Logged Out Because I Can't Stand Myself

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  • MissAnn
    Preschool Teacher
    • Jan 2011
    • 2213

    #46
    Originally posted by Michelle
    I am really sorry but I can't be supportive either!
    It's not about claiming to be perfect!
    It's about being a professional.
    These kids are our jobs, they are not our kids, they are the most important thing that should be on your mind while you are working. I have taken 12 kids to Disneyland ( with an assistant) and NEVER for a second did I forget about a kid or lost one.
    When I am on a field trip I count constantly, never talk to anyone(adults) unless they are all strapped in their strollers, and I am physically exhausted on field trip nights just from the extreme work of keeping them safe, together, and never forgotten somewhere
    I really wish I can be supportive but this is a very serious situation and I am thinking maybe you don't take your job serious or you need to make a Dr. appt. to make sure that you mind is in check and not suffering from some kind of memory problems or something..
    Sorry I can't be all loving towards OP but I love children more and it is our responsibility to protect them.

    I am somehow doubting that all the parents think that it was O.K. she did this.
    No one thought it was OK, most of all the OP. if she came on here making light of what happened or joked about it, we would be all over her. Instead she felt horrible and too ashamed to use her forum name. She beat herself up. She was honest and extremely apologetic. Her DC parents forgave her because she had previously earned their trust. No, she is not perfect, neither am I. I make mistakes every day ....some small and some large, but that does not mean I dont absolutely love my Dc kids with all my heart. If making mistakes means we need a check-up.......I guess we all better get in line.

    Comment

    • Heidi
      Daycare.com Member
      • Sep 2011
      • 7121

      #47
      Originally posted by MissAnn
      No one thought it was OK, most of all the OP. if she came on here making light of what happened or joked about it, we would be all over her. Instead she felt horrible and too ashamed to use her forum name. She beat herself up. She was honest and extremely apologetic. Her DC parents forgave her because she had previously earned their trust. No, she is not perfect, neither am I. I make mistakes every day ....some small and some large, but that does not mean I dont absolutely love my Dc kids with all my heart. If making mistakes means we need a check-up.......I guess we all better get in line.

      Comment

      • Twinvillageiowa
        New Daycare.com Member
        • Nov 2012
        • 56

        #48
        I still think it should be reported to licensing. I understand that OP feels horrible, but her actions could have potentially resulted in the death of a child. The state needs to know what happened. Just because the parents encourage you to hush it up doesn't mean you should.

        Comment

        • Blackcat31
          • Oct 2010
          • 36124

          #49
          Originally posted by Twinvillageiowa
          I still think it should be reported to licensing. I understand that OP feels horrible, but her actions could have potentially resulted in the death of a child. The state needs to know what happened. Just because the parents encourage you to hush it up doesn't mean you should.
          Upon reading OP's follow up post, I felt ENORMOUS elation for her along with some major relief that her DCF's were all ok with it and the unfortunate mistake did have a happy ending. I FULLY and honestly believe it was a mistake and that it could happen to anyone of .

          However, I too can't get past the not reporting it.

          I know it is kind asking for trouble when this could all just be done and over with but I can't help but wonder what the ramifications would be for not reporting.

          What if one of these families who are perfectly fine now, decided to report this 3 months down the road after a disagreement about rates or hours or whatever?

          Then the OP would not only be in trouble for the original mistake but the intentional "hiding" from licensing.....kwim?

          I don't know, this is a horrible spot to be in and although I sympathize with OP a great deal, I just can't help but think that leaving it as is, will cause even greater problems in the future.

          I just don't think I could continue on everyday with that possibility hanging over my head. It would be like constantly waiting for that other shoe to drop.

          Comment

          • nannyde
            All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
            • Mar 2010
            • 7320

            #50
            Parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing. It's not up to the parents to decide whether or not this violation should be reported.

            When something happens that turns out perfectly well the parents initial reaction is always Whoooooo that was a close one. They will tell stories about it for years to come.

            But after going home and really THINKING about how the accident really happened that gut feeling that this is truly serious will start gnawing away. They will start telling friends and family and many many of them who don't know you or have a dog in the fight will start pounding away at how serious this is and how the state should be notified.

            Either someone they tell is going to tell or one of them when they no longer need your services is going to tell..... but you can be sure someone is.

            You are going to get in way more trouble for not reporting this than for what you did. When you make a mistake of this level you HAVE to tell the parents and the state.

            Often when this happens the only reason the provider even tells parents is because they know one or more of the kids can talk and will tell. Most often, this sort of thing goes unreported but when the little talking kids know and a group of six parents know you have many many chances that their retelling of the story is going to go to the state. If you do ANYTHING to piss them off they will definitely tell. By accepting their encouragement not to tell the state you have now put yourself in a position where they can really take advantage of you and ultimately tell if things don't go their way.

            Call the state now and report the incident. Take the consequences as they will be small in comparison to what they will be when they find out from someone else and realize time has gone by without you reporting it.
            http://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whispe...=doing+daycare

            Comment

            • Heidi
              Daycare.com Member
              • Sep 2011
              • 7121

              #51
              never mind...I had two windows open and posted my Reggio question here. See, everyone makes mistakes!

              Comment

              • lolaland
                New Daycare.com Member
                • Sep 2012
                • 202

                #52
                Originally posted by nannyde
                Parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing. It's not up to the parents to decide whether or not this violation should be reported.

                When something happens that turns out perfectly well the parents initial reaction is always Whoooooo that was a close one. They will tell stories about it for years to come.

                But after going home and really THINKING about how the accident really happened that gut feeling that this is truly serious will start gnawing away. They will start telling friends and family and many many of them who don't know you or have a dog in the fight will start pounding away at how serious this is and how the state should be notified.

                Either someone they tell is going to tell or one of them when they no longer need your services is going to tell..... but you can be sure someone is.

                You are going to get in way more trouble for not reporting this than for what you did. When you make a mistake of this level you HAVE to tell the parents and the state.

                Often when this happens the only reason the provider even tells parents is because they know one or more of the kids can talk and will tell. Most often, this sort of thing goes unreported but when the little talking kids know and a group of six parents know you have many many chances that their retelling of the story is going to go to the state. If you do ANYTHING to piss them off they will definitely tell. By accepting their encouragement not to tell the state you have now put yourself in a position where they can really take advantage of you and ultimately tell if things don't go their way.

                Call the state now and report the incident. Take the consequences as they will be small in comparison to what they will be when they find out from someone else and realize time has gone by without you reporting it.
                I too was thinking the same... It's a matter of time for the "now relieved" parents to become "not so understanding" parents and this incident will come back to "haunt" you... Better face all the consequences now so you'll be able to get a clean fresh start sooner ...

                Comment

                • Heidi
                  Daycare.com Member
                  • Sep 2011
                  • 7121

                  #53
                  Originally posted by nannyde
                  Parents can't give you permission to do the wrong thing. It's not up to the parents to decide whether or not this violation should be reported.

                  When something happens that turns out perfectly well the parents initial reaction is always Whoooooo that was a close one. They will tell stories about it for years to come.

                  But after going home and really THINKING about how the accident really happened that gut feeling that this is truly serious will start gnawing away. They will start telling friends and family and many many of them who don't know you or have a dog in the fight will start pounding away at how serious this is and how the state should be notified.

                  Either someone they tell is going to tell or one of them when they no longer need your services is going to tell..... but you can be sure someone is.

                  You are going to get in way more trouble for not reporting this than for what you did. When you make a mistake of this level you HAVE to tell the parents and the state.

                  Often when this happens the only reason the provider even tells parents is because they know one or more of the kids can talk and will tell. Most often, this sort of thing goes unreported but when the little talking kids know and a group of six parents know you have many many chances that their retelling of the story is going to go to the state. If you do ANYTHING to piss them off they will definitely tell. By accepting their encouragement not to tell the state you have now put yourself in a position where they can really take advantage of you and ultimately tell if things don't go their way.

                  Call the state now and report the incident. Take the consequences as they will be small in comparison to what they will be when they find out from someone else and realize time has gone by without you reporting it.


                  I have to agree. You will feel better knowing it's behind you, and it'll never be behind you until you come clean. Don't leave it hanging over your head.

                  That being said, if it would've happened to me, I am not sure I would have told anyone. I would have taken the "if a tree falls in the forest" approach, I think, and taken it as a major lesson. I can't say for sure though, and obvioulsy if the children are old enough to tell, that wouldn't have been an option.

                  Comment

                  • MissAnn
                    Preschool Teacher
                    • Jan 2011
                    • 2213

                    #54
                    I do agree (after thinking about it) calling licensing would be the correct action.

                    I just can't stomach the ridicule handed to OP in a time of needing support. She made a mistake and she realizes that. Not sure how she will handle it, but one thing I am sure of......not only will this never again happen with her......but by her sharing this experience with us.....we will all be much mores careful.

                    Comment

                    • nannyde
                      All powerful, all knowing daycare whisperer
                      • Mar 2010
                      • 7320

                      #55
                      Originally posted by MissAnn
                      I do agree (after thinking about it) calling licensing would be the correct action.

                      I just can't stomach the ridicule handed to OP in a time of needing support. She made a mistake and she realizes that. Not sure how she will handle it, but one thing I am sure of......not only will this never again happen with her......but by her sharing this experience with us.....we will all be much mores careful.
                      There isn't a one of us who have any longevity in this business who could honestly say they haven't made a singular mistake that could have ended in tragedy but for pure luck saving us that one time.
                      http://www.amazon.com/Daycare-Whispe...=doing+daycare

                      Comment

                      • mom2many
                        Daycare.com Member
                        • Jun 2011
                        • 1278

                        #56
                        Originally posted by MissAnn
                        No one thought it was OK, most of all the OP. if she came on here making light of what happened or joked about it, we would be all over her. Instead she felt horrible and too ashamed to use her forum name. She beat herself up. She was honest and extremely apologetic. Her DC parents forgave her because she had previously earned their trust. No, she is not perfect, neither am I. I make mistakes every day ....some small and some large, but that does not mean I dont absolutely love my Dc kids with all my heart. If making mistakes means we need a check-up.......I guess we all better get in line.
                        My thoughts exactly...

                        Comment

                        • Unregistered

                          #57
                          Based on everyones responses, I read my regulations about what I must report. It says I must report: 1. A child dies in my care (I cried as I read this to my dh) 2. If a child is injured in my care and require medical attention. 3. A criminal suite is filed against me. I must report to parents if a minor injury happens on that day.

                          None of those things apply. Obviously if parents press charges, that would apply. I even called them today to check in, and everyone is fine. I cried when they actually seemed worried about how III was doing. Simply. Amazing people. Anyway, this is how I see it...
                          If I call licensing and tell them, I may lose my license an all my families would be upset, of course as would I. And I am not really required to tell them since nobody got hurt (thank god).

                          If parents press charges at some point, obviously I will report it and I will walk away from the business.

                          Comment

                          • jenn
                            Daycare.com Member
                            • Jan 2012
                            • 695

                            #58
                            Here's what I would do, for what it's worth

                            I would make a written statement addressed to your current clients. Kind of like an accident report, but just make your own. I would have each parent sign the form.

                            I know you said that you spoke to them and they were all supportive, but having this incident recorded and signed seems more legit. Avoids later "he said, she said" types of things. This way everyone has the exact same info and can't later say they were told something different, or not told at all.


                            I would have the form include:
                            Date:
                            Approxiamate Time of Incident:
                            Location of Incident:
                            People Involved (list all adults/children):
                            Description of Incident (informational, not emotional):
                            Detailed plan of how to prevent this from happening again:

                            I would include a signature and date area stating something like ... I have been informed of the above listed incident in a timely manner and have made the decision to keep my child in ____'s care.

                            I would get this done ASAP, and then contact your surveyor. It's going to be better to tell your version and show what you have done to correct it, than to wait until someone turns you in. This way you are informing them of an incident that occurred and has been corrected, instead of trying to defend your actions at a later time.

                            God bless you. We all make mistakes.

                            Comment

                            • Heidi
                              Daycare.com Member
                              • Sep 2011
                              • 7121

                              #59
                              Originally posted by Unregistered
                              Based on everyones responses, I read my regulations about what I must report. It says I must report: 1. A child dies in my care (I cried as I read this to my dh) 2. If a child is injured in my care and require medical attention. 3. A criminal suite is filed against me. I must report to parents if a minor injury happens on that day.

                              None of those things apply. Obviously if parents press charges, that would apply. I even called them today to check in, and everyone is fine. I cried when they actually seemed worried about how III was doing. Simply. Amazing people. Anyway, this is how I see it...
                              If I call licensing and tell them, I may lose my license an all my families would be upset, of course as would I. And I am not really required to tell them since nobody got hurt (thank god).

                              If parents press charges at some point, obviously I will report it and I will walk away from the business.
                              So, if you don't have to report it, don't. Just document the incident carefully, including when you informed parents, how you followed up (today), and what measures you've added to prevent it again. Put it in your file just incase it's brought up later, and put it behind you.

                              Comment

                              • mom2many
                                Daycare.com Member
                                • Jun 2011
                                • 1278

                                #60
                                Originally posted by Unregistered
                                Based on everyones responses, I read my regulations about what I must report. It says I must report: 1. A child dies in my care (I cried as I read this to my dh) 2. If a child is injured in my care and require medical attention. 3. A criminal suite is filed against me. I must report to parents if a minor injury happens on that day.

                                None of those things apply. Obviously if parents press charges, that would apply. I even called them today to check in, and everyone is fine. I cried when they actually seemed worried about how III was doing. Simply. Amazing people. Anyway, this is how I see it...
                                If I call licensing and tell them, I may lose my license an all my families would be upset, of course as would I. And I am not really required to tell them since nobody got hurt (thank god).

                                If parents press charges at some point, obviously I will report it and I will walk away from the business.
                                Personally I would not call licensing. As you stated you are not required to do so according to the regs and at this point it is only going to cause you more grief getting them involved.

                                I would do as pps mentioned and document everything and have each parent sign it with your plan of correction attached. If anything ever arises from this situation, you will have something to back you up to show how you dealt with this issue appropriately and professionally and have taken steps to ensure it will never happen again. This is exactly what licensing would want you to do and ask of you, if they were involved.

                                I understand the whole thing about worrying if some disgruntled parent decides to use this against you later and wanting to be forthright and not to have this hanging over your head. However, you are not doing anything wrong by not reporting it, so I would take away the valuable lesson to be learned from this and be thankful God was watching over me and simply move on.

                                Comment

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