The "N" Word

[Bookworm]

For the past 2 weeks, we have been having issues with a 4yr old African-American DCB using the "N" word. He will call his friends this as a term of endearment (common in the AA community). This is all day every day and he knows how to use it and several curse words in the proper context. He knows exactly what he's saying and what it means. We have had talk after talk with DCPS and they always respond with, We don't talk like that at home" or "I don't know where he learned that from". Well, i know exactly where he learned it from. The music that they blast in parking lot twice a day, the overheard phone conversations in the parking lot where every third word was a curse word or the "N" word, and the fact that DCB told me that he went to the movies to see Jamie Foxx (Django Unchained). My Director flat out told them that if this continues, they will have to find other care for DCB. We don't want any of the other children picking up that nasty habit.

Well guess what happened this morning? Another DCP came in mad as h*** telling my Director that her son (who is white) said that all of his school friends were his "N". She questioned him about where he learned that word and he told her that Billy calls everybody that because it means friend.

The parents were immediately called and told to come pick him up and find other care for him because he is not allowed back. They rant and rave about us being racist (I'm black by the way) and we kicked him out because they are black and they are calling DSS to report us and they're going to sue us for discrimination.

Of all the things I've dealt with over the past 17 yrs in childcare, this is an absolute first for me. What shocks me the most is that they didn't think anything was wrong with his potty mouth.

[melilley]

Uhhhhhhh, not ok! I can't believe the parents had the nerve to say they don't know where he gets it from.....especially when other parents or staff had heard them talk like that! I know that like you said in the AA community the term is used amongst each other, but it's not accepted everywhere in every situation. And I can't believe that they let him watch that movie at 4 years old! I was going to say that some people (parents) grow up in an environment where people talk like that so it may be normal for them, but if they deny that they talk like that then they know what they are doing especially around a four year old who will repeat everything. Let them call licensing! Have the parents come and put their child in the classroom with licensing standing there and see what happens... Some people!

[daycare]

I do not have any advice on this, but my son who is also AA went through a phase like that in the 6th grade. He was saying the N word with an A at the end. Him and two other AA were calling each other that.

All 3 of them got sent to the principals office and parents called. Turns out that I was the only one upset by it. The other two families found it to be ok. My son got in a lot of trouble with me. I made him do a history report on where the word derived from. He never said it again.

This kid is 4, I am sure no doubt that he hears parents, siblings, cousins, neighbors and family friends say it.

I honestly don't understand why they think it's ok, but I don't understand a lot of things.....

[melilley]

I do not have any advice on this, but my son who is also AA went through a phase like that in the 6th grade. He was saying the N word with an A at the end. Him and two other AA were calling each other that.

All 3 of them got sent to the principals office and parents called. Turns out that I was the only one upset by it. The other two families found it to be ok. My son got in a lot of trouble with me. I made him do a history report on where the word derived from. He never said it again.

This kid is 4, I am sure no doubt that he hears parents, siblings, cousins, neighbors and family friends say it.

I honestly don't understand why they think it's ok, but I don't understand a lot of things.....

I love that you made him write a report on the word! Good parent! I'm white and that word bothers me!

[Country Kids]

I guess I'm confused but we really don't alot of AA where I live but I thought it was politically incorrect to use that word? I thought it was considered deragatory and not correct? Is anyone able to explain this part to me?

Now, if its ok to use within their culture can we really tell them not to say it. Since he is so little and here's his parents call all their friends this, all he is doing is calling his friends that. How do you really tell a child what they are doing is wrong if he is growing up in a culture/home where it is apropriate?

[daycare]

I guess I'm confused but we really don't alot of AA where I live but I thought it was politically incorrect to use that word? I thought it was considered deragatory and not correct? Is anyone able to explain this part to me?

Now, if its ok to use within their culture can we really tell them not to say it. Since he is so little and here's his parents call all their friends this, all he is doing is calling his friends that. How do you really tell a child what they are doing is wrong if he is growing up in a culture/home where it is apropriate?

well I think that is the issue. he is a child and he does not understand that it's not ok to say that when he goes to school. Maybe mom and dad say its ok, but kids dont understand the when and where. Just like my son with the word fart. he can say it at home only, but he can't say it anywhere else. BUT he's 5 so he knows this

[jokalima]

I agree with previous post in a way but what would happen if when this AA family is dropping off in the am and here comes little white boy and says "hey my n"??? I know that the AA parent, that by the way taught that to his child is going to go directly to the office to say there is a racist family in the center because little white child is calling his son a "n". So yes it is wrong for the family to use this word in front of the child and it should be addressed, because if not it could have resulted in a very serious situation between DC families.

[sharlan]

I guess I'm confused but we really don't alot of AA where I live but I thought it was politically incorrect to use that word? I thought it was considered deragatory and not correct? Is anyone able to explain this part to me?

Now, if its ok to use within their culture can we really tell them not to say it. Since he is so little and here's his parents call all their friends this, all he is doing is calling his friends that. How do you really tell a child what they are doing is wrong if he is growing up in a culture/home where it is apropriate?

It's only derogative if a non AA says it according to one of my families.

BTDT - I had a family where the grandparents on both sides were famous musicians, parents both grew up in the ghetto. The 2 1/2 yr had a mouth you wouldn't believe. "I gonna kick yo N'a a$$." I lost touch with the family years ago, but really wonder what the kids are like now.

[kendallina]

I guess I'm confused but we really don't alot of AA where I live but I thought it was politically incorrect to use that word? I thought it was considered deragatory and not correct? Is anyone able to explain this part to me?

Now, if its ok to use within their culture can we really tell them not to say it. Since he is so little and here's his parents call all their friends this, all he is doing is calling his friends that. How do you really tell a child what they are doing is wrong if he is growing up in a culture/home where it is apropriate?

In the AA culture, with some families, it is considered appropriate for them to use it in a 'friendly' context. However, I don't think that many people consider it okay for a white person to use it no matter what the context.

Think about some of the other words that families say in their home and even allow their child to say, but that are not really considered appropriate at school or in public. For example, damn or stupid or retarded. Yes, in some families these words are considered appropriate, but in the larger culture of preschool, it's not allowed. If a child cannot distinguish where it's okay to say these things and where it is not and parents are not being helpful in making him stop these words, then that child care is not a place for him. I would have done the same thing.

[Country Kids]

I'm still confused-:confused:.

The original pp said he uses it as a term of enderment (doesn't that mean love/kindess), knows what it means and uses it correctly. This is where I"m confused-how can he be doing the above and be doing it wrongly.

I guess I'm really confused on knowing what it means and using it correctly if in his culture it is a term of enderment. In our eyes its wrong but in his culture its excepted. I guess I would think they would think it is wrong also if they were offended by it but obvioulsy they don't.

Am I really out in left field or does anyone understand what I'm trying to say but can't get it typed out correctly.

[Country Kids]

In the AA culture, with some families, it is considered appropriate for them to use it in a 'friendly' context. However, I don't think that many people consider it okay for a white person to use it no matter what the context.

Think about some of the other words that families say in their home and even allow their child to say, but that are not really considered appropriate at school or in public. For example, damn or stupid or retarded. Yes, in some families these words are considered appropriate, but in the larger culture of preschool, it's not allowed. If a child cannot distinguish where it's okay to say these things and where it is not and parents are not being helpful in making him stop these words, then that child care is not a place for him. I would have done the same thing.

OK, so how do you tell a child that what his culture teaches him is wrong to do? This is something he is going to see on a daily basis and until he has the maturity to know that it is wrong, it won't make sense to him. It still might not because it is in his culture.

Also, for the words you used as an example-those aren't words certain cultures use that I know of.

[daycare]

I agree with previous post in a way but what would happen if when this AA family is dropping off in the am and here comes little white boy and says "hey my n"??? I know that the AA parent, that by the way taught that to his child is going to go directly to the office to say there is a racist family in the center because little white child is calling his son a "n". So yes it is wrong for the family to use this word in front of the child and it should be addressed, because if not it could have resulted in a very serious situation between DC families.

trust me when I tell you I can completely relate with what you are saying. I asked my son why they felt it was ok for their own race to call each other this and it be ok, but not other races. He said it was the same thing as a gay guy being allowed to call their gay friends that word, but when others say it, its obviously being used in a hurtful way??

Trust me when I tell you that I too don't get it...

[Bookworm]

well I think that is the issue. he is a child and he does not understand that it's not ok to say that when he goes to school. Maybe mom and dad say its ok, but kids dont understand the when and where. Just like my son with the word fart. he can say it at home only, but he can't say it anywhere else. BUT he's 5 so he knows this

I totally agree. It's hard for him to understand the when and where because mom/dad talk like this all the time and everywhere they go. As far as them taking him to see Django, I didn't believe it at first until he described the final scenes including the actual lines.

[Bookworm]

I'm still confused-:confused:.

The original pp said he uses it as a term of enderment (doesn't that mean love/kindess), knows what it means and uses it correctly. This is where I"m confused-how can he be doing the above and be doing it wrongly.

I guess I'm really confused on knowing what it means and using it correctly if in his culture it is a term of enderment. In our eyes its wrong but in his culture its excepted. I guess I would think they would think it is wrong also if they were offended by it but obvioulsy they don't.

Am I really out in left field or does anyone understand what I'm trying to say but can't get it typed out correctly.

When I said term of endearment, I meant that he used the word like you would say "That's my friend/brother/homie/buddy etc.".

[daycare]

I totally agree. It's hard for him to understand the when and where because mom/dad talk like this all the time and everywhere they go. As far as them taking him to see Django, I didn't believe it at first until he described the final scenes including the actual lines.

I dont know waht that is? a movie? a bad one I am assuming...