Why DC Provider Is No Longer Friendly With Us?

[Unregistered]

My kids' DC Provider is used to happy when seeing them, greeting me at the drop in and pick up time. We had some financial issues with her, and we solved it as she asked ( my be we negotiate with her at first, but then we did exactly what she asked for). I notice that she have been changed with me and the kids, she is no longer friendly!!! I gave her a nice gift, but I felt that she didn't appreciate it much.. I don't know what is happening????

What do you think? what should I do, and how to approach?

[Willow]

You need to be more specific about what happened with your mentioned financial issues and then your attempts to "negotiate" those financial issues with her.

I suspect your answer is likely wrapped up in what happened there.

[bunnyslippers]

I would need a little more information to give you any input.

[Unregistered]

I would need a little more information to give you any input.

Negotiating the vacation tuitions, she wants me to pay 75% of the regular tuitions, and I wanted to pay the half, then I did what she asked for.

One time I asked about her big son ( this is your son.. is he taking care of kids? I don't like men to take care of kids) may be she didn't like me to ask this question??

[bunnyslippers]

My guess is that you probably offended her, both by questioning her vacation payment policy and them by questioning her regarding her son.

Were the polocies spelled out before you began care with her? Did you know beforehand about the vacation pay policy? Did the negotiation become hostile or disprespectful in any way?

Does her son live in the location of the childcare? If so, were you aware of his presence in the home, or was this a one-time thing? It is her son, so that certainly could have upset her. I know in my home, I let all clients know that my husband, although he works, is frequently in and out of the child care space and he does interact with the children.

It sounds like a frank discussion is in order. You should be direct but open, and try to get to the bottom of the issue. If you offended her, I think it would be best to discuss it maturely.

[wdmmom]

I think any childcare provider would have issues with you talking about their child. I have 5 children and 2 are boys.

I would have taken deep offense to you talking about my son, his size, etc.

You hired ME to care for your child. My child/ren have nothing to do with my business.

It almost seems as if the issues stemmed from you. Providers don't like negotiations. The rules and regs take a lot of time to draw up. They are set in place by the provider for a reason. You don't negotiate your bill at McDonalds, you don't negotiate a price for daycare. The rate is the rate and if you don't like it, you need to shop around.

[countrymom]

hmm maybe its time to look elsewhere. Just like us, if we have a bad feeling its a sign of RUN...so because you are getting a bad vibe maybe its time for you to look somewhere else. You want to be able to feel comfortable when you drop your kids off.

when you signed up, did she ever introduce you to the son, and if he is around I know some have mentioned that you need to a police clearance for everyone in the house hold. and was that vacation pay for your time off or her time off.

[countrymom]

ladies, she said it was her big son, like a man. I think thats why she was questioning it, I don't think she would ask if the son was taking care of the kids if he was little. And I have a feeling that maybe the provider sprang the 75% on them. Remember, just because we are all good on this forum there are alot of bad providers out there.

[KnoxMom]

Negotiating the vacation tuitions, she wants me to pay 75% of the regular tuitions, and I wanted to pay the half, then I did what she asked for.

One time I asked about her big son ( this is your son.. is he taking care of kids? I don't like men to take care of kids) may be she didn't like me to ask this question??

It is still hard to tell what the true issue is without details of the discussion. The bottom line is whether you are happy with the way she is treating your children? If you have any doubts about your provider and who she would let be around the children, perhaps you should seek other care. I would imagine this should be resolved pretty easily with a simple heart-to-heart... but if she can't be honest about her feelings with you then I fear any resentment may affect the children if she is unable separate business from personal. Remember they are the first priority: not your feelings or hers. Be adults and talk it out; your gut will tell you what to do from there

[Unregistered]

My guess is that you probably offended her, both by questioning her vacation payment policy and them by questioning her regarding her son.

Where the polocies spelled out before you began care with her? Did you know beforehand about the vacation pay policy? Did the negotiation become hostile or disprespectful in any way?

Does her son live in the location of the childcare? If so, were you aware of his presence in the home, or was this a one-time thing? It is her son, so that certainly could have upset her. I know in my home, I let all clients know that my husband, although he works, is frequently in and out of the child care space and he does interact with the children.

It sounds like a frank discussion is in order. You should be direct but open, and try to get to the bottom of the issue. If you offended her, I think it would be best to discuss it maturely.

I didn't know anything about her vacation policy before. I spoke to her very politely, and she firmly and politely insisted on her word.. Then , I told her OK and before paying her I gave her the gift..
What happened is that my son cry when he sees her son, and she even told me that once. When I spoke to her about her son and if he is taking care of kids , she explained to me that he comes very late and didn't involve with kids... I really didn't mean to be bother her with my question, but also liked to reassure my self.

I even didn't see her son when I met her for the first, or even know that she has a big son. I only saw her husband.

[Unregistered]

ladies, she said it was her big son, like a man. I think thats why she was questioning it, I don't think she would ask if the son was taking care of the kids if he was little. And I have a feeling that maybe the provider sprang the 75% on them. Remember, just because we are all good on this forum there are alot of bad providers out there.

Her son is 22y. I have never seen him before that day, or even know that she has a son.

[bunnyslippers]

It sounds like a serious breakdown in communication between you and your provider. If she was not clear about her policies initially, she is at fault.

Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?

[Unregistered]

It sounds like a serious breakdown in communication between you and your provider. If she was not clear about her policies initially, she is at fault.

Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?

No contract, she gave me some paperwork to fill it down, I filled it and sent it back to her. She is licensed.

[bunnyslippers]

It sounds like a serious breakdown in communication between you and your provider. If she was not clear about her policies initially, she is at fault.

Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?

[daycarediva]

No contract, she gave me some paperwork to fill it down, I filled it and sent it back to her. She is licensed.

I'm unsure if this varies by state, but in NY all persons age 18+ need to have a background check and fingerprinting. However, none of the adults can be left alone with the children, or be caregivers to them.

It is possible that your son is afraid of her son, simply because he is large and unfamiliar. One of my dcb's is afraid of my 12 year old, for no real reason other than size and unfamiliarity. I would NOT be offended if you asked about that if it were me. I believe you have a right as a parent to know who is around/caring for your children.

Was the vacation policy on your contract? In a parent handbook that the provider gave to you? If so, then you didn't have a right to attempt to renegotiate this. If it was not something you signed agreeing to, you had every right to negotiate it.

If you would like to keep your provider, I would be upfront. Ask the provider (you can email if you are more comfortable as well) if there are any problems. Tell her that you enjoy having the children come there, that you hope you didn't offend her as that was not your intention. Try to repair the relationship.

If you would like to remove the children from her care, consult your contract and/or parent handbook for the rules regarding notice. For instance, I require a two week written notice, with payment in full to terminate the contract.