So Mad At My Husband!! Vent

[Unregistered]

I care for everyone but who cares for me?

This is essentially my life,

6am Get Up
Get daughter up for jr high
Clean anything that needs to be cleaned
6:40 take daughter to school
Get son up for elementary school (rides to school with a friend of mine)
7:00am first dck gets here
8:30am Wake up husband
9:00am husband leaves for work

Spend the rest of the day caring for children

5:30pm usually last pick up

Cook dinner
(Some days go to the grocery store first)
Make sure children's homework is done and everything is signed
Get the children to bed 8:30pm
Clean the house/kitchen
Bathe and prepare for bed
Wifely duties
Sleep

Day after day after day, im soooo tired and my husband has the nerve to tell me today as he is leaving for work that im "too moody" and that "it wont take much" in "this relationship" to ruin it all.

WHAT!?

We are talking about a 7 year marriage!! I have been raising his children since they were two and four now they are 10.5 and 12.5.

This is not an easy job, i take care of EVERYONE! I am responsible each day for the well being of 8-9 children, and my husband, and I have to answer to all the parents each day and hold a home together and pay bills and cook dinner and grocery shop, etc etc etc.

I wanted to scream at him, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU ARE SO STUPID! But what did i say? "I love you, be careful" but i didn't walk him to the door and i didn't look at him (of course i was also feeding 3 month old baby)

So sorry for this post i just need to let it out, my life just seems so unfair right now, im starting to feel like a prisoner in my own home, and to top it off my husband works saturdays and we only have one vehicle so im stuck at home ALL day saturday too.

[crazydaycarelady]

Did you say these are HIS children? Then HE needs to get up with them in the mornings (and get a new appreciation for you!) not stroll out of bed at 8:30!

Also threats that the marriage could be over are so so wrong! If it does end he'll be getting up with them then so he might as well start doing it now.

Seriously - can I slap him for you!

[Luna]

It sounds like you have a heavy load to carry. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you, but I hope hubby comes home apologetic for making such an inconsiderate comment. He clearly has something on his mind but he needs to find a better way to express himself, and his timing STINKS! I'm wishing you an easy, peaceful day with your daycare kids, and here's a hug :hug:

[bunnyslippers]

I am sorry. That is a lousy way to start the day. I hope he realizes how out of line he was and calls to apologize. I feel for you!

[Unregistered]

Try to find some snippets of time for just you. Caregiver burnout is not a fun place to be. A quick walk alone. A bit of time to read. Whatever it is that restores your peace. Deligate some of that cleaning. Maybe hire someone every other week to come in for a bit to clean if possible. Stop waking everyone else up and being responsible for that. They are all old enough for alarm clocks. I recently discovered crock pot and freeze ahead dinners. They free up so much time. Especially at that end of the day crunch, where all you want to do is plunk yourself down on the couch after a days work, but there are hours of family/house work still to go.

[Unregistered]

wow I missed that they were HIS kids. I'm sure you view them as yours as well, and commend you for being so hands on and involved in their lives. You rock! He should be ever so thankful for all that you do. It's a team effort. Time for him to step up.

[Willow]

I'd call his bluff

[NeedaVaca]

What a horrible way to start your day I know many people that have went "on strike"...worked for them! These husbands learned FAST exactly how much work their wife was doing when they had to take over a ton of the household responsibilities. They either learned to appreciate all that was being done for them or they did it themselves. I personally went on a laundry strike once , best thing I ever did Sounds like your hubby needs to start pulling more weight around the house!

[MarinaVanessa]

I'd call his bluff

Me too. I'd stop getting up early for "his" kids and let him know beforehand, and I'd stop the "wifely duties". I hope the wifely duties you are thinking about are the kind that I'm thinking about ::

[Angelsj]

"What you said this morning really hit home. You are right, I am moody and it is killing our relationship. I think what I really need is more sleep in the morning, so I am less tired for our time in the evening.

To that end, I will no longer be getting up before 7am when my first dck arrives. You will need to find a way to get dd up and off to school. Also, since I am cooking supper, you will need to supervise homework and after supper while I have a bath, you need to get kiddos to bed. I think that will go a long way toward getting our relationship back on track. Thank you so much for your suggestion."

Then DROP THE BUCKETS!!
It is so hard for moms to let things go. If it needs done, we do it. You must be willing to allow dd to not get to school, and homework to not get done. If the school calls, pass the phone to hubby. It is no longer YOUR responsibility, so don't let it become yours again.

As a side note, if those kids are not helping you clean house and kitchen, change that. Kids need to pitch in and keep their home clean. It is good for them. They need to learn what a home takes to keep it clean.

I would change this: Eat supper, one kid helps you clean kitchen, other kid picks up needed items and straightens the house/ vacuums (whatever you think they can do), say goodnight, and Dad tucks kids in while you bathe.

[mrsp'slilpeeps]

I would have told him as he was leaving that if he is going to threaten me with a divorce because I am moody, then get bent so I can kick ya where the good lord split ya.

Buh bye jerk.

[Crystal]

I'd call his bluff

Yup. Me too.

What a jerk.

:hug: to you.

[Heidi]

I think my approach would be a little of everything the pp's said.

You are taking on too much that is someone else' responsibility. The children are both old enough to set their own alarms and get themselves ready for school. If they oversleep, there should be consequences. They should also have chores.

As for waking up your dh, hahahahahaha! He is a grown man!

I also think it's time for a heart-to-heart talk. Starting with "what you said this morning really hurt, and it really made me think. First of all, was something just bothering you that made you say that?"

Then I'd start a conversation about your marraige being a team effort, and that maybe it's time to renegotiate some of the workload.:hug:

[Brooksie]

I would have told him as he was leaving that if he is going to threaten me with a divorce because I am moody, then get bent so I can kick ya where the good lord split ya.

Buh bye jerk.

[Lyss]

What a horrible way to start your day I know many people that have went "on strike"...worked for them! These husbands learned FAST exactly how much work their wife was doing when they had to take over a ton of the household responsibilities. They either learned to appreciate all that was being done for them or they did it themselves. I personally went on a laundry strike once , best thing I ever did Sounds like your hubby needs to start pulling more weight around the house!

I did this with DH and man did he act like a baby!!! "What do you mean you didn't make my lunch?! But... but what will I eat?"
Gee maybe tomorrow you better get up more that 15 minutes before you leave for work and make it yourself, PS I didn't make coffee

It took only 2 days and now he keeps his attitude in check! He's also in charge of the evening routine for DD (bath, jammies, book, bed) now so he gets a taste of what my all day is like!