Confused About How People Potty Train

[itlw8]

more and more people talk about readiness these days when they talk about potty training. I hear more and more often a child is not ready until they tell you they have to go to the bathroom or go themselves . Usually then they say for 2 weeks. Do not even bother until then the parents need to do something and wait. Wait for what ?

I know things have changed but I always thought it was like reading you had to learn each step to move on to the next one. Learn the letters, then how they sound before you can make words then stories.

potty training learn to sit, pull your pants up , pee on the toilet and then know when you need to pee in time to get there. wear underware and stay dry.

So when you say a child is not ready do you mean for underware or do you mean for all of it. so we should just leave them in diapers until the parents take a weeks vacation to teach them or they get embarrassed enough to do it themselves because their friends all wear underware?

I understand children today are developmentally delayed compared to the children of the 70's and 80's when most were toilet trained by 2 if not 2 1/2
and the 50's and 60's well before age 2. I am just not sure why that is the case.

heck until around 2000 children were expected to know how to tie their shoes when they started kindergarten. It was a skill we taught at 4. Now we hear it is not developmentally appropriate until age 7 or 8 for many chidren. ?????

Yes I am being a bit sarcastic but not trying to put anyone down.But there must be a reason children are much older these days.

[nannyde]

corporal punishment was very common and perfectly acceptable in the 50's and 60's. When toddlers have physical pain as a consequence they learn the expectation WAY faster. When the traing process was reduced to just words and feelings it changed the age in which the child understood the expectation. Google child abuse and toileting to get a historical prospective. Even today when most states have laws on the books limiting the use of corporal punishment it is very very common to see abuse surrounding toileting from both parents and providers. Also male significant others to mothers are often the perpetrators in using excessive corporal punishment to toddlers and preschoolers for having accidents. Georgia has a very good training on this for child protective workers and mandatory reporters. google that too

[rmc20021]

It's so hard to tell as all children are so different and are prepared to be trained at different ages. I go by how well they communicate.
When my youngest daughter was 18 mo she was in daycare. She was very verbal and was able to express her wants and needs very well.
I decided one Friday that I would begin potty training her over the weekend while I was at home.
By Monday she was completely trained...no lie. Took her to daycare the following Monday and told the provider she had been trained over the weekend (I know how unrealistic this sounds but it is the truth)
Provider looked at me and raised her eyebrows like she doubted me. I left for work and when I picked my daughter up, provider told me my daughter had not used the toilet all day...she didn't wet her pants either. She had held it all day until she got home.
I had never attempted to try prior to that weekend and I think that is a problem some parents have...they think their child is ready (or they just want them out of diapers) so they half heartedly make an attempt to potty train.
It doesn't work out so well so they slack off...each time you start and stop, it makes it harder for the child to grasp the whole concept.
I have a family with a boy who turned 2 in November...he's not very verbal and doesn't communcate his wants or needs at all. Before he turned 2 they came to me and said they wanted to start potty training him. I told them I didn't think he was ready. A couple weeks later they told me that he will let you know when he has to go potty IF he is completely nude...Uhhhhhh, I don't think I"m going to allow a nude 2 yo run around my house all day with the other kids there and maybe go to the bathroom, or maybe not.
But, this is the same family who refused to take their child to the doctor Friday when I called them to pick him up because he came in coughing his head off, running a temp and breathing/huffing so fast and hard it scared me to death.

[daycarediva]

corporal punishment was very common and perfectly acceptable in the 50's and 60's. When toddlers have physical pain as a consequence they learn the expectation WAY faster. When the traing process was reduced to just words and feelings it changed the age in which the child understood the expectation. Google child abuse and toileting to get a historical prospective.

My husband's grandmother told me that she used to spank her kids at 12-14months if they had an accident. I just stared at her. They were all potty trained at 2, according to her. 12 months of being swatted everytime they wet themselves. What an incentive.

I teach toilet training like every other developmental milestone. Each child is different, I have had ages vary from 18m-4. If they ARE ready, within a couple of weeks they get the idea and start to have fewer wet pants.

I find more parents use it as a 'my kid is smart thing' now, kid competition is big here.

[itlw8]

corporal punishment was very common and perfectly acceptable in the 50's and 60's. When toddlers have physical pain as a consequence they learn the expectation WAY faster. When the traing process was reduced to just words and feelings it changed the age in which the child understood the expectation. Google child abuse and toileting to get a historical prospective. Even today when most states have laws on the books limiting the use of corporal punishment it is very very common to see abuse surrounding toileting from both parents and providers. Also male significant others to mothers are often the perpetrators in using excessive corporal punishment to toddlers and preschoolers for having accidents. Georgia has a very good training on this for child protective workers and mandatory reporters. google that too

I know darn well my mother or grandmother did not punish any of us for accidents. and I surely did not in the early 80's I needed to put ds in a childcare center and in 82 NONE took children under 2 and at 2 they had to be toilet trained. and no I did not punish him. So no that is not the reason

I am sure there were some that did punish for accident and there still are some that do so. I would assume those parents punish for many other thengs also.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I'm in my almost mid-twenties and I was potty trained by 18 months. I just wanted to go potty.

Nowadays, so many parents DO so many things for their kids ... their kids can hardly function.

[heyhun77]

But there must be a reason children are much older these days.

Most likely the reason is this... disposable diapers. Back then most used cloth diapers which do not hold in waste as well so the child felt wet and it didn't feel good.

For potty training, I do as you described. Start with washing hands, then dressing/undressing, sitting on the toilet even if they don't go then watching for signals that they are going to try to catch them so they can start to recognize the sensation of having to go. When a child is staying dry for about 2 hours I really watch for signs that they are ready to start. It's different for each child but I definitely associate potty training with the pre-training steps of washing hands, dressing/undressing and getting onto the potty. When they see other children going through these steps they will naturally want to try as well.

[CedarCreek]

I'm confused as to why it matters very much. I trained my sons when I thought they were ready. That doesn't make them "developmentally delayed". With my dcks, I would think it would take an enormous amount of extra time to train them by the age of 2. Thats time that I don't have while running a full daycare.

How does it harm them to be trained by 3 or even 4 as compared to 2?

[nannyde]

I know darn well my mother or grandmother did not punish any of us for accidents. and I surely did not in the early 80's I needed to put ds in a childcare center and in 82 NONE took children under 2 and at 2 they had to be toilet trained. and no I did not punish him. So no that is not the reason

I am sure there were some that did punish for accident and there still are some that do so. I would assume those parents punish for many other thengs also.

I hope you spend some time researching it. I think you will find it very interesting. Whenever you see a marked generational difference when humans really don't evolve that fast, there is often a reason that isn't so glaringly apparent. We have a tendency to just look at the outcome and not consider the societal norms when things were better or faster. Removing the option of harsh painful physical punishment has impacted many areas of childhood development. Toileting is only one. We are animals with a beating heart who learn to avoid physical pain. When pain is removed from the consequence it does change the response and outcomes.

[nannyde]

I'm confused as to why it matters very much. I trained my sons when I thought they were ready. That doesn't make them "developmentally delayed". With my dcks, I would think it would take an enormous amount of extra time to train them by the age of 2. Thats time that I don't have while running a full daycare.

How does it harm them to be trained by 3 or even 4 as compared to 2?

yes I have one that is nearly done at 24 months and one who is 37 months who may 4 before she is ready. Same house same rules but very different skill set.

[Starburst]

corporal punishment was very common and perfectly acceptable in the 50's and 60's. When toddlers have physical pain as a consequence they learn the expectation WAY faster. When the traing process was reduced to just words and feelings it changed the age in which the child understood the expectation. Google child abuse and toileting to get a historical prospective. Even today when most states have laws on the books limiting the use of corporal punishment it is very very common to see abuse surrounding toileting from both parents and providers. Also male significant others to mothers are often the perpetrators in using excessive corporal punishment to toddlers and preschoolers for having accidents. Georgia has a very good training on this for child protective workers and mandatory reporters. google that too

I googeld it and there were actually kids that died or were severly injured because their parents were frustrated over potty training . A few years ago I heard of a mother that actually super-glued her 2-year-old daughter's hands to the wall and hit her because she wouldn't use the toilet and that nut case was sent to prison for 99 years and had all 5 of her kids taken away (she was only 23). Its sad to think how many people are able to/allowed to have children and ruin that privilage.

[Candy]

I don't really feed into the child isn't ready thing because no one in my family wore diapers past 2 and a half. But we were never spanked for accidents. I think some people are lazy and just say that their kids aren't ready, not all but some. The reward system works great for 2 year olds. I have a cousin that had speech issues and was still potty trained before 3(even after his potty accident where it slamed down on him) so we can't blame it on speech all the time. I have made it clear that i will not change 3 year old diapers. Where i live 3 year olds attend school so they must be potty trained.

[Candy]

I'm confused as to why it matters very much. I trained my sons when I thought they were ready. That doesn't make them "developmentally delayed". With my dcks, I would think it would take an enormous amount of extra time to train them by the age of 2. Thats time that I don't have while running a full daycare.

How does it harm them to be trained by 3 or even 4 as compared to 2?

I think age 4 would be pushing it a bit.

[nannyde]

I googeld it and there were actually kids that died or were severly injured because their parents were frustrated over potty training . A few years ago I heard of a mother that actually super-glued her 2-year-old daughter's hands to the wall and hit her because she wouldn't use the toilet and that nut case was sent to prison for 99 years and had all 5 of her kids taken away (she was only 23). Its sad to think how many people are able to/allowed to have children and ruin that privilage.

google Irene martin Plainfield Illinois toddler severely burned

she is now serving time in prison for her burning little corbin.

[CedarCreek]

I think age 4 would be pushing it a bit.

How so? What would be the ramifications of a child not being trained until closer to 4? Ive never met an adult that had a shortcoming and the reason was because they didn't potty train until late.

My child that has Cornelia de Lange syndrome was not trained until 4 because he was not ready. Believe me,I tried before then. I was not lazy.

My 3 year old is trained but does have accidents once in a while.