Family Hates My Daycare But My Family Needs The Income

[DaisyMamma]

I can relate in a way, my husband is very supportive, he even helps with the dishes and taking trash out every morning, but I think he does not realize how difficult this job is and how exhausted I am at the end of the day he likes to come from work to sit down on couch and fall asleep while dinner is served and the house is put together for next day. It drives me so mad that sometimes I resent him, my problem is that I live with 2 other adult, my husband and another family member, they are both the same, they think they come from work to have everything done for them. There is never a "how can Help you today?" Do you need me to mop the floor today? Clean the bathroom? and yes this might sound gross but it does happen... I would love for them to say "Hey I just used the bathroom and my poop was really soft and sticky today but no worries I will clean up after myself because I know you have DCK that are using that bathroom tomorrow" But it does not happen, Sometimes even when I leave the bathroom clean the night before so i don't have to worry about it in the am, I would find it dirty in the am. Is so disrespectful, I've talked to both of them but it does not seem to stick in to their heads that this is MY house, MY working place and I want to keep it clean and that I have enough of cleaning after kids to spend the rest of my time cleaning after adults, pleas don't leave your used cups, spoons and bowls in the sink, go ahead and wash them, I am not going to even start talking about the floors because I will be venting until tomorrow.

There was a moment that we did go to therapy, it did help and it did make us more conscious of each others needs, even when I am describing my situation as a bad one with family n DC it is way better now than it was before, counseling does help, sometimes he is thinking of things that you don't even imagine and it comes out during counseling. give it a try.

OMG Totally!!!! I have another adult here too! She lives downstairs in the half of our finished basement that is already finished ~~~~ wouldn't it be nice if........(you know where I'm going with this, yes?)
OK this adult IS ALSO HOME ON MEDICAL LEAVE! God help me!!!! And she comes in and out during nap time, making the dogs bark.... leaves doors open/gates unlocked. Also learned nothing from our "family discussion"...
OH by the way! When DH comes in/out during nap and makes the dogs bark he says its the dog's fault, not his (insert sarcasm) yea, ok........cuz you don't know the dogs are going to bark....??? They are only 10 YEARS OLD.

I'm going to talk to DH about what I AM GOING TO DO to help the situation and what I want him to do and that I want us BOTH to go to counseling.

[DaisyMamma]

you just answered your own questions. He's miserable because he can't do anything, and he feels like the daycare is taking over his life. Was he like this before he broke his leg.

Yep. But he was working till 5:00 before so even though he had to "deal" for a half hour to an hour it's not the same thing as waking up to kids in the middle of the house, surrounded by gates, etc. etc. Our family room opens up into the playroom, so there is NO sound barrier.
It took this broken leg to make him really speak up about how much he hates it. And we are the type to not communicate well. We don't say something until we're mad - then it gets ugly. But the good thing is that now I can see how much of a problem it is and now I can work on fixing it.
If it were summer time we are outside ALL the time so it wouldn't of even mattered. but now it gets DARK by 5:30, aside from the cold, so it's not like we can stay out a long time...
Lately my 6yo is really stressed out too.
I'm just really disappointed, but I would rather have a happy family then a few extra hundred a week.

[MNMum]

I can relate in a way, my husband is very supportive, he even helps with the dishes and taking trash out every morning, but I think he does not realize how difficult this job is and how exhausted I am at the end of the day he likes to come from work to sit down on couch and fall asleep while dinner is served and the house is put together for next day. It drives me so mad that sometimes I resent him, my problem is that I live with 2 other adult, my husband and another family member, they are both the same, they think they come from work to have everything done for them. There is never a "how can Help you today?" Do you need me to mop the floor today? Clean the bathroom? and yes this might sound gross but it does happen... I would love for them to say "Hey I just used the bathroom and my poop was really soft and sticky today but no worries I will clean up after myself because I know you have DCK that are using that bathroom tomorrow" But it does not happen, Sometimes even when I leave the bathroom clean the night before so i don't have to worry about it in the am, I would find it dirty in the am. Is so disrespectful, I've talked to both of them but it does not seem to stick in to their heads that this is MY house, MY working place and I want to keep it clean and that I have enough of cleaning after kids to spend the rest of my time cleaning after adults, pleas don't leave your used cups, spoons and bowls in the sink, go ahead and wash them, I am not going to even start talking about the floors because I will be venting until tomorrow.

Did I write this!::

Just last night I had a moment with my husband, reexplaining that I have cooked 4 meals in this kitchen and cleaned up after everyone of them. Please do not plop yourself on the couch until everything is cleaned up from dinner. Yes, of course you don't care if it is done, in the morning you get to LEAVE for work, and I'll have to clean it up. Argh.

[DaisyMamma]

OK here's something else that is really going to make this FULLY challenging.

#1. I can only take a rental that, obviously, is within my budget.
#2. I can only take a rental that is on the bus route.
#3. I can only take a rental that doesn't want a credit check! :confused: because! We're in the middle of a bankruptcy - which is also why we can't withdraw from our IRA to do the basement right away

I just want to CRY!!!!

I talked to a guy today who has a 1000 sq. ft. space for rent that currently has a swing set outside of it! On 8 acres... AND in my budget range, but at the end of the conversation he says, oh - well, my ex-wife has to make the decision and she might not want to rent to a daycare, or she will want you to rent the whole building (FOR 2.5 TIMES THE COST) UGH!

[Blackcat31]

OK here's something else that is really going to make this FULLY challenging.

#1. I can only take a rental that, obviously, is within my budget.
#2. I can only take a rental that is on the bus route.
#3. I can only take a rental that doesn't want a credit check! :confused: because! We're in the middle of a bankruptcy - which is also why we can't withdraw from our IRA to do the basement right away

I just want to CRY!!!!

I talked to a guy today who has a 1000 sq. ft. space for rent that currently has a swing set outside of it! On 8 acres... AND in my budget range, but at the end of the conversation he says, oh - well, my ex-wife has to make the decision and she might not want to rent to a daycare, or she will want you to rent the whole building (FOR 2.5 TIMES THE COST) UGH!

The trick with landlords and daycare is to present the positives

• Environment and building must be kept in good condition so you aren't cited by licensing
• Long term rental possibility as most daycare don't move every other month

Sometimes those two things, guaranteed good upkeep and long term rental are all landlords need to hear to agree to rent to you.

Also if you are required to keep additional insurance on the place, that sometimes helps too.

[Heidi]

So, instead of doing the basement, is it possible to trade your family room and your daycare room around? Does the family room have an outside door?

I don't know how your house is layed out, but I was just thinking that at least it's not in the middle of the house then.

You'd then have to put some sort of wall and door up between the new family room and daycare. That would cost less than doing the whole basement. We had a wall and door added to a house a few years ago. My FIL and a buddy did it-took 3 or 4 hours and cost a pitance.

Just an idea. If you current family room is too small, that obviously wont work. And, it still doesn't solve the whole issue, but at least the dc isn't right in the main traffic area.

Does DH have a "man cave"? I know, you probably don't have a "woman cave", but if it would help, is there a place where he can retreat when he's home and the kids are too?

[Heidi]

The trick with landlords and daycare is to present the positives

• Environment and building must be kept in good condition so you aren't cited by licensing
• Long term rental possibility as most daycare don't move every other month

Sometimes those two things, guaranteed good upkeep and long term rental are all landlords need to hear to agree to rent to you.

Also if you are required to keep additional insurance on the place, that sometimes helps too.

I wouldn't mention the daycare until after you are looking at the place, either. Go in there dressed in your best (ok, not a formal dress, but you know what I mean), and once you've made a good first impression, you can ask if it'll be a problem. Over the phone, they haven't seen you yet.

[jokalima]

I can relate in a way, my husband is very supportive, he even helps with the dishes and taking trash out every morning, but I think he does not realize how difficult this job is and how exhausted I am at the end of the day he likes to come from work to sit down on couch and fall asleep while dinner is served and the house is put together for next day. It drives me so mad that sometimes I resent him, my problem is that I live with 2 other adult, my husband and another family member, they are both the same, they think they come from work to have everything done for them. There is never a "how can Help you today?" Do you need me to mop the floor today? Clean the bathroom? and yes this might sound gross but it does happen... I would love for them to say "Hey I just used the bathroom and my poop was really soft and sticky today but no worries I will clean up after myself because I know you have DCK that are using that bathroom tomorrow" But it does not happen, Sometimes even when I leave the bathroom clean the night before so i don't have to worry about it in the am, I would find it dirty in the am. Is so disrespectful, I've talked to both of them but it does not seem to stick in to their heads that this is MY house, MY working place and I want to keep it clean and that I have enough of cleaning after kids to spend the rest of my time cleaning after adults, pleas don't leave your used cups, spoons and bowls in the sink, go ahead and wash them, I am not going to even start talking about the floors because I will be venting until tomorrow.

There was a moment that we did go to therapy, it did help and it did make us more conscious of each others needs, even when I am describing my situation as a bad one with family n DC it is way better now than it was before, counseling does help, sometimes he is thinking of things that you don't even imagine and it comes out during counseling. give it a try.

Oh dear, I can't believe I wrote all this