Very Unhappy - I Miss My Own Kids

[DaisyMamma]

First let me say that I realize I'm going to come off as a total ungrateful brat here. But I'm feeling sorry for myself today. It happens when I have to drop DD off at preschool because she can't handle having kids in her home
She's 3 and should be going 2x a week to preschool, but she goes 4x and not for 2.5 hours, but for 4 hours. On the 5th day my sub comes for the morning and DD and I go out alone.
I'm not sure if anyone remembers but I posted a while back about if I should take on another FT kid if it meant that I had to send my older DD to someone else after school twice a week. But it does give me the $ to have my sub come 2x a week after school and I go out alone with both my DDs.

Well. today I'm just sad because I really just want to be with my own kids. alone. at my own house. I don't want to leave my home to have alone time with my kids . I want to relax at home. Like yesterday we went to the library. I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting for it to be time to go home when all the kids are gone.

Anyone else feel like this?

[Holiday Park]

I'm feeling like this today, and have been a lot lately. Mostly because My kids do so well in school,I worry they will go down hill or something. For example my middle son makes straight A's and sometimes honor roll. My Daughter (7) needs a little more attention than my boys to achieve her goals. My youngest 13 months, has been around other babies/childcare kids since he was 3 months.
And he is my last baby,AND I had planned to breast feed him (or pump if i had to) till he was 3+ ,and my milk is drying up,not because he doesn't want it, but I'm too busy to pump,unless I put myself on a VERY strict daily schedule that allows for it to be done in between meeting everyone's needs, and still make time for (in a specific schedule,with alarms on my phone and everything) for cooking,eating,cleaning,etc.. At the end of the day ,even on a very strict specific schedule for myself , there is no room for all the house cleaning,let alone spending time with my older 3 kids. I practice EC with my son,who now tells us when he has to/wants to go potty. I might have to take a week long vacation to try and get my supply up .Breastmilk is SO important to me,to feed him instead of the alternatives. I will be very regretful If I let myself dry up.

[Sunshine44]

Personally, I think you are letting your DD rule your life and that just isn't right. She can't handle being home with you AND other kids? Is she an only child? I mean, come on!

If you can afford to quit daycare and stay home with your kids, do it. If not, you'll have to deal. I know I'm sounding mean, but seriously, you could get a job outside the home and see your daughter even less...or your daughter could 'deal' with the kids in your hom and you'd see her more. I find it ridiculous that you send her out because she can't handle it...

[EchoMom]

Personally, I think you are letting your DD rule your life and that just isn't right. She can't handle being home with you AND other kids? Is she an only child? I mean, come on!

If you can afford to quit daycare and stay home with your kids, do it. If not, you'll have to deal. I know I'm sounding mean, but seriously, you could get a job outside the home and see your daughter even less...or your daughter could 'deal' with the kids in your hom and you'd see her more. I find it ridiculous that you send her out because she can't handle it...

I find this to be a bit harsh and maybe there was a more tactful way to say it, however...

My question is why can't your daughter handle being home in YOUR daycare but can handle being away at preschool with lots of kids their too? Not attacking, just wondering.

[Heidi]

PP said it a little harshly, maybe, but I kind of agree... I'm not picking on you either though...

Your children get more of your time than they would if you worked outside the home. So it's sometimes shared. 3 of my kids grew up with me doing daycare, and now the youngest 2 are experiencing it again. They are 15 & 12, and sometimes they grumble, but I've pointed out that the alternative is that they are alone for 2+ hours every day.

Making a living to provide for your children is not an injustice you are committing against them!

Sorry you are feeling bad about it, though. Now...snap out of it!::

It sounds like maybe you need a weekend at home with no errands, etc. Just stay in pajamas, play games, watch movies, bake some cookies. Just with your own kids. And "sleeping in" late on Sunday with your significant other might help, too..

[MarinaVanessa]

I have to agree with Sunshine. My DD doesn't like that I do daycare (now 7yo) but well ... tough. She used to have me at least a few times a week to herself before her brother was born when I was a manager at a retail store so she was used to just me and her and ever since I started to do daycare she's been jealous... but I worked weekends a lot. My 2yo DS is at that age where he doesn't want me to hug the other DCK's or even talk to them ... well tough, for the both of them.

I love what I do and I wouldn't change my career for anything. I get to be home with my kids and spend a lot of time with them during the day ... what other job can allow me to do that?

If your daughter likes going to preschool 4 times a day for 4 hours then don't feel guilty. But personally I don't see the difference in being in your daycare with 6 kids (or however many you take care of) vs being at preschool with 15 other kids (or however are in her group) other than the activities and that the kids are all probably around her age. If she likes it, don't feel guilty. She's probably having fun .

You're having separation guilt and you shouldn't feel guilty at all unless your DD hates going to preschool which I'm sure is probably not the case. Just think about it this way ... if you didn't have your sub you'd have to share 5 days a week with the DCK's and your DD, with her there you get 3 days to hang with your kids 1 on 1 instead of just 2 like the rest of us here. I'd say that's pretty awesome .

[DaisyMamma]

My 3DD doesn't just "not like it" she is very aggressive with the kids, pushes, hits, bites, scratches, etc. I've lost children because of her. I'm on top of her the entire time she is here, time outs, in her room, etc. and she still does it. It makes my job impossible. She cannot be here in the mornings, period. Telling her "too bad" is not going to make it work. But thanks for that lame and rude advice.

If I could quit, I would. If I were to get a job at XX/week then 1/3 would go to 3DDs daycare and 1/4 would go to 6DDs daycare, leaving me with about 1/8 of what I get now, however, my children would in fact be happier. We would get more quality time together and children would not be in their home, in their space, playing with their toys and taking time away from their mom.

I usually get support from this forum, but now I just feel worse. Thanks guys!

[dave4him]

I know my DD hates having other babies around then her own siblings. Though she tolerates her niece pretty well. The other DK i have she does not get along with too well. But she is six so this is a pretty norm. I have thought about when my twins get to preschool age if i will even do daycare. My niece will be three in Feb, and the other boy i watch will be turning 3 next fall just like my own twins. So i have no idea what the ahead looks like. Just being patient. I can understand missing your time with your DD. Wouldnt appreciate those harsh words myself. Kids just want the undivided attention of their parents, that is the norm. I struggle with what is best for my kids, being at home with them longer, or them being able to get along and grow up without me always around them.

[littlemissmuffet]

(((Daisy)))

I think the way you AND your daughter are feeling is very natural and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty about it. I think you are dealing with your situation as best you can... and I can't imagine ANYONE on this board hasn't felt the way you are feeling at some point - which, is what your original question was.

I am currently pregnant, and I am already feeling a shift in my attitude towards this job. I still love it, and the whole reason I started daycare years ago was to be established and working from home by the time I did get pregnant... so I'm grateful I will get to be home with my own child while still brining in an income - but I know it's going to be much different. I am already less and less attatched to my daycare kids as my pregnancy progresses... it's natural.

Heck, on my hubby's days off I wish I could just send all the kids home and spend alone time with him in my own house without a bunch of kids running around.

You are not alone. I promise lovethis

[daycare]

My 3DD doesn't just "not like it" she is very aggressive with the kids, pushes, hits, bites, scratches, etc. I've lost children because of her. I'm on top of her the entire time she is here, time outs, in her room, etc. and she still does it. It makes my job impossible. She cannot be here in the mornings, period. Telling her "too bad" is not going to make it work. But thanks for that lame and rude advice.

If I could quit, I would. If I were to get a job at XX/week then 1/3 would go to 3DDs daycare and 1/4 would go to 6DDs daycare, leaving me with about 1/8 of what I get now, however, my children would in fact be happier. We would get more quality time together and children would not be in their home, in their space, playing with their toys and taking time away from their mom.

I usually get support from this forum, but now I just feel worse. Thanks guys!

DOn't feel bad..... You have to realize that this person does not know you and I am pretty certain that if this were a face to face conversation, no way would that person have the you know what to say something like that to your face. The internet does give some people the opportunity to speak their minds without much graces.

I can see where you are coming from. My older two kids hate the DC, but they are teenagers, are in school all day and don't really get a choice. They hate that it has taken over their entire home and that they don't want friends over, because they don't want to have to sit on kiddie tables and what not. Unlike your daughter, they can cope.

Not every child is cut out to be able to share EVERYTHING they have. It's hard for my teens, I can only imagine how hard it is for your daughter.

It sounds like this might be telling you something and that something is that maybe it's time to move on from doing daycare......

Do you think you want to quit??

[MarinaVanessa]

I usually get support from this forum, but now I just feel worse. Thanks guys!

Well I hope that I didn't make you feel worse. I may not agree with the way that Sunshine presented her view but I do agree with the gist of what she said. Please don't take it to heart if you don't get what you maybe wanted to hear.

In many of the responses people shared their own experiences, asked questions to get more info and did offer support. It's unfortunate that from all of what people posted you have chosen to only take the negative away from it.

It would help if we had more info which is why people asked questions otherwise you will only get responses based only what you have posted. Without more info it's difficult to be of more help.

If your DD does fine at preschool (no hitting etc) but acts out at home then I don't think you made a bad choice in having her go to preschool even though you miss her. It shows that you are putting her best interest first by taking her out of stressfull situation for her and having her enjoy preschool (if in fact she does like preschool, you havn't said if she does or not). If she still hits and acts out in preschool (even if it's not as bad) then it could be early signs of behavior challenges such as impulse control issues. Many times children that hit and act aggressively don't have the tools to be able to communicate their feelings and emotions effectively and if you havn't already done so you may want to look into parenting classes or workshops that focus mainly on challenging behaviors. Usually they're relatively inexpensive or even free and can really give you some insight and ideas on how to help your DD. They really are very interesting and helpful and you can use these methods in your daycare even not to mention that a portion of the workshop can be tax deductible. Hope this helps you better.

[countrymom]

hmm is she doing this stuff at preschool. If she is, maybe see what they are doing. If she's not then I would try to find out why. I've raised 4 kids doing daycare and I've never had one of my own attack another child. Does she like the babies or having someone close in age a problem. I'm wondering if she is a kid who needs to be doing something every second of the day so she won't get in trouble.

yesterday at guides there was a 6 yr old girl and I just couldn't figure her out. At first i thought she missed her mom (she is the youngest of 4) and then I watched what she would do. I think that she gets so much attention at home that when she is placed in a group of girls she becomes a mean and horrible child. I found that the this is what she wanted. She would lay on the floor, she would pout, sulk, yesterday she scribbled on the table clothe after she was told not too. I watched when she was doing art, she would start a project and then purposely scribble on it and then ask for another one, she did this 3 times. And when I said no, talk about a melt down. She can manipulate pretty good too.

so I'm wondering if thats what the problem is, getting so much attention before and then suddenly having to share your attention. Its not something people mean to do but it does happen.

[justgettingstarted]

Personally, I think you are letting your DD rule your life and that just isn't right. She can't handle being home with you AND other kids? Is she an only child? I mean, come on!

If you can afford to quit daycare and stay home with your kids, do it. If not, you'll have to deal. I know I'm sounding mean, but seriously, you could get a job outside the home and see your daughter even less...or your daughter could 'deal' with the kids in your hom and you'd see her more. I find it ridiculous that you send her out because she can't handle it...

I too think this was a bit harsh. I went through a very similar situation with my DS and thought that I would have to close my daycare altogether. Yes, I could have made him "deal" with the other kids but he was miserable (as in screaming tantrums all day long and constantly telling me he didn't want the other kids there) and this made me miserable, which made my DH miserable. I thought, why am I doing this if my family is miserable? The only reason I started a daycare was to be home with DS. I toughed it out though and made some adjustments and he does fine now. OP - could you give it another try with your DD only going two days per week? I think it's worth another try before you resort to sending her out to someone else nearly full time.

[LK5kids]

I think it's hard to work at home doing child care at times. It's all a juggling act. I think your daughter may be happier going to preschool and not having to share mom and her house. Not all kids do well with it. I know kids who grew up in child care homes that had a very hard time with it and I know some who were okay. You do what works best for you and your family and don't feel bad about it!!! I know moms who work outside the home and they miss their kids and want to just stay home and snuggle with them too and it's okay to feel that way.

Also, do you allow your own kids to have some of their own toys they don't have to share? Like kept in their bedroom? I'm not for kids having to share everything they own with the DKK.

Everyone has those days. I think it's great you can afford a sub and you do special things with your DD's. They will always remember that special time. I guess the only thing is to snuggle with them lots on the weekends. And like Heidi said, take the time to really relax on the weekend with a pajama day.

It has helped me at times to have a attitude of gratitude journal. It helps to focus on what we have not on what we don't have. I was going through a rough time last fall and tried to list 4-5 things each day I was thankful for in a sweet little journal I got at Barnes and Nobel. I also found a great little book called the "Happy Book" by Rachl Kempster and Meg Leder. It's just such a fun little book you write in, doodle in, etc. They have all kinds of prompts. I also found a book in the sale area of B&N the other day called "List Yourself-List Making as a Way to Self Discovery" by Ilene Segalove. It's good to focus on you at times, take care of yourself, do things you enjoy. The list book is a way to focus on who you are. It's 285 pages of lists of things about you. It's good to self-reflect and take some time to look inward! It has chapters like Yourself, Daily Life, Change, Health, Growing Up, etc. It's quick and easy and fun to look back on.
We are in a giving profession-take care of yourself!!! We can't give and give if we don't fill our own tank-even in small ways each day!
Good Luck and I hope things look up soon!

[Sunshine44]

Yeah, I was harsh. I apologize, but honestly I feel it is the truth. I had the same situation with my own child when I started this. I delt with it and so did my child. I had to be super strict and lay down the rules in my house. I'm the mom, and got it under control. I had biting issues with my child and aggressive behaviour so I do understand. I just personally think that sending your daughter away isn't fixing the issue, just masking it.