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To me I would assume that unless a parent is told otherwise, that the daycare will use sleep training. Even if I practiced AP, unless my daycare told me that they would AP also - I think it would be a fair assumption that most daycares allow children to put themselves to sleep. Maybe I am wrong in that assumption, but most daycare providers I know sleep train, and don't inform the parents (not on purpose) but just because we think of it as a given.
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In the two centers I worked at, at the home where I was a private nanny, and in my own home with my children and my daycare kids its always been against the rules to sleep train and CIO. CIO has been shown to cause damage to kids, and thats why us APers are completely against it (well, most APers, but I've never really met one that was for it). We always held and comforted an upset baby, talked to and comforted an upset toddler. The older kids never had issues. The workers may have grumbled but it was the rules because of the stress of CIO.
In my home I have never used CIO, not with any of my 5 kids. All but the baby go to sleep on their own without a single issue, and all know that I will respond immediately if there is. They know they can sleep without me because they have proof that if they do I won't just leave them hanging (and touch, comfort, being held, ect are all needs, not wants).
In my daycare, same thing. We all nap in the same room. Me with all the babies so I can provide them all touch, and what they need, the toddlers on the outskirts, and the older kids on the outside areas. Never has a child ever needed to cry it out in my home.
It IS something that should be told to parents. A lot of parents are against CIO. I would seriously be livid over it happening, and it would cause me a LOT of trust issues with daycare providers. I would expect that was something discussed. I've discussed all of this with my interviews. We use AP principles in this house, with our kids and with daycare kids. If someone doesn't like that we let them know up front that in this house it happens and we may not be the fit for them.Comment
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Sorry but if an AP parent wants an AP daycare that's their responsibility to seek out by ensuring their provider can/will work within the type of care they want for their kid. AP daycares are unheard of in my area - so for a parent to ASSUME that AP sleep techniques would be used in a group setting is ridiculous. It's a PARENT'S responsibility to ask questions in order to find the right care for them.
As for the CIO causing damage - I don't know anybody who wasn't CIOed as kids and we're all fine and love our parents and have normal relationships
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If a parent asks me how we put them to sleep, I am completely honest. But in my experience, in 10 years - we have seen more parents have been for CIO than against it. I have heard of centers practicing both ways, just depending on the owners/directors style.
Of course we do everything possible to avoid letting a baby cry, sometimes that is what we do. I have just always considered it a necessary evil of daycare, and trying to manage multiple children at once. Their individual needs are hard to meet immediately when multiple children are being cared for. So while we try and avoid it, there are times when it happens.
We do cater to a very different clientele then AP. We have a lot of "baby-wise" parents and most who allow their children to put themselves to sleep at night. So it really hasn't been a problem for us. One parent we have right now, practices slight AP at home but is well aware that we put baby to sleep awake (when at home she is rocked or nursed to sleep) and they don't have a problem with it.
Different strokes for different folks
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Sorry but if an AP parent wants an AP daycare that's their responsibility to seek out by ensuring their provider can/will work within the type of care they want for their kid. AP daycares are unheard of in my area - so for a parent to ASSUME that AP sleep techniques would be used in a group setting is ridiculous. It's a PARENT'S responsibility to ask questions in order to find the right care for them.
As for the CIO causing damage - I don't know anybody who wasn't CIOed as kids and we're all fine and love our parents and have normal relationships
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Yes, an AP parent should find an AP daycare, but as a parent I wouldn't assume anyone would ever let my child just cry themselves to cry to sleep, so as a daycare provider it's your responsibility to disclose that as well. I tell all my parents we do NOT CIO in my home, and if they wish to do that then I'm not the right provider for them. As a parent, it may escape my mind to ask about it as it's not something I don't really think about for my kids anyway, and my entire friend base is AP also so its just how it's always been done. For that reason it should be written or verbalized somewhere. Sleep training is a big deal. And for APers it's a huge deal.
Seriously, thinking about the way I would feel if I knew my son was crying it out, I can't express the anger and sadness I'd feel, so whether you agree with CIO or not is not the point. The point is it's the right thing to inform the parent FIRST.Comment
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I really think that because you are AP based, and maybe AP is popular with your social group too ? That is why you don't think of CIO as a common thing - but I would place a pretty hefty bet that way more than 50% of daycare providers use it. To me a parent should expect that putting their child in group care, that all their needs will not be met immediately. To me that is pretty standard. Now I am not saying that most daycares are letting these babies scream for 30 + minutes, but are they letting them fuss to sleep - I would say absolutely.Yes, an AP parent should find an AP daycare, but as a parent I wouldn't assume anyone would ever let my child just cry themselves to cry to sleep, so as a daycare provider it's your responsibility to disclose that as well. I tell all my parents we do NOT CIO in my home, and if they wish to do that then I'm not the right provider for them. As a parent, it may escape my mind to ask about it as it's not something I don't really think about for my kids anyway, and my entire friend base is AP also so its just how it's always been done. For that reason it should be written or verbalized somewhere. Sleep training is a big deal. And for APers it's a huge deal.
Seriously, thinking about the way I would feel if I knew my son was crying it out, I can't express the anger and sadness I'd feel, so whether Uyou agree with CIO or not is not the point. The point is it's the right thing to inform the parent FIRST.
Whether or not I agree with CIO isn't the issues, to me it is a necessary evil of group care, and should be expected in a group care situation.
Just to note, I am referring to home daycare providers and not Commercial daycare centers.Comment
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I guess I'm learning as I read here. With AP, do you mean that you hold each child until they fall asleep and then put them to bed or is it just that when they cry you go in and comfort them by talking softly or rubbing their back etc? I would think in my case where I'm licensed for 6 that it would be literally impossible to rock each child to sleep before putting them in bed if that's what you mean.
Also, my daughter when she was about 18 months went through a phase where she would cry when going to sleep. We tried everything, but finally had to just let her cry it out. It took about 5 days and she figured it out. She is 12 now and has no problems whatsoever.Comment
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This is a quote from the first article with the link above.
"Allowing a baby to “cry it out” when they are upset will probably be regarded as child abuse by future generations."
wow really?
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I've never worked at a daycare that practiced CIO methods. I've only worked in centers that provide soothing ways to help a child go to sleep (patting, rocking with the 2-3 months old set, other things as we learn what each baby responds to best) while also helping the children learn ways to go to sleep on their own without having to cry themselves to sleep. No daycare I ever worked at was an "AP" center either.Comment
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QFT!
None of my daycare centers were AP. In fact, one was run by a very conservative, "traditional" parenting lady who was my boyfriends mother. I knew the family well and they were not AP. But still, no child was ALLOWED to cry for any length of time without response. This was especially true in the nap room where we had up to 50 kids at times napping. There were only 3 or 4 of us on duty during naptime and we never let a child cry themselves to sleep.
Like I said - It does NOT matter what YOUR philosophy on sleep is. It is YOUR responsibility to ensure the parents are aware of what you are doing with their children, especially something as controversial as CIO BEFORE you do it.
It's not always easy to parent or care for children in an AP manner, and it takes a lot of patience, but for those of us who choose this method of child care it's vitally important. I would venture to say that most APers may claim this is the most important part of the AP relationship. Never met an APer who wasn't against crying it out.Comment
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Yes, but for us this is a business. It's our job to make sure the parents KNOW what they are signing up for. For them, they are scared and nervous to put their child in the care of someone they don't know. Sometimes things slip their mind. As I walk around on the tour I discuss EVERYTHING in each location, so when I'm talking about naptime I explain that we don't practice CIO, which generally the parents go "Oh, I know!" because I advertise that we are an AP based daycare.Comment
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I'm so fortunate to have had many years of experience before the ap theories became part of the discussion in evaluating child care. I remember when the Ferber method was debated on tv shows :-)Sorry but if an AP parent wants an AP daycare that's their responsibility to seek out by ensuring their provider can/will work within the type of care they want for their kid. AP daycares are unheard of in my area - so for a parent to ASSUME that AP sleep techniques would be used in a group setting is ridiculous. It's a PARENT'S responsibility to ask questions in order to find the right care for them.
As for the CIO causing damage - I don't know anybody who wasn't CIOed as kids and we're all fine and love our parents and have normal relationships
I've seen many methods come and go so I don't get too bent when presented with the popular parenting techniques. I'm confident with the awesome outcome of good CARE... lots of face time...good food... good exercise... good DEEP sleep... good supervision.. and good lovin. The successful parents I've had the pleasure to know and work with had those qualities. If they can accomplish that with ap techniques then that is great. If they use different methods and accomplish that then that is great too.
The only thing that I have seen consistently with entrenched ap parents is that they are tired and are more likely to report more awakening at nights and more instances of their child doing nap refusals. I've also seen a longer time from birth to toddlerhood of when they report the child sleeping through the night.
That's just my experience in the last five years or so with my dc clients, friends, and family who ascribe to ap.Comment
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