Why DC Provider Is No Longer Friendly With Us?

[Unregistered]

It sounds like a serious breakdown in communication between you and your provider. If she was not clear about her policies initially, she is at fault.

Did you sign a contract? Is she a licensed provider?

@ Bunny slippers, What you recommend me to do with her?

[Unregistered]

I'm unsure if this varies by state, but in NY all persons age 18+ need to have a background check and fingerprinting. However, none of the adults can be left alone with the children, or be caregivers to them.

It is possible that your son is afraid of her son, simply because he is large and unfamiliar. One of my dcb's is afraid of my 12 year old, for no real reason other than size and unfamiliarity. I would NOT be offended if you asked about that if it were me. I believe you have a right as a parent to know who is around/caring for your children.

Was the vacation policy on your contract? In a parent handbook that the provider gave to you? If so, then you didn't have a right to attempt to renegotiate this. If it was not something you signed agreeing to, you had every right to negotiate it.

If you would like to keep your provider, I would be upfront. Ask the provider (you can email if you are more comfortable as well) if there are any problems. Tell her that you enjoy having the children come there, that you hope you didn't offend her as that was not your intention. Try to repair the relationship.

If you would like to remove the children from her care, consult your contract and/or parent handbook for the rules regarding notice. For instance, I require a two week written notice, with payment in full to terminate the contract.

Thank you!

[Starburst]

She may have gotten offended when you made a comment about her son- there are alot of providers on here who said they would gladly get rid of parents who didn't approve of there family because that is a sign that you wont be happy there and that they won't be happy with you there or that you do not trust them. More men are working with kids and it is kinda a double standard when we say 'men shouldn't work with kids' and yet still want the child's father be part of their life as much as possible. In fact, many single moms choose daycares were men work because they want their children (espesually boys) to have positive male role modles. Also it seems like you just judged right off the bat- just because he is there doesn't mean he will be left alone/unsupervised with the children- for all you know he is great with the kids and the kids love him; it doesn't mean he's a creeper. Maybe she cant find another assistant she trusts so he is helping her out until she can or he needs a job and she knows that he is great with kids. if he lives there and has a backgroun check he has a right to be in his own home- after all it is (and should be) a home first and a daycare second. I would be deeply offended if someone came into my home and started critisisng my husband/kids (and I don't even have kids yet!). It's one thing to ask; its another thing to just act like you straight out don't approve- we always think we sounded more polite then we really did and when we are supprised our tones sound harsher than we mean them too. Also, if she is registered/licensed, all adults who live in the child care home or work in the child care home have to have a background check.

Also you were trying to negotiate with her on the price but said you bought her a nice gift? why not just give her the cash- as a bonus? maybe she really needs that cash but not a fruit/lotion basket. It's a nice thaught but I would kinda see it as frivilous if a parent was negotiating a price with me and then went out and bought me something that I didn't need/like/couldn't use if I needed to pay my morgage/bills and buy daycare food, equipment, cleaning supplies, licensing fees/taxes.

Most of all you need to remember this is a business and this is how she makes a living! For all you know she may set her prices to where she can just barely get by. Most providers the minute you start negotiating their prices is when they show you the door. Yes, she should have a contract and a policy handbook that spells everything out so you can see what is expected. But if you don't like her rules, her family, or her prices than find somewear else- but remember not every child care is the same maybe she offers more or charges less than most of the providers in the area and she feels cheated or hurt that you feel her services aren't worth the prices she has set. I am not trying to be mean I am just giving MHO and a different POV.

[daycaremum]

You need to be more specific about what happened with your mentioned financial issues and then your attempts to "negotiate" those financial issues with her.

I suspect your answer is likely wrapped up in what happened there.

Exactly what I was thinking. You may see the situation differently than your provider.

Now I see you explained in detail. Sounds like you asked her politely about her fees. If it wasn't written down and she said 75% and you asked how about 50%, and she said no, sounds like a fine conversation.
I too would ask if there was someone new at the daycare, oh is this your son? Does he have any contact with the kids? (You could have maybe kept the uncomfortable with me thing to yourself until after you heard the answer, since it ended up being no.).

I don't see anything wrong with all you described. I think you just need to softly broach the subject. "Is everything alright, you seem a little off these days, not your usual chipper self?" If she says everything is fine and she continues to be cold, I'd start looking elsewhere. If she's not willing to explain, time to move on.

[Unregistered]

She may have gotten offended when you made a comment about her son- there are alot of providers on here who said they would gladly get rid of parents who didn't approve of there family because that is a sign that you wont be happy there and that they won't be happy with you there or that you do not trust them. More men are working with kids and it is kinda a double standard when we say 'men shouldn't work with kids' and yet still want the child's father be part of their life as much as possible. In fact, many single moms choose daycares were men work because they want their children (espesually boys) to have positive male role modles. Also it seems like you just judged right off the bat- just because he is there doesn't mean he will be left alone/unsupervised with the children- for all you know he is great with the kids and the kids love him; it doesn't mean he's a creeper. Maybe she cant find another assistant she trusts so he is helping her out until she can or he needs a job and she knows that he is great with kids. if he lives there and has a backgroun check he has a right to be in his own home- after all it is (and should be) a home first and a daycare second. I would be deeply offended if someone came into my home and started critisisng my husband/kids (and I don't even have kids yet!). It's one thing to ask; its another thing to just act like you straight out don't approve- we always think we sounded more polite then we really did and when we are supprised our tones sound harsher than we mean them too. Also, if she is registered/licensed, all adults who live in the child care home or work in the child care home have to have a background check.

Also you were trying to negotiate with her on the price but said you bought her a nice gift? why not just give her the cash- as a bonus? maybe she really needs that cash but not a fruit/lotion basket. It's a nice thaught but I would kinda see it as frivilous if a parent was negotiating a price with me and then went out and bought me something that I didn't need/like/couldn't use if I needed to pay my morgage/bills and buy daycare food, equipment, cleaning supplies, licensing fees/taxes.

Most of all you need to remember this is a business and this is how she makes a living! For all you know she may set her prices to where she can just barely get by. Most providers the minute you start negotiating their prices is when they show you the door. Yes, she should have a contract and a policy handbook that spells everything out so you can see what is expected. But if you don't like her rules, her family, or her prices than find somewear else- but remember not every child care is the same maybe she offers more or charges less than most of the providers in the area and she feels cheated or hurt that you feel her services aren't worth the prices she has set. I am not trying to be mean I am just giving MHO and a different POV.

So when I spoke to her about her son she told me that he comes very late and he doesn't involve with kids. She said that everyone in her house had a background
Check. After she told me that I felt guilty that's why I gave her the gift and I told her that I am very thankful to her, that was by chance 3 days before I should pay for the vacation, I mean I gave her the money on time and didn't delay.. All the negotiations were one month before the vacation and we spoke only twice in that issue then we signed the agreement.

[Unregistered]

Exactly what I was thinking. You may see the situation differently than your provider.

Now I see you explained in detail. Sounds like you asked her politely about her fees. If it wasn't written down and she said 75% and you asked how about 50%, and she said no, sounds like a fine conversation.
I too would ask if there was someone new at the daycare, oh is this your son? Does he have any contact with the kids? (You could have maybe kept the uncomfortable with me thing to yourself until after you heard the answer, since it ended up being no.).

I don't see anything wrong with all you described. I think you just need to softly broach the subject. "Is everything alright, you seem a little off these days, not your usual chipper self?" If she says everything is fine and she continues to be cold, I'd start looking elsewhere. If she's not willing to explain, time to move on.

Thank you! I will definitely speak with her. I hope she would be nice and understanding. I hate to Transfare kids between daycares.

[bunnyslippers]

I agree with daycaremum. Just approach it with her and try to approach it gently. If she is willing to talk it out, then good ~ if not, then maybe it is time to look somewhere else.

I am sure you are b oth viewing what happened in different ways. Good luck~

[butterfly]

My impression of all this is that the provider was feeling offended and unappreciated. I wouldn't be too pleased if someone was trying to negoitate my rates. If my families appreciate me, they should realize that I deserve that pay whether they are in attendence or not.

I would strongly encourage you to make sure your provider knows you appreciate her - if you do. If you do not, then look for care elsewhere.

[countrymom]

is the money you are paying for her vacation time or your vacation time. Read your contract too. If she is licensed and you can call and ask them too if everyone has a background check. Are you taking a long vacation.

[youretooloud]

ladies, she said it was her big son, like a man. I think thats why she was questioning it, I don't think she would ask if the son was taking care of the kids if he was little. And I have a feeling that maybe the provider sprang the 75% on them. Remember, just because we are all good on this forum there are alot of bad providers out there.

I agree with this. If her son was actually involved in the childcare (not just in the house) I'd have issues with that as well. I could warm up to the idea, but not without questions. There's nothing wrong with questioning who is caring for the kids.

If the provider's grown son was just interacting with the kids, or helping with lunch or snack, that's one thing, but if he was an actual provider, that's something the parents should be informed about.

If my grown daughter is in the house while i'm working, she tends to pitch in... get cups out, pass out lunch, etc.