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well my DH was like yours, maybe worse....that was until one day I was very ill. So I said you have to help me today. He didn't want to at first, but I had a fever of 104.00. (kidney infection, ugh) This was some time ago.
Well by noon, he could not hang and was wishing he would get called into work. by the end of the day, he was crashed out on the sofa and slept like a baby until 7am that next day, while I was up cleaning and setting up for daycare still sick.
After that day, he has a whole new found respect for me and tells me how proud of me he is that I can do this job day in and out. He even helps me out when he is here. He helps wash hands and loves to be the dc cook....that way he can wear the apron that says kiss the cook.......Comment
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This could have been my post! :
: I have the same issues! My DH gets home 45mins before my pick up rush begins, I give him time to change out of his uniform and get something to drink or a snack but then if he hasn't "picked up" our DD, I find myself telling him the same thing you do!
I also have a thing about him hanging around (and watching tv) while the daycare kids are getting picked up. I'm not sure why but I just get all anxious like "can't you take DD and go for a bike ride or play in her room?" He works hard all day (which the DCPs know) and he has a great relationship with the parents and kids but I still prefer him to be off somewhere rather than hanging out in sight. I think it's because I feel like the parents assume whatever is going on at pick up is what's been going on all day, even though our day is nothing like pick up time.
:: I do this with my DH as well! Occasionally I'll get the "don't treat me like a DCK!" comment but most the time it's the same system!
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Okay, I seriously think I win this one hahaha!! My dh has been unemployed since February. He's here with me all day, every day!! I think that I'm seriously going to shoot myself. Between the stress of him not working and having him here everyday it's terrible sometimes. I don't see him all day and then as soon as the kids lay down for nap, he's in the kitchen making lunch and he's not a quiet person. or he's going up and down the stairs right next to where the kids are sleeping. Then of course there is the lawn mower during naptime. My favorite though is when he's been doing things all morning and then I just get the kids down for their nap, make my lunch and sit down to watch one of my shows and he plops in the lazyboy and starts snoring. UGH!!!!!!Comment
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This makes me laugh because my husband, a large, bald black man, is my assistant. He is around the children the ENTIRE day and is in charge of drop offs in the morning. :: I have never had an issue with him being here.
I'm sorry that your husband isn't understanding, OP. I can only imagine how terrible that would feel.Comment
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I had this issue when I first started and I had to remind him of how much he like the fact that I stayed home with our children and assisted with bills. When my complaining fell on deaf ears I intentionally left open one of my computer windows that had an incomplete application for outside work. I wasn't really applying for work just wanted to give the illusion.
Once he saw that, he had to sit me down to ask if there was an issue because I was applying for a job outside of home. I laid all my issues on the table then. He is much better now.Comment
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This post made me laugh, because I could relate in many ways! My hubby retired 2 years ago and it took awhile to work out the kinks!
He had always been supportive and respectful of my business and usually made himself scarce when he got off work and there were never any real issues.
However...when he retired, I needed to remind him that I had been doing this job by myself for 24 years and was perfectly capable of doing it and did not want or need him to "micromanage" me! (In all fairness, he did have some good ideas and a fresh perspective and we have learned to come together and make a good team!)
It was not an easy transition though...AND he built himself a man cave to go hide out in when he needs some time away from the daycare craziness! ::
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Hahaha! You definitely do "get it" sounds like we're very similar!This could have been my post! :: I have the same issues! My DH gets home 45mins before my pick up rush begins, I give him time to change out of his uniform and get something to drink or a snack but then if he hasn't "picked up" our DD, I find myself telling him the same thing you do!
I also have a thing about him hanging around (and watching tv) while the daycare kids are getting picked up. I'm not sure why but I just get all anxious like "can't you take DD and go for a bike ride or play in her room?" He works hard all day (which the DCPs know) and he has a great relationship with the parents and kids but I still prefer him to be off somewhere rather than hanging out in sight. I think it's because I feel like the parents assume whatever is going on at pick up is what's been going on all day, even though our day is nothing like pick up time.
:: I do this with my DH as well! Occasionally I'll get the "don't treat me like a DCK!" comment but most the time it's the same system!
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:My dh isn't as bad but he doesn't get it either... He doesn't understand why I can't clean the house spotless and take care of 4 kids all day. he doesn't get why i get angry when a parent doesn't follow my policies. He doesn't get that I actually have an income. He thinks I should be able to run errands and cook dinner and take the kids to activities and do homework and clean and pay bills and .....
He also doensn't understand why I am rushing around in the morning trying to get things done. he thinks I have all day to do things while he has to "go to work" and I do nothing
Ok, I'm getting myself fired up. But yes, I do get it and I don't understand why my dh doesn't. My husband is getting marginally better but I bring up things like, THE STATE REQUIRES ME TO... I could get in trouble if we dont...
As for the baby gates, I find if it inconveiniences my husband he is more likely to do it. So I would ask him a million times to come back and close it. And use your OMG HURRY voice!!! DH please come back and close the gate dcb is eating your "favorite object* DH can you come grab this for me.
You could always put him to work on Wednesdays
maybe he will find something else to do and stay out of your way 
:::::When did I fall asleep and start typing??
Good lord. I'm glad I'm not the only one in this land of "Crazy".
My husband is all for me bringing money in but ask for a little respect and that's where it ends. He has begun giving my son baths over the last two years. That's pretty much it though. He doesn't help me a single bit around the house. He says he's responsible for the outside of the house. Great... it snowed 2 times last year and he had to mow all of 3 times due to the drought this summer... just recently had to start doing yard work...
He is the biggest tighta** you ever saw in your life. We still have separate bank accounts after 2 years of marriage and nearly 7 years together. He is a Senior Underwriter for a bank (where we met while I worked).
He pays the mortgage and that actually is about it. I pay all the utilities, groceries and ALL of the kids clothing/needs. If we go out to eat he usually pays about 60% of the time and expects me to pay approximately 40% of the time. I pay my own car insurance/registration/maintenance and also have to take it in myself. I have to reimburse him for my health insurance. He's supposed to split the doctors bills 50/50 with me but I have to nag, nag NAG at him for weeks to write me checks or for anything else and he usually will not pay me back until I owe him for something so that he doesn't have to pay me as much.
I stopped helping him buy gifts for his family's side of gifts because, 1. he won't do the same for me and 2. he always stiffs me paying me back after he tells me that he will. He gets his panties in a bunch because he "has to" have the health insurance come out of his paycheck. Lord knows he rides my rear end the day it comes out of his paycheck to write him the reimbursement!
He does actually get up in the morning and gets my son dressed for preschool which he drives him to. I start my first DCK around 6:45, lay him down on arrival. Get in the shower before my 7:20 kids to show. He won't even answer the phone if one of them calls because "it's not his job" and he has to get ready for his own day. He comes home at least 1 or 2 times a week from work bringing only himself lunch to eat in front of everyone. Complains about how the house is a wreck, or dck "puked" (spit up) on the carpet again. Tells me I should keep him in the superyard with a rubber lined rug under it all day.
I don't actually have issues with the gates with him luckily. He is pretty trained already since we have a 1 year old ourselves.
On two separate occasions I asked him to take something away from a child that they were not supposed to have. One was a container of unused wipes of one of the DCK's which he was trying to open and eat (my former special needs client) and the other was a burp rag while I was feeding a baby with acid reflux and his response was also... "No, that's not my job. I didn't come here to work for you. What would you do if I wasn't here?"
SERIOUSLY... Why DID you COME HOME???
God forbid this same baby spits up on "the carpet we replaced 2 years ago..." because you won't stop nagging at me how we spent $3000 on carpet that "these kids" are destroying but
1. you refuse to take your shoes off at the doors, like the rule I tried to implement because the stairs are starting to show wear and tear already and
2. you can't take 2 seconds to do something nice and supportive for your wife for once in your life like walk 3 extra steps to the burp cloths as you are walking right past them! Same ol, same ol
Chivalry really is dead... It was shot on sight in this house. ::
JERKFACE!
LOL Sometimes I wonder how I put up with him sometimes but over all we actually do have a decent marriage. SOMEHOW we work.Comment
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Just got done mopping the floor.... not sure who is winning here
"God said, ‘I have found David son of Jesse, a man after my own heart. He will do everything I want him to do.'"
Acts 13:22Comment
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My husband seems to think that he isn't resposible for our kids ever......He doesn't know how to look at the computer or watch tv but keep an ear out for the kids. Don't get me wrong that he isn't wonderful with them and doesn't spend time with them, but if he is on the computer he won't hear the front door open and our son walk outMy dh isn't as bad but he doesn't get it either... He doesn't understand why I can't clean the house spotless and take care of 4 kids all day. he doesn't get why i get angry when a parent doesn't follow my policies. He doesn't get that I actually have an income. He thinks I should be able to run errands and cook dinner and take the kids to activities and do homework and clean and pay bills and .....
He also doensn't understand why I am rushing around in the morning trying to get things done. he thinks I have all day to do things while he has to "go to work" and I do nothing
Ok, I'm getting myself fired up. But yes, I do get it and I don't understand why my dh doesn't. My husband is getting marginally better but I bring up things like, THE STATE REQUIRES ME TO... I could get in trouble if we dont...
As for the baby gates, I find if it inconveiniences my husband he is more likely to do it. So I would ask him a million times to come back and close it. And use your OMG HURRY voice!!! DH please come back and close the gate dcb is eating your "favorite object* DH can you come grab this for me.
You could always put him to work on Wednesdays maybe he will find something else to do and stay out of your way or notice that our son is trashing my prep for the next day at the desk(with my husband on the computer sitting next to him). I started not noticing when the boys would open the basement door and getting into some of his hobbies down there. It seemed to make a difference when a kid was in his stuff. Also when I stopped doing EVERYTHING he eventually had to step it up some. Kids walked out the door......I watched from the window(we live out in the woods) till hubby asked where the kids were(pretend like I wasn't paying attention either). Even with some other aspects of our house hold if I don't wash his clothes he will finally do it, or if he starts getting phone calls that the bills haven't been paid-he'll do it(it was an accident and I forgot). If I wait late enough to start cleaning up he'll help(if he wants me in bed at the same time as him). This is kind of passive aggressive, but I got sick of nagging. My husband is off most of Jan, Feb, and sometimes part of March. He works hard 12 to 16 hour days 6 days a week the rest of the year. He seems to think that means he can play in the basement and work on his hobbies and nap all day. I give him about a week or two, then it is living with the devil if he thinks I'm going to take care of OUR kids while he gets to do what he wants and that includes cleaning up too. It gets to be along winter if I'm PISSED everyday.
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Holy cow. Your husband sounds incredibly selfish. God bless you.::::::When did I fall asleep and start typing??
Good lord. I'm glad I'm not the only one in this land of "Crazy".
My husband is all for me bringing money in but ask for a little respect and that's where it ends. He has begun giving my son baths over the last two years. That's pretty much it though. He doesn't help me a single bit around the house. He says he's responsible for the outside of the house. Great... it snowed 2 times last year and he had to mow all of 3 times due to the drought this summer... just recently had to start doing yard work...
He is the biggest tighta** you ever saw in your life. We still have separate bank accounts after 2 years of marriage and nearly 7 years together. He is a Senior Underwriter for a bank (where we met while I worked).
He pays the mortgage and that actually is about it. I pay all the utilities, groceries and ALL of the kids clothing/needs. If we go out to eat he usually pays about 60% of the time and expects me to pay approximately 40% of the time. I pay my own car insurance/registration/maintenance and also have to take it in myself. I have to reimburse him for my health insurance. He's supposed to split the doctors bills 50/50 with me but I have to nag, nag NAG at him for weeks to write me checks or for anything else and he usually will not pay me back until I owe him for something so that he doesn't have to pay me as much.
I stopped helping him buy gifts for his family's side of gifts because, 1. he won't do the same for me and 2. he always stiffs me paying me back after he tells me that he will. He gets his panties in a bunch because he "has to" have the health insurance come out of his paycheck. Lord knows he rides my rear end the day it comes out of his paycheck to write him the reimbursement!
He does actually get up in the morning and gets my son dressed for preschool which he drives him to. I start my first DCK around 6:45, lay him down on arrival. Get in the shower before my 7:20 kids to show. He won't even answer the phone if one of them calls because "it's not his job" and he has to get ready for his own day. He comes home at least 1 or 2 times a week from work bringing only himself lunch to eat in front of everyone. Complains about how the house is a wreck, or dck "puked" (spit up) on the carpet again. Tells me I should keep him in the superyard with a rubber lined rug under it all day.
I don't actually have issues with the gates with him luckily. He is pretty trained already since we have a 1 year old ourselves.
On two separate occasions I asked him to take something away from a child that they were not supposed to have. One was a container of unused wipes of one of the DCK's which he was trying to open and eat (my former special needs client) and the other was a burp rag while I was feeding a baby with acid reflux and his response was also... "No, that's not my job. I didn't come here to work for you. What would you do if I wasn't here?"
SERIOUSLY... Why DID you COME HOME???
God forbid this same baby spits up on "the carpet we replaced 2 years ago..." because you won't stop nagging at me how we spent $3000 on carpet that "these kids" are destroying but
1. you refuse to take your shoes off at the doors, like the rule I tried to implement because the stairs are starting to show wear and tear already and
2. you can't take 2 seconds to do something nice and supportive for your wife for once in your life like walk 3 extra steps to the burp cloths as you are walking right past them! Same ol, same ol
Chivalry really is dead... It was shot on sight in this house. ::
JERKFACE!
LOL Sometimes I wonder how I put up with him sometimes but over all we actually do have a decent marriage. SOMEHOW we work.Comment
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I am going to go out on a limb here and say I don't see the daycare as the issue.
Your DH is showing a lack of respect for YOU.
IMHO, That is probably where these discussions need to start.- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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I have to agree. These things you ladies are talking about has nothing to do with daycare, its the lack of respect your dh is giving you. I've been married a long time (maybe thats why I can see it) and have been doing dc for a while now too and like any job you need to have balance.
Yes, some days I feel like I do it all, till I start to yell and make everyone help me, but I think thats just the way I am, because I expect perfection. My dh is great with the kids because and they all talk to him, but he was the youngest of 4, always had friends over, now we have 4 kids and daycare kids so maybe that makes a difference.
oh, dh also has a house all the way at the back of the property, when he doesn't want to hang around he goes to his "house" (its a large shed, that he is still building on) but he does alot of stuff that I don't have to ask.
really guys, you need to get a balance, this is a job just like any other job. If you worked outside the home would your spouse treat you the same or different.Comment
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No my husband is quite good about respect. He is usually gone within about 10 minutes of the first morning drop off and doesn't get home until after I close (I work 06h30-16h30) On the rare days he is home he is working so he just stays up in our room. I do call him to lunch earlier than he would like so that he eats with the kids and then goes back up so it is quiet during naps. (we are on the main floor with napping done on mats in the front room/ playroom.)
My challenge are weeks like this week when my boys are home as it is university reading week. I feel bad because they are musicians who end up being restricted to when they can play/have friends over etc.
I've been at this for 21 years now and I am full until 2015 at which point I am hoping to retire/find a part time outside the home job (maybe even as a daycare supply staff)Comment
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