Tweet
What needs to be remembered is that this girl HAS been given a second chance. How many second chances should she get? I would term. I will not tolerate a liar or a thief, and a thief is both.
-
-
I agree. I am surprised so many members are saying that the OP should continue trying to help this child....especially when the mother is not doing anything to help her own child other than make a huge deal out of everyone keeping this quiet.
:confused:
I know times have changed but I was babysitting other people's children at 9 years old so I honestly think that 8 years old is plenty old enough to know right from wrong.
Too many people making excuses for this child's behavior. I am willing to bet that this isn't the first time she has stolen something and who knows what this child's track record is at where she used to live.
Not to mention I am a child care provider not a counselor at a juvenile center so no way in he77 I am going to pat down an 8 year old daily before she comes in and then again when she leaves.
Comment
-
I'm wondering if a call to the former provider would show this was a problem prior to the move.........Comment
-
The norm in today's society.I agree. I am surprised so many members are saying that the OP should continue trying to help this child....especially when the mother is not doing anything to help her own child other than make a huge deal out of everyone keeping this quiet. :confused:
I know times have changed but I was babysitting other people's children at 9 years old so I honestly think that 8 years old is plenty old enough to know right from wrong.
Too many people making excuses for this child's behavior. I am willing to bet that this isn't the first time she has stolen something and who knows what this child's track record is at where she used to live.
Not to mention I am a child care provider not a counselor at a juvenile center so no way in he77 I am going to pat down an 8 year old daily before she comes in and then again when she leaves.Comment
-
I guess I misunderstood, I thought that the mother was trying to help. Maybe I misread something. If the mother doesn't think there is a problem then maybe the girl ought to go, but I thought she was. I totally agree that an 8 year old knows right from wrong and I never said that I thought she should be handled with kid gloves so to speak or that there should be excuses made for her. I just thought there was pretty simple measures to make sure she doesn't take anything. Alot of kids have problems that we help them with (ie spitting, biting, hittiing, pushing, disrespect etc), why not help with this problem? I guess my personality would be to try and help her. Alot of times, we daycare providers are the only stable people in these children's lives and sometimes if we don't help, noone will. I have had situations alot of times where I was the only constant in a childs life, so my instinct would be to try and change that childs behavior. I dont' see anything wrong with that.I agree. I am surprised so many members are saying that the OP should continue trying to help this child....especially when the mother is not doing anything to help her own child other than make a huge deal out of everyone keeping this quiet. :confused:
I know times have changed but I was babysitting other people's children at 9 years old so I honestly think that 8 years old is plenty old enough to know right from wrong.
Too many people making excuses for this child's behavior. I am willing to bet that this isn't the first time she has stolen something and who knows what this child's track record is at where she used to live.
Not to mention I am a child care provider not a counselor at a juvenile center so no way in he77 I am going to pat down an 8 year old daily before she comes in and then again when she leaves.Comment
-
Oh I agree that sometimes we ARE the only stable people in a child's life but at the same time I guess I just feel pretty strongly that this girl is 8 and to me, that is pretty old.
Also unless I missed something, the girl's mom is trying to hush hush the whole thing and doesn't want anyone to know about it and told the OP that she talked with a therapist but I don't buy that. She might very well of talked to one but again the story mom told is through HER eyes and not simply factual...kwim? ALL parent's will try and soften the truth or change details etc to protect their child.
I also feel like this is an issue that is effecting OP's family and I personally would NEVER let my job become one that is putting me in such a position with my own children that they are stashing and hiding their own belongings in the own rooms. I mean that is really really sad. As a child, your room is your sanctuary, your safe place, your whole world (holds all your prized possessions etc) and to be in such a state that you have to hide or protect your belongings is heartbreaking to me.
Plus like I said, who really knows this girls past behaviors and that this hasn't happened before? We really just don't know.
I guess the thing I have the biggest issue with is the way the DCM is behaving. Now she is bringing a big bag of more things the girl stole back to the OP's house
That says to me that there is a whole lot more going on in the DCG's home that even the DCm is obviously not aware.
The whole situation is sad and I would absolutely help and be supportive but ONLY if two things happened:
- 1) The DCM has to be doing 110% of whatever needs to be done to fix this and help her own dd. Address it, fix it, talk about it....don't just try and sweep it under the rug.
- 2) It canNOT affect or harm (emotionally, mentally or financially) my own children/family. That just isn't ok.
If I didn't think those two things were being addressed/happening, then I would be terming IMMEDIATELY.
Oh and FWIW~ I am so beyond the "I can help" or "fix" everyone's child. I am old and I am tired. These children have parents and I am not one of them. I know that seems sad but it is what it is. I will support, but I won't "fix" or "cure" for anyone other than my own family.Comment
-
I was thinking the exact same thing. It also sounds like DCM is finally getting confronted on an existing problem and she's not happy. IF she was stealing from other centers, maybe DCM convinced them to keep it quite but it's not working with you. I wouldn't be surprised if DCM found an excuse to pull her if you don't do what DCM wants.I agree. I am surprised so many members are saying that the OP should continue trying to help this child....especially when the mother is not doing anything to help her own child other than make a huge deal out of everyone keeping this quiet. :confused:
I know times have changed but I was babysitting other people's children at 9 years old so I honestly think that 8 years old is plenty old enough to know right from wrong.
Too many people making excuses for this child's behavior. I am willing to bet that this isn't the first time she has stolen something and who knows what this child's track record is at where she used to live.
Not to mention I am a child care provider not a counselor at a juvenile center so no way in he77 I am going to pat down an 8 year old daily before she comes in and then again when she leaves.Comment
-
I did not read all of the other responses, but if i had an 8 year old stealing from my children she would be gone. My children need to know that:
1. Stealing will not be tolerated by anyone in the house and there will be immediate consequences.
2. They have a right to feel safe and secure in their own home, even their own belongings.
If your children do not feel they (or their items) are safe in their own home, that can create problems for them. If children are concerned about keeping themselves or their belongings safe, then their minds are not free to think about other important things, like playing, learning, etc. They need to be confident that their home is their sanctuary. Yes, the little girl needs help and stability, but your own kids need to know that you have their back and have a zero tolerance rule for anything that makes them feel uncomfortable in their own home.
If you do decide to keep the 8 year old, have you thought about telling her that she will not be allowed to come back if she ever did it again?
I had one little boy tell my daughter that if she didnt play a game he wanted he was going to punch her in the face. The ONLY reason this little boy is still in my home is because he has no history of this type of behavior at all and he is always the best, sweetest kid I have ever met. But I told him that if I ever heard him say that again to anyone in my home, that he would never be allowed to come back here and play ever again. It was harsh but it got the message through and I squashed that type of aggression immediately.Comment
-
BC,I seriously will have to go back and look because I honestly thought taht the mother was trying to help too. Was that on a different thread maybe? Like I said in my last post, if the mom is not trying to help then I would boot her. It has to be a partnership.
I don't think that the OP's children should feel like their toys are going to be ripped off. Absolutely not. I also don't believe that the dck's should be allowed to use any of the daycare providers toys either. There is no way that I would ever allow my dck's in my children's bedrooms. I have never allowed that since day 1. You're right, we are not social workers and we can't save the world, but if and only if the parents want to be a help would I do it. Did I also miss where the father is in all of this?Comment
-
Here are links to the other threads.
In the first thread OP says:
"DCM made her give it to me and apologize but then DCM tells me that her DD is not a thief and does not want her to get a reputation as a thief...well she did steal which says thief to me BUT she is only 8. She said because DD doesn't know why she did it, means that she didn't steal intentionally....."
"She told me she does not want anyone to know about this and that DD does not want my kids to know about it and does not want me to tell my husband."
and then in this thread said the DCM talked with a child therapist but didn't actually bring child in to see the therapist. Which I honestly don't believe that she talked to the therapist and if she (DCM) really did, she told her the facts from her viewpoint, which are obviously biased.....kwim?
FWIW~ I am NOT trying to be a hard a$$ about this but there are a couple factors that keep leading me back to feeling like I do about it and they are the fact that the child IS old enough to know right from wrong, child has obviously been "stealing" things for a while now and the DCM's initial reaction to the whole situation and the wanting to hide it.
ALL of those things just make me feel VERY uncomfortable about the whole situation and coupled with the fact that DCM has yet to mention or even address how her DD's actions have made OP's children feel is also sad. DCM seems ONLY to be concerned about what everyone else thinks of HER child but OP's kids must be heartbroken and feeling very violated and betrayed.
So with that, I honestly hope OP comes to a satisfactory arrangement with this family regardless of what she chooses to do, I will be supportive for her (OP) and hope that she is never put in this position again.
As one mom to another, I so wish I could make it better for you OP. ((((Hugs)))) for dealing with this in the first place.
Comment
-
I too have a feeling that this isn't the first time the child has stolen. I wonder if she's stealing from school too. Do you know where she came from maybe call the center.Comment
-
Thanks for the linksHere are links to the other threads.
In the first thread OP says:
"DCM made her give it to me and apologize but then DCM tells me that her DD is not a thief and does not want her to get a reputation as a thief...well she did steal which says thief to me BUT she is only 8. She said because DD doesn't know why she did it, means that she didn't steal intentionally....."
"She told me she does not want anyone to know about this and that DD does not want my kids to know about it and does not want me to tell my husband."
and then in this thread said the DCM talked with a child therapist but didn't actually bring child in to see the therapist. Which I honestly don't believe that she talked to the therapist and if she (DCM) really did, she told her the facts from her viewpoint, which are obviously biased.....kwim?
FWIW~ I am NOT trying to be a hard a$$ about this but there are a couple factors that keep leading me back to feeling like I do about it and they are the fact that the child IS old enough to know right from wrong, child has obviously been "stealing" things for a while now and the DCM's initial reaction to the whole situation and the wanting to hide it.
ALL of those things just make me feel VERY uncomfortable about the whole situation and coupled with the fact that DCM has yet to mention or even address how her DD's actions have made OP's children feel is also sad. DCM seems ONLY to be concerned about what everyone else thinks of HER child but OP's kids must be heartbroken and feeling very violated and betrayed.
So with that, I honestly hope OP comes to a satisfactory arrangement with this family regardless of what she chooses to do, I will be supportive for her (OP) and hope that she is never put in this position again.
As one mom to another, I so wish I could make it better for you OP. ((((Hugs)))) for dealing with this in the first place. My brain is getting mushy these days. I even replied in the one thread duh!!! Anyhoo, I don't understand why the mother would not want the OP to tell her husband that is strange. Does she think the husband will say give them the boot? I would never keep anything from my husband, no way. Usually kids do bad things because they are able to. Meaning the parents usually let them get away with it. I would definately say, like I have a couple of times, if the mother is not going to work with the OP on this legitimately, then I would term them. If she is going to make excuses for her instead of truly addressing the problem, game over. If you had someone that was truly ashamed of what happened and truly felt bad for the OP and her family and wanted to sincerely work the problem out with her daughter, then I would work with them. After re-reading what she had written it might appear that she isn't going to put much effort into it.
Comment
-
Maybe I missed it, but did the girl ever go to the party?Comment
-
Yes....I had my mother keep an eye on her the entire time. DCD picked up on friday evening and payed me, then he said - Thanks. See you monday.
So I assumed they had made the right choice and chosen to keep her home so I was glad I didn't need to say anything about it.
Wrong. She came. I couldn't turn her away at the door in front of all the other parents and party kiddos. I didn't have the heart.
Then last night I get a call from a parent asking if we had found her DD's change purse. Seems to have mysteriously disappeared out of her dance bag.
Obviously I need to fire my mother as a body guard...
Have mentionned to DCM who told me she would look for it.
**Scream!**Comment
Comment