Potty Trained vs. Not Potty Trained

[misol]

Older kids who are not potty trained are gross. I have learned the hard way parents lie/equivocate on the subject, so in process probably means not potty trained. Older 2's will potty train if surrounded by other big kids already using the toilet- but once they hit 3 or so, its not a training thing- its a choice- a deliberate behavior regarding power and control- and very difficult to correct, especially if parents aren't consistent. I have in the past told parents of more part-time/drop in kids with behavioral or potty training issues that they need to pay for and enroll full time for a month or two so I can achieve results, or leave, because sporadic scheduling prevents consistency and I refuse to deal with those type of issues indefinately with no real hope of resolution. As wrong as it may seem, I do not hide from child or parent how disgusting and ridiculous I find it, and do in a way punish 4 yr olds who have no medical reason by excluding them from other "big kid" special activities that are for my big kids who went potty all week w/ no uh- oh's. Mean, I know. But it works. That child will continue to poo their pants until it's no longer giving them what they want- power and attention. When you exclude stinky kid from activities and praise the other kids, without giving him much negative attention- essentially ignoring him, he'll decide its more advantageous to fall in line.

Although I would never say it to a parent - this is exactly how I really feel. Like you said - unless there is a medical reason, it's totally about power and control after a certain age. Taking away "big kid" privileges sounds like it would be an effective method. Unfortunately, we are not allowed to punish for toilet accidents regardless of age.

[Carole's Daycare]

We aren't supposed to punish for toilet "accidents" either. #1) If it's deliberate- its not an accident erego #2) "punish" is just not the word to use- however- every daycare has rules- and if only big kids- and my definition is potty trained and acts like one- gets to use certain toys are have certain priviledges- It's not punitive. For example- only "big kids" get to sit on the cloth bean bags in the big kid book zone upstairs. Thats simply a safety/health concern- who wants potty mess in a cloth chair? Only big kids get to use the smaller legos instead of the mega blocks- little kids who put things in their mouth can choke...
And I absolutely do tell parents it's gross and disgusting- and that its at that point behavioral unless the child has some medical incontinence problem. They are perhaps defensive- but, really, more than anything, they want me to fix it- they just didn't want to admit somebody(probably them) dropped the ball. They wouldn't want to watch someone else's 3-4 yr old for an evening and change nasty poop pants.

[Unregistered]

I'd agree that you should find out what "in the process" means. Is he in diapers? pull-ups (I hate pullups)? underwear? And the most important question - what are they doing to potty train at home? One parent told me that her son was almost potty trained, but would bring him in pullups (so he wouldn't mess up the car). She seemed quite content with him staying in pullups too, but I told her to please try the underwear because the boy also seemed quite content with pooping in pullups. When bringing him to us, she'd hand us underwear & extra clothes. I'd put him in underwear and while he would pee in the potty, he'd always just poop in his underwear and without warning. This went on for weeks and I found out (from the boy) that mommy and daddy still kept him in pull-ups and never put him in underwear at home. I had to have a talk with mom again and she finally stopped w/the pullups. That boy did get trained (but he was just past 4 years old) and it didn't happen until mommy stopped using those darn pullups.

[Unregistered]

Since he's already started "going" when I catch him, I'm not about to put him on the potty at that point. But no, I don't change him right away, I figure if maybe he has to sit in it for a bit he'll decide to try the potty next time. If he asks to be changed (and yes, he does), I tell him I'll just do it later. .

I'm almost thinking of buying underwear and trying it myself the next time he's here. I don't want to deal with the mess, but better that than a nasty diaper! Wish mom would just do it at home and get him trained. And, btw, I won't turn her down for care, she's an old friend from high school and going through a tough spot right now, so I take him to help her out (she pays me of course, but at this point I think it would be really cruel for me to focus on potty training when she has a ton of other things going on).

Just wondering, when the kid is in underwear and they "have an accident" and it's on your floors or chairs (if they were sitting), isn't that too gross? We have a 2yr old in panties and she doesn't even let us know when she has to "go", nor does she tell us when she has an accident. And at nap time, their cots are on carpet (no where else to put them), so someties during nap time it's all over the carpet, cot, blanket and herself. I know children don't know any difference between pull-ups and diapers, so it seems like there's no point in putting them in pull-ups, plus they don't mind having a wet pull-up or diaper as much as they do wet pants. But yet when they wear underwear, "accidents" go everywhere in the house and furniture. It seems like there's no solution sometimes!

[marniewon]

As far as mess goes, he's not in underwear right now, because when I suggested that to mom, she didn't seem like she wanted to do that. However, WHEN we decide to try this, dck's are NOT allowed on my furniture. I mean, they are NEVER allowed on my furniture, not just when they are wearing underwear. For months now I would let them use the furniture, with the understanding that they treat it right, or they lose it for the day. Since most of the kids lose their furniture privileges within the first hour of being here, I've just decided that it's not even worth it to give them the chance to break it, they just don't use my furniture at all. Might sound mean, but I'm tired of these kids using my furniture as a trampoline or race-track (and yes, they do!!). I'm actually kind of appalled that parents do not teach their children respect for other people's property. The ONLY way they are allowed on the furniture is if they are sitting on my lap.

Secondly, I don't have any carpet (except in my bedroom) so that's not a problem.

Third, this child in question does not nap. He does rest time on a child's couch/bed thing, but he never falls asleep. I guess he could pee on that, and that would not make me happy, but it IS washable.

I am going to have to have another talk with dcm though - even though we take him to the bathroom throughout the day (which makes him mad), at one point today, my son asked him if he had to go potty, and he said, no, I'm already pee'ing!!!!! Absolutely unacceptable!! Granted, he is a boy, and boys tend to train slower than girls, but this child is exceptionally smart - and the fact he can tell me he's pee'ing, or that he's pooping and I can just change him later, tells me he is either just being lazy or it's a control thing.

If this wasn't a good friend of mine, I would just buy underwear and put them on him. In fact, even though it is a good friend, I'm going to tell her that we need to do something different. He is a drop-in right now, and she always asks if I have room for him, and I may just not have room if we can't get this potty-training thing fixed. I don't exactly like changing diapers, but I cannot stand changing diapers of big kids who know better!