacher though," but actually - that's not relevant.

i DID have a choice in who my children stayed with in daycare, but in school (kindergarten and up) i didn't have a choice. kids are put in the classroom the school selects. so, a teacher might be weirded out, but a daycare provider shouldn't in my opinion.

you have to do interviews as a daycare provider (and they are interviewing you just as you interview them), but as a teacher, you aren't interviewing. school is mandatory so there's no interview required.

[QualiTcare]

I made a decision, and replied to her e-mail saying that she could come observe for 15-20 minutes on the first day only, and that after that she was welcomed to take full advantage of my open door policy. I then told her if this was not enough, that it would be better for everyone if she found another care provider as she should have no doubts at all in my ability as a caregiver and in my ability to take great care of her daughter, and I told her there were no hard feelings, that whatever she ended up choosing would be the best decision for her. It's been two days and I've gotten no reply, so I am going to fill her spot. I've learned a lesson from this, and I have amended my contract to avoid these situations in the future. I feel much better that this is over and that she decided to move on, I feel it was the best decision as she was not a good fit for me.

i think it was good to email and tell her that she could observe on day one for X amount of time and she could take advantage or the open door polcy.

i think if you went on to say, "if that's not enough then you should find other care, and you shouldn't have doubts in my ability..." etc. that would turn me off.

she may have taken you up on the 15-20 minutes and that'd been the end of it. the rest would make me feel like you were nervous or worried about me observing - red flag.

[Former Teacher]

I see it from the mother's side on this one. She has never left her child alone before. Me personally I would want at least 2 interviews - with and without the children. I would not be offended at all by it. She just wants to see how you act around the children and how your day goes. You can be the best provider on the planet but you will act differently knowing you are being observed by a parent. Sorry but it happens.

I use to hate it when I would be observed by a parent. Kids would go crazy, phone would ring off the hook, yadda yadda yadda...however how else would a parent know how you would respond to stressful situations. Regardless of the fact that they are causing the stress?

I would feel offended if my potential provider told me I had a time limit. Like what QualiTcare said, it would send red flags to me.

Now if this mother said she wanted to observe you for DAYS then yes I would have said something. But I am sorry I disagree with you on this

[meli829]

It's interesting to see the various responses and while I do not agree with some views or opinions, I appreciate them nonetheless. It may not have been what some people would have done, but it has been the best decision for me, and I am a firm believer in- what's meant to be will be. In this case I am much better off without this family and it just wasn't meant to be. I have been blessed with GREAT families and if I ever get asked this in the future, I may see it differently, and will probably respond by saying yes, but will probably still impose the time limit for time spend with the group of kids. I would have been less bothered by her observing one on one time with only her child, but as someone mentioned, for safety reasons I would not be okay with her being there for more than 15-20 mins. Different providers have different policies and any potential family will either have to deal with mine or choose another provider. I however don't see this as being a problem in the future, as I've had tons of interviews both for my daycare and in my days as a nanny, and have NEVER one been asked this. I guess this fell under first time for everything category .