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To the OP: This child doesn't sound ready at all to be potty learning. I think you did the right thing and Mom needs to realize that there is much more work to be done.
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I agree and I don't allow them here at all. I potty train in diapers. The sides are stetchy enough these days you can pull them up and down if you want to.
To the OP: This child doesn't sound ready at all to be potty learning. I think you did the right thing and Mom needs to realize that there is much more work to be done. -
At this point I probably would not get my knickers in a twist over saying something similar to a parent. I am a provider who will give reminder the first couple of weeks, but certainly not at timed intervals. And since we have pottying/diapering on the schedule we have natural places in our day when everyone "tries." That said, if a child was clearly not showing any interest, using the pull up as a diaper, etc. then I would be in the same position. I know you have been talking to the parent as this has been ongoing, and the very bottom line is that she does not care what your policy is or why you are having issues.
I wouldn't waste any more sleep over it.Comment
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I wish parents would listen to their provider when they start potty training. Most providers have done it with their own kids and dozens more. We KNOW what works!Comment
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I have the two week rule here as well. I have a 4-1/2 yr. old that wears pull-ups (He's 50 lbs., the size 6 diapers were not working). She wants ME to put him in underwear (after confessing to me that he has NEVER ONCE pooped in the potty). She thinks if he wears underwear he won't be as lazy, and ask to go to the potty. He RARELY asks to use the potty, I always have to make him go and sometimes to spite me he says, "I'm peeing right now". I told Mom she needs to work with him first, and when he's accident free, I'd be more than happy to switch to underwear. She refused to do the work at home (too busy of a schedule, doesn't want her house messy, whatever..." He was recently evaluated by the school district & is going to be going to school for Early Childhood Education, and they said to send him in underwear
She basically said that in a giddy manner... as if to say some ****er is finally going to do the potty training for her. Some people amaze me.
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Two years ago, about a week before dcg turned two, her mom told me, "When she turns two we'll be potty training her, so she'll start coming in underwear on her birthday." :confused: um, yeah it doesn't work that way. I stood up to them and said "NO. You can't do that. She needs to be in diapers until she's made significant progress at home." She had shown zero signs of potty training readiness. Absolutely none at all. I knew darn well that it wasn't going to work!
She started coming in pull-ups and for over a YEAR the parents kept telling me that she was potty training at home, doing really well, can she please come in underwear. Everytime they brought it up I told them that no, she couldn't, because I was seeing NONE of the signs that she was ready for training here.
In the meantime, her behavior spiraled down and down. What was once a very sweet, happy, sensitive child, became anxious, fearful, and completely oversensitive. She would cry when I had her sit on the potty or asked her about it or when she needed changed. And she displayed ZERO readiness signs.
Through careful questioning I eventually figured out that her parents were giving her time outs for peeing in her pants or pull-up, possibly spanking for it though I didn't get a clear answer on that. They took her potty every thirty minutes while she was home. They would make her sit until she went sometimes.
There came a point where I backed off the potty training here 100%. Months and months went by. Parents started claiming that she was 100% trained at home and on the weekends but daycare ruined it. They just didn't get that she wasn't trained, they were just torturing the poor child every 30 minutes.
And then last May, all of a sudden, she started telling me that she needed to go, and then started going on her own, both poop and pee, and within two weeks was in underwear here and never had an accident.
Oh, look! Potty training! It happened when she was ready! How amazing! And it only took her 1-2 weeks. *I* know that. But the parents claim it took almost a year and a half. I feel so sad for her, and her brother. I really, honestly did bang my head on the wall a few times during this happy little process.
This is the family that really smoothed out my daycare potty training policy for me
I don't allow pull-ups here anymore. I won't push it until *I* see that they are ready for it. I talk, and mention, and offer, and explain what they will feel in their bodies and we work on the other skills (down pants, up pants, language skills, body awareness, hand washing...) and then, bam, they train when they are ready.
The main thing I do differently is that I am willing to try a child who is still using diapers like diapers but mom says they are fine when naked/ in underwear. My DD potty trained like that (trained while naked, but used a diaper when it was on) and I've had another dcb train like that, so I'm willing to entertain it. But I don't announce that ahead of time
Hee hee! Look, I have a signature!Comment
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Pull ups are a joke, I won't use them here at all.
Blandino- I'm pretty sure I mentioned this in another thread of yours that was very similar. Is there any way you could make regular intervals and then get ALL of the kids to use the potty/get changed? That works marvelously here. With those special 'bathroom' times, all of their friends are lined up, waiting to use potty/be changed and they aren't missing anything and are more compliant. Every kid I have here pees/poops during those times as well, so it saves me 100 bathroom trips/day. It's also a time when we need to be in the bathroom anyway (after breakfast, after outside/craft time, after lunch, after nap & before pick up times. (We do 8:30, 10:30, 12:30, 2:30 & 4:30.)
I handle potty training the same way I handle food. Non-issue. Accidents are a non issue and NEVER punitive. That's where parents are making HUGE mistakes and actually hindering progress. I also don't go crazy with sticker charts and treats either. Non-issue.Comment
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This so true. I've never thought if it that way. Pull-ups came out after my DD was trained so I didn't have any personal experience with them. DD trained wearing those thick underwear with plastic pants over them.Holy marthas I'd like to holler that from the mountain tops some days
. At first I was like what the heck is the obsession??? Had kids, tried em', but they didn't hold poo for beans, cost a butt load more and certainly didn't inspire much in the way of progress...I just didn't get it.
The light bulb eventually went off after seeing enough parents fart around with them forever and it was like OOOOOOHhhhhhh now I get it, it's not about your kiddo at all, it's actually totally about you and what you're THINKING/HOPING is happening here! It's weird because for some parents seems like they're almost seen as some weird badge of honor....MY kid is in pullups, isn't that awesome that he's so advanced for his age??! (while fast forward a year he still can't keep them dry for beans and now screams every time he is even asked to sit on the toilet
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Actually this is the same DCB that I was probably talking about before. I totally get what your are saying - and have thought about it. But I really don't think that I should have to be reminding him
To me part of being toilet trained is recognizing the need to go, and acting upon it. He has never ever ever done that. I would be a lot more apt to remind him throughout the day if he was using the toilet at all on his own, but he does not have the awareness of bladder fullness
I really do appreciate your suggestion, and like I said I have really thought about it to avoid this situation with parents. But I really want to avoid playing a game of "catching them before they pee", and that's what I feel like I would be doing. We are really really big on kids identifying the need and acting upon it. KWIM ?
Accidents are a non-issue for us too. I can't tell you the last accident one of my PT kids. Actually it was a 2 months ago, when we discovered that DCB was scared of our toilet because he fell in one day. But other that that, my PT kids really don't have accidents while awake, and sleeping ones are more common - but still rare. We just wait until they are ready to be fully-trained, and don't play this half-on half-off game thing some parents want to do.Comment
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Oh, and for an update. This morning she brought in a HUGE bag of pull-ups. Ugh. If he needs a huge bag - then he doesn't need to be in pull-ups.
DCB wet the pull-ups and underwear that he wore, and wet the diaper that I put on after that. Today when she came in, she said "do you need to go potty" and he started crying and she said "well go then". :confused:
He was already wet at that point. And DCM saw that I had put a diaper on him. She didn't ask any questions about the diaper, but I told her that he had wet twice today - and never alerted me.
You are absolutely right - she doesn't care about my policies. But I will carry on and follow them no matter how much she rails against them. A child wearing underwear or pull-ups who is not using the toilet at all - and wetting them as they would a diaper, will be put in a diaper. It is written in my contract, and has been passed out on multiple potty training handouts. So regardless of what she chooses to send him in, when I change him, it will be into a diaper.
I am so over it, and will just continue to do what I am going to do.
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