So Upset And Mad!!!!

**cheerfuldom** · 10-17-2012, 01:32 PM

Originally posted by Country Kids

Why can't children behave when someone is here. It is someone who is here every single stinken day and they just act like they have no control.

A parent came 10 min early to pick up and child was finishing eating lunch. The other kids went balistic and this parent is looking at them, then at me, then back at them. I kept getting on to the kids but it just kept escalting. The parent even told the kids "if you aren't good, so in so can't come back." I totally didn't agree with this and let them know that it wasn't fair to say that but these kids where just out of control. I explained they are this way when the food lady, inspector, etc. are here but I could tell the parent didn't care-all they could see where ill behaved kids.

I was so EMBARRESSED!!!!! I hate that these kids act like this and I probably pretty much lost a child over their behavior. Every time though this parent comes in (its mainly this parent) these kids to act like this the more I think about it. They are usually in and out but needed to wait for child today.

When they left the parent looked at me and said "I in no way could do this job and have no way of disciplining."

I'm very upset by this and don't honestly know what to do. I love this job but this group I have is very trying. The parents are all so great but this group is very hard behavioral wise and I'm at a lose of what I can do anymore.

I am confused by what the parent said....did they mean THEY couldnt do this or was it more of a comment on how YOU were doing this?

do you feel that you need to scale back on the number of kids? or replace some trouble makers?

Its normal for kids to go ape crazy when someone new comes in. My own kids do this really bad and I try to have all the DC kids meet their parents at the door. but if it is like this all day every day, yeah something needs to change.

**Country Kids** · 10-17-2012, 01:39 PM

Originally posted by cheerfuldom

I am confused by what the parent said....did they mean THEY couldnt do this or was it more of a comment on how YOU were doing this?

do you feel that you need to scale back on the number of kids? or replace some trouble makers?

Its normal for kids to go ape crazy when someone new comes in. My own kids do this really bad and I try to have all the DC kids meet their parents at the door. but if it is like this all day every day, yeah something needs to change.

They mean't they couldn't do the job. Very strict parents (child is a dream child) and just couldn't believe how the kids just won't behave. This isn't the first time the kids have done this in front of the parent but it seems to be getting worse.

No, I can't scale down-only allowed 6 and there isn't one trouble maker-there are several. I would pretty much have to get rid of the majority and start over. The parents are dream parents and I love them to death, the kids are just very hard.

**NeedaVaca** · 10-17-2012, 02:23 PM

When I'm ready for pick up time I used to always have all the kids sit on the couch and we would read stories and sing songs. This worked great UNTIL...a new little boy started. He would not stay on the couch, as soon as I was talking to the parent he was up and running. I tried many different things to keep him on the couch but nothing worked.

I now do things differently because like you I was soooo embarrassed! Now I have all the kids sit at the table in their booster seats that buckle. I still read, we sing songs, they can color etc. As each parent arrives I take the child to the door. It totally solved my problem

**Kimberli** · 10-17-2012, 02:23 PM

Originally posted by Country Kids

No, I can't scale down-only allowed 6 and there isn't one trouble maker-there are several. I would pretty much have to get rid of the majority and start over. The parents are dream parents and I love them to death, the kids are just very hard.

I watch those same kids everyday and I feel your frustration!

Right now, my group is all boys ... and they are all really tough in their own ways. A lot of acting out and a lot of behavior issues to deal with and they all infect each other. Since I just got my hand slapped for even using time out to deal with unruly, over the top behavior, I feel like I am left with no options other than continually trying to keep them busy moving from one activity to another to circumvent the chaos. It's literally wearing me out and making me consider other money-making options at this point. I sometimes have to wonder if there really are kids out there that aren't 'tough' anymore. My own kids never acted like this - and my original crew of daycare kiddos didn't either.

Like you, I can't afford to term all my 'tough' kids, because that's about 4 out of the 5 I have and I am already struggling to fill one spot that just became vacant this past week. I get calls ... but all for infants (under 2) - unfortunately there are scads of preschools where I live and it is very difficult to get enrollments for 2 and over which would be the majority of the openings I would have.

No answers for you ... just hugs and support. I have so much empathy for your situation.

**Country Kids** · 10-17-2012, 02:27 PM

Originally posted by brtracey

When I'm ready for pick up time I used to always have all the kids sit on the couch and we would read stories and sing songs. This worked great UNTIL...a new little boy started. He would not stay on the couch, as soon as I was talking to the parent he was up and running. I tried many different things to keep him on the couch but nothing worked.

I now do things differently because like you I was soooo embarrassed! Now I have all the kids sit at the table in their booster seats that buckle. I still read, we sing songs, they can color etc. As each parent arrives I take the child to the door. It totally solved my problem

We were actually eating lunch so that should have solved the problem but no-I had 3 out of 6 get down without eating! They have been eating so great lately do but they were all messing around so much that lunch time got over and I had them get down.

**Unregistered** · 10-17-2012, 02:29 PM

What exactly were they doing? I'm kind of confused.If you say they were sitting eating lunch what behavior was crazy? I've read alot of your other post and it sounds like these kids have no discipline.You need to get control of the kids and your daycare before people do start pulling their kids. I would have sat every one of the kids down and told them that their behavior wa unacceptable and explained why and how they are to behave when people come to your house.Tell them what will happen if they don't and follow through the next time.
From your previous post it sounds like it is a zoo at the daycare and you are going to lose your mind if you don't get it figured out soon. So sorry everyone acted like a fool!

**Country Kids** · 10-17-2012, 02:30 PM

Originally posted by Kimberli

I watch those same kids everyday and I feel your frustration!

Right now, my group is all boys ... and they are all really tough in their own ways. A lot of acting out and a lot of behavior issues to deal with and they all infect each other. Since I just got my hand slapped for even using time out to deal with unruly, over the top behavior, I feel like I am left with no options other than continually trying to keep them busy moving from one activity to another to circumvent the chaos. It's literally wearing me out and making me consider other money-making options at this point. I sometimes have to wonder if there really are kids out there that aren't 'tough' anymore. My own kids never acted like this - and my original crew of daycare kiddos didn't either.

Like you, I can't afford to term all my 'tough' kids, because that's about 4 out of the 5 I have and I am already struggling to fill one spot that just became vacant this past week. I get calls ... but all for infants (under 2) - unfortunately there are scads of preschools where I live and it is very difficult to get enrollments for 2 and over which would be the majority of the openings I would have.

No answers for you ... just hugs and support. I have so much empathy for your situation.

Thank you! I to think there are hardly any "easy" kids left. I'm not so much going to blame everything on the parents but alot on the "system". Parents/school officials/etc. are just not allowed to discipline anymore and these kids are running amok.

In I have had a parent say "the only way I would do this job is if I could spank". They had started school to be a teacher and quit because of how horrible 95% of the kids were in each class they went in to observe-

**countrymom** · 10-17-2012, 02:42 PM

I had a girl that cried everytime someone came to the house even thou she saw them 5 days a week, she would become hysterical. I know parents probably wondered why I didn't give her any attention, but thats what she wanted, she wanted to be the "CENTER OF ATTENTION"

**cheerfuldom** · 10-17-2012, 02:42 PM

Originally posted by Country Kids

Thank you! I to think there are hardly any "easy" kids left. I'm not so much going to blame everything on the parents but alot on the "system". Parents/school officials/etc. are just not allowed to discipline anymore and these kids are running amok.

In I have had a parent say "the only way I would do this job is if I could spank". They had started school to be a teacher and quit because of how horrible 95% of the kids were in each class they went in to observe-

this is pretty common! I changed my education major for the sole fact that I didnt want to work with students once I got an idea of what it would actually be. childcare is hard enough but babies are a breeze compared to wild preteens

so sorry you are having such a tough time. you are right, so many kids have so little structure, horrible diets and sleep habits, it all adds up and then daycare workers and teachers have to deal with it.

**Crystal** · 10-17-2012, 03:19 PM

1st thing I would have done is bagged up the child's lunch and sent him home with it. I never entertain parents who show up during meal or snack time.

But, because the parent stayed and this began to occur, I feel you should have taken control and commanded respect from the children.

Here is what works for me when the kids start getting unruly....although it is rare, and I have different people....students, professors, etc here almost daily....I shout out One, Two, Three EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME!!! That instantly grabs their attention, they stop dead in their tracks and all eyes focus on me.

Then I remind them that 1. my rules do not change when another adult is here. 2. If they do not sit down (in this instance because you were at the lunch table) and eat their meal, I am going to assume that they are not hungry and they will be done and be getting ready for nap. 3. The VERY FIRST time one of them act up, remove the plate, have them potty and put down for nap

They have to KNOW and FEEL that you will not tolerate it AT ALL. Trust me, I have children who are beyond wild and crazy for their parents but do not give me any flack whatsoever, and it is not because I am mean or bossy....actually quite the opposite....but they know I say what I mean and mean what I say. EVERY SINGLE TIME

**MissAnn** · 10-17-2012, 03:21 PM

Don't be embarrassed! Last year I had a rough group and it was 4 boys who made it rough. I dread drop off and pick up times. At pick up times I made sure to go over the rules with the kids. I would say....if John's mom comes in who gets up? The kids would say...Just John. If we were eating snack, I would remind the kids again....if Sally's mom comes in, who gets up....Just Sally. I did everything in increments. Actually I still do this year and I don't have ANY hard kids! After snack the kids stand up and push in their chairs and I excuse them one at a time to head over to wash hands. If they run, they come back to show me a better way (walking). I stay with the kids as they go potty and wash hands. I sing with the kids waiting for their turn outside the bathroom. If I hear a parent come in I say......I will see who it is. I'd say...who gets up? The kids will say.....whoever's mom it is. OK! I stand where I can talk briefly to the mom but keep my eyes mainly on the kids. I nip things in the bud so they don't get out of hand. If a kid gets wild.....they are my "friend" meaning they need to stand with me. They do not want to be my "friend".

Also....if we are not going outside....I try to have the kids in a group versus spread all over the place. Circle time.....at the table drawing......something that keeps them herded and on task. If I'm doing circle time....I just smile at the parent and excuse the child. The parents will understand that you are busy and can't get up and talk right now.

I would never just excuse kids to go from spot 1 to spot 2 without it being step by step like this. I had a boy who had to be first in line no matter what.....that boy hurt other kids and I could not risk that. So...step by step and lots of reminding of rules. Lots of explaining why....(we don't want anyone to get hurt)....and also being able to say to a parent....I'm sorry, these kids are overexcited with having a visitor....I need to superivise them right now. Safety first!

I will also talk to the kids the next day about how I thougt things went the day before. I am totally honest with them ....how they acted and what I expect.

Good luck! Not sure if this helps but it did make things better for me last year....a year I would never want to repeat. I felt like a failure...like I had no control. Honestly, some years and super easy and other years super hard. It's not you.....it's the mix you have this year. Sometimes 1 wild kid can upset the whole balance. Do you have one child that is the ringleader in wild behavior? More than the rest? Do you ever have a day without him? If it makes a big difference....you might want to think about having a specialist come in and help you come up with a plan. You might want to do that any way! Another set of eyes (from a qualified person) can really give you a new way to look at your disciplinary practices. Someone from CCR&R came to my place and she said 4 words that changed the way I did things. A boy was wil playing with the blocks. She said....he's bored,he's done. She was so right! I didn't see it the way she did....but she was totally right. He was bored and acting out....he needed something else to do.

**Unregistered** · 10-17-2012, 03:29 PM

Children do the same thing when you are on the phone. It's as if they sense a situation when you are unable to completely cut loose on them, or too busy to discipline them to the fullest extent of the law. I had this problem and it was very embarraassing, but I decided I needed to get serious about it and focus on it BIG time! I decided that the only way to fix the problem was to first address it. I wanted them to know exactly what I was talking about. I waited until they did it again and then immediately discplined them all afterwards when the parent left. The next step in my plan was to erase their idea that I could not lay down the law in front of a parent (I had always set up consequences like losing treasure box tickets etc.. during our first talking to) I made sure that whenevr they did this in front a parent. I excused myself from the conversation and layed down the law as I would had the parent not been standing there. Parents actually want to ssee discipline and firmness(not abuse). They want to know that there children will not become brats in your care. After I layed down the law, I went back to my conversation with the parent as usual. Never lost my cool. Then they got another BIG talking to after the parents left. The children who followed the rules were rewarded with treasure box tickets etc. I did this until they all knew exactly where I stood on the situation and their parents knew too. I also am not afrais to interrupt a phone call to completely lay down the law. I'd rather fix the sitution than be on the phone with a potential client while a wild circus of kids screams and yells in the background. i reward the good ones and lay down the law with others.

**Lilbutterflie** · 10-17-2012, 03:34 PM

Don't be embarrassed! I really think the parent's comment that they could never do your job was meant as a sympathy comment and maybe even a compliment for you.

The best thing I can advise is to tell the parents to make drop offs and pickups as quick as possible. Have their child ready and waiting, and just say "goodbye!" Ask the parents if they are going to be early, to let you know in advance so you can still have the child ready. The quicker it is, the opportunity for misbehavior goes out the window.

And don't feel bad about disciplining for the misbehavior in front of the other parents. Tell the parent "Excuse me for a minute; I have to attend to a misbehaving child."

**Heidi** · 10-17-2012, 04:00 PM

Originally posted by Crystal

1st thing I would have done is bagged up the child's lunch and sent him home with it. I never entertain parents who show up during meal or snack time.

But, because the parent stayed and this began to occur, I feel you should have taken control and commanded respect from the children.

Here is what works for me when the kids start getting unruly....although it is rare, and I have different people....students, professors, etc here almost daily....I shout out One, Two, Three EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME!!! That instantly grabs their attention, they stop dead in their tracks and all eyes focus on me.

Then I remind them that 1. my rules do not change when another adult is here. 2. If they do not sit down (in this instance because you were at the lunch table) and eat their meal, I am going to assume that they are not hungry and they will be done and be getting ready for nap. 3. The VERY FIRST time one of them act up, remove the plate, have them potty and put down for nap

They have to KNOW and FEEL that you will not tolerate it AT ALL. Trust me, I have children who are beyond wild and crazy for their parents but do not give me any flack whatsoever, and it is not because I am mean or bossy....actually quite the opposite....but they know I say what I mean and mean what I say. EVERY SINGLE TIME

I empathize totally with being uncomfortable disciplining in front of the parents, but you gotta do what you gotta do. OP...so sorry that you had a crappy day...but consider making it a "next time" moment. Next time this happens (parent, food program, etc), I will do this....

Maybe practice Crystal's 1-2-3 techique, etc. so the kids will GET it. When Miss CK does it...she means it, man!

So Upset And Mad!!!!

So Upset And Mad!!!!

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