I Know Everyone Has Had This Happen, But It Still Irks Me Like Crazy !

[blandino]

Today I had a DCM approach me about a scratch on her 7 months old's leg. The scratch is a fingernail type scratch, but was in the shape of a "V" and maybe 1/2" on each side. She wanted to know if I had any idea how it happened, since it was in such an odd shape. It looks just like an infant fingernail scratch, so very light. Keep in mind this 7 month old is all over the place - cruising and climbing toys. I really don't think the scratch happened at daycare (she has worn pants or leg warmers all week), but this child is all over the place - so she very well may have rubbed it on something since she is so incredibly active. But DCM didn't even lead to the possibility that it happened at home - she just assumed it must have happened at daycare. I just don't understand why she would assume it happened here, and if it was "no big deal" like she said - then why bring it up ? It is so light and my best guess is that she did it with her fingernails. A mobile child is going to have lots of small marks - especially when she is this mobile at 7 months.

What I wish I had said was "I was going to ask you the same thing, since I didn't think it happened here".

Does that drive anyone else crazy ? Am I just being oversensitive ?:confused:

[littlemissmuffet]

Today I had a DCM approach me about a scratch on her 7 months old's leg. The scratch is a fingernail type scratch, but was in the shape of a "V" and maybe 1/2" on each side. She wanted to know if I had any idea how it happened, since it was in such an odd shape. It looks just like an infant fingernail scratch, so very light. Keep in mind this 7 month old is all over the place - cruising and climbing toys. I really don't think the scratch happened at daycare (she has worn pants or leg warmers all week), but this child is all over the place - so she very well may have rubbed it on something since she is so incredibly active. But DCM didn't even lead to the possibility that it happened at home - she just assumed it must have happened at daycare. I just don't understand why she would assume it happened here, and if it was "no big deal" like she said - then why bring it up ? It is so light and my best guess is that she did it with her fingernails. A mobile child is going to have lots of small marks - especially when she is this mobile at 7 months.

What I wish I had said was "I was going to ask you the same thing, since I didn't think it happened here".

Does that drive anyone else crazy ? Am I just being oversensitive ?:confused:

Also drives me crazy. Daycare gets blamed for EVERYTHING and it gets old really quick. I love this - "I was going to ask you the same thing, since I didn't think it happened here".... I'm totally using it next time I'm asked about those "no big deal" marks.

[Happy Hearts]

I love that reply too! I'm going to use it when it happens.

[cheerfuldom]

yeah it is very annoying because it comes off as them looking for something to complain about, versus a legitimate concern. Even if it did happen at daycare, whats the big deal? a very faint scratch that the baby surely did not notice and no serious harm was done. Now if you turned the tables and inspected their child and made them feel bad for every bump and owie to ever happen, that wouldnt be okay but if a parent does this to a provider, it is somehow acceptable? Bumps and bruises happen, its a part of childhood. Thank goodness I havent ever had any parents that freaked out over a scratch.

I am guessing this is a first time parent that is in helicopter overdrive....

[Unregistered]

Very much a helicopter parent (and a first time one too). So extraordinarily gentle with the child, that she doesn't attempt to control her at all. When DMC changes her diaper at daycare, she lets her roll all over the changing table instead of holding her in place - and they won't pull anything from her hands (even when it is their own hair) - they gently remove her fingers one by one. She is very very passive with her. A very sweet, and well meaning mom - but you cannot be this permissive with a child (even at 7/8 months) - you can't let her do whatever she pleases - It is dangerous to allow her to roll on the changing table without restraining her. But I really think they are just that gentle with her. Not saying that they should be tough on a baby, but there is a happy medium. You all know what I am talking about.. I don't have to justify or explain myself here - you have seen it too

Also, they are very worried and helicopter-ish. Took her to the doctor 3x for a cold she had a few weeks ago. I finally asked "this is just a common cold, right ?" after mom kept referring to it as an upper respiratory infection - which it was - but that is still a cold. They won't let her cry for even a second, if she cries when they put her in her car seat to leave - out she comes until she is ready to go in.

Honestly, after saying all that- they are very very sweet parents. Very nice and responsible, and we like them very much.

[nanglgrl]

I'm going to use this response. I love it!

I have one mom who always asks about every little mark on her 3 year old. This same child comes in every Monday with at least a few new bruises/scratches etc. and I'm tempted to start asking her about every single one of them. She always says "it's no big deal but....". My thought is if it's no big deal why are you asking me.

The mom once called me 2 hours after she picked up her child and asked me about a scratch near the child eye..she even text me a photo of it. It was seriously more like a dot the size of a pencil tip than a scratch but oh well. The thing is the mother picked the child up as we were playing outside, she even stuck around for about 45 minutes chit chatting and trying to get her kiddos to leave and never said anything about the mark near the child's eye that neither my husband or I noticed (apparently she didn't notice it either until 2 hours later..but then again maybe that's because it was so small).

I have no idea why the mom does this. I don't get any feeling that she thinks I hurt her child but sometimes I'm tempted to add to my contract that if I don't mention that your child was hurt (including small scratches) it means I didn't notice that they got hurt in my home so please don't ask. I also don't notice where every little boo-boo happens on my own children even though they are with me every day and neither do these parents. Sometimes I don't even notice how I got hurt and just notice a bruise on my leg etc.

My daughters preschool called yesterday because she cut her finger with safety scissors so they put a band-aid on it. She got home and there was barely a mark but because they had given it the extra (and unneeded) attention of a band-aid she acted like she was in severe pain. After listening to the whining for a while I said "If it still hurts maybe we should go to the doctor and get it checked out", miraculously the pain subsided in minutes and I didn't hear anything about it again.

Sorry for the rant on your rant!

[sharlan]

Oh, I had one of those mothers. She was a social worker. She called almost every night wanting to know the cause of every single little mark. I was quite happy when they left.

[DaisyMamma]

What I wish I had said was "I was going to ask you the same thing, since I didn't think it happened here".
:

LOVE IT!

Very much a helicopter parent (and a first time one too). So extraordinarily gentle with the child, that she doesn't attempt to control her at all. When DMC changes her diaper at daycare, she lets her roll all over the changing table instead of holding her in place - and they won't pull anything from her hands (even when it is their own hair) - they gently remove her fingers one by one. She is very very passive with her. A very sweet, and well meaning mom - but you cannot be this permissive with a child (even at 7/8 months) - you can't let her do whatever she pleases - It is dangerous to allow her to roll on the changing table without restraining her. But I really think they are just that gentle with her. Not saying that they should be tough on a baby, but there is a happy medium. You all know what I am talking about.. I don't have to justify or explain myself here - you have seen it too

Also, they are very worried and helicopter-ish. Took her to the doctor 3x for a cold she had a few weeks ago. I finally asked "this is just a common cold, right ?" after mom kept referring to it as an upper respiratory infection - which it was - but that is still a cold. They won't let her cry for even a second, if she cries when they put her in her car seat to leave - out she comes until she is ready to go in.

Honestly, after saying all that- they are very very sweet parents. Very nice and responsible, and we like them very much.

This is not good at all. This child is going to be a nightmare in a few short months and will continue to be for a long time.

The mom once called me 2 hours after she picked up her child and asked me about a scratch near the child eye..she even text me a photo of it. It was seriously more like a dot the size of a pencil tip than a scratch but oh well. The thing is the mother picked the child up as we were playing outside, she even stuck around for about 45 minutes chit chatting and trying to get her kiddos to leave and never said anything about the mark near the child's eye that neither my husband or I noticed (apparently she didn't notice it either until 2 hours later..but then again maybe that's because it was so small).

It probably happened after she left!

[seebachers]

Yep...had this just happen.....

I termed a little girl for biting. Mom was furious with me. As I was at the house of the little girl that got bit in the face, I receive a text from the mom saying "what are the red marks on R****'s face". This was 30 mintues after she picked her up from my house (and is less than a 5 minute drive to hers). I promptly texted back "I don't know. I didn't see anything when I handed her over to you half an hour ago."

In this case, I think she was just being vindictive where yours was just plain ole hovering helicopters. I just put the responsibility back on the parent because she was perfectly fine when she left my home even if I had to term her.

[Cat Herder]

I do get annoyed by it, but expect it. I try really hard to beat them to the punch by doing a full once over at the first and last diaper changes. Document, document, document.

It is possible that because it was "V" shaped she was afraid her child had been pinched. It is in the training and is often mentioned on parenting forums.

Anything circumferential, with finger print marks or in known patterns are going to raise flags for moms. They read so many horror stories because people only go to the press with those... Nobody ever got a news crew to show up to see how wonderfully a provider did a class mural with the kids. ::::

Breaking News!!
Daycare Provider has succesful circle time!! Much learned by all!!

[lovemykidstoo]

I had 1 mother years ago that freaked out about every single minor boo boo of her child that was learning how to walk. You guys know that some children when they first start walking tend to fall sometimes. I'm talking very minor boo boos. Well, then the child would start coming to me in the morning with similar boo boo's from home and I started asking and going on and on about those just like she would with me. Stopped within a week! Guess she was realizing what it felt like.

[HappyHearts]

I've been pretty lucky with all my parents. Most tend to offer info for any little or big marks their children come in with at drop off, so i would know ahead of time. I must scare them.:

I have in the past though, had a parent call me several hours after she left, after I gave her a term notice, ask me about a small dot about the size of a pencil tip on her daughters ear, it was a freckle.::

[Sunchimes]

I have the opposite mom, and I think I brought it on myself. After I'd had the baby for about 8 months, I made a handbook and included the paragraph about being a mandatory reporter. Didn't make a big deal about it-just standard.

Since then, mom makes sure to mention every little thing at drop off-even fire ant bites. This little one is active-the entire family is active--and I have never for one minute had a reason to suspect anything was wrong-even before the handbook. I feel bad that she feels like she needs to do it, and I've tried to make it clear that I don't suspect her of anything.

I've always pointed out anything that happened here, just as a matter of course, and she's always said, "Pffttt, she's a kid. These things happen." But, if she feels better about doing it, then we will keep doing it. Although, as the dcg gets older and braver, the info session is getting longer and longer.

[cheerfuldom]

I've been pretty lucky with all my parents. Most tend to offer info for any little or big marks their children come in with at drop off, so i would know ahead of time. I must scare them.:

I have in the past though, had a parent call me several hours after she left, after I gave her a term notice, ask me about a small dot about the size of a pencil tip on her daughters ear, it was a freckle.::

yeah its funny how they are all of a sudden concerned about this sort of thing only AFTER you term them. They all think they are intimidating and getting in the last word and dont realize that we have already seen that show about a million times, haha!
I had one parent that decided to leave and once I demanded the two weeks notice paid she all of sudden was upset about one day several months before that my assistant gave her son one jar of baby food instead of two.....like that was reason to leave with no paid notice months later. It was ridiculous and yes, I got my money!

[Mom&Provider]

I don't get much like that here, thankfully, BUT there was one time when I had a DCB who suddenly started limping more and more through the day. It had started shortly after drop off and seemed to get worse as the day went on. Mom came at normal pick-up and I explained that nothing had happened to him here that I had seen and I thought he most have twisted it while running/playing sometime shortly after drop off and it's sore since there were no marks of any kind - more like a sprain kinda thing when you twist your foot the wrong way.

Anyway, DCM stood there and basically made it my fault, saying it MUST have happened here etc. etc. and I felt terrible. Now, move forward to the next morning, and again it starts up, limping and again shortly after being dropped off here I noticed it again. Mom comes at pick-up and I mention that I think maybe he should be taken to the walk-in to double check there are no issues since he really seems to favour the other foot and at this point I am concerned. At no point did Mom mention if he did it at home, other then saying he seemed better on it after getting home and hadn't favoured it much that morning - yeah ok. THEN it happens...the truth comes out!!! Turns out the day I first noticed the limp he had fallen that morning at HOME from the counter in their bathroom while he was trying to climb down to the toilet and then to the floor - don't ask! - he fell at HOME and Mom never told me about it. I was shocked that she wouldn't have told me or at least come clean instead of making it seem like my fault!?

Since then I make notes of anything odd that DCK's come into my home with and if something comes up, I can refer to the notes, so far nothing has happened that I've needed them, but just goes to show that it's always us, the providers being mistrusted, when that door can clearly go both ways!!