Family Hates My Daycare But My Family Needs The Income

[Sprouts]

My husband and I had this same issue...your husband def probably feels like his space and privacy are being invaded..which i could understand....i dont know the layout of your house but having seperate spaces makes a huge difference.

I would def. take the time to hire a part time assistant so you can have special time with your family...and not giving all of your attention to the daycare...im sure it is harder with your husband being home all day...and husbands DONT like "RULES"

Even though it may be hard to get past the pride issue, for the both of you...maybe find a way to make him feel like he is contributing....and your daughters as well...my daughter is 5...she is my helper...Get your children's input and also let them feel like they are making decisions...it is very hard to share your personal space with "strangers" especially your room....i hear my husband telling me "your spend more time taking care of the daycare then our own home" so I hired an assistant who cleans daycare....

[Starburst]

Of course if renting out another house for your daycare (I completely forgot that this was even an option because it's not allowed in my state) is more cost effective then this is also a great option.

In a way you can do this in California, but you would have to convert that house into a center and follow not only Title 22 but Title 5 and need at least a BA and director teaching permit (http://www.butte.edu/departments/car...0CDF%20Web.pdf). But on the plus side you will beable to have up to 24 kids (with 2 or 3 assistants). I think there are at least 2 here in my town.

[DaisyMamma]

In a way you can do this in California, but you would have to convert that house into a center and follow not only Title 22 but Title 5 and need at least a BA and director teaching permit (http://www.butte.edu/departments/car...0CDF%20Web.pdf). But on the plus side you will beable to have up to 24 kids (with 2 or 3 assistants). I think there are at least 2 here in my town.

In my state I dont have to upgrade my daycare, but I can, and will, eventually. But for starters I'm going to stay small.

[DaisyMamma]

You probably wrote what the problem is without realizing it-how much money your making.

You are doubling a week/month what he is. He probably is really struggling with this-believe me I know. Its extremely hard on men to know that their wife makes more then them, especially doing childcare. Remember, in most peoples eyes it "easy" money!

This has crossed my mind as well. Which is really pathetic that he would rather live on peanuts because of his pride.

And it's the hardest job I ever had, so it really irritates me that people think it's easy!!

[Kaddidle Care]

Put your size 9 where the sun don't shine on your husband! (just kidding!)

This disrespect can and will trickle down to your children and if something doesn't change now you can expect it from all 3 in the future. If this disrespect continues, I fear for your marriage.

MarinaVanessa's post is excellent and if you can sit down with him calmly and speak like she did in her 2nd & 3rd paragraphs then more power to you.

You seem uber focused on your business and it is clear that you are good at it because you are seeing a great profit. Your hubby may be feeling a bit down and small and he may see your business as a home invasion.

He has to realize that he cannot support a family of 4 on $25-26,000.00 per year. That is poverty level and is a great salary for someone starting out but not for someone with a family.

On a side note - my husband and I earned a combined income of $25,000.00 back in 1985 when we were in our early 20's.

Marriage is give and take and if he can support you with your business, you can support him while he learns a trade so that he can pull in a better salary.

Marriage isn't easy and it isn't always hearts and stars in your eyes. It takes work on both sides. My best wishes to you both.

[Angelsj]

Honestly, I would tell him you are letting all your kids go, so in two weeks they will be done. Then, I would hand over responsibility of all the bills to him. They either get paid or they don't.
I would NOT get a job. You have children; they are your job, at least until everyone is in school. How he puts food on the table and pays bills is up to him.

If you think it would help, give him a couple of months to change over, and let him work on how to lower costs. If he agrees, then do it and don't look back. A LOT less work for you, and he can see what is going on with the bills.
For the record, your children are likely picking up on his attitude toward you and the daycare. Both are disrespectful. It is a quiet discussion you might want to have with him at a calm time.

[bunnyslippers]

I cannot even begin to list the benefits of having a separate space.

Whether it is an entire house or just the basement....it seriously makes ALL the difference.

I couldn't agree more with this! Our daycare is in the finished basement, separate from the rest of our home. My two little boys are able to have their own home, with their own toys, completely independent of the daycare. At the end of the day, I shut the door and we do not look at the space again. I honestly do not think my business would have been successful if it had been in my daily living space. It really would overrun my home and my family time.

I am sorry you are struggling with your marriage and your home environment. I think that, as wives and mothers, we focus so much on making sure everyone in our homes are happy that we sometimes lose sight of what an important role we play each day. It sounds like you are making the right steps to getting your family on board. I hope it gets better for you ~ and I really do encourage you to find a way to separate it from the rest of your space! Good luck ~~~~

[countrymom]

first, if your dh is so unhappy why doesn't HE leave, what is holding him at the house.

ok, my dh never complains and neither do my kids about the daycare. And I've been married a long time and doing this for a long time too. So I can tell you what can and cannot work.

your dh wants his house back, maybe by having a seperate area for daycare this will help the situation. You have to understand, no one wants to come home to a whole house that is a daycare.

your hours, I found when I had late hours, it was stress on everyone because we didn't have the family time and it was so crazy having to watch and feed dck's because they were here so late. I now close at 5pm, and we eat dinner at 530pm (sometimes earlier) it makes a huge difference.

my kids go to their rooms if they want quiet time or have a snack. This is their home so they need to feel comfortable, this is why they are allowed to go and eat snacks in their rooms (moderation)

as for the money problem, can your dh be hiding some money issues, is he worried about not having enough. Instead of giving him rules, maybe a budget would be better.

do you guys go out, like for a walk or for a drive (me and dh love going for a car ride, but the kids love going too---is this even normal, they even ask us to go for car rides and they are older, we get coffees, stop at parks, yardsales, auctions)

sounds to me that your dh is angry, but not about daycare about something else, and he's going to have to tell you. Have you asked him why he doesnt like the daycare.

[itlw8]

Move the childcare to the basement solved TONS of problems for our family . I doubt I would still be in business if we had not done that years ago.

#2 ds was still small so we went "to school" in the morning #1 check in after school to see if we had a better snack.

no school age helped with the older one also. My hours have always been 7 to 5:30 but 7:30 to 5:15 was when I normally had children. This year I have 3 until 5:30 and that really messes life up even with my boys grown.

[coolconfidentme]

Tell the hubster to **** it up & quit his whining or you will give him timeout! He is teaching his children a disservice by openly showing disrespect for their mother. Period. I'm sure you support (on not complain) things about him. I would advise him, he is free to get a job bringing in $1000 a week & you can search for one making only $500 if he prefers. If he comes up with a better solution you will definitely be on board with it. If he has none, he can stop with the me, me, me! (Maybe I'm coming off a little harsh, but I think you get what I'm saying.)

[Angelsj]

I couldn't agree more with this! Our daycare is in the finished basement, separate from the rest of our home. My two little boys are able to have their own home, with their own toys, completely independent of the daycare. At the end of the day, I shut the door and we do not look at the space again. I honestly do not think my business would have been successful if it had been in my daily living space. It really would overrun my home and my family time.

This highlights how different we all are. I could never work with a separate space. (My kids do all have their own rooms to go to, though) My own kids would just follow me there. I love having everyone together in a group environment.
That is not to say I would mind having a "toy room" I could just shut the door on at the end of the day, but it would have to be connected to my regular home space.

[MarinaVanessa]

In a way you can do this in California, but you would have to convert that house into a center and follow not only Title 22 but Title 5 and need at least a BA and director teaching permit (http://www.butte.edu/departments/car...0CDF%20Web.pdf). But on the plus side you will beable to have up to 24 kids (with 2 or 3 assistants). I think there are at least 2 here in my town.

Although it's true that you can have a separate building in CA for me at least becoming a center isn't really worth it because of all of the added regulations in Title 5 and all additional cost related to getting approved, rent etc. It would also defeat my personal goal of keeping a low number of kids.

[DaisyMamma]

first, if your dh is so unhappy why doesn't HE leave, what is holding him at the house.
He is home on medical leave with a broken leg.

your dh wants his house back, maybe by having a seperate area for daycare this will help the situation. You have to understand, no one wants to come home to a whole house that is a daycare.

your hours, I found when I had late hours, it was stress on everyone because we didn't have the family time and it was so crazy having to watch and feed dck's because they were here so late. I now close at 5pm, and we eat dinner at 530pm (sometimes earlier) it makes a huge difference.
If I can't move or get the basement finished I will be changing my hours and cutting down on how many kids there are. Changing the hours will immediately get rid of 2-4+ kids so that will be easy.

my kids go to their rooms if they want quiet time or have a snack. This is their home so they need to feel comfortable, this is why they are allowed to go and eat snacks in their rooms (moderation)
I've already made a change that daycare kids aren't allowed in the family living room or my children's bedrooms. This is helping a little.

as for the money problem, can your dh be hiding some money issues, is he worried about not having enough. Instead of giving him rules, maybe a budget would be better.
He has no idea about our bills.

do you guys go out, like for a walk or for a drive (me and dh love going for a car ride, but the kids love going too---is this even normal, they even ask us to go for car rides and they are older, we get coffees, stop at parks, yardsales, auctions)

sounds to me that your dh is angry, but not about daycare about something else, and he's going to have to tell you. Have you asked him why he doesnt like the daycare.

He is miserable. He doesn't really like kids honestly. He can barely walk with his broken leg and we have one bathroom, which you get to through the playroom. Our front door goes to the playroom. Basically the playroom is literally in the middle of our ranch house.

[countrymom]

He is miserable. He doesn't really like kids honestly. He can barely walk with his broken leg and we have one bathroom, which you get to through the playroom. Our front door goes to the playroom. Basically the playroom is literally in the middle of our ranch house.

you just answered your own questions. He's miserable because he can't do anything, and he feels like the daycare is taking over his life. Was he like this before he broke his leg.

[jokalima]

I can relate in a way, my husband is very supportive, he even helps with the dishes and taking trash out every morning, but I think he does not realize how difficult this job is and how exhausted I am at the end of the day he likes to come from work to sit down on couch and fall asleep while dinner is served and the house is put together for next day. It drives me so mad that sometimes I resent him, my problem is that I live with 2 other adult, my husband and another family member, they are both the same, they think they come from work to have everything done for them. There is never a "how can Help you today?" Do you need me to mop the floor today? Clean the bathroom? and yes this might sound gross but it does happen... I would love for them to say "Hey I just used the bathroom and my poop was really soft and sticky today but no worries I will clean up after myself because I know you have DCK that are using that bathroom tomorrow" But it does not happen, Sometimes even when I leave the bathroom clean the night before so i don't have to worry about it in the am, I would find it dirty in the am. Is so disrespectful, I've talked to both of them but it does not seem to stick in to their heads that this is MY house, MY working place and I want to keep it clean and that I have enough of cleaning after kids to spend the rest of my time cleaning after adults, pleas don't leave your used cups, spoons and bowls in the sink, go ahead and wash them, I am not going to even start talking about the floors because I will be venting until tomorrow.

There was a moment that we did go to therapy, it did help and it did make us more conscious of each others needs, even when I am describing my situation as a bad one with family n DC it is way better now than it was before, counseling does help, sometimes he is thinking of things that you don't even imagine and it comes out during counseling. give it a try.