Really BAD Kid...

[nanglgrl]

I'm going to watch this thread to see if there is some miracle cure besides waiting it out, redirecting and modeling nice touching because this pretty much describes my dear 2 1/2 year old son. We finally got over the biting stage he was in for 2 years (knock on wood). He is a very loving child but also very, very naughty (curious) and incredibly active. He was walking at 7 months and could climb over every baby gate and his crib shortly after. He can and will climb everything. I once found him on top of the fridge. He's often right in certain children's personal space. He leaves the girls alone thank goodness and also stears away from another alpha male type of our group but I have two other 2 1/2 year olds that he tries to lead around all day and he bosses them around by using physical actions. When my hubby gets home from work our children are the only ones here and he says he doesn't know how I do it because our son is a full time job.

[Heidi]

I'm going to watch this thread to see if there is some miracle cure besides waiting it out, redirecting and modeling nice touching because this pretty much describes my dear 2 1/2 year old son. We finally got over the biting stage he was in for 2 years (knock on wood). He is a very loving child but also very, very naughty (curious) and incredibly active. He was walking at 7 months and could climb over every baby gate and his crib shortly after. He can and will climb everything. I once found him on top of the fridge. He's often right in certain children's personal space. He leaves the girls alone thank goodness and also stears away from another alpha male type of our group but I have two other 2 1/2 year olds that he tries to lead around all day and he bosses them around by using physical actions. When my hubby gets home from work our children are the only ones here and he says he doesn't know how I do it because our son is a full time job.

hey...a little consolation

Found one of my closest friend's sons on top of a pile of oil cans and the home store once. She found him on top of the fridge one Sunday morning into the Teddy Grahams...

He's 19 now, in graduated with honors, football player, and a great young man, in college. Just because they are "a handfull" at 2 doesn't mean they stay that way...

[Daycarelady1979]

I sent the mom a text tonight & asked if she had thought about having his hearing tested. I said I get the feeling that he can't hear me & asked if she ever felt that way.
Her response: He had tubes put in, one fell out. She really has her hands full. She gets tired of "spanking him ALL the time." Now instead of spanking, she shuts him in his room.




The suggestion about clapping (I'm sorry, I don't know how to copy & paste...I have really got to figure that out...)... I am ABSOLUTELY sure he would not turn his head. Without a doubt. No way that kid would hear me clap, especially if he wasn't making eye contact with me.

What is a good word to use instead of "bad"?
Challenging?
Unpleasant?
Difficult?

[cheerfuldom]

well I honestly think you need to rethink your decision to keep this guy at any cost.

When you are getting to the point where he is terrorizing the whole house and you are rearranging everything from the schedule to your furniture to accommodate one kid, I think you have officially gone too far.

Its not your job to figure out every reason why this kid is the way he is nor is it safe to keep a child in care that is very likely to seriously harm himself or someone else. If he is biting this much, I am shocked you havent lost another family over it. He seriously needs his own adult at this point. You cant provide that care nor should you. While you are shadowing one kid and on him all the time, there is less and less for the other kids.

Only you know if you really think a talk with the parents will change anything. I think you would be better off at interviewing replacements and letting him go.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

I sent the mom a text tonight & asked if she had thought about having his hearing tested. I said I get the feeling that he can't hear me & asked if she ever felt that way.
Her response: He had tubes put in, one fell out. She really has her hands full. She gets tired of "spanking him ALL the time." Now instead of spanking, she shuts him in his room.




The suggestion about clapping (I'm sorry, I don't know how to copy & paste...I have really got to figure that out...)... I am ABSOLUTELY sure he would not turn his head. Without a doubt. No way that kid would hear me clap, especially if he wasn't making eye contact with me.

What is a good word to use instead of "bad"?
Challenging?
Unpleasant?
Difficult?

"The most difficult child I have ever met in my life." ::
Or "Extremely challenging"

Welllllllll, obviously that's not working for her. So, maybe y'all can become a "team" and figure something out so this boy has some consistent discipline and guidance.

[Blackcat31]

One of the biggest reasons kids have challenging behaviors is due to the environment. There must be something going on within his environment that is causing him or allowing him to behave as he does.

Either there is too little or too much stimulation. He could be overwhelmed or he could be bored silly every day.

In order to find the root of his behavior, you will need to spend some time really observing him. Find out what sets him off, what holds his attention and what doesn't.

He isn't bad. I think he is simply not engaged.

If you really feel terming is not an option then I think that you will need to devote some serious time and attention to helping him fit into the world around him in a much better way than he does currently.

If you don't think you can do that then you need to term him. You owe it to this child to do what is best for HIM.

It doesn't automatically make you a bad provider if you termed him because he required more care and attention than you can give him.

I would respect a provider who put the emotional well being of a child above her own financial needs.

[daycare]

I sent the mom a text tonight & asked if she had thought about having his hearing tested. I said I get the feeling that he can't hear me & asked if she ever felt that way.
Her response: He had tubes put in, one fell out. She really has her hands full. She gets tired of "spanking him ALL the time." Now instead of spanking, she shuts him in his room.




The suggestion about clapping (I'm sorry, I don't know how to copy & paste...I have really got to figure that out...)... I am ABSOLUTELY sure he would not turn his head. Without a doubt. No way that kid would hear me clap, especially if he wasn't making eye contact with me.

What is a good word to use instead of "bad"?
Challenging?
Unpleasant?
Difficult?

Unruly.
Sorry I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Even after all you have said, I feel sad for this boy but mostly for you. I know how hard it is to want to help a child but can't.

After hearing about the tubes, do you think mom would be willing to go have her talk to the doctor about his behavior and the possibilities of hearing loss or lack thereof?

My heart goes out to you and those providers who have children like this.

One other thing I just thought about is if mom is always sparking him when he does wrong, that makes it impossible for you to discipline him.

I had a girl here years ago that would act out horribly then say ha ha what are you going to do about it?? She was 3 and very verbal. Then she would say you can't spank me. I told mom that because she used spanking as the consequence for everything that her daughter knew that there was nothing I could do here and the reason why the behavior here was so out of control. As soon as mom scaled back the behavior really improved here.

[Daycarelady1979]

Oh its not a financial issue at all. I make almost no money off this family. The reason I haven't lost a family due to the biting is because he bites MY child. And the reason I won't term is because his 3 year old sister has been molested twice by other people in other scenarios, and I have made it my personal mission to keep this child safe. I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense to anyone else.

[cheerfuldom]

Oh its not a financial issue at all. I make almost no money off this family. The reason I haven't lost a family due to the biting is because he bites MY child. And the reason I won't term is because his 3 year old sister has been molested twice by other people in other scenarios, and I have made it my personal mission to keep this child safe. I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense to anyone else.

no this does not make sense

you have put another child ahead of your own child. It is the mothers responsibility to find appropriate care for both her children in a safe environment with providers who can handle both of them. It is YOUR job to make sure your own childs needs are met, including him/her having a home where there is not a daycare kid bullying them, exhausting mom, taking over the house. Imagine how the other kids feel, knowing that this other rowdy kid gets so much of the attention and the rest of the kids have to split the leftovers. You arent doing anyone any favors by trying to tough it out. Are you willing to sacrifice the environment for all the other kids for the sake of just one?

the mom has basically said that she cant handle him and cages him like an animal in his room at home. you know how caged exotic animals act at the zoo? they go crazy and they also go from one side of the cage to the other, over and over and over....just like this little guy running from wall to wall and running in circles all day. He is being treated like an animal at home and no surprise, he is acting like one. You cannot replace his mom. SHE needs to step up and figure out a way to deal with this appropriately. Nothing is going to change until SHE changes. We aren't miracle workers, OP. I dont believe you can change this on your own.

I would have one last talk with mom and let her know that if you cant work together with a plan and see some progress, you will continue taking care of big sis only, not little brother. If she chooses to remove sis from your care, that is HER choice.

as for the not responding from this little guy, it is probably due to environment. he is left alone and unattended for long periods of time from the sounds of it (in his room). he probably is lacking attachment and appropriate communication skills which should be learned thru interaction with his parents.

[Daycarelady1979]

I guess I just try to think positive & look forward to spring when we can get outside & this kid can run around all he wants. Plus I'd like to think that at least when they are with me, they are safe. They get love & attention here.

Tomorrow I will talk with the mom & see what she says. Hopefully we can figure something out that works for ALL of us.

[Blackcat31]

Oh its not a financial issue at all. I make almost no money off this family. The reason I haven't lost a family due to the biting is because he bites MY child. And the reason I won't term is because his 3 year old sister has been molested twice by other people in other scenarios, and I have made it my personal mission to keep this child safe. I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense to anyone else.

Ok, wait...I need some clarification here....

You are allowing your own child to be abused at the hands of another because YOU care more about the DCB's sister?!

You have made it your life's mission to keep this child safe at the expense of your own child's safety and physical well being?

I am sorry, but that is kind of messed up. I really don't know how to say that any nicer.

[SilverSabre25]

Im on my nook so typing is a pita but i will respond in depth later.

I will say that i understand your mission and determination, so please dont feel bad about that. Theres something to be said for being strongvenough to be a voice for the voiceless.

[cheerfuldom]

I guess I just try to think positive & look forward to spring when we can get outside & this kid can run around all he wants. Plus I'd like to think that at least when they are with me, they are safe. They get love & attention here.

Tomorrow I will talk with the mom & see what she says. Hopefully we can figure something out that works for ALL of us.

but are they really safe in this situation in your care? I am not saying you are a bad provider, only that with this behavior escalating, something IS going to happen to someone eventually. you may be able to wait it out for nicer weather, which should help, but its not going to solve all the issues. he is just going to get bigger/stronger/faster and be building more and more bad habits at home.

i hope you can get this worked out, I really do. I hope this mom gets it together asap

[cheerfuldom]

Im on my nook so typing is a pita but i will respond in depth later.

I will say that i understand your mission and determination, so please dont feel bad about that. Theres something to be said for being strongvenough to be a voice for the voiceless.

the girls mom should be the voice for her daughter, not the provider.

if the mom really cared about her daughter NOT getting transitioned to another provider, she would be proactive about making sure that any issues with either kid are addressed immediately so that the kids would never have to go to another provider.

it is the providers responsibility to be their for her own kids above any others. what about the providers child? she/he is being physically bullied on a daily basis. supposedly "100 bites", according to the OP. isnt there something wrong with this picture???

[Unregistered]

the girls mom should be the voice for her daughter, not the provider.

if the mom really cared about her daughter NOT getting transitioned to another provider, she would be proactive about making sure that any issues with either kid are addressed immediately so that the kids would never have to go to another provider.

it is the providers responsibility to be their for her own kids above any others. what about the providers child? she/he is being physically bullied on a daily basis. supposedly "100 bites", according to the OP. isnt there something wrong with this picture???

Seems the daycare kids' issues are not the mother's priority but at the same time the provider's own child isn't the provider's priority either so no one is winning in this situation.