Logged Out Because I Can't Stand Myself

[Solandia]

There isn't a one of us who have any longevity in this business who could honestly say they haven't made a singular mistake that could have ended in tragedy but for pure luck saving us that one time.

Absolutely. I had to call 911 for a toddler that ran off. I watched him as he ran off, and still lost him. I did everything "right", but it still happened. I called 911 within 30 sec, the police were there in 90sec, and my next door sahm neighbor (who I yelled for immediately) tracked him down at the same time the police arrived. I was a wreck when I called the mom, who was very understanding, especially considering she was a first time mom. It would have been helpful to know that this child had code ADAM called on him TWICE in the previous couple of weeks with 2 parents while shopping. And he started their car in the driveway a couple months after my incident. That was why they were sooo understanding...glass houses/stones & all that. I had that child until he went to school.

There have been many other less dramatic "near misses". Some possibly prevented, but mostly just freakish things that you could only predict if you are psychic.

[Less Honest Than OP]

I agree with the PPs. Document every bit of it for your OWN personal records just so you have it if ever you need it. I also think it is a great idea to have the parents sign that example paper the PP wrote. Keep it simple. Don't drag yourself through the mud. Don't villanize yourself.

IMO, DON'T report yourself. It sounds like, according to what you wrote, you do NOT have to report it because nothing bad resulted. You didn't forget the child for a long amount of time (not that I'm saying any amount of time is okay, I'm just saying, 5 minutes did not harm anyone whatsoever). And you remedied the situation immediately.

You obviously are someone who cares deeply and is very very honest. Not to justify it, but think of all the shady stuff that goes on that doesn't get reported but SHOULD be shut down but never get caught. Don't put yourself, a great caregiver, out of business just because you wanted to go above and beyond the honesty that is required by law of you.

It sounds like basically the law is saying Don't Ask, Don't Tell. We won't ask what MIGHT have happened or COULD have happened, so don't tell what isn't necessary.

Also, just to be HONEST, I probably would not have told the parents at all... Just being honest. I wouldn't have. Even if the 3 year old could talk, were they distraught? Were they talking about it? Just to be honest, if it were me and it was only a few minutes like you said, and nothing bad had resulted, I would have just made it like a joke and told the 3 year old, "Oh! Were you hiding! Ha ha, I found you, let's go play!". Now, if they were upset and were smart enough to realize what had happened, that's different. It sounds like there was no harm no foul.

Maybe you should have taken some time to think about who/what you wanted to say before saying anything while emotional. If you don't have to report yourself, you probably don't have any obligation to report yourself to the parents either.

Why did you tell ALL the parents??? That seems really unecessary to me. Way unecessary. If I were going to tell at all, I would only tell the parent of the forgotten child. I mean really, it's not the other parents business that someone else's kid was forgotten. That's seems like a privacy thing that isn't for them to know. If a child had broken an arm, or scraped a knee (I know, different than leaving in a car), or even (just being extreme, sorry) God forbid I child was stolen in the bathroom and molested, would you tell ALL the parents? That would totally be inappropriate IMO, it's not the OTHER parents business to know about someone else's child's injury.

It sounds like you are SO good natured that you probably went way overboard on your honesty and vulnerability. GOOD FOR YOU, all I can say is you have a respectable morality and character that is much better than many people, myself included I guess.

I also agree, I would not be surprised if at some point one of your wonderful parents became a disgruntled parent (about some other issue, late fee, etc) and threw this back at you. People can be nasty I've found.

[nannyde]

Based on everyones responses, I read my regulations about what I must report. It says I must report: 1. A child dies in my care (I cried as I read this to my dh) 2. If a child is injured in my care and require medical attention. 3. A criminal suite is filed against me. I must report to parents if a minor injury happens on that day.

None of those things apply. Obviously if parents press charges, that would apply. I even called them today to check in, and everyone is fine. I cried when they actually seemed worried about how III was doing. Simply. Amazing people. Anyway, this is how I see it...
If I call licensing and tell them, I may lose my license an all my families would be upset, of course as would I. And I am not really required to tell them since nobody got hurt (thank god).

If parents press charges at some point, obviously I will report it and I will walk away from the business.

Your regulations my not be specific enough to compel you to notify the state but you are a mandatory reporter. You may be able to explain that it wasn't in the regs but you will not be able to explain why you, as a mandatory reporter, did not notify the state when a child was left unsupervised in a vehichle and was left completely unattended as you searched for him.

Please don't talk yourself out of doing the right thing. You know this is reportable and you are letting fear stop you. There is NO chance that the state will not find out about this eventually. Too many people know.

The parents being upset that you notified the state is not a reason for you to not report. As I said before, the parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing because it's in their best interest. They aren't the ones who get to decide.

The regulations can't come up with every scenario that is reportable. That's why we are all required to be mandatory reporters. We can't expect our states to come up with every possible scenario and give directions. If you had taken a gun and shot at one of the kids and missed.... that wouldn't be covered under what they state is reportable. A child wouldn't be hurt, a child wouldn't have died, and you wouldn't be being sued today.

I'm begging you to reconsider because I know the consequence of having someone else notify the state. I don't know who else was at the park but if there were ANY other adults involed in searching for the kid or watching your kids while you searched they are most likely going to say something. The liklihood of none of your parents or their family, friends, work mates etc. not calling the state on this is very very low. It was a mistake but it was neglect. That is reportable under any mandatory reporting obligations.

The only documentation I would have the parents sign is documentation that you are informing them of the date, the incident, and the name of the receiving state representative about the incident. I would have them sign that they have been notified that you have turned this in and given their full name, address, phone numbers, and ages of their children.

That way ALL the parents will know that you yourself have called this in. They will see that this is NOT up to them to decide. They are just parents. They do not have the experience, education, and liability to make the decisions on what you need to do next. Let them know you have turned this over to the ones who do.

[Blackcat31]

IMO, DON'T report yourself. It sounds like, according to what you wrote, you do NOT have to report it because nothing bad resulted. You didn't forget the child for a long amount of time (not that I'm saying any amount of time is okay, I'm just saying, 5 minutes did not harm anyone whatsoever). And you remedied the situation immediately.

The OP said "AFTER a half hour of playing" and then that she looked for 5 minutes. She wasn't timing herself, so the half hour and 5 minute statements are more than likely estimated guesses. Point is, it WASN'T only 5 minutes that the child was in the car.

I also have to wonder if the OP is from a warm part of the US or a colder one. Leaving a child in the car for 5 minutes where I live (MN) is serious as the winter temps here are freezing!

I found these statements in regards to mandated reporting. The bolded parts apply to this situation.

(3) Any other situation involving the home that may present a risk to the health, safety, or welfare of children in care there, including, but not limited to, a report of domestic violence or the issuance of a protective order involving the provider or a resident in the home;

when a child is in attendance, the individual responsible for supervising the child shall at all times:
(1) Be alert and responsive;
(2) Know where the child is;
(3) Be able to see or hear the child;
(4) Be near enough to the child to render immediate assistance; and
(5) Provide supervision appropriate to the individual age, needs, capabilities, activities, and location of the child.

Before a child may participate in a supervised activity out of the home without the provider or substitute, responsibility for the child's whereabouts and supervision shall be clearly assigned throughout the period of the activity.

A child may not be left unattended on the premises of the home, in a motor vehicle, or during an off-site activity.

OP~ I am NOT at all bashing you, wishing any ill will towards you or critisizing you for ANY of this. I am sorry this happened to you and I 100% truly believe it was a mistake but you really do have to report this.

What if one of the kids tells their aunt and that aunt tells CPS? What if a DCP tells her friend in conversation and that friend tells another and so on and so on.

Now you risk being reported by someone else and you could also risk having stories being told about you and your program and we all know how stories as gossip start and then end....

Just sayin'

If I were you OP, I would have the parents sign and date your documentation. I would write up a plan of action showing how you will remedy this so that it never happens again and then I would take a deep breath and call your licensor.

You HAVE to report this. I am sorry.

[Less Honest than OP]

Ohhhh......... After reading the info BC posted and yes my mistake looking back and seeing it was 30 min.... Sorry, but ouch, I thought it was 5 minutes and you realized right away. I take back all the stuff I wrote. 30 minutes is a long time and something tragic REALLY could have happened. I'm surprised no passers-by called 911! Nobody saw the child alone in the car? Was the child asleep, crying, happy????

I'm so sorry, we're all human and capable of big and small mistakes, but yeah, this was a really bad situation. I'm sorry. Yes, it does need to be reported. Honestly, I'm surprised the families were so "ok" about it. I'm not trying to be mean... But I would not return my child to your care. I certainly would not be able to trust you on an outing ever again. (But then again, I wouldn't ever trust anyone which is why I started my home daycare because I wouldn't trust my DS with ANYONE else).

Honestly... I really question the wisdom of these parents that weren't upset with you... Is this extreme grace or incredibly irresponsible parenting???

[Meeko]

I think everybody here understands that a mistake was made. Most of us feel for the OP and are very glad the child is OK and truly believe the provider has learned a tough lesson and will never let this happen again.

But it has to be reported.

It WAS neglect, no matter how innocently it was done.

I hate to say it, but people can be vindictive. The parents who are so wonderful now, could possibly turn this into blackmail hell if they wanted to. They could embellish what happened etc.

I would suggest having a meeting with the provider, the licensing rep and the DC parents all together.

Let licensing see how trusted and loved the provider is by the parents. Let them say their piece too. Have the licensor explain how things work from her end, so the parents know exactly what will happen

Licensing's job is to make things safe for children in daycare. Their job is not to "nail someone to the wall" unless they really feel it's necessary.

Hopefully, a citation will be all that happens because the child was OK and the provider is more than sorry for the incident.

But please don't sit on this. It WILL come back to haunt.

My licensor told me of a provider in our county who was found with a child tied to a post in her laundry room because he was being difficult. The provider seemed to think that was an OK form of discipline.

SHE STILL HAS HER LICENSE.

My licensor said she showed up at a hearing acting contrite and swearing it would never happen again and she kept her license.

I think that was much worse than this incident.

[Willow]

As a mandated reporter you are required by law to report any abuse, neglect or endangerment.

While I truly feel for you and am glad your families are being so wonderful what happened is tantamount to neglect and child endangerment.

If a police officer would have come upon the child in the car you would have been arrested on the spot. It's happened when children are left outside of gas stations or stores for just a few minutes.

I'm so sorry but you absolutely have to report this.

If you don't you could not only end up in trouble for what happened but also for not reporting it as a mandated reporter as well. There is no way around it and no justification for not contacting licensing. The longer you wait the worse it will be.


Hopefully licensing will see through your very understanding parents that you have a wonderful reputation and things will turn out ok.

Best of luck to you.

[nannyde]

Ohhhh......... After reading the info BC posted and yes my mistake looking back and seeing it was 30 min.... Sorry, but ouch, I thought it was 5 minutes and you realized right away. I take back all the stuff I wrote. 30 minutes is a long time and something tragic REALLY could have happened. I'm surprised no passers-by called 911! Nobody saw the child alone in the car? Was the child asleep, crying, happy????

I'm so sorry, we're all human and capable of big and small mistakes, but yeah, this was a really bad situation. I'm sorry. Yes, it does need to be reported. Honestly, I'm surprised the families were so "ok" about it. I'm not trying to be mean... But I would not return my child to your care. I certainly would not be able to trust you on an outing ever again. (But then again, I wouldn't ever trust anyone which is why I started my home daycare because I wouldn't trust my DS with ANYONE else).

Honestly... I really question the wisdom of these parents that weren't upset with you... Is this extreme grace or incredibly irresponsible parenting???

I also question the wisdom of the parents but we have our laws set up to make sure they aren't the ones to ultimately decide. We have regulations because we can't have individual parents deciding something important like this. The parents opinion is really irrelevant when it comes to reporting.

If the parents were told that the child was left unattended for at least 35 minutes and the provider wasn't aware for at least 30 minutes then it is really hard to see how they could be so forgiving so fast. If they were told what the older children who could talk could say or repeat then that is a different matter. Since young children have no sense of time, it was up to the OP to tell the parents the extent of the mistake including the actual time it took to realize the mistake.

If the OP is fearful to tell the DHS this situation then we have to consider that she was fearful to tell the parents what she has told the forum. We can't judge the parents response because we don't know exactly how specific she was in reporting to them.

[Crystal]

I have done so many dumb things like that.

I left the garage door open, while getting the kids out of the van, sent them all inside, then closed the garage door without checking to make sure everyone made it inside.

I sat them all down for snack, and one of the kids (Thankfully) asked where Shane was. So, I looked in the van first. (because i'm stupid) and then I opened the garage door, and there he stood. All tiny and sad. I'd closed him on the outside of the door.

Which is bad enough. But, I lived on a very, very, busy city street corner. Heavy traffic just 30 feet away. He sat outside all alone (three years old) for probably 10 or 15 minutes.

In California, any time a child is considered "missing" from daycare, the provider is required to report it. it is called an "unusual circumstance" and must be reported.

[AnneCordelia]

I'm so sorry to the OP. My heart was in my throat while I read this thread and I really feel for her.

When I started my home daycare I had a friend who had been in the business for 7 or 8 years prior and asked for advice. She said that they biggest thing she recommends is doing head counts at every stop and every 5 minutes in between. For example, we move from my playroom into the front hall to go outside. I head count. Then we all go outside to the stroller and we head count again. When we get to the park I head count, even though all were in the stroller, and then I count every 5 minutes at the park at a minimum. Count again while I load the stroller. Count again as I unload at home. Count again once everyone is in the house. I'm constantly counting and it was the best advice.

[DaisyMamma]

So, if you don't have to report it, don't. Just document the incident carefully, including when you informed parents, how you followed up (today), and what measures you've added to prevent it again. Put it in your file just incase it's brought up later, and put it behind you.

I agree entirely.

[youretooloud]

I agree with the PPs. Document every bit of it for your OWN personal records just so you have it if ever you need it. I also think it is a great idea to have the parents sign that example paper the PP wrote. Keep it simple. Don't drag yourself through the mud. Don't villanize yourself.

IMO, DON'T report yourself. (

I agree... I wouldn't report yourself, and I would not send home a letter of the incident. Even a public school would not send out a letter to parents with the details of an incident.

You MIGHT, if you want, write up a note saying what you will do differently from now on, and how you will be sure this will never happen again.

One friend printed up dog tags with each child's name. She takes only the tags for each kid. So, if Allen isn't there that day, she doesn't take Allen's dog tag with her. (she puts them on a hook attached to a back pack)

She also puts a card for each child in a little folder to keep in the car. It has all the information the police would need in case of an emergency.

[Crystal]

The California Regulation:

102416.2 REPORTING REQUIREMENTS 102416.2
(a) The licensee shall report the following information the Department by telephone or fax within the
Department's next business day and during normal working hours (8am to 5pm).
(1) If the applicant or licensee operates a foster family home as defined in Health and Safety Code
Section 1502(a)(5) or a certified family home as defined in Health and Safety Code Section
1506(d).
(2) Any change in household composition including adults moving in or out of the home and anyone
living in the home who reaches his or her 18th birthday.
(b) The licensee shall report to the Department any of the events as specified in Health and Safety Code
Sections 1597.467(b)(1)(A) through (b)(1)(C) that occur during the operation of the family child care
home.
(1) Medical treatment means treatment by a medical professional, as defined in Section 101152(m).
(2) Any child absence means any instance where a child in care is missing. For example, any child
in care who wanders away from the Family Child Care Home, is lost during an outing, or does
not return from school, shall be reported even if the child is later found safe.
HANDBOOK BEGINS HERE
(3) Health and Safety Code Section 1597.467(b)(1) provides in part:
"A report shall be made to the Department…following the occurrence during the operation of a
family day care home of any of the following events:
(A) Death of any child from any cause.
(B) Any injury to any child that requires medical treatment.
(C) Any unusual incident or child absence that threatens the physical or emotional health or
safety of any child."
HANDBOOK ENDS HERE
CALIFORNIA-DSS-MANUAL-CCL
MANUAL LETTER NO. CCL-06-07 Effective 9/10/06
Page

[snips&snails]

Truth is, the anxiety of NOT telling would kill me.

WHat would probably happen here (and what has happened in every incident I know of with a missing child wo was not injured) is you will be cited with a violation & have to post it on the door for a year etc. Have your plan ready when you contact licensing. It may be embarrassing etc but it is really unlikely that they will shut you down. It often surprises me how many REALLY bad things it takes before they take such action!

[JenNJ]

You need to report this. You are responsible no matter what happens to a child in your care. You know you need to call. Don't try and use the regs to talk yourself out of doing the right thing. You know deep down that it was wrong and needs to be reported.

Frankly, the fact that you didn't even realize this kid was missing until over 30 minutes had passed means you need to be investigated. Even after that, you needed to be reminded she was even in yur care. Something is wrong if you don't realize a child you are caring for isn't there. You are incredibly lucky that kid was in the car and wasn't abducted, hit by a car, or injured.

And I'm not buying that the parents are ok with this major slip up. You failed at keeping a kid safe and you need to be turned in. Do the ethical thing and report yourself.