Child In Care Is Very Aggressive, Don't Know What To Do?

[Brandye]

I have a 2.5 yr old girl in my care for about 3 months now. When she signed up with me mom stated she had been kicked out of daycares for her agressiveness and biting. I figured I would give it a try.
She was fine for about a month, then she started biting a boy her age. Now it has progressed to full on hitting and pushing of everyone from 1 yr olds to 5 yr olds. Also the boy her age that she was bitting is now showing agressive behavior and never has(I have had him his whole life).
My problem is I am pretty sure this is not just a stage for her as she has been kicked out of several places. I also don't want the boy to start behaving like her as I worry he is acting like her because he thinks its right. There is not much you can do to get her to understand she is being wrong ("timeout" is a joke to her she just laughs).
I am at a loss on what to do. I don't want to get rid of this child but I also don't like what she is doing to our group.

[Willow]

Besides time out's what have you tried to manage the problem?

Have you been able to identify what brings on these bouts of aggression? (frustration, anger, anxiety, is she tired, are transitions hard for her etc.)

[Brandye]

There really isn't much to try. I have done about everything we are allowed, sitting down and talking to them, "timeout", talking with mom, reading books to the whole group about being mean. I don't know what else to do.
As for what causes it there is no telling it happens out of the blue. She is the youngest of 5 and all the rest are school age. My assistant and I have noticed her spanking the baby dolls, so we are wondering if things are agressive at home.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

When you can't be immediately in the room can you put her in one of those baby playyard things (that are like an octagon shaped baby gate)? If she can't play nicely with others, and in fact harms them, then she really can't be trusted.

[cheerfuldom]

yup, if you cant closely supervise at all times or separate her, then you need to let her go. To be honest, it sounds like it was a bad idea to take her in the first place......

[Willow]

There really isn't much to try. I have done about everything we are allowed, sitting down and talking to them, "timeout", talking with mom, reading books to the whole group about being mean. I don't know what else to do.
As for what causes it there is no telling it happens out of the blue. She is the youngest of 5 and all the rest are school age. My assistant and I have noticed her spanking the baby dolls, so we are wondering if things are agressive at home.

I understand why you're feeling like all is lost, but from the sounds of it there is still loads you can try!


I've never seen a kiddo aggress with no forewarning. I've seen plenty of kids aggress seemingly with no forewarning but that was only when the adult in charge wasn't picking up on the child's signal that a meltdown was imminent.

What you need to do is really pay attention and identify her triggers. Guaranteed she has them, you just have to sort out what they are. From there you intervene BEFORE she hits boiling point and help her to work through her feelings in a more productive way. You can redirect her BEFORE she is able to hurt someone else.

If all else fails you have her shadow you and don't allow her to have any direct contact with the other kids until she has shown that she can interact properly with them from a distance.

[daycare]

I understand why you're feeling like all is lost, but from the sounds of it there is still loads you can try!


I've never seen a kiddo aggress with no forewarning. I've seen plenty of kids aggress seemingly with no forewarning but that was only when the adult in charge wasn't picking up on the child's signal that a meltdown was imminent.

What you need to do is really pay attention and identify her triggers. Guaranteed she has them, you just have to sort out what they are. From there you intervene BEFORE she hits boiling point and help her to work through her feelings in a more productive way. You can redirect her BEFORE she is able to hurt someone else.

If all else fails you have her shadow you and don't allow her to have any direct contact with the other kids until she has shown that she can interact properly with them from a distance.

this..... you need to stop them before they happen. If you learn her signs of when she starts to show frustration, you can stop the behavior before it starts.

[littlemissmuffet]

I wouldn't be able to keep a child like this. It's just not safe for the other kids or you if she cannot control herself.

I can't possibly have my eyes on one child the entire day, so constant one on one watching wouldn't work for me. I'd imagine it wouldn't work for other providers either. Putting her in a play yard, away from the rest of the group when you need to be doing other tasks is fine - but I don't want a child in my care that needs this much supervision.

I would have to term, I would suggest professional councelling and a nanny until mom and a professional can get this behavior under wraps.

I don't agree that all violent/agressive behaviors are triggered... some children are sociopaths and tend to be violent/agressive - these kinds of kids are rarely triggered, they are born this way. I'm not say this is the case here, but I wanted to put that out there.

Best of luck!

[Brandye]

Thank you all. I just spoke with one of my daycare parents ( a behavior specialist for k-6 ) she suggest a sticker chart to teacher her to do positive things and be rewarded. We think that she might be trying to get attention in the wrong way. I think I will try the chart for a month and see if any imrovement happens and if not then I will have to let her go. In my state we are not allowed to segregate the children for behavior reasons, so those options won't work

[Willow]

Thank you all. I just spoke with one of my daycare parents ( a behavior specialist for k-6 ) she suggest a sticker chart to teacher her to do positive things and be rewarded. We think that she might be trying to get attention in the wrong way. I think I will try the chart for a month and see if any imrovement happens and if not then I will have to let her go. In my state we are not allowed to segregate the children for behavior reasons, so those options won't work

No one suggested you segregate her from the group though :confused:

[daycare]

Thank you all. I just spoke with one of my daycare parents ( a behavior specialist for k-6 ) she suggest a sticker chart to teacher her to do positive things and be rewarded. We think that she might be trying to get attention in the wrong way. I think I will try the chart for a month and see if any imrovement happens and if not then I will have to let her go. In my state we are not allowed to segregate the children for behavior reasons, so those options won't work

if you are able to work with her before she explodes into bad behavior, there is no need to remove her from the group. I have dealt with many kids who have been removed from other programs, only to do very well at mine.

What is your room set up like? Do you notice when her behavior starts to change? For example is it only during free play? It is during transitions?

[SunshineMama]

If you want to try and resolve the behavior, you are going to have to be very vigilent and not let her out of your sight for a second. You will have to intervene each time, every time, and prevent all catalysts of her behavior. Over time, you can back off, as she will learn that you are not to be trifled with and that rule following is not an option. If you have to have her shadow you as a consequence for behavior, then so be it. Each time, take the time to explain the rules and why those rules are in place. "I will not let you hit Johnny. When you hit other people, it hurts them. I know that you do not want anyone to hit you because it hurts. It makes Johnny feel bad when you hit him. I want you to sit down in time out for 2 minutes and think about ways to be nice to your friends." Or something to that effect... It will take a long time to get through to the child. It takes a very patient, loving, and consistent person to get through to a child like that.

Personally, I would term however, but that is because I have my own children during the day and I refuse to spend more energy on a dck than my own child every day. Everyone can get the same amount of attention, but I am not dedicating my days to behavior modification. Also, I wouldnt want my children to see that behavior, and see mommy giving someone else attention for it, and them thinking it is okay to act up to get attention too. One bad apple can spoil the bunch they say.

Whatever you decide, make sure you are up for the challenge and can still give the other children attention and meet their needs.

[tenderhearts]

I have a 2 1/2 yr old dcg who isn't "aggressive" persay, not doing something out of anger but she wil spiratically walk up behind someone and just push them for no reason, she thinks it's funny, out of the blue no for warning, or she'll be sitting and nicely playing and no one has done anything and she'll just feel the need to bonk someone on the head with a toy and think it's funny, no for warning, I've been sitting right beside her. What I've done with her is when she does this I don't give her a warning any more, I just say hitting/pushing isn't nice and I have her sit in the book center with a stack of books in the chair, I don't call it a time out just a quiet time, she can not get up, each time it gets longer. It has been about 5 mo of starting this and the time has decreased ALOT, she rarely has to do it now. At first it seemed like all day (not really, but alot). Maybe worth a try?????

[Michael]

Other threads on Aggressive Behavior: https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...ssive+behavior

[Brandye]

I have tried talking to this girl, I have tried watching her whenever I can but what you must remember is that I run an in home daycare. The children range from newborn to 5yrs. At the current moment I have two children under 6 months old.
I teach preschool for the children, along with sign language. For me to keep constant watch on one child would be impossible.
I think I am going to try this chart and see what happens. I also feel that I can only do so much to change this childs behavior because if it is being done different at home then it won't matter. I have learned these parents are very stuborn, she is still in a crib even though she can climb in and out, she is lactose intolerant but they still give her diary. There are just alot of things I am not sure on with this family.
I am by no means going to give up on this child however I do have other children to think about. So I will do this chart with all of my children two and up and see if it helps.

As for the segregation, even something as simple as keeping them in the same room but putting them inside a playpen is not allowed.