DCG Stubborn About Sharing

[Happy Hearts]

DCG is 2 years old and so stubborn about sharing. She'll be playing with something, but when she sees another dck wanting a toy, she'll drop what she has and race for it. Everything is mine, mine,mine!! I'm not sure how long this will keep up and she gets herself all worked up when I let the other dck have the toy. Geez!! I explain, redirect, but still she screams bloody murder.

If we're outside, she'll play with the toy lawn mower the whole time just so no one else does. When she does abandon it, she keeps a close eye on it and pounces on it if she sees someone going to use it. And, she'll deliberately hold on to a toy if she knows another wants to play with it.

I think the most frustrating thing for her is that her melt downs don't have any effect on me. I hope she learns quickly because today her crying carried pretty far... I know because I could hear the ducks across the river pretty loudly. I'd hate for my neighbors to think I was abusive.

[lovemykidstoo]

You made me think of The Toddlers Creed. I'm sure you've heard of that before. I have to print that out again and give it to the parents of one of my 2 year olds

[Happy Hearts]

I was looking online for tips and I found this:

[DCMama]

Omg i have similar problem with my 4year old dcb. He like play with other all roughly and then they do the same to him he cried that they are beatimg him up and they re not eventouching him. Also he cries when he dont get the toy he wants first and want peole to share with him but doesnt want to share with others. I have to enforce sharing a couple of times. He is getting use to it though. Some children just need more time to adjust and practice their social skills. GL

[Willow]

You can set a timer for an older child, or have a sparkle jar for younger ones (found this on pinterest).

Set the timer for 5-10 minutes, or shake the jar and wait for the glitter to settle. That's the time each child get's with a coveted toy, and then it's someone else's turn.

It's a great way for kids to gauge when they'll get it back too so they usually aren't as obsessive/frantic waiting for their next turn.

[countrymom]

omg I have that child but she's 18months old. Its so bad that she even now will grab kids by thier necks. She's gone as of tommorrow.

[daycare]

You can set a timer for an older child, or have a sparkle jar for younger ones (found this on pinterest).

Set the timer for 5-10 minutes, or shake the jar and wait for the glitter to settle. That's the time each child get's with a coveted toy, and then it's someone else's turn.

It's a great way for kids to gauge when they'll get it back too so they usually aren't as obsessive/frantic waiting for their next turn.

I use my apple timer. When its time to give it up I approach DCK and tell them please share this toy with _______________. I make them give it up willingly. If they don't they I ask for it while taking it and give it to our friend that is waiting. I then show the giver, who is sometimes crying at this point a new toy and tell them share nice with our friends.

Normally as soon as I give them something else, they stop crying

[lovemykidstoo]

I was looking online for tips and I found this:
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That's it!! I love that!

[Crystal]

While I do not allow a child to take a toy (mine, mine,mine) if they have a toy and are using it, I do NOT make them share it. Why should a child have to give up something they are using so another child can have it? I don't give up something I am using just so another adult can have it and I don't think a child should have too either. If it is a "coveted" toy, and everyone likes it, I try to have duplicates. The children can tell the child who has a toy they want that they would like to have it when they are finished, but otherwise they wait until the child is done to have a turn.

[momofsix]

I agree with Crystal. I don't think it would be fair to make a child stop playing with something simply because someone else wants it. (hording a toy is a different story) I will ask a child that has something someone else wants if he will let the other child have a turn and usually they will allow it, but I would never just say that they're time was up. That would be truly frustrating to me as a child to be in the middle of playing with something and have it taken away just because someone else wants it.

[My3cents]

While I do not allow a child to take a toy (mine, mine,mine) if they have a toy and are using it, I do NOT make them share it. Why should a child have to give up something they are using so another child can have it? I don't give up something I am using just so another adult can have it and I don't think a child should have too either. If it is a "coveted" toy, and everyone likes it, I try to have duplicates. The children can tell the child who has a toy they want that they would like to have it when they are finished, but otherwise they wait until the child is done to have a turn.

I do give up something so that another adult can have it, it is called taking turns and sharing. I do it well as an adult. I agree with letting a child use something for enough time to be able to play, but I also feel sharing is important and should be taught because in a child's mind the universe belongs to them. I don't think I came equipped as a child to know how to do this, it was something that was taught to me. I feel there is a responsibility to teach children right from wrong and not just expect them to know. The modeling has to be handed down in the form of being taught otherwise it will become a lost art and a bunch of non caring, climbing the wall kids will come about. We see this more and more because adults feel the child will learn on their own.

Duplicates are great, but not always an option for everyone and real life. What do you do when a child has a toy that they hang onto because they love it, but also want to keep it from another child? How about the mine, mine, mine child? The child that will leap from across the room to let another child know that the toy is mine, mine, mine? The child that will take the toy and fall on top of it to keep another child from it, even if they don't really want it. I am talking two year olds

Bumping this up for more ideas on how to deal with these issues other then letting the child figure it out on their own.

[My3cents]

I agree with Crystal. I don't think it would be fair to make a child stop playing with something simply because someone else wants it. (hording a toy is a different story) I will ask a child that has something someone else wants if he will let the other child have a turn and usually they will allow it, but I would never just say that they're time was up. That would be truly frustrating to me as a child to be in the middle of playing with something and have it taken away just because someone else wants it.

I agree with this to an extent..... but the child has had ample time to play with the toy but still will not give it up to share?

I have kids that will hold onto a toy just to keep it and play with or on another toy. Outside- lawn mower. They know if they let go of it, someone else is going to get this toy but they will take it to another activitiy and have one hand on the mower and the body is on the sit and spin or in the sandbox. Any ideas, thoughts? Melt down happens if I intervene.

[Meyou]

I allow the child to ask for the next turn when their friend is done but I don't make them give it up. If a toy becomes too coveted and it causes more problems than fun I tuck it in the closet for a couple of months until the novelty wears off. I have several toys that make appearances a few times per year only to disappear again because they are just too fun to handle.

[cheerfuldom]

I allow the child to ask for the next turn when their friend is done but I don't make them give it up. If a toy becomes too coveted and it causes more problems than fun I tuck it in the closet for a couple of months until the novelty wears off. I have several toys that make appearances a few times per year only to disappear again because they are just too fun to handle.

I also remove problem toys. There are some things that even the best behaved kids love so much that they are willing to fight over it. I also dont allow the kids to say "Mine"....they are taught that everything belongs to Ms. D and I am the one sharing with them. If they start saying "mine", I will take the toy away from them because we dont use that word here. I have a 2 year old that is really bad about hoarding but this is working with her. I also dont let the kids get obsessive about particular toys....if they have an issue with a toy or activity and no one else does, then they dont get to play with that until they can handle it appropriately. In the case of the toy lawn mower, I would put it away for now or have this child play with everything but the lawn mower.

[Willow]

they are taught that everything belongs to Ms. D and I am the one sharing with them.

I use that line too