Spoiled Daycare Kid - Stressed Out Wife

[misol]

I came home tonight and my wife was in tears. I work as an education administrator and my wife is caring for the 7 month old girl (who we will call little Sally) of one of my employees. The little girl absolutely will not allow my wife to set her on the floor to play and throws a fit like I didn't know a 7 month old could do! Sally will go from being happy and content in my wife's arms to a screaming-choking-flailing fit on the floor within seconds after my wife sets her down. My poor wife feels like she can't get anything done and can't even pee until either a) I come home for lunch and after work, or b) when the parents come by over lunch (which subsequently they come by together every single day to feed Sally).

We've raised 5 kids of our own, all of which are in elementary school, and we are well versed in the need for at least some basic structure for kids. We are quite confident the parents, God bless them, hold this child ALL the time! Little Sally also eats all the time and as a result is vastly overweight for her age. My wife has tried for over a month now to set Sally up on a basic schedule for eating and napping. At times it seems to be mildly successful, but as of late it seems Sally isn't very content with any kind of structure - at all. We've talked with the parents and now they daily bring over Sally's favorite toy (a bouncy play thing with lots of toys on it ) which allows my wife just enough time to run to the bathroom a few times each day before the next meltdown occurs.

I'm just looking for advice from any of you who have faced something similar that she can utilize to provide some sanity in her day and that I can use to support her.

Why on earth are BOTH parents coming every day to feed the baby at lunch time? Is the Mom breastfeeding?

[Chickenhauler]

I think earplugs are an awful idea. How could you talk to the other kids or listen to what is going on behind you with those in? I just don't think that is safe.

Earplugs are kinda like wearing gloves on your hands.....you still have your senses, but it takes the "bite" out of the sharper things you come in contact with.

[DCMomOf3]

Why on earth are BOTH parents coming every day to feed the baby at lunch time? Is the Mom breastfeeding?

I was concerned with that statement as well. I'd love to hear an explanation.

[Lucy]

I think earplugs are an awful idea. How could you talk to the other kids or listen to what is going on behind you with those in? I just don't think that is safe.

That's why I said "don't worry, you can still hear....", or something to that effect. Don't buy the highest decibel rating, just a small number. Believe me, you can still hear everyone. I used it over Spring and Winter breaks when I had nine 6-11 yr olds. Made me less crabby and nagging at them to hold it down all the time, yet I could hear them talk to me just fine. Don't knock it till you've tried it. This isn't something I do all the time, but it is a great temporary solution for this man's wife so she doesn't go bonkers over the constant crying.

[Lucy]

Earplugs are kinda like wearing gloves on your hands.....you still have your senses, but it takes the "bite" out of the sharper things you come in contact with.

Exactly. Thank you.

[Unregistered]

I've worked as an aide in a daycare for a number of years and wanted to jump in and say that I feel your wife's pain. We've had the occasional cryer come in, but it's never lasted longer than a week. And when the stress gets too much for us, we have the option of calling in some backup help, something your poor wife doesn't have. Oddly enough, these children are usually the ones that stay the least amount of hours (9-12). The full day children tend to stop sooner and maybe that's because Mom or Dad won't be coming until 8-10 hrs later. Kids are smart, and they will realize that soon enough and adapt.

If I were in your wife's shoes, I'd first warn the parents how stressful it's been and that their daughter just might not be a good fit for your wifes' daycare. It's not fair to her and it certainly isn't fair to put any other kids through it (don't know if your wife cares for more than one). Then I'd definitely suggest that NEITHER parent stop by to feed her. The stress of having both show up and leave twice per day might be too much for the child to handle. In her mind, she might be thinking that if she cries long & hard enough, mommy & daddy will appear. Because they DO... but then they leave again. If they balk, suggest it as a trial for a week or two. If this doesn't work, I'd suggest terminating the arrangement. Going through that kind of stress every single day is just not worth it. I wish your wife all the luck.

[Bizzymom1111]

Hugs to your wife! I just had that problem with a 14 month old. He was carried around ALL the time by his mom. He would have horrible screaming fits when I would not pick him up, and he would follow me around constantly. What I did, and I swear by it, is seriously just ignored him. I would talk to him but I did not pick him up at all unless to change him or put him in the high chair. It only took about a week but he knows now that I cannot carry him around all day. Now when I do pick him up, it's not because I'm trying to pacify him but because I want to. And when I put him down now, NO FITS! It's crazy aggrivating listening to the crying but if she just sticks to her guns the child will get it. Good luck!