Confused About How People Potty Train

[Starburst]

I'm confused as to why it matters very much. I trained my sons when I thought they were ready. That doesn't make them "developmentally delayed". With my dcks, I would think it would take an enormous amount of extra time to train them by the age of 2. Thats time that I don't have while running a full daycare.

How does it harm them to be trained by 3 or even 4 as compared to 2?

Usually parents push their kids because parent's keep trying to show off and seem superior by bragging about their kids "Johnny used the toilet since he was born", "Sally can say over 100+ words in 10 different languages", "Billy can bench press 250" "- okay a bit of a hyperbole but you get the idea . Some other reasons are that their daycare/preschool program either wants kids to be potty trained to move up to a new group (and aging out of the old group) or because some places charge cheaper rates for potty trained children.

[CedarCreek]

I don't really feed into the child isn't ready thing because no one in my family wore diapers past 2 and a half. But we were never spanked for accidents. I think some people are lazy and just say that their kids aren't ready, not all but some. The reward system works great for 2 year olds. I have a cousin that had speech issues and was still potty trained before 3(even after his potty accident where it slamed down on him) so we can't blame it on speech all the time. I have made it clear that i will not change 3 year old diapers. Where i live 3 year olds attend school so they must be potty trained.

While that's great for your family, not every child is ready by 2 and a half. That doesn't make their parents lazy. What's lazy is throwing their unprepared child into underwear and then handing that child over to the provider to deal with.

[Candy]

How so? What would be the ramifications of a child not being trained until closer to 4? Ive never met an adult that had a shortcoming and the reason was because they didn't potty train until late.

My child that has Cornelia de Lange syndrome was not trained until 4 because he was not ready. Believe me,I tried before then. I was not lazy.

My 3 year old is trained but does have accidents once in a while.

Not children who have special needs, that i can understand. At 4 kids are in pre-k and i just can't imagine sending a child to school in a diaper.

[momofboys]

I think age 4 would be pushing it a bit.

My oldest son was almost 4 before he was totally trained, he is now.a 5th grader who gets straight A's. His younger brothers were both trained at 2 1/2.

[Play Care]

I am one who waits to see some signs of readiness before I will attempt/assist with potty training. I find that when a child has a normal BM schedule, asks to be changed when their diaper is soiled, etc. they are done with "training" in a week.
And I've often wondered how parents/providers who claim to have all their kids pt'd by 2 do it. Because when I try introducing the potty to kids that age I get tears, refusal and drama. Especially in the summer when we are outside more, I've put kids in underwear (while having them sit on the potty every so often) just so they would get the whole wet = uncomfortable feeling. For the most part, until they are 2 or older, I find they are running around with wet pants totally unbothered. If that makes me lazy then so be it.

I have two 2 1/2 yo's right now in my care. A boy and girl. The girl will probably be getting pt'd here in the next few weeks. Dad has been working hard at it at home and I will carry it over here. I hope the boy will follow suit, but he has speech delay and has issues understanding simple one step directions as it is. I'm not holding my breath.

Interestingly enough, my older sister was pt'd by 18 months. My twin sister and I were not ready at that age and my mother was getting upset. My grandmother (who had raised TEN children throughout the 40's, 50's and 60's) was the one who told her to back off as we were not ready. At the time we had an older relative living with us who would constantly tell my mom that so & so had all her kids trained by 2. Well, Grandma told her that so & so made her kids sit on the potty for hours and wouldn't let them off until they went... I'm not saying that everyone who was pt'd early was abused. I know kids who are ready early. But I'm finding them to be the exception rather than the rule. My own cut off is 3 1/2. I tell parents I will not change diapers after that age unless there is a documented disability.

[Willow]

My oldest son was almost 4 before he was totally trained, he is now.a 5th grader who gets straight A's. His younger brothers were both trained at 2 1/2.

I usually loathe this conversation but had to chime in , my son was almost 4 when he decided he was done with diapers too.

He started Kindy a month after he turned 5 (I did his pre-k prep at home myself) and he has always been hands down the smartest kid in his class. Not my opinion - his test results, grades and teachers accolades speak for themselves. Aside from some sensory issues due to his (mildly) premature birth he's never been delayed in any say. Intelligence and ability has nothing to do with readiness.

I wasn't lazy in letting him go that long. I just thought it best to let him decide when he was ready. I didn't like what I had read about the negative mental or physical effects of pushing. As a result he never had a single accident day or night. (My daughter trained herself the exact same way but she was just 2 when she decided to gain control over her own elimination).



I'm with nannyde here. The reasons behind the age differences have nothing to do with laziness or complacency. Not only have we evolved from punishing babies for having accidents (and thank God for that) but the vast majority of kids no longer have a single caregiver anymore. In most families both parents work and that can complicate consistency and the process in general much more.

As a daycare provider I'd much rather work with parents of a child who are respectful of the individual child's maturity level rather than the ones who push push PUSH a child who isn't ready at all. They far and away struggle with mastering toileting much longer (if they ever get it down at all) than a child who is allowed to start the process when they are ready.