Very Unhappy - I Miss My Own Kids

[Mom&Provider]

All kids are different, your daughter obviously doesn't like the fact that other children are in HER space, taking HER Mom's attention - likely more then what she gets while they are all together.

While I get why your daughter is having issues, I think I'd try to reach some kind of middle ground with your daughter so everyone can be happy. She obivously enjoys to play with other children, doing so away from the house so it's not that, it's her jealousy that she feels since it's HER Mom being the care giver to everyone else.

I wish I had some better advice, but she is only 3, so I'm not even sure how you'd deal or reason with her...maybe try talking to her explaining what you do and why you do it, BUT no one is more important or special then what she is? Can you include her in the things you do with the other kids like preparing meals, snacks etc? Maybe giving her something more then the other kids get (not in the way of treats, but more things to do) she would come around?

I too have days I wish I could just be a SAHM...but finances don't allow for that, so I do whatever I can to find level ground and have the best of both working and SAHM roles!

[Heidi]

My 3DD doesn't just "not like it" she is very aggressive with the kids, pushes, hits, bites, scratches, etc. I've lost children because of her. I'm on top of her the entire time she is here, time outs, in her room, etc. and she still does it. It makes my job impossible. She cannot be here in the mornings, period. Telling her "too bad" is not going to make it work. But thanks for that lame and rude advice.

If I could quit, I would. If I were to get a job at XX/week then 1/3 would go to 3DDs daycare and 1/4 would go to 6DDs daycare, leaving me with about 1/8 of what I get now, however, my children would in fact be happier. We would get more quality time together and children would not be in their home, in their space, playing with their toys and taking time away from their mom.

I usually get support from this forum, but now I just feel worse. Thanks guys!

I'm sorry...

Your DD does well at school, just not at home when there are dc kids present? None of the issues at school then? I guess that's a silver lining. She must be happy there, right?

I do feel your frustration...so sorry I helped make it worse. I was trying to bolster, not criticize, but if it came off differently, I am sorry, really!

I really just wanted to help you stop feeling guilty. You are doing a good thing here, not punishing your children...

[cheerfuldom]

I think some posts were too harsh. Sending your child to preschool is NOT "sending her away"....as if the OP is abandoning her daughter. Part of our job as parents is finding what works for our kids. Sometimes having some time away from home IS what is best. I would rather applaud a parent that is trying to find a solution and putting their childs needs first rather than a parent that keeps going down the same path when it is clearly not working. Implying that a child that is struggling with behavior is solely the parents fault is not fair. We all know kids are very different and they thrive under different circumstances. A few thoughts....

1. I send my oldest to prek this year and it does cost us money. I could keep her home, save the money and spend more time with her BUT she really was starting to struggle with her behavior over the summer and what I can provide at home (daycare environment with a busy mom and mostly younger kids) was not the right fit for her anymore. She is doing really well at school and also, much better at home. I miss her.....but its not all about me. I do not feel guilty for making the hard decision to put her needs for social interaction and academic stimulation above my maternal need to snuggle her all day.

2. my middle daughter is like the classic high energy, low impulse control kid. I dont think that is my fault...that is just the way she is wired. She would never make it at any other daycare, I am sure of that. We have had biting, hiting, wild behavior. I dont think her behavior proves that I am a bad mom. We have a fairly strict routine, a healthy diet, A LOT of outdoor time, a lot of family and friends to love her, all her needs met, everything that everyone tells you you should do to be a good parent. But she still struggles, thats just the way it is with her. I am doing my best. I dont think I do the perfect thing all the time but I also dont think that her personality should be a direct reflection on my capabilities. My philosophies about kids seems to work really well for my DC kids and my other two daughters so clearly I am not a complete disaster. it is just a lot more work with her.

3. no matter what you decide to do as a parent, there will ALWAYS be a pull to do something else. wondering if you picked the right job, if your kids are getting what they need, if you are doing the right things is normal and all that does not go away no matter what you decide job-wise. even SAHMs feel it. it shows you love your kids and are working towards the best scenario possible. I would worry about a parent that DIDNT have these type of feelings.

4. being thankful and staying positive is what will keep you sane. you cannot spend so much time stressing about every single option. you pick one, you see if it works , but you dont spend day after day wanting what you dont have or what you cant have. you think I am happy to be doing daycare for going on 6 years? heck no. this wasnt the plan. but life changes things and the best I can do is show my kids a good attitude, work hard with what is handed to me and be thankful that things are not worse. We all have food to eat, water to drink, a roof over our heads......I promise your child will be just fine even if they are at school 4 hours a day. Think about how lucky she is to have school as an option! Many girls in other countries receive no education whatsoever. your daughter had a mom that loves her and that is more important than anything else!

[Country Kids]

I want you to know that there is nothing wrong in missing your own child. That is why you stayed home~correct.

Some of the posters were harsh but not everyone has the same family. I was actually shocked at some of the responses myself but realized they must of never had this issue with their own child so they never had to deal with it.

I have my entire career with childcare and its not fun. One of my children cannot handle the childcare and they were raised in it from 3 months to now (16 years later). The child has shed more tears over the childcare and doesn't handle it well. I miss alot with this child (as all of mine) but this one it really bothers. It always goes back to the childcare. They have to be here all the time, no friends can come over, there's toys everywhere, it always stinks like poop, are they ever quiet, etc. My kids are alot like Daycare's kids but one of mine alot more.

No, I don't say imagine if I worked outside the home as this child doesn't know what that would be like. I do not see my kids for 10.5 hours a day because as soon as they get home they hole up in their rooms till everyone is gone. They leave for school 15 min after the first child gets here.

Yes, I do miss my children!!!!! I miss them with every fiber because even though I am home we don't connect until everyone leaves. One of them asked me the other day why I work so much-. I have to and the only way to sometimes do what I need to is to work in the evenings and on the weekends also~paperwork and such.

My child did go to preschool and hated it there also. Their little pesonality was not meant for over stimulation, lots of kids, noise, business. Not their fault at all=just the way they were made-