DH Does Not Respect Daycare

[DaisyMamma]

He doesn't get it. This is my workspace. He is home one day a week and gets home from work 1 hour before I close the other days.
He comes in and opens baby gates and doesn't close them. Leaves doors open that per licensing need to closed. Talks loud on the phone during nap, goes in/out during nap that causes 4 dogs to bark. Leaves outside gate unlocked! Will decide to make a stew, a 1 hr process, at 11:30 in our tiny kitchen!
It's really getting to me. I tell him over and over and over, each and every time, sometimes nicely other times not - especially if I just told him 10 minutes prior. He does it again the next day, the next hour, etc... Sigh I'm pulling my hair out! I hate Wednesday!
Anyone have this problem?
What to do?! :confused:

[rhymia1]

He doesn't get it. This is my workspace. He is home one day a week and gets home from work 1 hour before I close the other days.
He comes in and opens baby gates and doesn't close them. Leaves doors open that per licensing need to closed. Talks loud on the phone during nap, goes in/out during nap that causes 4 dogs to bark. Leaves outside gate unlocked! Will decide to make a stew, a 1 hr process, at 11:30 in our tiny kitchen!
It's really getting to me. I tell him over and over and over, each and every time, sometimes nicely other times not - especially if I just told him 10 minutes prior. He does it again the next day, the next hour, etc... Sigh I'm pulling my hair out! I hate Wednesday!
Anyone have this problem?
What to do?! :confused:

Not that bad! My DH does get annoyed with the clutter and din of the dc, but he is a teacher so he "gets" it (even if he doesn't always love it )
One thing that I do remind my husband of is all the benefits of my job - I make much more than if I worked outside the home, we don't have to pay for after/no school care for our own kids, the tax breaks that we would not get if I worked outside the home, etc. etc.
That said, this is his home to and as annoying as he can be underfoot I also have to have some understanding.

[EchoMom]

Yes, I totally understand, although my dh isn't quite as bad as what you're saying. My DH comes home and doesn't take our DS right away. I say, "Pick your son up from daycare!" and he says, "But he's having fun" and I say, he's been with his friends and these toys in this playroom for the last 8 hours, take him to do something else with you that you can do one on one that I can't do with six! Plus, I need a break and just like any other parent, if he gets home from work at 4:30, he should pick his kid up from daycare, even if daycare is his own house!

Also, my DH wants to talk about his day and I am in work mode, he thinks I'm so rude, but it's just because I'm in the zone and monitoring monitoring, getting ready. He comes home at 4:30 and that's the final hour when everyone needs a final change, clothes, noses wiped, last snack, outside time, get bags and crafts to go home ready, await parents. I can't visit with him and he still doesnt' get that.

Also, it's just a quirk of mine, but I really don't like a man "hanging around" even if the kids love him, even if the parents know him, even if it's his own house I just don't like the parents to think that my DH is hanging with their kids. Just an odd paranoia of mine, I wouldn't like it so I assume they wouldn't either.

And he wants to watch TV and I say I don't want parents to think the TV was on all day and he can't watch anything to mature for their eyes to see.

Yeah, they just... don't... get it!

[Nickel]

My dh isn't as bad but he doesn't get it either... He doesn't understand why I can't clean the house spotless and take care of 4 kids all day. he doesn't get why i get angry when a parent doesn't follow my policies. He doesn't get that I actually have an income. He thinks I should be able to run errands and cook dinner and take the kids to activities and do homework and clean and pay bills and .....

He also doensn't understand why I am rushing around in the morning trying to get things done. he thinks I have all day to do things while he has to "go to work" and I do nothing

Ok, I'm getting myself fired up. But yes, I do get it and I don't understand why my dh doesn't. My husband is getting marginally better but I bring up things like, THE STATE REQUIRES ME TO... I could get in trouble if we dont...

As for the baby gates, I find if it inconveiniences my husband he is more likely to do it. So I would ask him a million times to come back and close it. And use your OMG HURRY voice!!! DH please come back and close the gate dcb is eating your "favorite object* DH can you come grab this for me.

You could always put him to work on Wednesdays maybe he will find something else to do and stay out of your way

[sharlan]

He doesn't get it. This is my workspace. He is home one day a week and gets home from work 1 hour before I close the other days.
He comes in and opens baby gates and doesn't close them. Leaves doors open that per licensing need to closed. Talks loud on the phone during nap, goes in/out during nap that causes 4 dogs to bark. Leaves outside gate unlocked! Will decide to make a stew, a 1 hr process, at 11:30 in our tiny kitchen!
It's really getting to me. I tell him over and over and over, each and every time, sometimes nicely other times not - especially if I just told him 10 minutes prior. He does it again the next day, the next hour, etc... Sigh I'm pulling my hair out! I hate Wednesday!
Anyone have this problem?
What to do?! :confused:

I'm sorry but your dh is showing a total lack of respect for your daycare. I understand that it's an imposition, but that is YOUR source of income and place of business. He needs to understand and respect that. Is is possible to go out to dinner and have a one to one conversation about this? Also explain to him that if licensing comes in and sees the open gates, etc, the fines could be pretty hefty.

[Sugar Magnolia]

No advice, just sympathy....(((hugs))).

[DaisyMamma]

That said, this is his home to and as annoying as he can be underfoot I also have to have some understanding.

This is true, but during the hours of xx:xx and xx:xx it is a business and gates cannot be left open, etc.

My dh isn't as bad but he doesn't get it either... He doesn't understand why I can't clean the house spotless and take care of 4 kids all day. he doesn't get why i get angry when a parent doesn't follow my policies. He doesn't get that I actually have an income. He thinks I should be able to run errands and cook dinner and take the kids to activities and do homework and clean and pay bills and .....

He also doensn't understand why I am rushing around in the morning trying to get things done. he thinks I have all day to do things while he has to "go to work" and I do nothing
OYE. I understand completely. dh will say "why did you...., you were here ALL day." (yea, I was sitting on the couch eating bon bons and watching soaps, you caught me
You could always put him to work on Wednesdays maybe he will find something else to do and stay out of your way

Great plan! ::

I'm sorry but your dh is showing a total lack of respect for your daycare. I understand that it's an imposition, but that is YOUR source of income and place of business. He needs to understand and respect that. Is is possible to go out to dinner and have a one to one conversation about this? Also explain to him that if licensing comes in and sees the open gates, etc, the fines could be pretty hefty.

Don't be sorry, that's exactly my complaint. We have at least two serious discussions about it. I think I will try again now that I'm making a lot more $$

[Willow]

My husband left the door to our giant shed/garage open once (which is not at all far from my swing set and and daycare play area of the yard). It's full of tools, the tractor, atvs, fertilizers, gasoline and oil etc......all things licensing would have a bird about if they ever caught them near the kids.


I made comment about how he must have some burning desire to support our family all on his own because licensing sure as (poop) would shut me down if they came upon the sight.





Notice I said he left the shed door open *once*..........


Inside the house I typically have the opposite problem. He thinks small children are made of glass and becomes concerned that my three year olds are in boosters instead of high chairs. Nearly has a coronary when the babies learn how to roll over, then another when they learn how to crawl, then another when they learn how to walk - anticipating that means they're obviously doomed to move themselves into a the path of an oncoming bus or airplane in our very living room or something. I'm pretty sure he'd prefer they all came wrapped in bubble wrap daily

[dave4him]

Perhaps i should remain quiet and nod nervously.
I totally get it though, it can feel like all you do is clean and work a full time job at part time pay with no appreciation from anyone. goes with the job... seems like the DK's eat all the food, make all the mess, and dont bring in enough income to justify any of it..... happyface hang in there we are a support group for the crazy daycare providers

[clep]

I used to have this same exact issue with my husband. It took me some time to figure out that it wasn't my day home he didn't have respect for....it was me, what I did, what I thought, felt and needed.

I let him know that the day home was my personal financial security and I was not about to watch that be risked for anyone, especially for someone who had so little regard for me.

I started setting very real boundaries like he was a child. I let him know if he left a gate open or did ANYTHING again that endangered another child or was against licencing, he would have to go somewhere else during day home hours. If he refused to go somewhere else during those hours, he could move out.

I provided him the licencing regulations to read over, since I wasn't about to go over every detail. If he had questions he could ask me.

My day home is awesome now. My hubby even helps out at times and makes our lunch. He is very respectful now.

[DaisyMamma]

Perhaps i should remain quiet and nod nervously.
I totally get it though, it can feel like all you do is clean and work a full time job at part time pay with no appreciation from anyone. goes with the job... seems like the DK's eat all the food, make all the mess, and dont bring in enough income to justify any of it..... happyface hang in there we are a support group for the crazy daycare providers

It is a whole lot of work, long hours, etc. But the income is incredible at this time. Even making 10k more than dh. All the more reason for him to be better about these things.

[DaisyMamma]

I used to have this same exact issue with my husband. It took me some time to figure out that it wasn't my day home he didn't have respect for....it was me, what I did, what I thought, felt and needed.

I let him know that the day home was my personal financial security and I was not about to watch that be risked for anyone, especially for someone who had so little regard for me.

I started setting very real boundaries like he was a child. I let him know if he left a gate open or did ANYTHING again that endangered another child or was against licencing, he would have to go somewhere else during day home hours. If he refused to go somewhere else during those hours, he could move out.

I provided him the licencing regulations to read over, since I wasn't about to go over every detail. If he had questions he could ask me.

My day home is awesome now. My hubby even helps out at times and makes our lunch. He is very respectful now.

I'm going to bring my license regulations to our "dinner chat" and do just this

[Soccermom]

I could have written your post DaisyMama!
DH does not respect what I do at all. He sees it as babysitting and doesn't realize all the planning that goes into my day and that anything that might set off our routine for the day can end in a disaster!
He won't cut the lawn when I ask him to and will leave it so long, I could lose the DCKS in it! It is embarassing, this is my business. This is my job.
He will leave his work boots in front of the door and then DCPS can't open the door. He will hang his dirty coat and hat from the DCKS Coat hooks. Their names are written on them for crying out loud!!! They get all upset when their hook is taken.
He does not help me cook supper or help me clean the house after Daycare hours. I do this all on my own.
The worst part is he doesn't want me to go to work outside the home because he doesn't want our kids in daycare. I support that and care for children in our home so we can pay the bills at the end of the month.
You would think he would be glad and want to help out.
Also if I set up a block area or play are in our main living space to divide the kids up a little once in awhile, he will come home and say what did you put that there for......**SCREAM!!!!**

[DaisyMamma]

Thank goodness for our wonderful support group!
happyface

I think our job is one of the hardest when many don't even consider it a "job".

[daycare]

has you DH ever been home for a full day to help you with the DC?? Not see you with the daycare, but help you????