Mom Says She Is Short On DC Funds

[Nellie]

Thank You Everyone for the responses. I think a big part of it is how the divorce went down. She went from being a stay at home mom/dc provider to getting bullied out of her house and having to go back to the workforce without enough education or experience to get a decent paying job. She was blindsided when her husband told her that he hadn't loved her for a few years and wanted a divorce. He wouldn't give therepy a chance and just wanted out. I wanted to give her a break till she was able to get some kind of assitance and child support. Well she made the comment that the kids are on medicade so I imagine she is now getting food stamps too. She has had her intake for child support, but I don't know when the hearing is or how long it is going to take her to get it. But after the first time I helped her out I desided that was about as much as I wanted to help her out. She should be getting back child support from the date that her husband kicked her out, so I guess I feel that she can barrow from family, credit cards, ect till the back money comes in. My husband was on board with helping her out at first, but after I called him and told him what she said today he felt that it was no longer our problem. My husbands father up and left his mother with 8 children out of the blue. She wasn't working at the time, homeschooled the kids, had twin 8 month olds, a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Luckly for his mother she was a RN and it didn't take long for her to get a job, but this divorce has hit emotional buttons. My husband was 14 or 15 when his dad left and he remembers how rough it was on his mom. We just wanted to help. Its one thing to help someone out on our terms, but another to expect it. Thanks again every one.

[Kaddidle Care]

I will be the first to admit I am not the most generous person on this planet but this mom is NOT short on *daycare* funds - she may not have budgeted her money corrected or may not have enough money to do/pay all the things she would like to pay but I absolutely HATE how parents act like child care is at the bottom of that list of things to pay. While I would like to be snarky and tell mom, oh its a shame you will have to give up your $100/month iphone so you can afford daycare I would probably be more likely to just say - well let me know what days you won't be needing care since you can't pay for it.

What she said! happyface

Parents need to wrap their heads around the fact that a portion of their income goes to childcare.

You showed her kindness by helping her out. Now it is expected. If anyone ever does this you all should tell your client that "I can only afford to do this once."

Working in a Church based Center that is mission based taught me a lot about human nature. There were a few that were extremely grateful, thanked the Church for the help and moved on. They may have pulled their child temporarily in order to not go further into debt but most of the time they came back when they were back on their feet.

And there were those that expected more. For some reason they thought it was a never ending pool of funds that the Church could tap into at any time. They did not see it as a gift, they saw it as a gimme.

Those that ask again in short order see the kindness as a gimme. Use caution.

[itlw8]

In the past I have offered to let parents come work it off and clean my house for $10 an hour and somehow they always com up with the cash they owe.

[Nellie]

I will be the first to admit I am not the most generous person on this planet but this mom is NOT short on *daycare* funds - she may not have budgeted her money corrected or may not have enough money to do/pay all the things she would like to pay but I absolutely HATE how parents act like child care is at the bottom of that list of things to pay. While I would like to be snarky and tell mom, oh its a shame you will have to give up your $100/month iphone so you can afford daycare I would probably be more likely to just say - well let me know what days you won't be needing care since you can't pay for it.

I agree. I was a single teenage mom many years back. Daycare was the FIRST on my list of priorities that needed to be paid. Without daycare there would be no money to be had. I was surprised when I went into the buisness that daycare for some seemed like an optional extra.

[Nellie]

In the past I have offered to let parents come work it off and clean my house for $10 an hour and somehow they always com up with the cash they owe.

I actually like this. Normally I wouldn't want to waste money on housecleaning or would feel quite strange with someone in my stuff, but I'm pregnant and tired. I have alot of deep cleaning that could be done. I hardly want 25 hours of cleaning, but if I could get 1/2 the cash plus 12.5 hours of house keeping that might work out once. Thanks for the idea.

[saved4always]

I think of myself as a generous Christ follower, but, my giving does not include providing childcare for free or being taken advantage of financially. It sounds like this woman is putting her childcare bill at the bottom of her priority list and she is hinting that she doesn't have money to pay her daycare bill hoping that you will give childcare for free or at a reduced rate. She wants to put her obligation to pay for childcare after her recreational expenditures. That is unacceptable. She needs to get her priorities straight now that her life has changed. I would tell her outright that, while you did help her out once, you are not able to take any more late or lower payments for the service you are providing. If she needs childcare payment assistance, refer her to the state or local agencies that can help her.

I have a friend who "helped out" a couple of her daycare families, who gave her hard luck stories, by letting them pay late when when they "were short on daycare money" for the week. This snowballed for weeks and then months with the one family owing her hundreds of dollars for care during that period. The family continued to put the money owed her at the bottom of the list of priorities. She was stuck waiting for the money, providing care for this child without knowing if she would get paid. She was reluctant to term because they owed her so much money and would never pay if she termed. In her case, she was unliscensed and doing it under the table with no contract so she had no recourse. This is an extreme case and my friend did it all wrong from the beginning, but it is an example of how out of control doing favors in this business can get.

[saved4always]

Thank You Everyone for the responses. I think a big part of it is how the divorce went down. She went from being a stay at home mom/dc provider to getting bullied out of her house and having to go back to the workforce without enough education or experience to get a decent paying job. She was blindsided when her husband told her that he hadn't loved her for a few years and wanted a divorce. He wouldn't give therepy a chance and just wanted out. I wanted to give her a break till she was able to get some kind of assitance and child support. Well she made the comment that the kids are on medicade so I imagine she is now getting food stamps too. She has had her intake for child support, but I don't know when the hearing is or how long it is going to take her to get it. But after the first time I helped her out I desided that was about as much as I wanted to help her out. She should be getting back child support from the date that her husband kicked her out, so I guess I feel that she can barrow from family, credit cards, ect till the back money comes in. My husband was on board with helping her out at first, but after I called him and told him what she said today he felt that it was no longer our problem. My husbands father up and left his mother with 8 children out of the blue. She wasn't working at the time, homeschooled the kids, had twin 8 month olds, a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Luckly for his mother she was a RN and it didn't take long for her to get a job, but this divorce has hit emotional buttons. My husband was 14 or 15 when his dad left and he remembers how rough it was on his mom. We just wanted to help. Its one thing to help someone out on our terms, but another to expect it. Thanks again every one.

Oh, I see that she has gone for assistance. I didn't read this before my response saying to refer her for assistance.

[biglou]

Mom Says She Is Short On DC Funds

Ms. Nellie,

We are all compassionate and sympathetic with the problems of the children and parents in our care, but we as providers must also remember we operate a business and must keep that thought foremost in our minds. One suggestion to address problems like this in the future is to have both parents sign daycare contracts/agreement that state each is 100% responsible for the the full payment of daycare fees generated by their children under your care. You as a business operator should not get in the middle of their financial affairs. Parent/family issues are not our business and we must try hard to keep it so. Caring for the children presents enough challenges for us. If both parents signed the agreement, then both are 100% responsible for payment and you should not be dealing with the father paying every other week and the mother every other week when she has money to pay. By doing this, you have placed yourself into a bind by having to chase one or the other, when both are responsible for payment. So consider telling both parents to pool their childcare funds and send you a single check according to your payment schedule with them and don't get yourself in the middle of some one else's post-marital financial mess. It is not likely your business was or will be specifically addressed in any divorce decree, so by making both parents aware that each is 100% responsible for payment will hopefully help you to prevent one parent from telling you "my divorce says I only have to pay 50%, so this is all I will give you, get the rest from my former spouse"....
Payment for childcare is one of the first financial stumbling blocks newly divorced parents frequently squabble over, so having a properly drafted contract/agreement will go a long way to protecting your business and reminding both parents of their obligations. And finally, should it be necessary, legal actions for payment become easier if both parents agree to be 100% responsible for payment. Just collect against the one that has the money and let that parent chase the other parent for their share!
Hope this is helpful.

Big Lou

[jojosmommy]

Dave Ramsey says dont loan money you cant live without. You loaned her the remaineder of the bill by not charging her for it. Don't expect her out of the kindness of her heart to pay everything you have already given her. Dont allow her to choose not to pay you again by spending money elsewhere and not budgeting for life.

I pay all my bills every month. ALL MY BILLS, EVERY MONTH. I don't go to Target and buy STUFF and then skip out on my BILLS. I make a plan and pay for what I am on the hook for. LIFE HAPPENS and I still pay ALL MY BILLS EVERY MONTH. Good job or not. Either she needs to go on assistance to pay for childcare while she works on getting the skills to get a better job OR she needs to pay for childcare like everyone else and IF she has money left over then she can buy STUFF and do STUFF. Life stinks sometimes.

[DBug]

In the past I have offered to let parents come work it off and clean my house for $10 an hour and somehow they always com up with the cash they owe.

LOVE this! I'm going to keep this one in mind in case I ever deal with this!