Spoiled Daycare Kid - Stressed Out Wife

[Dorothy]

I came home tonight and my wife was in tears. I work as an education administrator and my wife is caring for the 7 month old girl (who we will call little Sally) of one of my employees. The little girl absolutely will not allow my wife to set her on the floor to play and throws a fit like I didn't know a 7 month old could do! Sally will go from being happy and content in my wife's arms to a screaming-choking-flailing fit on the floor within seconds after my wife sets her down. My poor wife feels like she can't get anything done and can't even pee until either a) I come home for lunch and after work, or b) when the parents come by over lunch (which subsequently they come by together every single day to feed Sally).

We've raised 5 kids of our own, all of which are in elementary school, and we are well versed in the need for at least some basic structure for kids. We are quite confident the parents, God bless them, hold this child ALL the time! Little Sally also eats all the time and as a result is vastly overweight for her age. My wife has tried for over a month now to set Sally up on a basic schedule for eating and napping. At times it seems to be mildly successful, but as of late it seems Sally isn't very content with any kind of structure - at all. We've talked with the parents and now they daily bring over Sally's favorite toy (a bouncy play thing with lots of toys on it ) which allows my wife just enough time to run to the bathroom a few times each day before the next meltdown occurs.

I'm just looking for advice from any of you who have faced something similar that she can utilize to provide some sanity in her day and that I can use to support her.

[Abigail]

Does she watch other kids during the day too? How long have you been dealing with little Sally desire to always be held?

[Dorothy]

Yes she has one other little girl who is 1 year old. She's been watching 'little Sally' for a little over 1 month. Is it simply a phase?

[Lucy]

Gradually wait longer and longer before you pick her back up. Eventually she will learn that even though Mom & Dad hold her all the time, you won't. Might take you awhile, and the screaming will get to you, but it won't hurt Sally. I know it's heartbreaking to hear and see, but you have to wean her off of being held all the time. Sit by her on the floor and play at first. Then a few days later, sit a little further away. Then sit on the couch, then a chair further away. Make sure she's on a blanket with plenty of toys within reach. Keep talking to her calmly. Like I said, this could take awhile. If the screaming gets to you really bad, wear earplugs. Don't worry.... they don't block out all the noise. You'll still be able to hear her, but it softens it a bit.

Hope this helps ??

[Chickenhauler]

I agree, it's going to be tough, but she's going to have to break this child of the "me me me" center of attention 24/7 habit she's in, or this kid is going to have a rough go of life.

The sooner the better, too.

[jen]

Yikes, hugs to your wife. I do agree with everyone else though. I would maintain eating schedules and napping schedules as well as giving her more time on the floor. It is hard to have them flip out, but as long as we can remember it really is in the child's best interest, it's doable.

Then there would be the theory of baby wearing if that is something your wife is interested. That's not something I do, but I'm sure that there are others on this forum who have experience with that.

[Golden Rule]

I agree, it's going to be tough, but she's going to have to break this child of the "me me me" center of attention 24/7 habit she's in, or this kid is going to have a rough go of life.

The sooner the better, too.

Could not agree more. Right now I am dealing with a 3 year old version of this...screams/kicks (unprovoked) up to 4 hours at a time some days. We are making progress, but I have only 12 months to have her ready for pre-k...including potty training. Not good odds.... I inherited someone else's problem late in the game and am doing the best I can. It can be disheartening.

The sooner this cycle is broken, the better......

I love how supportive you are of your wife.... Just had to let you know that.

[SunflowerMama]

I had the same problem when I first opened with a little girl close to the same age. It was her first experience in childcare and mom/dad carried her everywhere and didn't have any sort of schedule when it came to sleeping/eating.

Unfortunately I only kept her a few weeks. The crying was non-stop if I wasn't holding her and very disruptive to the other children. It was increasing my stress level the minute she was dropped off. As soon as I let them go the other kids were more happy and more calm and my stress level dropped greatly.

I just think your wife needs to think about her own stress and sanity and sometimes, even though it is sad, there are going to be children that may not be the best fit for your program (for whatever reason) and you have to let them go. If your wife has been watching her for a month and nothing has improved, I really think she has done all she can. But that's just my opinion.

[boysx5]

in time it does get better I have had one of those babies and its hard to break it but in time it does the little girl I had who was like that is now 2/12 and has come a long way

[tymaboy]

Talk to the parents again. Tell them they are on probation (2-4 weeks) for things to get better. Explain again how your wife can not hold the child all day. It is OK if the child crys, as long as you know that the child does not need anything & is fine. I find that withing a few days the child does much better but it only works if your wife does the same thing everyday.

[Unregistered]

I have the same issue right now-my daycare child is 15 mos- he follows me EVERYWHERE, I trip over her constantly, take him to play with toys and the other kids but he follows me right back. he will not play unless I am right there. And naptime-that is a whole other story! They rock him to sleep and I am confident they must hold him the entire nap because if you move a finger he wakes up. I however lay him down in the pack & play and ley him cry it out-he has sometimes whined for 45 mins until falling asleep to take a 30-45 min nap! The parents also has been wanting to switch him to once a day nap since he was like 11 mos old! HELLO-you get him up to bring him to me at 600 in the morning, he will not last until afternoon to take a 2 hr nap! I can barely get an hr in now- one of the biggest problems is this child is only with me two days a week so the money is not significant enough and this child is with me 11 1/2 hrs each day he is here! He is my first child dropped off and my last picked up, usually 10 mins after my closing time! I have just picked up a few more kids to start with school and am seriously thinking about telling the parents they have to find other care, I have tried for almost a year to overcome this, but I don't even look forward to the days he comes, I just feel bad about having to tell them-they don't have family around here to help.

[JenNJ]

That is rough. I agree that crying as long as she isn't hurt, hungry, wet/dirty, etc. is ok... for a little while. I find that it REALLY stresses me out and stresses out the other kids. Plus, extended crying isn't healthy for the child either. I just termed a dc child for this a few weeks ago, but he was older.

I think earplugs are an awful idea. How could you talk to the other kids or listen to what is going on behind you with those in? I just don't think that is safe.

I think a long heart to heart with mom and dad is in orded ASAP. They have to get ont he same page or their child will continue to be miserable!

[Janet]

That's always a rough situation

I can always tell if a baby is held all of the time at home, and sadly I don't have the luxury to be able to hold a baby all day long. Even if I had the time, I know that I would be making it tougher for the baby to learn to be independent. Your wife has my sympathy. I once had a baby who not only wanted to be held all day long (naptime included) but he would only let me hold him. He had a blood curdling scream and I was a nervous wreck after he left for the day. The best advice that I can give is to have your wife talk with the parents and let them know that she will be working with their child in regard to the baby wanting to be held all day. Then it won't come as a surprise to them and everyone will be on the same page. The sooner that the habit is broken, the easier it will be. Good luck!

[Unregistered]

Me too

I can completely understand how your wife is feeling. I am dealing with almost the exact situation but in a 16.5 month old and I have been looking after her for 3.5 months and nothing has improved. the screaming has gotten louder that's it. I am almost at my wits end with her and I am already her second daycare provider. I really like her parents so I don't want to put them through the stress of finding new care but I am just not sure how much more I can handle.

Frustrated!

[Dorothy]

Wow! Thank all of you for the quick feedback. I am going to pass these along to my wife and *fingers crossed* we'll see some improvement. I think she's going to try moving a little further away from her each day and see how it all goes. Worse case scenario we'll sit down with the parents and visit about the fact it's not working out. My wife's sanity is what matters most to me. Thanks again!!