So Mad At My Husband!! Vent

[AmyLeigh]

Time for a family meeting. Give them each an alarm clock, give them household responsibilities, maybe even assigning each of them one night to make dinner. Delegate, delegate, delegate.

If I can get support from dh (who works 10-14 hours) and my own kids (9,6, 4), you can do it too. Made all the difference in the world. They respect my efforts more and I am much less overwhelmed, making me a happy mama.

Cuz we all know if mama ain't happy.......

[CedarCreek]

Hell no.

I get up and get oldest ds out the door and spend the rest of the day with dcks and youngest ds. When dh gets home, he helps me clean up, he makes dinner, we bathe the boys and chillax together until we put them to bed. Imo, that's a pretty good partnership.

My wifely duties are slacking lately but that's not me,that's him. I'm not going to complain just yet though, what's a little low libido when I get everything else perfect?

[SquirrellyMama]

I'd call his bluff

And if he calls yours then act on it. I think it is past time for tough love.

K

[My3cents]

I care for everyone but who cares for me?

This is essentially my life,

6am Get Up
Get daughter up for jr high
Clean anything that needs to be cleaned
6:40 take daughter to school
Get son up for elementary school (rides to school with a friend of mine)
7:00am first dck gets here
8:30am Wake up husband
9:00am husband leaves for work

Spend the rest of the day caring for children

5:30pm usually last pick up

Cook dinner
(Some days go to the grocery store first)
Make sure children's homework is done and everything is signed
Get the children to bed 8:30pm
Clean the house/kitchen
Bathe and prepare for bed
Wifely duties
Sleep

Day after day after day, im soooo tired and my husband has the nerve to tell me today as he is leaving for work that im "too moody" and that "it wont take much" in "this relationship" to ruin it all.

WHAT!?

We are talking about a 7 year marriage!! I have been raising his children since they were two and four now they are 10.5 and 12.5.

This is not an easy job, i take care of EVERYONE! I am responsible each day for the well being of 8-9 children, and my husband, and I have to answer to all the parents each day and hold a home together and pay bills and cook dinner and grocery shop, etc etc etc.

I wanted to scream at him, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU ARE SO STUPID! But what did i say? "I love you, be careful" but i didn't walk him to the door and i didn't look at him (of course i was also feeding 3 month old baby)

So sorry for this post i just need to let it out, my life just seems so unfair right now, im starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home, and to top it off my husband works saturdays and we only have one vehicle so im stuck at home ALL day saturday too.

Don't hate me for my response----

your a prisoner because you allow yourself to be

Get up and take him to work on Saturday so you have the car to go and do things. Stop doing it all and expect him to help you. If you fall into the roll that you have created you have no one but yourself to blame. Your entitled to a full life just as much as he is. I would have told him, but I am not you and I do have spicy side to me, but I would have said........ Don't threaten me, if your that unhappy with your life with me make the changes and don't let the door hit you on the way out. I would have gone on with I don't want to be treated the way you treat me anymore and you better step up to the plate or your wish just may come true on my time and not yours. Then I would have said something not so nice---- I would stop making life so easy for this man to treat you the way he is to make you feel the way that you do. I would go full on Ninja Christian on him!!! lovethis

I have said this time and time again, we become complacent in our roles and allow ourselves to be unhappy as women. Times are different these days and we don't have to fall into this roll unless we make that choice. I hope as one women to another I am empowering you to make changes in your life that will make you happy

[itlw8]

I would go out and buy 2 alarm clocks this weekend and hand one to dd and one to dh say. You are both old enough to get yourselves up in the morning I hand the job over to you... And really might as well start the youngest buy 3 clocks.

everyone is old enough to do chores, and prepare or help prepare meals. Boyscouts cook over a fire starting at age 11. teach each family member one dish. ds cooked sloppy joes 1x a week when he was 10. I was sick of them but I did not have to cook.

[Jewels]

Thats awful, do you really do "wifely duties" every night? I love my husband, we have a great relationship, sounds like your getting walked on, my husband gets up at the same time as me for work, gets up by himself. I make nothing for him in the morning, he takes care of himself, sometimes at this earlier hour I will take care of my wifely duties. he leaves for work, I do daycare, he gets home, we both or him figure out something quick for dinner, as most nights we have something going on, usually us going to the gym, dropping the kids in the childcare there, and working out together, we usually shower the kids at the gym with us, he takes my son I take my daughter, 2 birds one stone, get home, we tag team bedtime, and then we both lay down at the same time, and watch TV, my husband knows I'm not much for past 9pm wifely duties, I need ME time, he can happily hit me up any other time of the day. I've been taking care of people all day, and all I ask is 1 hour a night to lay down and relax.

[My3cents]

Did you say these are HIS children? Then HE needs to get up with them in the mornings (and get a new appreciation for you!) not stroll out of bed at 8:30!

Also threats that the marriage could be over are so so wrong! If it does end he'll be getting up with them then so he might as well start doing it now.

Seriously - can I slap him for you!

yeah...........

but these children have become both of their children, a family. This women is bonded to these kiddo's as they are her own. Threatening to take that from her is just cruel.

[My3cents]

I'd call his bluff

I would too and I would mean every bit of it. It really would not be a bluff. There has to be give and take and sometimes one person is doing more giving then the other and then it will flip around, but when it is bothering you and you bring it to the table, well then it is time to make changes for the good as a whole. Regroup, rethink, relove.

Sounds like maybe a 7 year itch? Mid life crisis? No excuse but bring it all to the table and find the passion that brought the two of you together in the first place and start building off of that again

[Logged out]

I'm here with ya. My dh is apparently "not happy". Not sure what he isn't happy about. Since he started back to school, I have done almost everything around here and damn right I get moody about it too. "Wifely duties".....ugh. Yep, right there with ya. We have been married for 13 years-you would think he would know what "makes me moody"-no help/appreciation. Sorry I really can't help much, just sympathize. Maybe your dh and my dh should share an apt for awhile with your children and mine and then see what it's really like
(((hugs)))

[Luna]

I've been wondering how things are going for the original poster, and also the last poster. Any updates?

[MNMum]

Things really need to change at your house!

Consider going to therapy. This is going to be a major overhaul. He's not going to like one bit that he needs to step up, when you've been doing everything. Also, when approaching this, remember, no one likes to be told they are doing everything wrong(sounds like he is though...) Approach it with, I need your help. I cannot continue on like this day in and day out. If there are specific duties you want him to take over, tell him - and make a list - men need lists. There is a reason "honey-do lists" are so popular. For my husband, if I don't make a list, it won't get done. Eventually things will become habit and routine, but at this point you are basically asking him to do what you have already been doing - and he probably doesn't even realize what you've been doing- you've been doing it all!

[wdmmom]

I care for everyone but who cares for me?

This is essentially my life,

6am Get Up
Get daughter up for jr high
Clean anything that needs to be cleaned
6:40 take daughter to school
Get son up for elementary school (rides to school with a friend of mine)
7:00am first dck gets here
8:30am Wake up husband
9:00am husband leaves for work

Spend the rest of the day caring for children

5:30pm usually last pick up

Cook dinner
(Some days go to the grocery store first)
Make sure children's homework is done and everything is signed
Get the children to bed 8:30pm
Clean the house/kitchen
Bathe and prepare for bed
Wifely duties
Sleep

Day after day after day, im soooo tired and my husband has the nerve to tell me today as he is leaving for work that im "too moody" and that "it wont take much" in "this relationship" to ruin it all.

WHAT!?

We are talking about a 7 year marriage!! I have been raising his children since they were two and four now they are 10.5 and 12.5.

This is not an easy job, i take care of EVERYONE! I am responsible each day for the well being of 8-9 children, and my husband, and I have to answer to all the parents each day and hold a home together and pay bills and cook dinner and grocery shop, etc etc etc.

I wanted to scream at him, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU ARE SO STUPID! But what did i say? "I love you, be careful" but i didn't walk him to the door and i didn't look at him (of course i was also feeding 3 month old baby)

So sorry for this post i just need to let it out, my life just seems so unfair right now, im starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home, and to top it off my husband works saturdays and we only have one vehicle so im stuck at home ALL day saturday too.

New schedule:

630am: Get up
7am: Let first daycare kid in and start work for the day

Cook dinner
Clean up
Enjoy some time to yourself...walk, bath, read, enjoy your favorite tv show, etc.

A jr high schooler needs to get themselves up for school. DH can get his lazy butt up and take her. Boy can get himself up too. DH can get ready for work without you waking him. Delegate alternate nights for kitchen duty. (I do a week at a time per child) They load/unload the dishwasher, wipe counters and table and put away leftovers. It's not hard and these kids are big enough to contribute to the household too!

The sooner you start telling them you need help, the sooner life will start feeling a little better!

[Lyss]

I've been wondering how things are going for the original poster, and also the last poster. Any updates?

Me too! I hope things are working out better for both OP and "logged out"!! :hug: