Failing As A Mother..How To Stop Kids Madness At Stores?

[Unregistered]

Plz help me.. I have twins 3 year old always crazy when we are shopping. They always want to get out of shopping cart, open and close fridges, picking foods , they don't stop crying or screaming if i prevented them from doing that, they will kick each other and LAUGH yes they Laugh i feel they are pretending. If we are in Macy's they don't want to hold my hands, just want to hide behind clothes, discovering fitting rooms??? shopping is almost a hell with them.
I couldn't keep my self quiet as i found my self recently scream in them as well..they don't listen to me or obey my orders they repeat my words for example if i said 'no don't do that it is your last time' then, if they are angry with me they will said 'mommy it is your last time'(( i feel i am a failing as a mother(

Please help me, how do you keep kids quiet and POLITE?

[Meeko]

Saying what you mean and meaning what you say is the key. Never tell them you will leave the store, or won't go to the park later or whatever... if you don't intend to follow through. It makes your words meaningless. And never give second chances.

It IS a huge pain to leave a cart of groceries and leave a store. It IS a huge pain to stop shopping and go home when you need to get it done. But the kids will learn that you mean what you say and that they HAVE to behave in the store/restaurant/place of business.

I always tried to make the alternative the lesser choice.

For example, I noticed that other people's kids got bored and played up in church, so their parents would get up and leave the chapel, so as not to disturb people.... and let their kids run up and down the hallways instead. Well what kid wouldn't prefer that?!!!

So I would take various quiet activities...coloring books, busy books etc with me. My kids could either do that quietly while sitting beside us, and listen to the speakers, or they could be taken to a vacant classroom and sit on a chair and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Guess what they chose to do?! People would ask me how I got them to behave so well. I just made it less boring to behave!

With my daycare kids, I do the same. If I promise something, I do it. Be it what they want or DON'T want.

If I tell a child "You just lost your arts and crafts time this afternoon" I mean it. Even if they behave better until then. I don't go back on what I say and they soon learn that and think twice before they misbehave. They know they can trust anything I say and I think that makes them more secure in the end. If I promise them brownies...then they'll get brownies if it kills me. Works both ways.

If my kids played up in a restaurant, either my husband or myself left and sat in the car with the child while the others finished their meal. Yes, we had a few meals that were not happy ones. But only one or two. The kids knew we MEANT it when we said they would be taken to the car without their food if they didn't settle down.

I see it all the time in stores and restaurants......"You do that again and we're leaving!" comes from mom. They child does "it" again. Mom just sighs and keeps repeating the same threat over and over. If the words don't mean anything, the child isn't going to listen.

It can take a while, but be consistent. Have a plan and be prepared to follow through. It's SOOO worth it to have a few non-productive trips to ensure good ones down the road. Good luck!

[Willow]

They always want to get out of shopping cart,

Too bad.

open and close fridges,

Keep your cart in the middle of the aisle

picking foods ,

Make a list before you leave and share it with them so there are clear cut expectations for what you're going to get. Don't deviate from that list.

they don't stop crying or screaming if i prevented them from doing that,

Ignore them. They do it because they've seen it gets you upset. I would not up and leave the store because that's what they want.

they will kick each other

Grab two carts and keep them separated. Push one, pull the other. Tell them they can go back to *trying* to be decent together in one cart if you can have three reasonable trips to the store with no ridiculousness.

If we are in Macy's they don't want to hold my hands, just want to hide behind clothes, discovering fitting rooms???

Two words, IRON. GRIP. Holding your hand isn't an option. Hiding behind clothes isn't an option. Going into the fitting rooms isn't an option.

I couldn't keep my self quiet as i found my self recently scream in them as well..

Mission accomplished in their minds, and that's unfortunate, but let go of that and look forward now. Show them from here on out that they do NOT control your emotions or your trips anywhere. Set out to accomplish what you need to and keep the most obnoxious happy smile on your face despite whatever they throw your way.

they don't listen to me or obey my orders they repeat my words for example if i said 'no don't do that it is your last time' then, if they are angry with me they will said 'mommy it is your last time':

BEFORE you leave set forth clear cut rules and their related consequences.

*If you sass back and repeat my words, when we get back home you'll be going right down for nap because that will show me you are tired and cranky.

*If you try to touch the food, open freezers, run behind clothes racks etc when we get back home I will be taking away 20 of your toys for one week.

*If you are nasty to your brother, you will not only have to pick up your toys but your brothers toys for one week too.


I completely agree consistency is key. Don't ever say you're going to do something you don't immediately follow through with.

[kathiemarie]

I agree 100% with Meeko. When I took my own kids shopping and we had to leave the store because of miss behavior we would go right home and they would go to bed. Its only what they want if you don't follow up with a punishment. I would NEVER ignore them. Why should some one else (other shoppers) have to put up miss behaving kids?

[MarinaVanessa]

I second what Meeko said. Consistency and following through is the best option. It doesn't start when you're in public, it starts when you're at home. Do your kids fight and bicker when they are at home? Do they misbehave there also? Kids need clear rules and boundaries so if you haven't already discussed these with your kids you should do this now.

My house rules are all based on three principles ... you cannot hurt yourself, you cannot hurt others and you cannot hurt things. Simple rules like:

• Keep your hands to yourself.
• Respect other people's personal space.
• Use furniture and toys as they were intended.
• Use indoor voices when inside.

Etc. are all reasonable rules to have. Once you explain what the rules mean then you give them consequences. If they throw a toy then they lose the toy. If they climb all over the couch and jump on it give them a time-out on the couch (they MUST use the couch as it was intended ... to SIT).

When it comes to the grocery store I would honestly just leave the kids at home or take only one child at a time. If they can't behave in the grocery store (or anywhere else) then they can't go. It's that simple. Take one child at a time and see how it goes. Make a grocery list and somehow involve the child in the grocery store. Split the list and have that child in charge of taking those items off of the shelves and putting them into the cart (always near you) or go beyond that and include your kids when deciding meals, give them a chance to pick some of the meals (within reasonable limits) so that when they are shopping for groceries they are shopping for things that they decided on. If the one child does well at the store next time bring another child, make it clear before you leave the house that if ANYONE misbehaves you will leave the store and leave the misbehaving child at home. If one or both children misbehaves take the cart and leave it with someone at the front and LEAVE THE STORE AND TAKE THE CHILD(REN) HOME. Leave them there with DH and go back and finish your shopping.

You have to be firm and take charge, Kids need to be told NO sometimes and given consequences otherwise they will have no reason to behave. Whatever your consequences are please remove your children from whatever public place they are in if they are screaming, crying loudly, shouting or having a tantrum. It is unfair for the rest of the people there to have to listen to a wailing child while they are peacefully trying to finish their shopping/dinner. I cannot tell you how many times I have removed my children from a restaurant or store out of respect for others because my kids were crying, but they learn. Yes, it will take a lot of practice and a lot of work on your part to get your kids in line but hey, parenting is one of the hardest jobs there is. But don't forget, it's also one of the most rewarding .

[itlw8]

If you can only take one shopping. If they are good they get to do it again with you. WHEN you are polite in the store THEN we get to do it again.

Make it fun. When they each can do it well alone then try again together. But make it a very short trip and let them know they did a good job or you saw they tried hard to be polite.

[Willow]

It's interesting that a couple of you are suggesting either removing the child from the situation or leaving them home entirely. I disagree that that teaches a child anything other than that they have control over all of your outings. Avoiding a situation or removing a child when they start to struggle doesn't teach a that child how to gain control over their behaviors regardless of their feelings.

I have friends and family members who never took their children anywhere when they were younger simply because it was easier to avoid the angst and lesson teaching altogether. Now, as older children, they still have zero concept of what it is to be respectful of the general public and their parents have no idea why. Can it be embarrassing? Sure. Can it get messy? Yep. Can it be frustrating and trying for both parent and child? Absolutely. But in the end it's the results that matter. A few pull your hair out trips are worth the end result and guaranteed the public doesn't mind a two year old acting up as much as a ten year old acting up.

Most reasonable people understand that kids will be kids when they're learning. It's simply a part of the process. When I hear other toddlers losing it when I'm grocery shopping or whatever I don't judge the child or the parent. I think to myself wow, that's a heck of a lesson being learned right there and will usually throw the mom or dad a reassuring "I've sure been there before too, he'll be over it before you know it" smile. If however I see an older child doing such a thing I can't help but think why on earth wasn't that behavior confronted and dealt with years ago??

If a baby starts screaming out of frustration because they can't crawl forward to get a toy is a parent supposed to pick them up or simply hand them the toy themselves? As a toddler if they pitch a fit over getting dressed or brushing their teeth does that suddenly become an optional activity where parents are supposed to remove them from their room or bathroom? In school if they get acting up in front of a teacher do we take them home? HECK NO!!! You encourage the baby. You require the toddler gets dressed and brush their teeth regardless and you show that child that although they may not love school or their teacher going isn't an option and neither is controlling their emotions about it.

Learning to work through boredom, anger, frustration, feelings of not being in control and uncomfortableness is a process that can't be taught with a lack of exposure to the experiences that make us feel that way.




When we did go to church, our weekly bulletin always encouraged parents with young children to stick it out and not go running off to the cry room at every peep. It asked the congregation to be understanding of the fact that children need to learn to be respectful of the worship space and that parents should be supported through that process. I completely agreed with that thought process



I refuse to give bad behavior any control or power in my life. Little ones are incredibly smart and when you start showing them they have zero control when they're out of control and loads of control when they are in control they'll begin trying much harder to make much better choices behavior wise.

[Meeko]

It's interesting that a couple of you are suggesting either removing the child from the situation or leaving them home entirely. I disagree that that teaches a child anything other than that they have control over all of your outings. Avoiding a situation or removing a child when they start to struggle doesn't teach a that child how to gain control over their behaviors regardless of their feelings.

I have friends and family members who never took their children anywhere when they were younger simply because it was easier to avoid the angst and lesson teaching altogether. Now, as older children, they still have zero concept of what it is to be respectful of the general public and their parents have no idea why. Can it be embarrassing? Sure. Can it get messy? Yep. Can it be frustrating and trying for both parent and child? Absolutely. But in the end it's the results that matter. A few pull your hair out trips are worth the end result and guaranteed the public doesn't mind a two year old acting up as much as a ten year old acting up.

Most reasonable people understand that kids will be kids when they're learning. It's simply a part of the process. When I hear other toddlers losing it when I'm grocery shopping or whatever I don't judge the child or the parent. I think to myself wow, that's a heck of a lesson being learned right there and will usually throw the mom or dad a reassuring "I've sure been there before too, he'll be over it before you know it" smile. If however I see an older child doing such a thing I can't help but think why on earth wasn't that behavior confronted and dealt with years ago??

If a baby starts screaming out of frustration because they can't crawl forward to get a toy is a parent supposed to pick them up or simply hand them the toy themselves? As a toddler if they pitch a fit over getting dressed or brushing their teeth does that suddenly become an optional activity where parents are supposed to remove them from their room or bathroom? In school if they get acting up in front of a teacher do we take them home? HECK NO!!! You encourage the baby. You require the toddler gets dressed and brush their teeth regardless and you show that child that although they may not love school or their teacher going isn't an option and neither is controlling their emotions about it.

Learning to work through boredom, anger, frustration, feelings of not being in control and uncomfortableness is a process that can't be taught with a lack of exposure to the experiences that make us feel that way.




When we did go to church, our weekly bulletin always encouraged parents with young children to stick it out and not go running off to the cry room at every peep. It asked the congregation to be understanding of the fact that children need to learn to be respectful of the worship space and that parents should be supported through that process. I completely agreed with that thought process



I refuse to give bad behavior any control or power in my life. Little ones are incredibly smart and when you start showing them they have zero control when they're out of control and loads of control when they are in control they'll begin trying much harder to make much better choices behavior wise.

I agree that bad behavior should not be rewarded. I think it's important that if a mother takes her child out of the store or restaurant (because it annoys a lot of people) and goes home...that should not be it. Consequences for the behavior must also follow..

Just like I did in church. I would not want the people in front or behind me to miss what was being said due to my children. So I took them out. BUT....they didn't enjoy the consequence. They would then CHOOSE to behave while in church.

I remember standing up a few times to take my son out of church services and him starting to say "I'm sorry! I'll be good! I'll be quiet!" He knew what was coming! (a chair facing a bare wall in another room..)Too late buddy! It only happened a couple of times.

It was a win-win for everyone. He learned I meant business and my friends were not disturbed. I didn't think they should put up with MY problem children on THEIR day of rest.

I thoroughly enjoy shopping by myself...even grocery shopping. I do not appreciate yelling, crying, running children spoiling my afternoon out or breaking my train of thought while shopping. I am not alone in this.

By yelling in the store, the child knows they are in charge. They know they are making their mother feel uncomfortable and making other people mad. Their mindset is
"What's Mom gonna do about it?"

If the answer is nothing...then there is no incentive to stop. Having a hissy is much more fun than sitting still!!

If they learn that sitting in the cart is MUCH more favorable than the consequences.......they will behave.

[Willow]

By yelling in the store, the child knows they are in charge. They know they are making their mother feel uncomfortable and making other people mad. Their mindset is
"What's Mom gonna do about it?"

If the answer is nothing...then there is no incentive to stop. Having a hissy is much more fun than sitting still!!

Ahhhh, but there sure is incentive to stop. The incentive is the same for ANY good behavior - happy parent, praise, more freedom, more choice (and for many parents/kids rewards come in the form of actual treats).


Ignoring a behavior will lead to the extinction of it. That's a trademark of behavior modification theory. And usually the effect is swift and complete because people/children (like all mammals) only do what works for them. If screaming caused candy to drop from the sky then I'd buy that throwing a hissy fit is much more fun than sitting still. But otherwise it's merely the sign of an unhappy child, not one content to continue doing what they're doing because it brings them some amount of pleasure.

By showing the child yelling in the store that that behavior has no power, WILL lead to the extinction of it.

If my kids ever did anything like that I'd probably laugh and alert them to the fact that no one around them cares that they're being ridiculous. Carry on. And louder please if you wish. Next trip we make if you make better choices we can talk about swinging by the park afterward. Pity we couldn't do that today because you're being so silly and you obviously need a nap, it's so sunny outside!



The initial mindset may be, "What's mom gonna do about it, how's she gonna fix this, I'm not happy dang it and I demand she remedy that immediately!!!" but when they learn the answer is NOTHING it takes all the wind out of those sails.


I love shopping alone now that my kids are older because it's usually faster, but when they were younger I saw it as my duty to use those opportunities to teach them manners and how to behave in public. The younger they are the faster they learn so I thought it was imperative I took advantage of those early years.

[Holiday Park]

It's interesting that a couple of you are suggesting either removing the child from the situation or leaving them home entirely. I disagree that that teaches a child anything other than that they have control over all of your outings. Avoiding a situation or removing a child when they start to struggle doesn't teach a that child how to gain control over their behaviors regardless of their feelings.

I have friends and family members who never took their children anywhere when they were younger simply because it was easier to avoid the angst and lesson teaching altogether. Now, as older children, they still have zero concept of what it is to be respectful of the general public and their parents have no idea why. Can it be embarrassing? Sure. Can it get messy? Yep. Can it be frustrating and trying for both parent and child? Absolutely. But in the end it's the results that matter. A few pull your hair out trips are worth the end result and guaranteed the public doesn't mind a two year old acting up as much as a ten year old acting up.

Most reasonable people understand that kids will be kids when they're learning. It's simply a part of the process. When I hear other toddlers losing it when I'm grocery shopping or whatever I don't judge the child or the parent. I think to myself wow, that's a heck of a lesson being learned right there and will usually throw the mom or dad a reassuring "I've sure been there before too, he'll be over it before you know it" smile. If however I see an older child doing such a thing I can't help but think why on earth wasn't that behavior confronted and dealt with years ago??

If a baby starts screaming out of frustration because they can't crawl forward to get a toy is a parent supposed to pick them up or simply hand them the toy themselves? As a toddler if they pitch a fit over getting dressed or brushing their teeth does that suddenly become an optional activity where parents are supposed to remove them from their room or bathroom? In school if they get acting up in front of a teacher do we take them home? HECK NO!!! You encourage the baby. You require the toddler gets dressed and brush their teeth regardless and you show that child that although they may not love school or their teacher going isn't an option and neither is controlling their emotions about it.

Learning to work through boredom, anger, frustration, feelings of not being in control and uncomfortableness is a process that can't be taught with a lack of exposure to the experiences that make us feel that way.




When we did go to church, our weekly bulletin always encouraged parents with young children to stick it out and not go running off to the cry room at every peep. It asked the congregation to be understanding of the fact that children need to learn to be respectful of the worship space and that parents should be supported through that process. I completely agreed with that thought process



I refuse to give bad behavior any control or power in my life. Little ones are incredibly smart and when you start showing them they have zero control when they're out of control and loads of control when they are in control they'll begin trying much harder to make much better choices behavior wise.

I 100% agree !! Too many people lack this knowledge of how very important it is for little ones to LEARN this stuff IN the environment they are in, and go look down on the mother (for dealing with it right then & there) when they should be glad a mother is doing her job and taking care to make sure this child is learning how to behave now and not letting it turn into an issue in the future when the child has grown older/bigger/stronger/louder.

[Willow]

I agree that bad behavior should not be rewarded. I think it's important that if a mother takes her child out of the store or restaurant (because it annoys a lot of people) and goes home...that should not be it. Consequences for the behavior must also follow..

I completely agree consequences must follow the behavior, my beef with the pulling a kid out of shopping scenario is that that is far more of a consequence for you than it ever would be for a child.

Guaranteed sitting in a cart for an hour long grocery shopping trip is no more fun than going home and taking a nap would be. Whether the kiddo is screaming miserable in the cart or screaming miserable in their bed when they get home is moot for them. NONE of it is fun.

In the end dropping everything only to have to return later is only a punishment to you and a hindrance on your life.




I'd be willing to bet everything I own that your child didn't chose church over sitting in the corner......he chose your praise for enduring sitting through church over your displeasure when he didn't.

Good kiddos care how their parents feel, they want to please them. Your approval and disapproval matter far more when the options are one miserable activity over another miserable activity (or consequence). When you take the power away from bad behaviors kids generally come to that conclusion a lot faster

[Solandia]

The advice is awesome...except, it really only works when only ONE child is the one acting up at a time. When you have two in the same stage of hellishness, you can really only teach one of them at a time.

I have two 3yo boys, and I can only take one shopping at a time (in order to enforce correct & polite behaviors). One boy is MUCH worse than the other(although both are way more headstrong than my older kids every were), but together they would make Mother Theresa run headlong into expressway traffic. It is definately a different dynamic when you have 2

IF I ABSOLUTELY have to take both, it is for ONE quick thing, and that is the end of the errand. So, groceries will be a very quick trip to the store, grab enough for Lunch, dinner and snack, and be done. And then have to go again the next day. WHY? Because if they are acting up(usually at the same time), I have to put them in the double stroller to contain them for their safety, so that means no shopping cart. They hate the stroller. *I* hate the stroller. But when out & about, learning together, it is a must as a backup plan.

[Starburst]

Usually at age 3 you should be able to start tell them where you are going and what is expected and the consiquences of breaking the rules.

"We are going to the bank, then the store then we are comming home. While we are out you will use inside voices, keep your hands to yourself, be kind to others, only get items on the shopping list, and stay close by mom/dad/grandma" have it all written down on a chart so they have a visual (can help them with early reading skills too). At this age keep it to 5 or less things once they master it you can add one or two more things at a time. Try to keep it as possitive as possible (so they know what they can do instead of what they can't do). If you notice one is on the verge of breaking the rules just use a reminder: "stay by mom" "be kind to others" "inside voice".... or you can praise the child that is following "I like how (Twin) isn't asking for anything that is not on the list/isn't taking anything off the shelves...."

"If you break the rules you will not get a suprise"; "If you break the rules we will have time out in the car; if you act up again you will go home and you will not go anywhere with me for a while"

Maybe offer them a "suprise" if they behave with no warnings (an activity/video at home, sticker/stamp, a small toy, or candy/cookie but don't tell them) and then after a few times use a sticker chart how many times they have behaved at a store and maybe take them to the park after 5 nice visits then 10... and if they don't behave they don't get a suprise or you will take them both out of the store and sit in the car [you in the driver's seat not talking/looking directly at them (use rear view mirror)] for 3 minutes (starting when they stop talking/crying) and then try taking them in again but they do not get a "suprize" for this visit.

[Hunni Bee]

I agree with Meeko. I've learned that the most effective consequence for kids is nothing. Everything beats nothing....getting yelled at, a talking to, even a spanking. A kid would much rather sit screaming in a shopping cart than leave and go home and do nothing.

Yes it is a major inconvenience to a parent to collect a cart full of groceries and then leave it, but it teaches thr child that he will get absolutely nothing for misbehaving. My nephew knows that if he acts up in a store, he and I will go the car without a word, he will get strapped in his carseat, and we will sit there silently (or i will sit there silently and he whines) until his mom and grandma come out. If it's just me and him, we will.go home and sit. When bumblebee is born and he/she gets old enough to act up in a store, i will do the same thing.

[Willow]

The advice is awesome...except, it really only works when only ONE child is the one acting up at a time. When you have two in the same stage of hellishness, you can really only teach one of them at a time.

I have two 3yo boys, and I can only take one shopping at a time (in order to enforce correct & polite behaviors). One boy is MUCH worse than the other(although both are way more headstrong than my older kids every were), but together they would make Mother Theresa run headlong into expressway traffic. It is definately a different dynamic when you have 2

IF I ABSOLUTELY have to take both, it is for ONE quick thing, and that is the end of the errand. So, groceries will be a very quick trip to the store, grab enough for Lunch, dinner and snack, and be done. And then have to go again the next day. WHY? Because if they are acting up(usually at the same time), I have to put them in the double stroller to contain them for their safety, so that means no shopping cart. They hate the stroller. *I* hate the stroller. But when out & about, learning together, it is a must as a backup plan.

I hate to disagree again, but I do .

When my kids were two and three respectively I accepted a placement of premie foster twins. Born at 35 weeks, I got them at 36 weeks when they were allowed to leave the hospital. They were cocaine exposed in utero and there was definitely fall out from that. They needed to be fed every two hours, their bodies were still detoxing and their poos when they had them literally burned their underdeveloped skin, and they were both incredibly irritable pretty much around the clock. I had the four of them round the clock pretty much by myself and being they were foster kiddos I couldn't just leave them with anyone to go and run daily errands (not that I would have anyway as it's just not my style).

One day we *had* to head out for groceries and my then two year old son started acting up over cereal(we never bought the sweet stuff, why he choose that, on that day I have no idea). He was in one of my two carts (pushed the one with the babies and pulled the one with him in it) and just decided to let it buck like he never had. His ruckus caused both the babies to start up which was fantastically overwhelming but I took several deep breaths and just proceeded on. I felt bad and apologized to those around me but they were all incredibly kind. A couple peeked at the babies, acutally re-nuked them and offered kind words to me. I spoke calmly and sweetly to my daughter telling her how proud I was that she was being so good but beyond that I simply endured the ridiculous behavior my son was throwing out of nowhere. Thankfully the babies eventually settled but my son carried on all the way out to my truck. I am usually not big on physical rewards but I drove right to a Dairy Queen (ice cream) after all that. Got myself a giant sundae and let MY DAUGHTER pick whatever she wanted. She got her first banana split that day My son, got NOTHING. I then drove over to a park not far away, strollered up the babies, let my daughter out and left my son strapped in his carseat and closed the doors (it was fall, there was definitely no danger of overheating). I sat on a bench right next to the vehicle and fed the babies as they were starving at that point, my daughter got to eat her ice cream and hit the slide and swings and he sat in the vehicle and just screamed like I had never heard him belt it out before. Took a good ten minutes of that screaming, that evolved into all out gagging and then silence before I opened the door and asked him if he was done. He said he was, I let him play for 5 minutes and then told him if he was good in the store from here on out there may be other opportunities to get ice cream and come back to the park again.

I pushed that promise hard as I know we must have made at least a dozen trips before he got his chance at ice cream but he never and I mean NEVER acted like that out in public again.

He would have learned absolutely nothing if I'd have turned tail and left the store without groceries for our family.

He definitely had consequences for his behavior, much worse ones that simply going and sitting at home, I just refused to let those consequences be mine as well. Took the power out of his bad behavior and he quickly (immediately) learned the alternative was a much better choice for him.



My point is, taking one child alone isn't the only option. I couldn't have made the point I did without another child with me that day. If she would have acted up to I'd have gotten ice cream for myself and left them both in the vehicle until they were done. The same theories and methods can apply to any child you have with you regardless of how many you're trying to manage at one time.

I do the same thing with my daycare kids. I'm not big at all on traditional forms of punishment or rewards but I am HUGE on rewarding good behavior with loads of positive reinforcement. Jane can pitch a fit all she wants but she best know that will not influence what, when, where, when and how the rest of us go about our day. Johnny however being kind, respectful and helpful will be rewarded with control as to what we do, when we go, where we go, when we go and how awesome the rest of his day is. He is rewarded for his good behavior.


Punishment doesn't have to be a physical act to be effective. Not leaving a store when a child acts a fool isn't doing nothing. It certainly isn't some sort of "non-consequence." The intentional absence of positive reinforcement is in and of itself a very powerful tool when it comes to raising kids to be decent human beings. I'd venture to say it's the most powerful. It's why kids can be driven into the ground with loads of various punishments and still be completely out of control heathens into adulthood.

If you want to delve super deep into how powerful it is consider that most of your serious of career criminals will detail a childhood filled with physical punishment and void of any or enough positive reinforcement in relation to their behaviors.